Health: Today, I spent the night in hospital. As soon as I was alone,... - FML

By la poisse - France

Today, I spent the night in hospital. As soon as I was alone, I writhed and twisted in all directions in my attempts to pee in a bottle left precisely for that purpose. It was at that moment that the doctor, a good-looking guy, came in. My legs were spread wide and I was right in the middle of doing my business. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Compassion

Delayed proposal

By NotAModel - United States

Today, after putting an ad on Craigslist to sell a coat, I finally got a call. The guy on the phone seemed interested, and was especially curious to know if I could "model" it for him, in "stockings and suspenders." FML

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By loser - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, my mum asked when she's getting grandkids. I had to tell her that, at 21 years old, I hadn't even managed to get a boyfriend yet. FML

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By 6xrv

Today, while at the mall, I was traveling up the escalator on my way to the food court. When I neared the top, the handrail severely shocked me, causing me to drop a bag of China I had just bought, which fell to the bottom of the escalator and shattered. FML

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By I have wood - United States - Stephenville

Today, my room mate told all of our mutual friends that he had walked in on me doing woodwork in my room. They all thought he meant he had caught me rubbing one out. I'm actually building a guitar. FML

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By unknown - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I ran across the street due to a line of cars waiting for me to cross. Just as I reached the other side, my iPhone slipped out of my hand and fell into the road, just in time to get run over by multiple cars, one after the other. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, I woke up, got up, and felt something crunchy under my feet. My son thought it would be funny if he spread cat litter all around the house. Used cat litter. FML

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By chunderful202 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I woke up with a hangover from hell. My clothes were stained with vomit, I was propped up on the sofa with a bowl between my knees, and my hair tied to one side. My mum was taking photos to send to Grandma. FML

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By It's CSI Miami - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got into a fight with my mom because she believes that my fiancé is "irresponsible" and "immature". I stormed out and drove back home. There, I walked in on my fiancé and his friends. They were in a heated and almost violent argument over which CSI is the best. The wedding's next month. FML

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By lovesucks - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that the most kisses I ever get are in text messages from my Dad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Newnan

Today, I was listening to a local radio station, and they did a segment called "food porn." As they were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML

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By The Cat Tickler

Today, I was talking to myself and got distracted when I was going to put chapstick on my lips. I took the cap off my deodorant and put it on my lips. FML

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By verno02 - Canada

Sexy catboys rule my life

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML

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By ShameMonkey - Australia - Glen Waverley

Today, while commuting to work on a peak hour train, I lost my balance and accidentally grabbed a bald mans head to steady myself. To make matters worse, the words "oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I thought you were a knob" came out of my mouth before I could think about what I was saying. FML

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By Lisa - United States - Bayside

Today, my boyfriend told me that the main reason he was dating me was because he was intimidated by pretty girls. FML

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By Laundrylady - United States

Today, I was at the laundromat doing my clothes when I noticed a cute guy next to me. I tried to be a ninja and sneak my sock into his basket so I could start a conversation with him. He saw me. FML

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By mike oxsmall - United States

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, a doctor examined my wrist, which is completely swollen and painful. He diagnosed a case of tendonitis and asked me, "Do you use this hand for a particular sort of sport?" I just smiled like a twit. FML

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By joleezad5 - United States - Nixa

Today, while watching the Olympics, my father found it completely necessary to make a farting sound every single time an athlete jumps or bends over. This will be a very long few weeks. FML

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By INeedMoney - United States

Today, I just finished my first week of unemployment. I don't have any money. I also just finished the last toilet paper roll. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I saw my girlfriend going into my best friend's dorm room and suspected her to cheat on me so I placed a camera in his room to spy on them. In the end, I discovered that my girlfriend has problems in math and both my best friend and brother are gay. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oakland

Today, I finally found the jewelry my two-year-old son had lost when it got lodged in my foot. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Vancouver

Today, it's day 9 of my honeymoon. It's also day 8 of my period and day 7 of food poisoning. FML

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By JoshWontonDo - United Kingdom - London

Today, I tried to charge my phone at school by removing the socket for the fan. All the computers in the room turned off. I accidentally removed the power cables for the computers and got suspended. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML

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By Livingthedream

Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML

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By Mr Pippin

Today, after frolicking in some long grass near a lake, my dog got back in the car smelling strongly of poop. Upon further investigation, I discovered that a sewer had overflowed in the area. My dog rolled around in human faeces. FML

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By Ballhugger - Canada

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML

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By aceshot97 - Canada

Today, I saw a 10 dollar bill on the street, as I went to grab it, it was pulled away by a string. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I was tricked by teenagers or that I tripped and fell as I went for it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, when I was at the gynecologist my dr told me that I was really tense and the exam would be impossible if I didnt relax. So I started thinking about my boyfriend to relax and my mind went back to our last sex session. I started getting wet. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I threw up on a police officer who was trying to do a random breath test. I wasn't drunk or hungover. I'm pregnant and suffering morning sickness. FML

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By Kristache - Canada

Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I started a new job. The supervisor handed me a badge with the name 'Rachel' on it, which is not my name. When I told her this, she responded with, "I know, but it will be easier for the customers to pronounce than your actual name." FML

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By Eric Jurgensen - 10/6/2020 17:03

Used

Today, I found out my now ex-girlfriend had only moved in to spite her mother, not because she loved me. Five months of falling in love, just to find out I was just being used to get back at her mom. FML

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By brrrr that's cold! - United States

Today, I finally felt well enough to take an actual shower after having surgery on my back. It took five minutes to stand up, ten minutes to get to the shower, and another ten minutes to get in. The pilot light went out in less than five minutes. FML

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By jdot747 - Canada

Today, I posted a question on a forum asking if my week old nipple piercing would get hooked on anything easily. People assured me that it would be fine. An hour later I had to climb over a wall to get something and in lowering myself down I forgot about it and dragged my nipple along the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulled over. The cop seemed very familiar. Turns out he was a relative of mine whom I haven't spoken to in a very long time. We had decent conversation and caught up. He still gave me a ticket. FML

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By LiveGuard - United States

Today, I was taking a lifeguard certification test. I nearly drowned halfway through. FML

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By sandyseashells10 - United States

Today, I went to the waterpark and my kids were fighting so I grounded them both. We concluded the day by boogey boarding on a mechanical wave. There was so much water I didn't realize my boobs had completely fallen out of my bikini. As revenge, my kids didn't tell me. FML

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By Michael D. - United States - Duluth

Today, while I was at work, my wife sent me a few pictures of her in a new lingerie, to "spice up" my day. She didn't realize that I have iCloud turned on so I can share files with my colleagues. My boss and a dozen other employees received the same pictures. FML

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Top comments

By roseglass6370 | 0

#39628 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 6:28

Doctors don't care. Happens all the time. Trust me, I work at a hospital and see AT LEAST 5 of these kinds of things a day...if not more.

By junkinmahcranium | 0

#347989 - Sunday 28 June 2009 3:53

Don't they knock anymore?

All those other people saying "don't worry, he's just a doctor" bother me. Yeah, maybe HE's not embarassed, but she just got walked in on peeing. Going to the bathroom is oddly personal and private, and since it's gross, not exactly something we want to share to the world.

Very sorry for you, OP. D:

COMMENTS

By roseglass6370 | 0

#39628 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 6:28

Doctors don't care. Happens all the time. Trust me, I work at a hospital and see AT LEAST 5 of these kinds of things a day...if not more.

Reply

Boomi | 38

#6689573 - Wednesday 14 September 2016 18:17

Doctors might not care, but the patients do.

By inlimbo11 | 0

#42166 - Thursday 19 March 2009 5:41

yeah, nothing to worry about on that one. no fml here.

By markh110 | 0

#70862 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 0:54

Nah, you're fine, doctors see a LOT worse every day :)

By Orit | 0

#159930 - Friday 1 May 2009 18:00

Doctors see worst things, nothing to sweat about

Reply

stitesy29 | 18

#5626678 - Wednesday 14 August 2013 6:12

*worse

By vampirate | 0

#161266 - Saturday 2 May 2009 3:32

yikes :/ but yeah, they don't even think twice about that stuff. but still, that's really embarrassing for you :(

oh well, shit happens.

By DaMirrorLink | 0

#222894 - Saturday 23 May 2009 16:15

im surprised they didn't insert a catheter

Reply

ckydc | 0

#976121 - Thursday 8 April 2010 3:47

my sister had one.. shes seven

Reply

alex_cutie | 0

#1005769 - Monday 24 May 2010 18:43

those hurt like hell I had one when I was 10

Reply

ChelsiiBabee | 5

#3898912 - Tuesday 17 January 2012 15:59

I had one when I was 12. WORST THING EVER!

Reply

OneNightStander | 6

#4155773 - Monday 12 March 2012 21:09

Wtf is that?

Reply

heygirlie777 | 21

#4753818 - Tuesday 31 July 2012 5:19

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

rawr_ily96 | 24

#5462732 - Wednesday 24 April 2013 5:18

NO!!! NO YOLO!!!! DIE SWAG-SCUM!!!

By BlueLettuce | 0

#244159 - Saturday 30 May 2009 7:02

Oh this reminds me of a situation on my way to grand canyon in a car, gotta post it up soon :p

By nnchronic2001 | 0

#263287 - Thursday 4 June 2009 2:26

I don't get it, you said "good looking guy" but you got imbarrased??????

Reply

TheLad69 | 2

#5752990 - Wednesday 13 November 2013 9:22

she got embarrassed because she was doing her buisness as he walked in and because he's 'good looking' she got embarrassed

By mahaya_fml | 0

#264225 - Thursday 4 June 2009 5:35

No dur she was embarrassed 10 that hilarious I can just c u peeing and a hit dude walks in LOL besides he's a doc he's prob done surgerys way grosser than that don't sweat chill out

Reply

dolphinlvr7 | 24

#6434594 - Tuesday 13 October 2015 22:10

Learn how to spell, jeez

By junkinmahcranium | 0

#347989 - Sunday 28 June 2009 3:53

Don't they knock anymore?

All those other people saying "don't worry, he's just a doctor" bother me. Yeah, maybe HE's not embarassed, but she just got walked in on peeing. Going to the bathroom is oddly personal and private, and since it's gross, not exactly something we want to share to the world.

Very sorry for you, OP. D: