Today, I realised that my husband's vows were actually the love speech from 'When Harry Met Sally'. This was made even more humiliating when I discovered that he hadn't even come up with the idea himself, he had seen it in an episode of Scrubs. FML

by tina247 / 01/24/2011 at 10:50am / Love

Today, I got into a car accident. Why? I was distracted by a floating spec of dust and was pretending I was in space. FML

by moxy / 01/24/2011 at 10:00am / Transportation

Today, my husband has been painting our house all weekend and plans to finish the job after work today. I decided to surprise him by completing the job myself. Painting the last window frame, I dropped the open tin of white paint, right onto our car roof. FML

by Llaurin / 01/24/2011 at 9:43am / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Transportation

Today, I was driving to a blind date my friend set me up on. Feeling pretty excited, I started singing to Katy Perry. I look over to see a man laughing at me, I flipped him the bird and drove off. Little did I know, he was my date. FML

by unknown / 01/24/2011 at 3:08am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went to the eye doctor. For the past three days every time I wear my glasses I become nauseous, get migraines, and have that "fish-eye view" where everything is rounded. Turns out they placed my lenses on the wrong sides. FML

by l0stnwundrland / 01/24/2011 at 3:01am / United States / Health

Today, I was grounded for not agreeing with an article on dating my mom found in a very strict magazine. The article told parents to monitor phone calls, make rumors about their children cheating on people and not allow their children anywhere but home. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2011 at 2:29am / United States (Utah) / Kids

Today, I was at a fire roasting marshmallows. When mine caught on fire, I pulled it back so I could blow out the flames. It flew off the stick, and, still flaming, landed on my face. FML

by crayons128 / 01/24/2011 at 1:13am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2011 at 12:40am / Egypt / Animals

Today, my 70 year old grandma was yelling at me to take a pregnancy test, in the middle of Walmart. I'm 16, still a virgin and haven't had a boyfriend since I was 13. FML

by andifalls / 01/24/2011 at 12:11am / Intimacy

Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML

by Sostupid / 01/23/2011 at 10:41pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, my boyfriend tickled me. In between laughs, I warned him that I was going to pee myself. He didn't believe me. After I actually did, he suggested we use a "safety word" from now on so that he will know when I'm being serious. FML

by embarrassed2 / 01/23/2011 at 9:47pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, we ordered pizza. A long wait and several phone calls later, we found out that someone met the delivery person at the end of our driveway, signed our receipt, and stole our pizza. Way to check the credit card pizza people. FML

by deepblue / 01/23/2011 at 9:06pm / United States (New York) / Money

Today, I was at my doctor's office. I thought I had a kidney stone. Turns out I'm pregnant and I have a kidney stone. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2011 at 7:22pm / United States (Illinois) / Health