Work: Today, I finally got a promotion at work. Today I also found...

By Anonymous

Today, I finally got a promotion at work. Today I also found out that no matter how long I work, no matter how much effort and unpaid overtime I put in for 6 years, my coworkers will be convinced I only got promoted because I'm the CFO's son. FML

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Work

Age difference

Broken heart

Real housewives

By Anon - United States

Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML

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By horn-y - United States

Today, while my mom was out, I took the car out to CVS to get some food, even though I'm not legally allowed to drive. As soon as I got back in the car, my mom pulled up 2 parking spaces away from me. She didn't notice me bend down to hide... until I accidentally hit the horn in the process. FML

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8427

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By oddbrien - United States - Baltimore

Today, while at the club, I started dancing with a girl who I had noticed throughout the night. When she turned around she firmly stated, "I'd much rather dance by myself". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 8-year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number key-pad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contacts under her name. FML

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By Meghan Elise

Today, I found that there were charges of almost 2,000 dollars on my bank account. Some asshole in Florida stole my money. I have bills and that was money I saved to buy myself a new car. FML

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2300

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By n77 - Switzerland

Today, at work, a customer went to try on a pair of pants. A few minutes later, she hurriedly returned and put the pants back on the shelf without saying anything. I later found out she'd come down with a bout of diarrhea and apparently didn't want to pay for the dry-cleaning. Glamorous. FML

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38106

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By Dumbass Dude

Today, I pulled into a parking lot, for the car to simply shut off because I ran out of gas. Then I couldn't get the key out of the ignition, so I called my dad, who walked all the way to where I was, only to find out that the car was still in drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

640

You deserved it

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By Sam Stuhlinger - United States - Denver

Today, my friend with benefits that I was starting to like forgot my name in front of his friends when they asked who I was. We've known each other for at least a year. I think this means I'm just a benefit. FML

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2406

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By Rar - United States - Palatine

Today, I went to the airport a full three hours before my flight departure time just to be on the safe side. I ended up having the best nap of my life and missing my flight. FML

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By Horny and Unamused - 25/5/2021 11:00

Woof! I do not consent!

Today, at my wit's end, I had to have a conversation with my dog's trainer. During the pandemic, my otherwise housebroken dog began to pee in my bathroom whenever my boyfriend and I have sex. Our sex life is suffering and we went from 2-3 times a week to 8 times in the last year… with 8 matching piss puddles. FML

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897

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By fatty - United States

Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML

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37044

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2021 05:01

Childlike

Today, I told my brother a story about something I did a couple weeks ago. When I'd finished, he laughed and asked, "What grade were you in when you did that?" I'm 45 years-old and I haven't been in any "grade" since I was 17. FML

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628

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By WartCream - United States - Olathe

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a weird wart-removal ad came on. He watched in disgust as the lady's wart said rude things to her. Then he looked at me and said seriously, "I'm glad yours don't talk..." FML

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44584

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By Good Parenting? - United States - Columbia

Today, my mother woke me up by putting a beer on my face. After 15 minutes of her telling me to "just take a sip" and me rejecting it, I finally did just to shut her up. She then yelled at me for giving in to "peer pressure". FML

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29457

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By nanuka_g - United States

Today, I went to the movies. Two teenagers behind me had already seen the picture once and shared the entire plot with their friend during first 10 minutes. The finale was intended to be a great twist and I knew it from the very beginning. FML

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By MelanieP - United States

Today, I got a prank call. I now wish he'd call back so I can actually talk to someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48278

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By scaredscreenless - United States

Today, I was on my back patio talking with my husband. It got dark outside, and I saw something shuffling in the back yard. I freaked out so bad that I went to run inside, only to fly face-first into the screen door. Turns out the shuffling was from a baby rabbit. FML

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By HelpPlease - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. Midway through the speech I'd prepared, I fainted and hit my head against a wall. FML

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20452

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By hurtinrealbad - United States - Tempe

Today, I had a cyst in my butt removed. The doctors had to make a hole, and then fill it with gauze before sending me home. As soon as I got back, my sister decided to kick me in the butt as hard as she could. FML

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33020

You deserved it

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By Anyonehiring - United States - Tempe

Today, I had the great pleasure of meeting my replacement, who was sitting at my desk in my office. My boss must've forgotten to mention to me that I've been fired. FML

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12817

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By so sleepy - 24/4/2021 02:00 - United States

Dream baby dream

Today, as a lifelong insomnia sufferer, I was having an awful night. After tossing and turning in my bed for several hours, I decided to try sleeping on the couch. Not only did I finally fall asleep, I was having one of the best dreams of my life… Until my neighbor’s brat had a tantrum at 6 a.m. FML

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By qwaynick

Today, my wife got her second kidney stone in a month. I gave her some pills to help with the pain. An hour later she started hallucinating, pulled down her pants and tried to pee on our couch. FML

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32950

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, while waiting for a bus, someone started smoking at the bus shelter, which is illegal in my city. I politely asked him to stop smoking, citing the city ordinance. He just cackled and said that if I'm so concerned about the state of my health, I should start by losing 90 pounds. FML

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21559

You deserved it

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By DumpedHisAss - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37926

You deserved it

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By tryingtobepretty101 - United States

Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML

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27106

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Columbus

Today, after months of dinners, coffees, drinks, and a few nights together, the girl of my dreams told me about this awesome guy she met yesterday. FML

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By floff

Today, I broke a toe. It was not too bad and I can still walk, but the doctors had to tape it to the next toe to help it heal. Turns out I am allergic to the glue on the tape. The pain of the blisters covering two toes and the itch is worst than the break. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3441

You deserved it

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By Unfortunate - Canada

Today, my boyfriend had a Christmas party for all of our friends. He asked me not to get "too drunk". I think throwing up on the floor while simultaneously peeing your pants fit his definition. FML

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6815

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By Roommate - United States - Olympia

Today, my new roommate sent me a picture of our toothbrushes bristles touching with the caption "Look! I made them kiss!" FML

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12008

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was at the beach with my parents. They were walking hand in hand, when they spotted a crab. My Dad turned to my Mum and said "Oh, must've crawled out of my pubes!" they both laughed and kissed. I don't think they realized I was within hearing distance. FML

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35814

You deserved it

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By Guess I was wrong

Mistaken identity

Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML

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1640

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML

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By theynamedmeluke - United States - Austin

Today, I found out I was adopted when my drunk dad made a terrible Star Wars joke. FML

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44245

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By howdoesthatmakesense - United States - San Francisco

Today, we were doing research on contraceptives in class. Afterwards, the girl next to me starts explaining how "cringey" and "grossed out" she gets when she sees/hears "the words for the private parts." She then tells me all about her getting her period that morning in explicit detail. FML

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13333

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2020 20:01

No chuds, thanks

Today, I found the Instagram account belonging to the guy I've been seeing. That's how I found out he's one of those nitwit asshole Proud Boys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1170

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By applesmama - United States

Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML

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30400

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By uncleaning - United States

Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML

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By Daligheri - 2/3/2021 11:01

Sinking feeling

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after we watched Titanic for the first time together. Why? Two reasons. Because I cried, and apparently men aren't allowed to be emotional, and because she asked me if I would save her or a boat of women and children first. Neither answer was correct. FML

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979

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By Rachel - United States

Today, I was at the park with my daughter. She walked up to a boy at the swings, held her hand out, and said, "Hi I'm Vanessa, and someday you'll be working for me." FML

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By anonymous - Canada

Today, I was naked, still deciding what to wear, when the doorbell rang. I grabbed the closest thing to cover up with: my Snuggie. I answered the door, it was kids asking for donations. Without thinking, I turned around to grab my purse. FML

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Top comments

By LilMissCanadian | 22

#6449846 - Sunday 1 November 2015 0:11

Screw what others think. Congrats on your promotion.

By RickySleeves | 20

#6449857 - Sunday 1 November 2015 0:15

People will always try to find a way to bring you down. Congrats on your promotion :)

COMMENTS

By LilMissCanadian | 22

#6449846 - Sunday 1 November 2015 0:11

Screw what others think. Congrats on your promotion.

jake_braves | 25

#6449889 - Sunday 1 November 2015 0:52

Op, just tell them the hard work and dedication just runs in the family. Like 1 said, screw the haters!

By KatieKoala | 19

#6449847 - Sunday 1 November 2015 0:12

Huh, what bitchy coworkers. But good job on getting the promotion!

stingray112 | 24

#6450373 - Sunday 1 November 2015 17:11

Welcome to life

By HollyQuinn | 21

#6449850 - Sunday 1 November 2015 0:12

Fuck 'em, you know you put in the work. Good for you, and congrats!

By DeathofCareBear | 21

#6449852 - Sunday 1 November 2015 0:12

That sucks but keep up the good work.

By kelbel9577 | 9

#6449854 - Sunday 1 November 2015 0:13

I'm sure they're all doing half of what you're doing there- just forget them! Congrats on being rewarded for your hard work!

By Mcstud1y | 30

#6449855 - Sunday 1 November 2015 0:13

Excuses, excuses, keep up the hard work!

By katelng09 | 16

#6449856 - Sunday 1 November 2015 0:14

I could see how they would think you got the promotion just because your father is the CFO. They must think that just because they work hard to that your dad must only notice you. But congrats on your promotion. You did work hard and you do deserve it.

By RickySleeves | 20

#6449857 - Sunday 1 November 2015 0:15

People will always try to find a way to bring you down. Congrats on your promotion :)

By Badkarma4u | 17

#6449859 - Sunday 1 November 2015 0:16

Who cares what they think. One day, you'll be able to fire them all.

By Tripartita | 44

#6449861 - Sunday 1 November 2015 0:18

Geez, six years of unpaid overtime? Maybe you would've been payed more if you were unrelated to the CFO.

SecundusSecunda | 27

#6449886 - Sunday 1 November 2015 0:49

Judging by the amount of FML-related work stories, I think anything goes and either way he ends up losing :/

Polynomial | 28

#6450280 - Sunday 1 November 2015 14:42

In my experience, relatives of small business owners, or officers, get paid less than their co workers. Heck, I average 66 hours a week, and get about 3/4 the pay of 40 hour co workers.