Today, I felt flexible in my yoga class. I put my legs in the...

By MyLegsHurt - 28/10/2015 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I felt flexible in my yoga class. I put my legs in the butterfly position and tried to press them down. Both my hips popped very painfully and I screamed in the middle of a quiet room. FML

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Miscellaneous

Fashion Police

The end of the road

Alexa, play "Leave Me Alone" by New Order

By eggs - 28/2/2009 06:30 - Canada

Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML

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By sorry... - 2/3/2015 16:31 - United States - Newark

Today, I realized I hate my boyfriend's little sister enough to break up with him. FML

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By "of fucking course" - 5/9/2017 06:00

Creeper Alert

Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML

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By meish - 5/6/2016 13:16 - United States - Chicago

Today, I got my own row on an almost full transatlantic flight. All it took was having food poisoning two hours into the flight. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I watched a grizzled, old gas station attendant with a stain on her blouse use my driver's license to pick something out of her teeth. FML

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By Lexi - 4/9/2019 12:00 - United States

Waiting For Godot 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, my muscles are sore in my arm. I told my boyfriend I think I slept on it wrong. Truth is, it's from masturbation. He won't have sex until we're married. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2013 21:10 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, one of my co-workers was fired after my manager discovered him pissing in the office coffee pot. I had three cups before I found out what had happened. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/7/2015 20:50 - United States - Saddle River

Today, instead of canceling for the third consecutive time due to work-related reasons, my boyfriend sent his twin brother on our date. They both thought I wouldn't notice. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2014 23:05 - United States

Today, I realized I willingly support my boyfriend's alcoholism, because the only time he says "I love you" is when he's blind drunk. FML

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By ConfusedGirl - 15/12/2015 13:03 - United States - Pittsford

Today, I came home early to surprise my boyfriend. I walked into our bedroom to find him in dressed completely in my clothes, and in makeup. It took me a moment to realize it was him and not a female intruder. FML

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By Stacy - 13/7/2013 04:22 - United States

Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2012 12:55 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my brother, the plumber, was called to unblock a toilet. Whenever this occurs, he takes a photo of it and sends it to me. It always seems to happen around meal time. FML

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By give me an F - 5/1/2014 16:16 - United Kingdom - Corby

Today, was my first day as a male cheerleader in an attempt to flirt. The girls were stronger than me and it's now my job to be thrown in the air by girls. FML

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By creepedouthostess - 17/6/2009 07:12 - United States

Today, while working in a restaurant, I took an elderly man to his table under a red colored lamp. He asked me if this was "the red light district." I thought he was just kidding until when I was placing down the menus he leaned in and whispered creepily in my ear, "You know, you're really sexy." FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2012 00:57 - Canada - Belleville

Today, I was waiting in a doctor's office when I was approached by an elderly woman. She told me all about the ripping of her stitches in a very private place, in exhaustive detail. Of course, today was the day my doctor chose to be an hour late. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 09:29 - United States

Today, during a review session for a botany class, I began to space out. Then, I started to go, "beep, beep, beep, beep." I stopped when I noticed the entire class staring at me as if I were insane. This was not the first time this had happened. FML

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By luckygirl - 14/12/2009 09:05 - United States

Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML

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By maxkeyftw - 17/10/2013 05:06 - United States - Clovis

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity fixed for the first time. The dentist showed me the drill and other tools, and referred to them as things like "Mr. Bumpy Brush". I'm 15. She thought I was "special". FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2020 17:00

Assumptions

Today, I found out that most of the people I work with secretly refer to me as the "designated bottom" because they assumed from my slight stature and soft spoken personality that I was a submissive homosexual. My wife thinks it’s hilarious and keeps grabbing my ass to make me jump in shock. FML

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By awkwardparents - 6/8/2012 08:13 - United States - Burlingame

Today, my girlfriend's parents took pictures of my tattoos to make sure I'm "not affiliated with any gangs." I have never even been arrested. FML

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By yamsterr - 12/3/2012 16:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up Tard Mode and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML

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By friendly_neighbourhood_psycho - 19/8/2011 22:47 - Sweden

Today, I was helping some friends put supplies in my crush's car for our picnic. His girlfriend cracked a joke about me, so I just sarcastically laughed and slammed the door shut. Now she has three broken fingers, and I have a reputation as a psychopath. FML

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By my gran is a cuntwaffle - 26/9/2013 20:36 - United Kingdom

Today, my gran came over for dinner, for which I had to go grab some supplies from the supermarket. I guess I should have locked my laptop, because when I came back, I found my gran had used my Facebook account to propose to my now-ecstatic girlfriend. FML

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By FreeTacos_ - 28/10/2015 05:23 - United States - Pueblo

Today, I told my crush that I liked her a lot. She told me not to message her when I'm drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2015 04:54 - United States - Torrance

Today, I was given the following pearls of wisdom: "My grandmother always told me, if you've got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. Anyway, she was a cunt and so are you." Thanks, dad. Thanks. FML

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By Keldar - 19/8/2009 07:53 - United States

Today, at the gas station I work a lady called wanting to know the "password" and if I was okay. Thinking it was a prank I hung up. A couple of minutes later she called back, this time asking if I could see the cops outside and telling me I'd be alright. I saw four of 'em. I'd hit the silent alarm by accident. FML

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By FlGirl - 24/12/2009 07:00 - United States

Today, I stepped outside for a smoke. It was 1 a.m. Thinking no one was around, I let out a series of loud, nasty-sounding farts. I looked over to my left to see the neighbor, whom I've never met, also smoking, and staring at me. That was his first impression of me. FML

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By simpleasjam - 19/9/2016 14:27 - United Kingdom - Worcester Park

Today, I screamed at a taxi driver to not run over a hedgehog. He got a fright and ended up pulling over. I hopped out and ran to the middle of the road to pick up the hedgehog and leave him on the grass by the path. As I got closer and went to pick up said hedgehog, I realised it was a pinecone. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2014 03:19 - United States - Topeka

Today, a guy in my class was talking about himself. He started his story with, "When I was little, I was a ginger." I replied without thinking, "Is that why you got put up for adoption?" Him being adopted was the actual story he wanted to tell. FML

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By computergeek - 26/1/2010 21:25 - United States

Today, my parents got me a new computer for my birthday. They also took the liberty of throwing out my old computer, with 8 years of photos, videos, music, documents, emails, and bookmarks on it. But that's okay, I had a backup. They threw that out too. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2020 15:01 - Canada - Red Deer

My body, my choice

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to drink several shots of vodka after taking a pill that makes you sick when you drink. She puked all night and then blamed me for making her sick. FML

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By cheddar - 20/7/2011 22:17 - United States

Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked out from my window just in time to see a man ripping my mailbox from the ground and sprinting away with it. FML

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By Maddie - 22/3/2011 15:39

Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML

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By yellowthumb - 3/5/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he regularly pees in our vegetable garden "to give the plants nitrates". FML

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By Jyocka - 26/4/2011 22:25 - Canada

Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML

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By Youalreadyknowmyname - 19/7/2019 14:00 - United States - Jeffersonville

Today, a guy asked me my name and I told him it's Holly. He then asked if I was "real or a Holligram?" Apparently, The Office is the best, and only place to get pick up lines. FML

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By wtf - 8/3/2012 09:03 - United States

Today, I was jamming out and playing some air guitar. I somehow managed to knee myself directly in my left eye socket. I now have a hideously swollen face and a black eye. When people ask me what happened, I'll be hesitant to tell the truth. FML

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By likeyourboss - 4/10/2013 16:05 - Denmark

Today, I went to the gym. I tried out a new machine where you do one-arm weightlifting. I took my time to get into a good position, then set the machine to the lowest weight possible. I couldn't even lift it an inch. A bunch of buff guys nearby saw me and burst out laughing. FML

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By Voltron - 11/1/2012 00:37 - United States

Today, I have to go on a diet, because I can't afford to buy bigger clothes. FML

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By Noname - 17/3/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, I got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It's my mom's 4th wedding. I'm getting replaced by our dog. FML

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Top comments

By khorstmye | 15

#6447653 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:21

Your hips don't lie

By Welshite | 39

#6447646 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:17

Yoga is all about yielding. It's goes against the very principle of yoga to force your body into a position it's not ready for.

COMMENTS

By jx88 | 14

#6447645 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:17

Hope you are all right OP! That sounds painful.

By Welshite | 39

#6447646 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:17

Yoga is all about yielding. It's goes against the very principle of yoga to force your body into a position it's not ready for.

walker9879 | 25

#6448082 - Thursday 29 October 2015 21:31

I thought you said yelling and I laughed much more then when I realized it said yielding.

By arano | 29

#6447647 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:18

All I can say to this one is FYL.

XxDanno316xX | 27

#6447678 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:58

You could just push the button mate.

arano | 29

#6448314 - Friday 30 October 2015 3:53

You could've just agreed instead of being a douche.

By xxlittlemsanime | 24

#6447650 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:18

Shit! I can feel the pain. Don't push yourself until something hurts.

By Geek_Freak | 13

#6447651 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:18

Are you ok? It sounds very painful. I hope you feel better. ☺️

By khorstmye | 15

#6447653 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:21

Your hips don't lie

vikky538 | 28

#6447690 - Thursday 29 October 2015 13:50

It only cry

Nickiminajislyfe | 20

#6448570 - Friday 30 October 2015 13:36

That's just evil

By Queensland | 27

#6447656 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:24

Yoga to be kidding me.

By RainbowLibster | 17

#6447657 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:24

I'm sure that nobody blamed you for screaming OP. Hope you feel better soon :(

By Livin_Like_Larry | 29

#6447659 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:30

Just to sure, I would check with a doctor. Better safe than sorry.

By 2C0OL4SCH0OL | 17

#6447661 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:31

Yoga is for revealing stress you shouldn't force yourself to do something painful and you should try to have fun OP