Miscellaneous: Today, my philosophy teacher asked me about my parents. I replied...

By lamb-chop - 02/12/2008 06:32 - France

Today, my philosophy teacher asked me about my parents. I replied that my mum was a cleaner and my dad was a bus driver. In an astonished voice, she said, "But, you're clever..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 798

You deserved it 2 405

Miscellaneous

Broken heart

Thievery

Modern student life sucks

By I wasn't being clingy geez - 23/10/2016 17:18 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being "too clingy". I haven't seen her in over 3 weeks and texted her first once. Guess that's still too much for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 204

You deserved it 824

By Anonymous - 02/03/2018 19:00

Today, I was put on academic suspension only to find out my professor entered my grade wrong. I lost my financial aid and have to explain to my parents why I’m not in college anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 469

You deserved it 262

By AnnaWusHere - 03/09/2010 06:18 - United States

Today, my 72 year old Grandmother informed me she's running for mayor. She's been going around town with home made signs all day campaigning to win mayor. She lives in my town. My friend called me asking me if she was high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 083

You deserved it 3 983

By noooo!!! - 19/04/2012 18:45 - United States

Today, I made my brother go to the grocery store to get some frozen pizzas. Ten minutes after he left, the power cut out. Still no power. Still hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 410

You deserved it 3 937

Chain reaction

By Anonymous - 31/08/2020 16:01 - United States - Nashville

Today, my 7-month-old spit up on the floor. My 3-year-old puts their hands in it, sniffed, and puked. Then sticks their hands in their own puke, sniffed, and puked again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 216

By ChrisC - 10/07/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, my boss came to my cubicle to give me my annual performance bonus. I was asleep at my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 411

You deserved it 62 091

By FishStampede - 16/05/2009 12:11 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was visiting a national park and went for a swim. Afterwards, I needed to change clothes but the bathrooms were closed. I went off into the woods to change. As soon as I was naked, I heard hooves and sixteen people on horseback rode by. I'd stripped by a horse trail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 879

You deserved it 18 667

By Anonymous - 30/11/2015 16:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my school's theater production was canceled. Not because of budget, but because my co-star fell in love with me and asked me out. When I pointedly declined, he refused to act alongside me since it was "awkward." Everyone's blaming me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 952

You deserved it 2 826

By Anonymous - 27/11/2013 02:39 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I was searched and questioned at the airport for having an apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 876

You deserved it 4 766

By scumbag - 05/11/2009 10:12 - United States

Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 063

You deserved it 6 406

Everybody has a body

By PixiXOXO - 26/07/2012 18:07 - Denmark - Birker?d

Today, I realised just how cripplingly self-conscious I am, when I couldn't even fantasise about having sex with a guy without feeling shy and insecure about my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 587

You deserved it 5 395

By hayah - 21/02/2010 06:08 - France

Today, I decided to not go to a strip club for the second Saturday in a row, because I didn't want to appear desperate in front of the strippers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 347

You deserved it 23 285

By Anonymous - 13/04/2015 15:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 861

You deserved it 6 011

Happy Thanksgiving, sort of

By guy - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my entire family came over for Thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fistfight and only one cop car was called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 393

You deserved it 2 356

Out of the frying pan…

By Anonymous - 18/07/2020 14:01

Today, I thought I finally had a decent boyfriend. He didn’t seem like an emotionally unavailable alcoholic like my past boyfriends. Then I found out he’s an unemployed Trump supporter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 480

You deserved it 736

By idiots - 29/11/2014 03:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I had to explain to a customer that 50% off a $50 item did not make the item free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 048

You deserved it 2 762

Red faces all round

By ladyhavery - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my hot co-worker had to use my computer, so he called me while I was at lunch for my login password. It was his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 858

You deserved it 50 135

By AlyssaBC - 06/03/2010 07:28 - United States

Today, I received an e-mail from the Unemployment Department saying they had a job referral for me. After excitedly reading the description, I realised it was the job I'd just been fired from (at a much higher pay). If I don't go through the application process, I will be denied my unemployment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 627

You deserved it 2 622

By fiendishkitty - 20/09/2011 17:53 - United States

Today, six years after hurricane Katrina took everything from me, I received a letter in the mail from FEMA telling me that I have to repay them the money I received to replace what was lost. I have 30 days to repay $4,900 or the case will be sent into federal debt collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 812

You deserved it 4 092

By unlovedfatty - 16/12/2010 01:01 - United States

Today, I reactivated my Facebook account, having not used it for three months. My "friends" didn't realize this. According to their recent status updates, I'm disgustingly fat, have a hook nose, and I'm secretly hated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 480

You deserved it 4 951

By ExtemelyBroke - 06/06/2009 02:24 - United States

Today, I checked my bank account that i've been saving money in since I was a kid for college. I have $100 left out of the $10,000 I had last month. Apparently my parents thought buying a pool and an HDTV for themselves was more important than my college education. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130 992

You deserved it 6 425

By crosseyed - 10/06/2009 19:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the cafeteria when I noticed a new worker cleaning a table. As I passed her, she looked up and smiled at me. Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes and smiled back. She looked hurt and continued working. Later, she served me my lunch. She was actually cross-eyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 295

You deserved it 74 393

By nickcedola40 - 04/04/2013 00:24 - United States - Palm Harbor

Today, I was on a scavenger hunt. One of the things on the list was to ask a stranger to marry them. I saw an old lady in a wheel chair; I tried to make her day by asking her to marry me. She declined and attempted to run me over with her wheel chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 126

You deserved it 33 966

By melyeah - 02/03/2013 14:14 - Australia - Sydney

Today, to avoid a massive delay on our scheduled flight at the airport, we were generously moved to an earlier flight home. An hour later, our new flight had been cancelled and they told us we'd be stuck at the airport overnight. Our original flight took off fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 124

You deserved it 3 695

By itsme - 08/07/2019 04:00

Today, we got a letter regarding my sister's college career and an appointment she was required to go to. This seems fitting, since she's a senior in high school, or at least she would be if she hadn't passed away a little over a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 760

You deserved it 103

By guy - 15/03/2013 05:31 - Canada - Port Coquitlam

Today, I met my mom's fiancé. He's a nice guy, he's also my wife's dad. I'll soon call my wife my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 683

You deserved it 3 347

By Joe - 04/08/2011 18:28 - United States

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 784

You deserved it 125 880

Completely soaking

By wet and sad - 15/11/2019 03:00

Today, I was walking to work when it was starting to pour down sideways. I was pretty early anyway, so, I decided to duck into a bus shelter and let it pass. Suddenly, a big truck comes and drenched me with the biggest puddle. Soaking from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 897

You deserved it 143

By Derek - 05/08/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my kids are both my half-brothers, and the fertility tests my wife had us do a few years ago showed that I'm sterile. She didn't tell me until I found the test results in her desk and asked her about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 926

You deserved it 271

Time travel is possible… via hair salons

By Jennifer H. - 20/03/2017 14:00

Today, I told my new hairstylist that I like Jennifer Aniston's look and that I'm trying to grow my hair out. She gave me the "Rachel" haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 157

You deserved it 1 233

By dining - 01/09/2014 01:56 - United States - Grinnell

Today, at my dining job, my boss told me the food was "technically illegal to serve," air quotes and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 921

You deserved it 2 916

By Anonymous - 08/09/2011 19:51 - United States

Today, I went to my favorite drive-in burger joint for dinner. As I was nearing the end of my burger, I grabbed a cup from the cup holder that I thought was filled with soda. Instead, I got a mouthful of dip spit that a friend left in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 333

You deserved it 7 981

By Anonymous - 19/05/2016 13:48 - United States - Schnecksville

Today, I found out that my "girlfriend" is only with me for free transportation. She even has my contact saved as the car emoji. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 719

You deserved it 1 346

By B'Dawk - 14/10/2018 13:30

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been putting boogers in my belly button when I don't pay attention to her while we watch tv. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 629

You deserved it 1 626

By Anonymous - 21/02/2015 15:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 954

You deserved it 8 534

By anonymous - 25/10/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, I was so bored at my job as a receptionist that I actually got excited when the phone rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 256

You deserved it 3 443

By Anonymous - 21/09/2009 17:16 - United States

Today, I parked my truck next to a rather large SUV at school, went to class for 8 hours straight, came back and found my passenger side door crumpled from where they had backed out and hit it. They left a note on my window that said, "Sorry about your truck, but I don't have insurance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 714

You deserved it 2 706

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I got stopped at the bank by security for carrying a weapon and threatened to call the police. I had to prove my “metal stick” was not a weapon. I am partially paralyzed in one of my feet and have to walk with a cane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 025

You deserved it 2 143

By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 08:00 - United States

Today, I ordered some food to get delivered. When I opened the bag a fly flew out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 033

You deserved it 538

By bitch i'm a gerontophile - 29/11/2012 18:08 - Taiwan

Today, while working at my local supermarket, I found a boy lost and wandering about, so I took him to the front desk. My reward from his mother was a slap around the face and harsh words for supposedly having kidnapped him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 056

You deserved it 1 850

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TheVerne 0

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 12:49

I can't believe she said that! It doesn't matter whether or not your parents are super smart. And they could well be brilliant and just never had the right chances in life. My grandfather was brilliant but his family was very poor so he ended up working in the coal mines all his life.

Emily84 0

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Sunday 8 March 2009 1:57

My clarinet teacher from undergrad is one of the most brilliant people I know, and throughout her growing-up years, her parents were both clerks.

Eir_fml 1

Wednesday 18 February 2009 2:08

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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DoctorKyda 5

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Friday 23 September 2011 5:22

Narcissist much?

Dukekamono 5

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 5:26

I believe this is sarcasm. Maybe?

Emily84 0

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Sunday 8 March 2009 1:57

My clarinet teacher from undergrad is one of the most brilliant people I know, and throughout her growing-up years, her parents were both clerks.

TheVerne 0

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 12:49

cristy91 33

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Friday 7 August 2015 18:25

I think that it also doesn't matter what job you do, you can be brilliant. Life isn't always fair (Reference the million FMLs with idiot bosses)

rawchelllll 0

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Friday 20 March 2009 19:20

Wowww. Normally we just THINK those things. She said it out loud! Props for taking that hahah. But yeah, quit her class.

PhysOptGuy 0

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Sunday 22 March 2009 7:40

Sounds like a pretty bad philosophy teacher to me. Perhaps it was an attempt at humour?

AliGInTheHouse 24

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Saturday 25 July 2015 10:45

CLEaner driVER CLEVER

mel_ancholy 0

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Sunday 22 March 2009 9:29

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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lifeasweknewit 0

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Sunday 29 March 2009 10:54

That's so rude :/

latereflex 0

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Monday 6 April 2009 6:13

WAS a cleaner? WAS a bus driver? What happened to them?

Darraghscoot 0

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Tuesday 6 April 2010 2:11

fail at being a grammar nazi.He is talking in the past tense:)

KeenJane 9

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Sunday 16 May 2010 19:45

13- The story is not currently happening, it takes place in the past. Have you never taken an English class? Fail.

esines 9

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Monday 14 May 2012 0:38

I don't think he was being a grammar Nazi, I think he was seriously wondering

magnetic_aura 26

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Thursday 18 September 2014 6:58

Maybe they are both retired?

louisianagrrrrl 0

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Tuesday 7 April 2009 1:41

well shes just a bitch then

16_011 0

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Sunday 12 April 2009 2:12

I dont get it?

Rhianne 0

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Friday 19 June 2009 7:32

The professor was surprised because the OP is clever and likely intelligent, but his/her parents worked at jobs that are often looked down upon. Cleaning and bus driving don't exactly take the most mental activity, but that doesn't mean that the people who hold those jobs are unintelligent.