Today, I was having sex with this girl I met in stats class when...

By CBBP - United States

Today, I was having sex with this girl I met in stats class when my roommate walked in. He started applauding and said, "$20 bucks for me! I knew you weren't gay!" Him and my other roommate had a bet. They are my best friends. FML

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Intimacy

Messed up

The opposite of a good idea

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML

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29517

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, after years of loneliness, I met the most amazing girl on Omegle. We spoke for ages and really clicked. But before either of us could exchange numbers, I lost my internet connection and her along with it. FML

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25848

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By WTF - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML

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27780

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By thefriedman - United States - Perris

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

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44400

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By WorstMedicalBill - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

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11109

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By bdsam

Yuck.

Today, I found out that the sleeping mask I'd been using for months was actually part of a BDSM kit. I found the rest of it in my dad's room. FML

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4306

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By Anonymous - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, my husband and I arrived in Barbados on vacation. We visited a club, and they had a selection of drinks with weird names. My husband ordered one called the Raging Bitch, flicked his finger towards me, and said to the barkeeper, "Might as well get something I'm used to." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Castle Rock

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

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26952

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By TeddyBearKiller - United States

Today, my coworker convinced a little girl that teddy bears are actually the bodies of dead baby bears. I work at Build-a-Bear-Workshop, and we were working a 4-year-old's birthday party. FML

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47555

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By minty - United States

Today, after days of being too sick to leave my house, I went to get some medicine. While picking out cough drops, an old man leaned over and said, "You smell quite delicious today". I haven't showered and the only "perfume" I'm wearing is VapoRub. FML

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By Festivaler - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I was at a music festival, and my mum had told me not to to drink. Someone threw a cup of beer at me, and I was worried about smelling of alcohol. It's okay though, because a second cup of urine took the alcohol smell right away. FML

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53092

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By seekerglow176 - United States - Natick

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML

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54787

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By Loveless - Canada

Today, I bought a dog to make me feel less lonely. He ran away. FML

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57352

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By Anonymous - United States - Bedford

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

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37728

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I folded a stack of 2,500 brochures for the new exhibit we're putting on at the museum where I work. As I was finishing up, I got an email. The dates have just been changed, so all the brochures have to be reprinted and refolded. FML

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29143

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it would be nice to take my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for my birthday. She got a little headache after we ordered, so she went outside to get some air. I ate a $100 meal and had Happy Birthday sang to me by the restaurant staff. Alone. FML

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43490

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband cancelled our internet and cable package because we’re having money problems. I work from home and need the internet to do so. I guess getting a job of his own wasn’t an option. FML

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2718

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By svunimportant - United States - Morehead

Today, my daughter cried for ages after finding out that Nick Amaro was written out of Law and Order: SVU. She barely reacted when I told her that her mom and I are getting a divorce. FML

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27183

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By Larz - Canada

Today, I woke up to a pile of hair on my floor. I looked in the mirror and realized the hair was from my head. I had a dream about cutting my hair and I guess it came true. FML

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29872

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By my face though - United States - Kettle Falls

Today, I had to leave class early due to a profusely bleeding pimple on my forehead. FML

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20742

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML

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68827

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By cero_kewl - United States

Today, while I was on the floor stocking a bottom shelf, a man walked up behind me and humped the back of my head. He ran away laughing. This kind of shit happens all the time. I hate my job. FML

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33412

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out my dog is allergic to all forms of animal. His new vegetarian food is $90 a bag, and he refuses to eat it. FML

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By nnnaaazzz - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML

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By ColdMN - United States

Today, I trying to scrape the ice off my car, but wasn't having much luck. Frustrated, I kicked a clump off from the bumper. The clump didn't budge, but the entire front quarter panel fell off. FML

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24188

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By FenderBender - Canada

Today, I was driving home from work and noticed the car behind me was tailgating me pretty badly. I was starting to get angry with the driver, and kept glancing in my rear view mirror at him. While I was doing so, the traffic ahead of me stopped, and I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

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11479

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a cashier asked me if I would like to donate to breast cancer research. Since I have already made my donations this month, I politely declined. The cashier snorted and said, "Maybe you'll feel differently if someone you love got cancer." I'm a two-year survivor. FML

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45815

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By Drewzter - United States

User manual

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

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6915

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By Anonymous - United States - Middleboro

Today, at our wedding, instead of saying "I do", my fiancé paused before saying, "I can't do this", stepped down from the altar and proposed to my maid of honor. When she obviously refused, he ran from the venue bawling. He's not returning my calls. FML

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39311

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By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I worked up the courage to give a guy my number. I wrote it down on a piece of paper, tore it in half and gave it to him. Later, I noticed I'd given him the wrong, blank half. FML

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23484

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By love_letter - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a over a year broke up with me. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't written him a long letter about how much I love him, and that I'm so glad we're together and so glad that he promised he would always be there. He'll be getting it in a few days. FML

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33662

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By Noname - United States

Today, I found an ad for my job at my company on an online job board. FML

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29900

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By Pat - 22/9/2020 04:01 - United States - Buffalo

New relations

Today, I found out my newly-divorced father is now going to marry my girlfriend's mother. Tough situation here. FML

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By dahlia87 - United States

Today, I got an email from the Law School Admissions Council saying that they received my request for my LSAT cancellation and they are confirming that it has been cancelled. The email also said the score will not be reinstated for any reason. I never requested for my score to be cancelled. FML

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By ZeroApostle4Ever - United States

Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML

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29994

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6564

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By Bree - United States

Today, my father tried to secretly follow me all day, because he doesn't believe that I have any "real" errands to run or friends to meet with. He's actually convinced that I'm living some secret double life with another family. FML

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25550

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By pinkplasticjesus - Canada

Today, I went to a restaurant and only brought $14 with me to eat. I ordered and ate my meal, then went to the counter to pay for it. I threw $2 into the tip jar then got my bill. My bill was $13.86. I had to reach into the tip jar and take my $2 back so I could pay for my meal. FML

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15260

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By emsbuffalo - United States

Today, my mom came home from surgery. Upon arriving home, she flashed a paper in my face and said, "Want to see pictures of my colon?" My eyes are still burning. FML

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26120

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By queenmeme - United States - Redlands

Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

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41254

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By Anonymous

Today, I was at the park and needed to take a piss really badly. I opened my car door and stood to pee, but good old Mother Nature ran by and the wind blew it all into my car. My entire driver side smells like pee. FML

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Top comments

By lowercasename | 0

#73291 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

That's hilarious

At least you were having sex though, so I wouldn't fret it too much

By Shadowflames420 | 0

#73305 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:04

LoL. Was she hot? Cause you should get brownie points for porking a hottie when your friends think your gay.

COMMENTS

By lowercasename | 0

#73291 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

That's hilarious

At least you were having sex though, so I wouldn't fret it too much

luvmuffin10 | 0

#881275 - Monday 22 February 2010 5:55

At least you were having sex!!! I'll have it with you anytime!! I'd lick ur cock for days! I bet it tastes great!! I'll do ur roomates too!

JocelynKaulitz | 28

#5845578 - Saturday 1 February 2014 11:32

Well hey, at least one of your friends believed in you.

By Inyourendo | 0

#73293 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

Haha, thats fuckin class

you deserved it, should have got laid earlier lol

By Shadowflames420 | 0

#73305 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:04

LoL. Was she hot? Cause you should get brownie points for porking a hottie when your friends think your gay.

By Edmund_Dantes | 0

#73309 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:05

So what? Why are you offended that someone thinks you're gay? It's not necessarily an insult, just an observation.

By sweet_addy | 0

#73311 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:05

hey man...atleast they know you can work it! but seriously what kind of friends do you have man?

thebeanishere | 8

#3330933 - Friday 23 September 2011 2:11

Friends with no faith

By kissothis | 6

#73313 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:05

that's fucked up.. how are they your friends if they didn't know you are straight?

By hpnerd | 0

#73314 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:06

I feel bad for the girl... getting walked in on is embarrassing. Especially when they say they thought the dude you're sleeping with was gay.

By hiyaa | 0

#73321 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:07

some people dig the 'gay type,' it mightve done you good and gotten you the girl

By iiteddy | 0

#73326 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:08

i agree with #6 tey arent yur friends

hayleyjames | 0

#1009460 - Thursday 27 May 2010 14:33

how are they not his friends because they weren't sure of his sexuality some people have a hunch that their friend might be gay but because that doesn't change anything they don't say anything are you special?

By yesmy_love | 0

#73329 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:09

dude.... you just got laid......... quit your bitching........ unless the chick was ugly, in which case i'd understand......... i mean, if you're gonna convert, she should at least LOOK like a woman.........