Today, I felt flexible in my yoga class. I put my legs in the...

By MyLegsHurt - 28/10/2015 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I felt flexible in my yoga class. I put my legs in the butterfly position and tried to press them down. Both my hips popped very painfully and I screamed in the middle of a quiet room. FML

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Miscellaneous

Oh, hai!

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

You snooze, you lose

By Redhairchick - 6/11/2016 07:08

Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML

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By RJB - 29/7/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I got so bored I made a "to do" list for the week. FML

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By elizabeth - 29/11/2012 08:01 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML

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By what the fuck?! - 2/12/2018 20:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I called my husband's mistress to confront her. Her husband answered and immediately began hitting on me. He asked what was taking me so long to join their circle and if I was as into dp as his wife is. I don’t know whether to vomit from rage or disgust. FML

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By Ah - 8/3/2010 05:42 - France

Today, my boyfriend said we should re-enact a porn episode he saw. I jokingly said yes. He had an outfit and everything. I thought it was going to be fun, until he started playing Bon Jovi in the background. FML

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By um - 8/2/2011 00:54

Today, I told my new boss to wish his daughter a happy birthday on my behalf, as I overheard him saying it was today. Turns out she committed suicide three years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2015 11:58 - Germany - Paderborn

Today, I asked my boyfriend to go to the airport with me, to see me off for my three-month stay abroad. He said no because the two-hour drive is "too boring". FML

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By Kim - 10/4/2009 07:12 - United States

Today, I got back a paper after a peer review. I had worked really hard on it over the last week and was proud of the end result. When I got the paper back the only positive comment on the paper was "well I really like the blue staple you used to hold it together." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2015 19:05 - United States - Rogers

Today, I asked a guy out. He told me no. Well, his exact words were "I would never go out with a whale, sorry." Then he went on to make whale noises. FML

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By gorey - 19/8/2010 01:26 - Canada

Today, I gave blood. He sneezed while he stuck the needle in my arm. FML

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By Roy Lawson - 26/6/2014 00:19 - United States - Brea

Today, I had to bite the bullet and finally buy maternity pants. Problem is, I'm not pregnant and I'm a 25-year-old man. FML

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By jasmine - 23/2/2010 16:48 - United States

Today, I realized I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. Too bad he has never once made me orgasm in the two and a half years we've been together. FML

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By TheywearintheDIRTYlaundrybasket! - 26/3/2019 22:00

Today, I walked into the house I share with my boyfriend and found his mum sashaying up and down the hall. When she saw me, she exclaimed, "Oh, you've got to tell me where you get your underwear from!" Yep, she was wearing my panties. Neither she nor her son could see why I would be upset by that. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2015 13:21 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, while eating at my college cafeteria, I started thinking about all the awful crap going on in my life right now, and I started sobbing. Some guy at another table started snickering at me, at which point the guy I like said, "Give her a break. If I was as fuck-ugly as her, I'd be crying too." FML

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By 1357katie - 19/9/2009 04:22 - Canada

Today, I told my mom about the couple times that I'd skipped classes during high school. She got really mad and grounded me for a month. That would usually be normal except for the fact that I'm 27 and live in my own apartment. FML

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By Physics fail. - 11/11/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I finished up my physics project. I had to make some thing out of toothpicks and glue that will keep an egg from breaking when dropped 20 feet. It took me 10 hours to make it, but only took my dad 10 seconds to step on it and break it. It's due tomorrow. FML

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By naps aren't what they used to be - 27/4/2013 22:05 - United States

Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML

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By anonymous - 21/2/2010 15:16 - United States

Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2012 19:09 - United States - Littleton

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

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By Scumbagmemory - 22/1/2012 04:17 - United States

Today, I was texting a guy that one of my friends told me about. She gave me his number and told me about how he was deaf. Three hours into great conversation I forgot and asked him what his favorite music was. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 07:52 - United States - Bend

Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML

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By Ali - 17/4/2019 02:00

Today, after drinking a half gallon of liquid laxative in preparation for a colonoscopy, I puked the half gallon of laxative. Out my nose. FML

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By Michelle - 15/8/2011 08:15 - United States

Today, my parents heard me leaving my room at 2 am, and freaked out because they thought I was sneaking out. I was too embarrassed to tell them that I was getting food instead of having a social life. FML

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By Evra - 16/4/2015 05:04 - United States

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2011 06:12 - United States

Today, on the bus, a delusional old man had an extremely long conversation with me, referring to me as "Leslie" and talking about "our childhood together". Not wanting to hurt his feelings I played along. At his stop he got up and grinned at me, saying "I'm kidding. I never knew a Leslie in my life. Nice rack." FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2020 18:00

This Charming Man

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. It didn't go well since unfortunately he’s the guy I had to remove from the club I’m the bouncer at, and had to report to the police for getting drunk, stroking himself over his pants and taking photos in the ladies toilets. FML

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By Perdito_Coño - 5/9/2014 20:55 - Australia - Quakers Hill

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML

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By jballer - 22/3/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, I was driving home at night, and got into an accident. Someone had left a toilet in the middle of the road. I hit it. The toilet's fine, but my car now has a toilet-shaped dent in the front. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/6/2012 18:47 - Brazil - Americana

Today, I was at work, reading some funny stories on my phone. Just as one of my co-workers decided to share that his father had passed away recently, I burst into uncontrollable, teary-eyed laughter at a story. They don't believe my explanation, and have branded me the office asshole. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2012 15:16 - United States - Clermont

Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

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By James - 30/3/2012 18:44 - United States

Today, my eleven year old daughter called me a moron, after I told her she was dead wrong when she claimed that rabbits lay eggs. FML

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By Xanadu - 16/4/2011 07:04 - United States

Today, I made a video for a school tour of my apartment in German. The walls in my apartment are thin, so you could hear my sister having phone sex in her room in the background. FML

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By Problem - 7/11/2010 20:34 - United States

Today, my manager informed me that I will not be completing my job training because I'll be transferring to a different store, and if they want me to work there, that's their problem. Today, I also found out that the new store will not accept me as a transfer unless I've already been trained. FML

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By scared and alone - 13/3/2015 18:47 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, I found out my husband has been sleeping with one of the women in our marriage counselling group. FML

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By thanks, my fellow americans - 18/4/2013 21:41 - United States - Woodlyn

Today, I was again turned down by a potential host family on a student exchange site. Their reasoning was basically that since I'm American, I might do something to endanger my health, get hurt, and then sue them over my own stupidity. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 03:00

Today I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I ever slept at my girlfriends house, and probably the last time as well. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2019 22:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML

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By diapersplease - 7/6/2015 01:17 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out my husband potty trained my stubborn three year old son who prefers diapers. He managed this by peeing with him and "sword-fighting" with their urine streams. I now have to clean pee off the ground every time he urinates. FML

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By himtopia19 - 3/3/2009 00:09 - United States

Today, I was driving at night and saw a small animal run across the road. I slammed on my brakes and got rear-ended. The animal turned out to be a plastic grocery bag. FML

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By Katie - 9/3/2012 06:48 - United Kingdom

Today, while on trial for a desperately needed new job, I tripped crossing a road with my would-be manager. I twisted my ankle, and he had to carry me across the road and call a taxi for me to go home. FML

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Top comments

By khorstmye | 15

#6447653 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:21

Your hips don't lie

By Welshite | 39

#6447646 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:17

Yoga is all about yielding. It's goes against the very principle of yoga to force your body into a position it's not ready for.

Comments

By jx88 | 14

#6447645 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:17

Hope you are all right OP! That sounds painful.

By Welshite | 39

#6447646 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:17

Yoga is all about yielding. It's goes against the very principle of yoga to force your body into a position it's not ready for.

walker9879 | 25

#6448082 - Thursday 29 October 2015 21:31

I thought you said yelling and I laughed much more then when I realized it said yielding.

By arano | 29

#6447647 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:18

All I can say to this one is FYL.

XxDanno316xX | 27

#6447678 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:58

You could just push the button mate.

arano | 29

#6448314 - Friday 30 October 2015 3:53

You could've just agreed instead of being a douche.

By xxlittlemsanime | 24

#6447650 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:18

Shit! I can feel the pain. Don't push yourself until something hurts.

By Geek_Freak | 13

#6447651 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:18

Are you ok? It sounds very painful. I hope you feel better. ☺️

By khorstmye | 15

#6447653 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:21

Your hips don't lie

vikky538 | 28

#6447690 - Thursday 29 October 2015 13:50

It only cry

Nickiminajislyfe | 20

#6448570 - Friday 30 October 2015 13:36

That's just evil

By Queensland | 27

#6447656 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:24

Yoga to be kidding me.

By RainbowLibster | 17

#6447657 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:24

I'm sure that nobody blamed you for screaming OP. Hope you feel better soon :(

By Livin_Like_Larry | 29

#6447659 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:30

Just to sure, I would check with a doctor. Better safe than sorry.

By 2C0OL4SCH0OL | 17

#6447661 - Thursday 29 October 2015 12:31

Yoga is for revealing stress you shouldn't force yourself to do something painful and you should try to have fun OP