ALL FML

By ohgosh... - 18/11/2014 03:10 - United States - Fenton

Today, after realizing my flashcards had fallen out of my binder, I asked my teacher if I could quickly go to my locker to get them. She said no and told me to go sit down. As soon as class ended, I went to my locker and brought them to her. Her response? "Why didn't you ask me to get these during class?" FML

agreeclassic 39 301

vote type 1 2 777

By phonebaby - 18/11/2014 01:04 - United States - Stamford

Today, my friend asked me to order take out for him because he gets nervous on phones. I called a Chinese restaurant, only to get nervous, and hang up. FML

agreeclassic 29 603

vote type 1 7 664

By Anonymous - 18/11/2014 00:56 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML

agreeclassic 21 815

vote type 1 35 863

By that guy - 18/11/2014 00:19

Today, I failed my driving test before even leaving the DMV parking lot. FML

agreeclassic 14 675

vote type 1 30 963

By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 22:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

agreeclassic 32 288

vote type 1 3 807

By fatty - 17/11/2014 21:05 - United States - Gloucester

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

agreeclassic 36 966

vote type 1 5 745

By not crazy enough - 17/11/2014 18:48 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, at work, a crazy customer forced me to promise to take a holiday greeting picture of my cat and myself for her. She says she'll be back and expects one. FML

agreeclassic 31 897

vote type 1 3 533

By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 16:59 - United States

Today, after driving hundreds of miles to sign the paperwork for my new job, I found out the guy who hired me recently quit, and HR has no idea who I am. FML

agreeclassic 36 582

vote type 1 2 589

By UnchainedGaruda - 17/11/2014 15:29 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I heard my mother say, "I feel bad for any girl that marries him because he's, what's the word? Metrosexual!" To my girlfriend. About me. FML

agreeclassic 32 278

vote type 1 3 500

UnchainedGaruda app_comment_confession_title

UnchainedGaruda 8

Tuesday 18 November 2014 2:17

Hey guys! OP here to shed light on the situation. Homecoming is this weekend and my girlfriend, mother and I were out getting the final vest and tie to finish off my attire, so I can match my girlfriend's dress. Then my mom said that. She isn't ignorant, a bigot, or anything of the sort. She was joking around and said it proudly. She went on to say that "if you're in the store buying face cream to stay smooth or whatever it is, he's right there with you to look good too" Which has an element of truth in it. I try to look good and keep myself hygienic and it pays off. It's also a bit of curiosity to be honest too! There's so many things for girls!! Anyway, my girlfriend laughed with her, and yes that's probably one of the reasons she's with me. Hope you all enjoyed!

Final Destination

By pickuptruckblues - 17/11/2014 04:17 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML

agreeclassic 31 869

vote type 1 3 615

By username - 17/11/2014 03:52 - United States - Elkhart

Today, my father told me to "go get a job". He has been unemployed for 3 years. FML

agreeclassic 32 001

vote type 1 3 260

By areyouserious - 17/11/2014 03:46 - United States - Fresno

Today, my older brother thinks typing out a Wikipedia article for an essay is not plagiarism, because he didn't "copy and paste" it. He's in college. FML

agreeclassic 32 999

vote type 1 2 502

By no - 17/11/2014 02:26 - United States

Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML

agreeclassic 36 650

vote type 1 4 007

By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 02:25 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I was counselling a soon-to-be teen mom. She has a younger step-brother, and when I asked her how she handled him when he cries, she said, "Oh, that's when you cover their face until they stop!" FML

agreeclassic 35 239

vote type 1 2 601

By Quackadoodledoo - 16/11/2014 23:25 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, after visiting friends for the weekend, I took the wrong train home. It was going in completely the opposite direction. I've now missed the last train back, will miss work tomorrow and have just been asked to vacate the train station. I'm 120 miles from home. FML

agreeclassic 31 276

vote type 1 5 778

Quackadoodledoo app_comment_confession_title

Quackadoodledoo 13

Monday 17 November 2014 22:45

I was watching a tv series on my tablet...after one episode (45 minutes) I looked on Google maps to see how far I had got and that's when I realised! It was a cross country train and the next station was 60 miles from where I got on the train. A place called Darlington. If I had stayed on the train all the way I would have ended up on Edinburgh!

By INeedaNewJob - 16/11/2014 23:25 - United States - Kent

Today, my wife received a $15,000 bonus from her work. I got a backpack from mine. FML

agreeclassic 32 489

vote type 1 3 672