Health: Today, I spent the night in hospital. As soon as I was alone,... - FML

By la poisse - France

Today, I spent the night in hospital. As soon as I was alone, I writhed and twisted in all directions in my attempts to pee in a bottle left precisely for that purpose. It was at that moment that the doctor, a good-looking guy, came in. My legs were spread wide and I was right in the middle of doing my business. FML

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There's no helping some people

You ass!

Sensitive

By loser - United States

Today, I had to sell my wedding ring to help me pay for my divorce. FML

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By dickface - Canada

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

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By cantstopfeelingit

Gross!

Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my parents made me quit a school team that I absolutely loved, because women "aren't supposed to play sports." and were worried that if I stayed on the team, I'd develop a manly physique. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I came home from work and found my sister using my vibrator in my own bed. FML

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By explanations - United States - Des Plaines

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wrote the most beautiful college application essay ever, ten minutes before the online deadline. Instead of clicking "submit", I clicked the button next to it that said "return". The entire essay vanished into internet wasteland. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2020 08:01 - Canada

Leave me alone

Today, my brother turned into a fanatical vegan, and while I was eating my scrambled eggs, sat across from me glaring and whispering, "fried embryo, amniotic fluid" the entire time. I have a feeling i'll be eating most of my meals in my room from now on. FML

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By Anonymous - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I forgot an important book for school, because I dreamt that I was putting it in my bag. My brain somehow classified it as reality. This isn't the first time my dreams have trolled me. FML

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By ifaisal - Qatar

Today, I was on a date with someone I've had a crush on for a long time. It was after midnight, we were chatting in the car and I was close to having my first kiss ever. That is, until a bunch of policemen popped up to arrest my date for being a suspected drug dealer. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2021 11:01

Circular logic

Today, I was told I was disrespectful for letting a parent know that her son was disrespecting adults. FML

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By MegaZeo - United States - Livermore

Today, I could not decide what was sadder: the fact that I have to work on New Year's Eve, or that fact that working on New Year's Eve is still the most exciting thing I've ever done for New Year's Eve. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Wuppertal

Today, my coworker keeps loudly saying things like, "Oh, now THIS!" If I don't ask, "What?" she pouts. If I do ask, she tells me, at length and with very bad grammar, how every one of our colleagues and partners is either stupid, rude or out to get her. FML

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By docwinters - Australia - Bathurst

Today, my partner and I were cuddling on the couch, watching TV when she smiled and murmured, "You smell like my dad." FML

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By clementine8 - United States

Today, my Mom came to pay me a short visit at college. She handed me some flowers, which were a Valentine's Day gift, because she "figured I wouldn't be getting any from anyone else this year." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Maryville

Today, I got hit by a stray cantaloupe. That's not a typo. I hate my neighbors' kids with a burning passion. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

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By 1 Giant Cupcake - United States

Today, I drove to Bank of America to deposit money. Upon returning to my car I saw some new scratches on the front. I kicked and rubbed it to try and get rid of it. Then I notice someone in the car staring at me in bewilderment. I'd parked 2 spaces away. We have the same car. FML

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By Waheyyy - United Kingdom

Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML

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By thanks mom

Today, after 10 years of intense training, I earned a black belt in karate. When I told my mom, she asked how long it took me, then laughed and sarcastically remarked, "Wow. SO impressive," whilst slow-clapping. FML

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By BigBallah93 - China

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML

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By DennisQuaide69

The date from hell #5676

Today, I went on an a date with a guy I met online. We were waiting in line at Starbucks when he turned to me and said, "Do you want anything?" Just before I was about to answer, he practically shoved in front of me and paid for himself. The cashier looked more horrified than I did. FML

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By letmefallasleep

Checks and balances

Today, I found out my husband has racked up $3000 on our credit cards, and ruined my credit score. When confronted, all he had to say was, "Well you didn't tell me when you bought that ten-dollar t-shirt, so I guess we're even." FML

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By Chin... uh.... - United States - Phoenix

Today, I've learned two things. One, my Chinese cousins don't know much about the USA, and two, they now believe it's proper manners to shout, "FREEEEDOM" before ending a call with me. FML

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By seussical65 - United States

Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with crutches pretending I broke my leg as a joke. I then threw away the crutches, laughed and then fell down some stairs. I am now in crutches with a broken leg. I was the lead. FML

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By inalotofpain - United States

Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML

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By Stunned - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, after heavy rain my street flooded. While in my living room, I looked outside to see that my elderly neighbour was outside splashing in a knee deep puddle. He was butt-naked and wearing a snorkel and flippers. FML

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By brbkillingmyself - United States

Today, in the second week of August, hell has come to earth; my mom has been playing Christmas music all afternoon and is already searching online for decorations. I hope she buys a length of rope to go with them, because I've already given up on life. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I told my unemployed boyfriend to pick a town anywhere in the country that he thinks he can find work in. I offered to find myself a job there, find a flat, and pay for rent, bills, and food while he looks. He said I was selfish for wanting him to hurry up. It's been three years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I finally finished downloading a 60GB TV series after two weeks of waiting. Every single "episode" turned out to be Rick Astley singing Never Gonna Give You Up, on constant repeat. I almost respect the prankster's effort enough to not want to gut him like a fish. Almost. FML

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By iloveyoutoomom - France

Today, my mom had an appointment with my teacher after class. She never showed. My teacher ended up driving me home. FML

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By waterbottlehit - United States

Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML

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By pmek - Australia - Collingwood

Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hyde Park

Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML

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By Agax - United States - Riverside

Today, I was playing soccer when a player kicked the ball at my crotch. In pain, I kneeled down. The referee came up to me and whispered, "The smaller they are, the more it hurts." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML

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By sendhelp

Today, my mom asked me to take my dad's mail to him. The "mail" was divorce papers. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I fell off my chair, then missed it completely trying to sit back down. FML

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By UnluckyTeen - Singapore

Today, I went to retrieve my stolen wallet from the train station. After I collected it, I returned to the place where I parked my bike to find that my bike had been stolen. FML

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By Preggobride

Today, I am 7 weeks pregnant and dealing with severe morning sickness. Not to worry though, it should get better at 14 weeks, right after I get back from my honeymoon. FML

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Top comments

By roseglass6370 | 0

#39628 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 6:28

Doctors don't care. Happens all the time. Trust me, I work at a hospital and see AT LEAST 5 of these kinds of things a day...if not more.

By junkinmahcranium | 0

#347989 - Sunday 28 June 2009 3:53

Don't they knock anymore?

All those other people saying "don't worry, he's just a doctor" bother me. Yeah, maybe HE's not embarassed, but she just got walked in on peeing. Going to the bathroom is oddly personal and private, and since it's gross, not exactly something we want to share to the world.

Very sorry for you, OP. D:

COMMENTS

By roseglass6370 | 0

#39628 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 6:28

Doctors don't care. Happens all the time. Trust me, I work at a hospital and see AT LEAST 5 of these kinds of things a day...if not more.

Reply

Boomi | 38

#6689573 - Wednesday 14 September 2016 18:17

Doctors might not care, but the patients do.

By inlimbo11 | 0

#42166 - Thursday 19 March 2009 5:41

yeah, nothing to worry about on that one. no fml here.

By markh110 | 0

#70862 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 0:54

Nah, you're fine, doctors see a LOT worse every day :)

By Orit | 0

#159930 - Friday 1 May 2009 18:00

Doctors see worst things, nothing to sweat about

Reply

stitesy29 | 18

#5626678 - Wednesday 14 August 2013 6:12

*worse

By vampirate | 0

#161266 - Saturday 2 May 2009 3:32

yikes :/ but yeah, they don't even think twice about that stuff. but still, that's really embarrassing for you :(

oh well, shit happens.

By DaMirrorLink | 0

#222894 - Saturday 23 May 2009 16:15

im surprised they didn't insert a catheter

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ckydc | 0

#976121 - Thursday 8 April 2010 3:47

my sister had one.. shes seven

Reply

alex_cutie | 0

#1005769 - Monday 24 May 2010 18:43

those hurt like hell I had one when I was 10

Reply

ChelsiiBabee | 5

#3898912 - Tuesday 17 January 2012 15:59

I had one when I was 12. WORST THING EVER!

Reply

OneNightStander | 6

#4155773 - Monday 12 March 2012 21:09

Wtf is that?

Reply

heygirlie777 | 21

#4753818 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 5:19

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

rawr_ily96 | 24

#5462732 - Wednesday 24 April 2013 5:18

NO!!! NO YOLO!!!! DIE SWAG-SCUM!!!

By BlueLettuce | 0

#244159 - Saturday 30 May 2009 7:02

Oh this reminds me of a situation on my way to grand canyon in a car, gotta post it up soon :p

By nnchronic2001 | 0

#263287 - Thursday 4 June 2009 2:26

I don't get it, you said "good looking guy" but you got imbarrased??????

Reply

TheLad69 | 2

#5752990 - Wednesday 13 November 2013 9:22

she got embarrassed because she was doing her buisness as he walked in and because he's 'good looking' she got embarrassed

By mahaya_fml | 0

#264225 - Thursday 4 June 2009 5:35

No dur she was embarrassed 10 that hilarious I can just c u peeing and a hit dude walks in LOL besides he's a doc he's prob done surgerys way grosser than that don't sweat chill out

Reply

dolphinlvr7 | 24

#6434594 - Tuesday 13 October 2015 22:10

Learn how to spell, jeez

By junkinmahcranium | 0

#347989 - Sunday 28 June 2009 3:53

Don't they knock anymore?

All those other people saying "don't worry, he's just a doctor" bother me. Yeah, maybe HE's not embarassed, but she just got walked in on peeing. Going to the bathroom is oddly personal and private, and since it's gross, not exactly something we want to share to the world.

Very sorry for you, OP. D: