Miscellaneous: Today, I opened the door to what I thought would be a group of... - FML

By guessthatsatrickthen - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I opened the door to what I thought would be a group of trick or treaters. It was actually a naked man. He wanted to come in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27071

You deserved it

1950

Tweet

Share

Heartless

On a leash

Overbearing much?

By Anonymous - United States - Mariposa

Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40629

You deserved it

3424

Tweet

Share

By PeterRabit - Canada

Headshot

Today, I was walking around in a park when I pass some kids playing soccer. One of them kicks the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily I catch the ball. Then I drop kick the ball, intending to say "go get it." Instead it ricochets of a nearby tree and hits my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19818

You deserved it

47093

Tweet

Share

By Hth - United States

Today, I farted A LOT during my exam, all silent so I figured I should be OK. Then I looked around and everybody was suffocating and giving me sly looks. I am now known to everyone in the department as SuperFart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18279

You deserved it

43592

Tweet

Share

By sick and lonely - United States - Rockford

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I had a fever from a stomach virus. I was shivering with cold sweats while she explained there was nothing wrong with our relationship, but she would regret not giving her cheating ex a second chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16210

You deserved it

1118

Tweet

Share

By pigtails - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, management told me that I couldn't have a doorbell on my door. How did they get my attention to tell me this? By ringing my doorbell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31342

You deserved it

3218

Tweet

Share

By futuregigolo - United States - Strasburg

Today, I went to the local used books store to sell all my college textbooks. I spent several hundred dollars on them in total. I ended up walking out of the shop a pathetic $3.50 richer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33859

You deserved it

7647

Tweet

Share

By inhaler -.- - United States - Huntsville

Today, it was my first time having a make out session with my boyfriend. I got so nervous that a few minutes into it, I had to stop to take my inhaler. This happened twice more afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52401

You deserved it

5743

Tweet

Share

By Garry - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that my staff doesn't take me seriously. I walked in on my chef, who had just spent an hour and half a block of cheese carving cheddar goggles for himself. When I confronted him, he pulled up his t-shirt to reveal a cocktail sausage taped to his stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23900

You deserved it

5721

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Noise Annoys

Today, I'm dead on my feet. My flatmate's alarm went off for 20 minutes at 5 a.m., which I heard and he didn't. A car alarm went off outside my window for half an hour at 7 a.m. My building fire alarm went off twice, at 8 and 8:10 a.m. Just let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2122

You deserved it

139

Tweet

Share

By Noname - Australia

Today, I was on a standing on a crowded bus going home after school. A wriggling 5 year old boy and his mum left the seat to get off the bus. Since no one looked keen to sit on the seat, I did, only to find out that it was covered in pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53554

You deserved it

11468

Tweet

Share

By Julie - Denmark - F?rup

Today, it's been three months since my sister broke her car, meaning she couldn't get to work, and I've giving her money every month so she could buy food and so on. I just found out that her workplace is less than 200 metres from where she lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32187

You deserved it

5124

Tweet

Share

By CutestBoysEver - United States - Fruita

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31633

You deserved it

2902

Tweet

Share

By Blackfell - United States

Today, I found out why I can't sleep at night. My wife switched my sleep aid pills with energy pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29060

You deserved it

2556

Tweet

Share

By hoboman - United States

Today, I was turned down from my dream job at a graphic design firm. Before the interview, concerned about my hobo style would not impress the company, I shaved, cut my long hair, and even bought a suit. They said I wasn't "free-spirited and creative enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48427

You deserved it

6710

Tweet

Share

By foreveralone.jpg - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I listened to my roommate and her friend struggle with their math homework for an hour. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that I'm a math major and repeatedly offered my help. They'd rather fail math than be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27363

You deserved it

2888

Tweet

Share

By CambodianAsshole - United States - Placentia

Today, I opened my Christmas present from my parents. I got a road-side assistance package. I don't own a vehicle, and I don't even have a driver's license. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33395

You deserved it

3556

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Nevada

Dumbasses

Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read, "My mom's a total pedo," after which she mentioned the talk. Her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57387

You deserved it

6304

Tweet

Share

By dumped - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. How? He invited my mother to his house for coffee with his parents, and told her. She then had to come home and tell me I’d been dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1948

You deserved it

115

Tweet

Share

By Di Da - 6/7/2020 23:02

Ghosted

Today, my boss came to my desk and asked me how the work is going, then he just walked away in the middle of me explaining a problem in the project. When I wanted to make an appointment with his secretary, she told me he isn't going to have any time this and next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1487

You deserved it

103

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Why do people do this?

Today, a friend showed me my husband's online dating profile, which includes photos of him with our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2191

You deserved it

124

Tweet

Share

By Oopsydaisy31

Metal music

Today, my date and I were getting to know each other, and we talked about our favorite music. He's into metal. Trying to impress him, I mention I like metal too. He said his favorite band is “The Gonzorks” and I mentioned that's my favorite too. He looked at me dead and cold and said “Um, actually that band doesn't exist.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

511

You deserved it

4456

Tweet

Share

By TOOshort

Today, several of my apartment complex neighbors walked right by me as I struggled to clean the inches thick, icy snow off of my SUV. I’m 4’11. Not one person offered to assist me, even after I slipped and fell several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1499

You deserved it

2154

Tweet

Share

By Brandon - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me from her parents' house where she is visiting. They were BBQing outside when out of the blue her childhood friend Adam showed up at the door for the BBQ. She asked her parents why he was there, and her dad replied that he "wants her to know that she has options." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44583

You deserved it

2963

Tweet

Share

By cheerbabeXoXo - United Kingdom - High Wycombe

Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45521

You deserved it

4961

Tweet

Share

By therundown - United States

Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49502

You deserved it

3964

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I got married. The only thing that is different so far is that he now thinks that it's okay to shit with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37925

You deserved it

8696

Tweet

Share

By mintypoison - United States

Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26801

You deserved it

3461

Tweet

Share

By fuckedbyahipster - Finland

Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40590

You deserved it

2870

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found me later, in her room, with my head between her thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19507

You deserved it

49214

Tweet

Share

By DramaticSigh - United States

Today, at work, a customer came in. Since I was behind the counter, I asked if she needed help with anything. I've worked there for five years, and I didn't recognize my own boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10576

You deserved it

35612

Tweet

Share

By suhleedah18 - United States

Today, I was working on the computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eye patch in a couple of days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34748

You deserved it

2636

Tweet

Share

By emkaycutie - United States

Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated and exhausted, I asked everyone to turn their phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit and spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technology whores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18177

You deserved it

199712

Tweet

Share

By jab43 - United States

Today, after returning home from a camping trip, I found a leech on my love spuds. I ended up having to call my dad in to help me get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34990

You deserved it

4995

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while shopping, I was grabbed and dragged off to a security room with no warning. Apparently, the way I was dressed and walking was suspicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33464

You deserved it

5040

Tweet

Share

By anon - United States - Kent

Today, I delivered a pizza to a guy so high out of his mind that I had to let myself in and set it down on a table, because he'd forgotten how to walk, and was on the ground sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30961

You deserved it

2219

Tweet

Share

By Lolrus - Qatar

Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML

I agree, your life sucks

103026

You deserved it

5735

Tweet

Share

By Curles - Norway

Today, I found out the room I've been sleeping in has black fungus growing on the wall behind the bed. So, that's why I cough until it feels like my lungs are coming out in the morning. Mystery solved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1748

You deserved it

139

Tweet

Share

By WhyThankYou - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I was having dinner at a long-time friend's place. In a matter of 15 minutes, her mom had managed to establish unequivocally that three kinds of people were ruining the world: vegetarians, atheists and homosexuals. I'm all three rolled into one. She knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50106

You deserved it

16097

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Doylestown

Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25060

You deserved it

42915

Tweet

Share

By SoVeryMonday - Canada

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34065

You deserved it

9505

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By LadyKayDee | 23

#6450311 - Sunday 1 November 2015 15:31

Maybe he wanted to give you some of his candy...

By jayennachristine | 23

#6450313 - Sunday 1 November 2015 15:32

trick or treat...or anal?

COMMENTS

By COURT_KING | 14

#6450297 - Sunday 1 November 2015 15:27

There are some things that cannot be unseen...

By countryguy91290 | 16

#6450298 - Sunday 1 November 2015 15:27

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By laurenswims13 | 24

#6450299 - Sunday 1 November 2015 15:27

Well did he say trick or treat?

Reply

beeferjay | 34

#6450349 - Sunday 1 November 2015 16:18

it was a trick and a treat

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#6450567 - Sunday 1 November 2015 20:59

OP didn't see it as much of a treat though.

Reply

mxgirl1998 | 26

#6452673 - Wednesday 4 November 2015 0:56

that wasn't the candy op was hoping to see xD

By sa5v | 21

#6450301 - Sunday 1 November 2015 15:29

What did you do op?

By HoboMeth | 32

#6450306 - Sunday 1 November 2015 15:30

I guess they wanted to treat you OP

Reply

xTommytheGUNx | 15

#6450506 - Sunday 1 November 2015 19:59

treat yo self

By LadyKayDee | 23

#6450307 - Sunday 1 November 2015 15:30

That could have been his costume.

By Welshite | 39

#6450308 - Sunday 1 November 2015 15:30

He was just wearing his birthday suit. It's a perfectly legitimate costume.

By masoko_fml | 21

#6450309 - Sunday 1 November 2015 15:31

That sure is a scary costume..!

By LadyKayDee | 23

#6450311 - Sunday 1 November 2015 15:31

Maybe he wanted to give you some of his candy...

By WordBea | 23

#6450312 - Sunday 1 November 2015 15:32

Is that not how things work?