Miscellaneous: Today, my parents searched my younger sister's phone because... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 92

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 40

31/10/2015 00:47

Today, my parents searched my younger sister's phone because she had been acting suspiciously. I asked my mom if she was going to search mine too. She laughed and said, "Sweetie, your phone is probably even duller than mine!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 752

You deserved it 2 833

And today, on Dr Phil…

This Charming Man

Walk the line

28/01/2012 03:41

Today, after having finally summoned the nerve to report a guy at my workplace who has been sexually harassing me for months, I got a phone call from my boss. He said that there was nothing he could do about it, because the guy "wouldn't confess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 031

You deserved it 2 613

27/06/2012 20:01

Today, I used a red-eye removal tool on one of my photos. I quickly realised how bad my acne is when the software couldn't distinguish between my eyes and cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 298

You deserved it 2 903

25/08/2019 04:04

Today, while at work, I was trying to locate the source of the really bad BO wafting around, when I realized I'd forgotten to put on deodorant this morning. I have 5 hours of shame left to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 817

23/10/2010 06:22

Today, I found my pet hamster that escaped yesterday, wet and soggy, next to my pet dog. My dog chewed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 004

You deserved it 3 904

14/11/2012 10:36

Spicy

Today, the love of my life, and long term partner, sat me down and told me that he feels so comfortable in our relationship that he no longer feels the need to have sex with me, and he doesn't think that that will ever change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 412

You deserved it 3 639

17/01/2012 23:12

Spicy

Today, I've found out that since beginning my new heavy workout regime, my testosterone levels have gone through the roof, making me constantly horny. My girlfriend lives on another continent. The reason I'm working out so hard? To impress her when I see her next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 990

You deserved it 4 983

18/10/2011 20:35

Today, I found out I have an abscess in my bellybutton which causes me extreme pain and discomfort when I sit down. I am a receptionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 093

You deserved it 2 649

21/02/2010 17:16

Spicy

Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 265

You deserved it 3 668

Freaked out

By anon - 07/02/2021 20:01

Today, whilst visiting one of my distant cousins for the first time in years, she came onto me. After gently explaining to her that this was inappropriate, she broke down in tears. Whilst I awkwardly comforted her, she started stroking my inner thigh, apparently still trying to seduce me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 96

28/09/2012 05:34

Today, I was so happy to be leaving the hospital after breaking my arm the night before. Just as I walked out of the doors, a huge ambulance team was running in at the same time and knocked me down full force. I now have a broken ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 212

You deserved it 2 528

21/12/2010 01:52

Today, a woman came to my counter and ordered 12 donuts. I said, "OK sure, a dozen donuts." She paused, looked at me with disgust and yelled, "I said 12, NOT a dozen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 395

You deserved it 4 058

06/11/2010 04:31

Today, after getting out of the shower, I was in a good mood. So I decided to run around the house naked, then play air guitar while air drying, just for fun. My blinds were open, and the men in the Fedex truck in my front yard did have fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 610

You deserved it 34 478

Melted

By Anonymous - 31/01/2021 03:30

Today, I found one of my boyfriend's earbuds in the dryer. He's gonna be pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 134

07/06/2009 06:02

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 575

You deserved it 134 057

02/02/2017 20:00

Today, my long-distance relationship ended. The only thing my dad had to say to comfort me was that he hopes my phone bills will, "go back to normal now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 545

You deserved it 1 335

11/11/2009 07:06

Today, I did laundry in my apartment complex's laundry room. I put my stuff in the dryer and returned to my room. The sign on the door says the laundry room closes at 10 pm, but that's rarely true. Tonight it was. I have to wait until 8 am. I work at 7:30. My work clothes are in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 615

You deserved it 41 012

13/09/2012 17:25

Today, I had my first accident in 5 years of driving. I clipped a Ford Fiesta, mirror to mirror. His mirror is totally destroyed. Mine is fine. I was so stressed afterwards that I reversed straight into another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 711

You deserved it 8 786

21/07/2014 21:15

Today, for the third time this week, I had to clean up after someone who pissed themselves in the beer aisle at the grocery store where I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 653

You deserved it 3 422

09/02/2010 03:33

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 345

You deserved it 5 326

11/11/2010 08:39

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me that I appear to have gained some weight. After realizing that it made me feel depressed, he tried to make me feel better by making love to me. I decided to go with it. While doing so, he paused and said "I'm sorry baby, but your weight is too much pressure for my back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 155

You deserved it 8 564

05/05/2011 07:13

Today, while working at a sandwich shop, we had a shortage and could only put so many veggies on one sandwich. I explained this to one man who was grumpy about it, but kept on ordering. I thought everything went well. He thought my face was a good target to launch his completed sandwich at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 769

You deserved it 3 623

Social distancing gone wrong

By bananapie69 - 10/04/2020 20:00

Today, waiting in the deli line at the store, a woman stood directly next to me. I panicked and tried to move back to get a 6-foot distance, but in my panic I didn’t realize there was a stand behind me. I almost fell over, so I gasped super loud. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 383

You deserved it 682

One law for thee…

By Jules - 03/03/2021 14:01

Today, my country’s health minister said on TV, "Stay home! Don’t travel, don’t meet people!" The same evening, he drove to another state to have dinner with a group of people who gave money to his political party. He had taken a COVID test before. It came back positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 100

TMI

By ew. - 17/08/2010 04:28

Spicy

Today, I learned that I was conceived on a public bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 169

You deserved it 4 840

Emergency room time

By maya - 09/03/2021 20:01

Today, I was called a "wimp" and a "pussy" for crying and screaming after lightly bumping my hand on a wall. It’s been five hours and it still feels as though my skin is being ripped off the bones in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 615

You deserved it 322

No justice

By Anonymous - 04/10/2020 20:01

Today, my ex-boss still owes me almost 900€. I just paid another 150€ to have a lawyer tell me that, yes, the law is clearly on my side but no, I will most likely not win in court because I don't have hard proof. I just paid money to be told I won't be getting the money I'm owed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 122

10/04/2009 14:07

Today, I was sent to an elementary school for safety day. One of the dads was asking about my job, when I told him about the long hours and high stress involved. He turned to his son and said "Now see why you stay in school?" I'm a paramedic. With a bachelor's degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 888

You deserved it 3 129

16/05/2019 02:41

Spicy

Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 398

You deserved it 190

25/12/2014 09:13

Spicy

Today, my brother and I woke up early to get a sneak peek at our Christmas presents. We found our parents having sex on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 505

You deserved it 16 254

30/01/2011 00:35

Today, I was at a power lifting meet when a girl I really liked walked in. Trying to impress her, I increased my bench to 350, when I have only done 300 before. She then watched me drop it on my chest, breaking my breast bone, and also crying in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 433

You deserved it 70 029

18/04/2014 22:07

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 354

You deserved it 4 215

23/09/2009 11:10

Today, I had a nervous breakdown. My life has been going down the drain and I called my boyfriend for comfort. I was crying my eyes out, finally getting everything off of my chest that has been bothering me. I thought it was quiet because he was listening closely. I was wrong. He fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 187

You deserved it 8 813

21/07/2016 22:09

Today, I went to the store to get groceries. After getting all the stuff I need, and was heading towards the checkout point, I heard a baby cry and instantly felt coldness on my shirt. Yes I was lactating, and yes it was noticeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 622

You deserved it 1 450

05/12/2011 03:22

Today, as I was running from the cops I jumped behind a bush to hide. Turns out it was a massive thorn bush. I later had the most painful shower I have ever experienced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 674

You deserved it 74 861

16/05/2014 21:07

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 331

You deserved it 9 967

24/11/2011 08:42

Today, my dad got drunk and thought it would be a great idea to clean up the yard by dumping gasoline all over the leaves and lighting our entire front yard on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 043

You deserved it 2 649

03/11/2009 03:41

Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 250

You deserved it 5 820

10/01/2009 14:41

Today, I got my stuff together before leaving to take the bus: cigarettes, newspaper, mobile phone and the trash. I took me at least 5 minutes in the bus to realize that I was travelling with the trash on my knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 988

You deserved it 7 097

28/03/2013 10:02

Spicy

Today, I got dumped during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 359

You deserved it 9 825

01/03/2013 00:48

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 174

You deserved it 12 291

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Top comments

CoGhostRider 31

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Saturday 31 October 2015 15:05

Now you're free to do as you wish

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Saturday 31 October 2015 15:09

Now you can do whatever you want and she won't question you!

Comments

CoGhostRider 31

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Saturday 31 October 2015 15:05

Now you're free to do as you wish

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Saturday 31 October 2015 17:49

just use protection... you don't want the herp

Lalala579121 27

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Saturday 31 October 2015 19:00

And, make sure you proof-read your texts, you don't want the derp either.

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Thursday 5 November 2015 8:41

agreed, this is a license to get into some mischief...they'll never suspect you. }:)

justcommenting19 19

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Saturday 31 October 2015 15:05

On a more positive note, if you ever want a super cool job with the government, you can totally get it. And the forever brag in front of your sister. Win-win.

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Saturday 31 October 2015 15:06

Well at least they trust you...kind of.

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Saturday 31 October 2015 15:09

Now you can do whatever you want and she won't question you!

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Saturday 31 October 2015 15:09

its kinda a compliment if you think about it

CoGhostRider 31

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Saturday 31 October 2015 15:11

Right along with "you're so ugly you won't have to worry about geting raped"

hatedbythefamily 1

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Saturday 31 October 2015 20:38

you spelled getting wrong

Xaian1 17

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Sunday 1 November 2015 7:05

Spelt*

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Sunday 1 November 2015 8:30

Backhanded compliment are still compliments just not as nice.

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Saturday 31 October 2015 15:10

If you'd like, OP, I could give you some tips on spicing up your phone-life. Have you tried dressing it in lingerie? Covering it in cool whip? Tying it to a chair?

SecundusSecunda 27

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Saturday 31 October 2015 19:23

I can guarantee all those work. Especially tying your phone to a chair, your relationship will be boosted to new levels!

THEDUDE1553566 24

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Saturday 31 October 2015 15:10

This is a blessing! Now you are free to do do what you want just don't give suspicion!

kyrisonfusion 22

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Saturday 31 October 2015 15:15

She could just be kidding. She might trust you more

ThePaperDragon 31

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Saturday 31 October 2015 15:23

At least they think you are a good kid! ^_^

ber4fun 23

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Saturday 31 October 2015 15:23

It's a good thing to have your parents trust