Love: Today, my boyfriend who has just returned from his 3 month placement...

By archer - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend who has just returned from his 3 month placement abroad cancelled our date. Why? Because there was a match England vs Germany. A friendly match. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27604

You deserved it

4214

Favorite

Love

And today, on Dr Phil…

Fuck the patriarchy

The Blob

By Xandriajoy10 - Australia

Today, my 5 year-old informed me she likes her "other mummy" more and wants to live with her instead. I need to have a long conversation with my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31261

You deserved it

1913

Favorite

By JellyBite - Iceland - Akureyri

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to take a nap. When I asked him why he wanted to take a nap in the middle of the day, he said, "To make time go by faster." He's leaving in 9 days. We're going to be 3,000 miles apart. For a long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1621

You deserved it

231

Favorite

By sleepwalker - United States

Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25431

You deserved it

4626

Favorite

By Vero - Austria - Timelkam

Today, in an attempt to be romantic, my boyfriend threw little stones against my window. Unfortunately, the window wasn't closed, and I was standing in front of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27248

You deserved it

3499

Favorite

By OhNo - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I accidentally stood up my first date ever. How? I spent all of last night cleaning my parents' house for extra spending money to make sure the date went perfect, but I ended up sleeping through the alarm as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22459

You deserved it

3520

Favorite

By lonelygirl - Canada - London

Today, my boyfriend promised me he wouldn't leave me alone in Niagara. I'm currently sitting alone in the hotel room drinking a bottle of wine while he gambles away money he doesn't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25388

You deserved it

3670

Favorite

By red - United States - Portland

Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24969

You deserved it

8214

Favorite

By hairstylistprobs - United States

Today, I attended my best friend's wedding. Instead of throwing her bouquet, she turned around and handed it to me. I was the only single lady out of 150 guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31262

You deserved it

2627

Favorite

By WHY - United States - Fairfax

Today, I planned on "breaking up" with my best friend by confessing my love for her, hoping she would feel different and move on. She reciprocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8949

You deserved it

32789

Favorite

By Savviecat97

Today, I finally got to see the results of the new timesheet I made to make things simpler for both the employees and the managers. Apparently, 75% of them don't know how to read. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1375

You deserved it

169

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I let my on-again, off-again boyfriend spend the night. For months we had been fighting about his new flame. After he convinced me that they are no longer an item, we had the most mind-blowing sex then we fell asleep. I awoke to him moaning her name. Followed by pelvic thrusts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25959

You deserved it

54159

Favorite

By Miffy - United States - San Augustine

Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2542

You deserved it

825

Favorite

By JacksWag4 - United States - Romulus

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's last will and testament. My parents, as well as my brothers and sister, all inherited a nice sum of money. I got 69 cents, because "young Jack always was an immature little shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52344

You deserved it

21458

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 11:01 - Germany

Sing me to sleep

Today, there are two parts to my life: The 12 hours I spend in bed each night trying to fall asleep, with limited success, and the 12 hours I'm up and trying *not* to fall asleep, also with limited success. FML

I agree, your life sucks

779

You deserved it

Favorite

By safetyfirst - Taiwan

Gift for you

Today, I decided to buy my Chinese Studies professor a gift from Taiwan. So I bought her a mini-Taiwanese passport that said "Republic of China" on it. As it turns out, it was actually a two-pack of travel condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31376

You deserved it

21335

Favorite

By JustEwww - Australia

Today, I played with the white dust on the counter at work for the last time. After a couple of weeks of arriving to a thin coating of dust over the counter, and drawing in it, piling it up and other such fun things, I met the guy who now does the earlier shift. He has a huge, dandruffy beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35086

You deserved it

13345

Favorite

By hail science! - 21/4/2020 08:00

Heretic!

Today, my sister-in-law is refusing to let me or my children be a part of her kids' lives. She’s even going as far as trying to make my brother stop speaking to us as well. Why? Simply because I'm an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1738

You deserved it

326

Favorite

By tim12345 - United States

Today, my friends and I rented a party bus, which broke down on the highway 45 minutes into the ride. I paid the guy for the whole four hours. He said he was going to flag down a car to get someone to help us. We saw him get into a car and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33064

You deserved it

3550

Favorite

By fired - United States - Barnesville

Today, I called work crying, telling them that I wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow due to my grandmother's sudden and tragic death. After hanging up, I walked into the midnight release of Grand Theft Auto 5. I had no idea my boss was also an avid gamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20058

You deserved it

98801

Favorite

By BeanThereRuinedThat

Bean.

Today, my partner proposed to me during an anniversary dinner at a small, quiet Italian restaurant near where we live. We'd never been before, but the food was great, and the staff lovely. It all would have been perfect, if not for the dozens of pictures of Mr. Bean which covered every wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4258

You deserved it

1017

Favorite

By fishoutofwater - United States - Radcliff

Today, in an attempt to broaden my horizons in another sport besides swimming, I succeeded in getting a frisbee spiked into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16829

You deserved it

1529

Favorite

By out of the closet - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I had to tell the third guy that my mother set me up with that it wasn't him, it's me. Apparently my mother thinks if she sets me up with enough guys, I will "date the gay out". FML

I agree, your life sucks

15726

You deserved it

1515

Favorite

By Nikki - United States

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35994

You deserved it

91039

Favorite

By exfiancee - United States - Summerville

Today, my fiancé told me that he was having second thoughts on our engagement. Instead of just calling it off, he took me to a fancy restaurant and took a public poll on whether we should get married. The majority said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34266

You deserved it

2537

Favorite

By Pastrygirl

Today, while finishing up at work, I started helping a co-worker out with his workload since I'd finished mine. His girlfriend apparently didn't like this and started slamming things around, constantly muttering passive aggressive comments because she wanted to help him. I work with idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12499

You deserved it

879

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, when it slipped out of my hand. I caught it, but not before most of the hot coffee spilled all over my lap. In reaction, I dropped the mug again, shattering it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27158

You deserved it

4238

Favorite

By Lifeless - United States

Today, I got into a staring contest with my dog. I actually cheered when I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29365

You deserved it

12414

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my first day of school as a freshman. I soon became lost and decided to ask a senior for directions to my class. They smiled at me and said "It's on the third floor to the right." After ten minutes of walking up and down stairs and hallways, I discovered there is no third floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33429

You deserved it

20909

Favorite

By inalotofpain - United States

Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32388

You deserved it

3896

Favorite

By judge not, ye cunt - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was overseeing a nativity play rehearsal. Things went fairly well, until a boy's grandma stormed in, ranting that Christmas is a "Pagan abomination", and shouting for him and his mom to leave with her. Half the kids were left in tears, and we had to cancel the rehearsal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28048

You deserved it

2991

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Lafayette

Today, I found the purse that some asshat stole from my 15-year-old sister a few days ago. I found it in my now ex-boyfriend's closet. When I confronted him, he broke up with me for "invading" his privacy and kicked me out, without the purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48163

You deserved it

3899

Favorite

By Lucky - United States

Today, I recieved a phone call from a cruise line I had travelled on with my parents a year ago. After being told I had won a free $2,000 cruise from a sweepstakes I had entered while on the cruise. After celebrating loudly they informed me that you have to be 23 or older to collect it. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45093

You deserved it

6158

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

97800

You deserved it

6522

Favorite

By heart-broken - Australia

Today, my girlfriend left me. The reason? She's not actually a lesbian. She has been using our relationship to piss off her conservative parents. We've been together for over a year, and I've been in love with her for over five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74725

You deserved it

8710

Favorite

By writer4life - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on-line. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27187

You deserved it

6183

Favorite

By Mogg - Australia

Today, I was at the cinema. There was a really tall woman in front of me and whenever I leaned to the right or left she would lean to the same side I do. Later, she started laughing. They guy next to her was telling her where I moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34731

You deserved it

3180

Favorite

By FUCK YOU - United States

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45337

You deserved it

15097

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54319

You deserved it

6128

Favorite

By Bridget

Today, on to the bus home from school, I sat next to a guy that I ride with every day, but don't know well. He looked at me and said, "Hey, I know this girl named Bridget who looks just like you, but a lot more pale. She's really weird." I'm Bridget. I just got a tan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1778

You deserved it

178

Favorite

By Boredom - United States

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18683

You deserved it

75396

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By soccer4lifeee | 0

#109830 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 9:03

i agree with #2!
soccer is life.
live it, breath it, and be it!

By brownsound | 0

#3116 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 23:37

football is life

COMMENTS

By jtaylor69 | 0

#2924 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 8:59

Break up with that fucker and find a better guy.

staaaacyy | 0

#1210526 - Monday 9 August 2010 5:58

if this was facebook I wud automatically hit the like button

ahti546 | 11

#4813271 - Tuesday 14 August 2012 19:22

Football takes priority over dates, sorry.

kaimabeanhof | 12

#6239636 - Sunday 22 March 2015 3:30

Fuck yeah!!

By brownsound | 0

#3116 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 23:37

football is life

anonymous496 | 0

#3533562 - Thursday 3 November 2011 1:00

you mean soccer, "football" sounds retarded

chippedipp | 0

#3871843 - Thursday 12 January 2012 15:34

No, he means football, the original sport. Not "football" mostly played with your hands. Ignorant american

loganberrybat | 11

#4439255 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 21:40

Excellent response there Chippedipp!!

GoingCommando93 | 14

#5836634 - Thursday 23 January 2014 19:52

38- Why do you automatically assume he is American? His profile doesn't say and the FML didn't say the name of the sport but said "England vs. Germany" so he probably knew what sport anyway. Lots of Americans watch football, and not American football. Please don't comment if you're going to be an ignorant fuck.

By akidnamedandy | 0

#12072 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 4:30

DAMN RIGHT
Go germany

DoctorKyda | 5

#3321030 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 7:21

Agreed :D

By MEGAJOSH | 0

#22590 - Monday 9 March 2009 3:15

While you have my sympathy, it's important that you understand that more often than not, sports are a man's top priority. It's just something you girls have to deal with.