Transportation: Today, after numerous attempts, my car door still wouldn't unlock....

By Smile - France

Today, after numerous attempts, my car door still wouldn't unlock. After going ballistic on the lock, the key broke off inside. I then realized it wasn't my car. FML

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13437

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Transportation

And today, on Dr Phil…

FOOTBALL player reveals TRUTH!

Receptacle

By Anonymous - United States

Today, some wannabe molester actually used the "Do you know who my dad is?!" line on me as I threw him out of a club. Turns out his dad is my boss's brother. I'm now searching for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26999

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1966

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By lilybelle11 - 3/11/2020 08:02 - Australia - Brisbane

New quest

Today, it became apparent that my boyfriend only showers when he levels up on World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

877

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129

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By 20singleandproudish - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, my younger brother helpfully pointed out that I'm the only one in my family of five who is single. He's twelve. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38689

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3701

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By pathetic - United States - Lincoln

Today, my grocery shopping consisted of Poptarts, SpaghettiOs, Lucky Charms, Popsicles, Easy Mac, and Twinkies. I'm a 25-year-old woman with no kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36939

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22504

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By kylie - 2/4/2021 17:01

Unimpressed

Today, my doctor told me that I have severely and permanently injured my shoulder. Last week, I attempted to lift more weight than I normally do in an effort to impress my boyfriend. He was not impressed. In fact he said that most kids can lift more than that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

338

You deserved it

794

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By Oops - United States

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14746

You deserved it

32983

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By kat124ever - United States - Apo

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32622

You deserved it

5934

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By E.S. - United States

Today, I had lunch with some important potential clients at a fancy restaurant. I really wanted to make a good impression. When the piano music stopped, I started clapping while looking around for the pianist. Apparently, it was a CD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12142

You deserved it

40831

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By Schmolly - United States

Today, I had a mental break down. Many things have been going completely wrong in my life, and I finally decided to let my boyfriend know about it. After about an hour of explaining and pouring my heart out, his response was "I think we were better off as friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36066

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5471

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By vishuzzbabe77 - United States

Today, I bought a Halloween costume for my cat. FML

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10416

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41577

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By honutattoo - United States

Today, I finally came home from a semester of college, and all my parents and sister can talk about is how bad my acne has gotten. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30889

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3059

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By NoBasement4U - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26335

You deserved it

2117

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By DusterOverBits - United Kingdom

Today, I was home alone, and decided to do some naked cleaning just because I could. After half an hour of liberating nakie-dusting, I turn around to see my boyfriend and his best friend gaping at me open mouthed. His older brother however gave a creepy smile and the thumbs up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18328

You deserved it

44732

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By thanksmum - Germany

Today, I decided to take a nap before a big job interview at 6. I set two alarm clocks to make sure I didn't miss it, but I woke up at 5:59. As I'm scrambling in a panic to get out the door, my mom says calmly, "I took your alarm clocks out of your room because you looked really tired today." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43934

You deserved it

3547

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By Fingkids - United States

Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18260

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33757

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By Chels - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67744

You deserved it

5262

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By KWM - United States

Today, I shook hands with a girl and held onto her hand while telling her she had very tiny, delicate hands. When I let go to look at them, I discovered she only had two fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15103

You deserved it

38958

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before to see if she wanted to hang out again. She responded, "I think we should keep it the way it was, before last night." I just met her last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57662

You deserved it

13745

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By lala - United States

Today, I used the Print Screen button to take a picture of a really cute bag that I want for my birthday. After emailing it to my mom, I noticed I'd forgotten to close another tab in the browser. The tab had a very suggestive title, for an even more suggestive website. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7352

You deserved it

33908

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By Stop being healthy

Today, and every other day this week, I brought carrots and celery into work to eat as a snack instead of chocolate. I got back from lunch to find a note on my desk saying, "Do you really think it's OK to eat carrots and celery that loudly every day?" Guess I won't try to be healthy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4356

You deserved it

781

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By babygirllxo - Canada

Today, I slipped on the wet floor at work and sprained my wrist badly. I was carrying the wet floor sign so no one would slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36444

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7138

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By Alan - Germany

Today, I agreed to stay a week with my wife's parents, who she told me were traditional Japanese. I was prepared for having to wear Japanese clothes while in the house, but I wasn't prepared for communal bathing in the same huge bath with her father, grandfather, uncle and two brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24620

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2471

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By BracesSuck - United States

Today, I was at the orthodontist. As the lady was clipping my brackets, she missed and clipped my gums instead. She looked at me and said, "Oh sorry, you're bleeding really badly. See, I got these fake nails put on and I guess I'm just not used to them. Let me try again." She missed. FML

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83399

You deserved it

3192

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By freezingggg - Reserved

Today, like always, my parents are such tightwads that they refused to turn the heating system on, despite the ball-freezing temperatures. I was so cold, I had to resort to warming my hands up over the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29102

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3685

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I was telling my girlfriend about how my parents are flying out to Japan today on vacation. She was shocked at how short the flight will be, because "It's on the other side of the world." We live in the USA, and it seems I'm dating a Flat Earther. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41968

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7385

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2020 05:00 - Australia

Jaws

Today, I was violently sick. There was so much vomit forcing itself out that I dislocated my jaw. I continued throwing up with a dislocated jaw for an hour or so. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2032

You deserved it

125

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By love you too mommy - United States - Brentwood

Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46386

You deserved it

5265

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By februarymarchapril - United States - Austin

First time

Today, I shaved for the first time. My mum gave me a razor and I spent about 20 minutes trying to use it. I gave up, yelling, "FUCK IT!" and put it back on the shelf. It fell, and as it hit the floor, a lid fell off. I'd tried to shave with a sheathed razor for 20 minutes. FML

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16629

You deserved it

42736

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By fuck you dad - Ireland - Carrickmacross

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23459

You deserved it

55393

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By Jebus - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9076

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34656

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By blahmylife - United States

Today, my boss is being so cheap, he'd rather type in the dark, not fix our water heater or replace our cordless phone because he will not get his bonus if he goes over the budget. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29055

You deserved it

2485

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By littl3storm - 11/7/2020 08:08

Dad of the month

Today, I found out that my 'dad', the man who couldn't afford to buy me a bed, despite sleeping on the floor for 3+ years, has spent well over $3000 on sex chat lines, as well as cheating us out of child payments. He doesn't understand why I refuse to talk to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2009

You deserved it

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By stuff2710 - United States

Today, my friend and I walked 3 miles to a Starbucks. We went inside, paid for our coffees and walked the 3 miles back to my house. We forgot to pick up our coffees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10373

You deserved it

47886

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went through the car wash my boyfriend works at. When I pulled in, I explained I was Greg's girlfriend and cutely asked if I could get a free car wash. His co-worker looked at me confused and said "Greg said he didn't have a girlfriend", then he looked at me and said "Now I know why". FML

I agree, your life sucks

50913

You deserved it

12353

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was denied food stamp assistance. Apparently, you need to work 20 hours a week while being a full time student to qualify or have a work study. I was recently suspended from my work study for calling off because my aunt died, and if I worked 20 hours a week, why would I need food stamps? FML

I agree, your life sucks

30050

You deserved it

5844

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By Anonymous - United States - East Stroudsburg

Today, I got mugged. Trying to be brave, I attacked my mugger, who then broke my nose. Suddenly, I was saved by someone: A 15 year-old goth girl who promptly tackled the mugger to the ground. I'm a 21 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13571

You deserved it

2859

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By Nchristine - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad had backed into my already crappy car. The reason they didn't buy me a nicer car in the first place was they were afraid I'd wreck it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29857

You deserved it

4114

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By poorman - Canada

Today, my mother, who religiously checks her bank account after every purchase, then shreds her receipts, got fed up with me not doing the same. So she shredded all my piled up receipts. These include the 100s of dollars I had spent for my work, which I need the receipts to get reimbursed for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45197

You deserved it

3300

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By mydatinglifesucks - United States

Today, I had a date with a man who works as a psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder during dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49739

You deserved it

6766

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By justgreatgirl - United States

Today, I found out that even after a really bad break up and the fact that I left him for someone else, my parents offered my ex-boyfriend to join us on a one week family vacation. He agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34219

You deserved it

13462

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Top comments

By Eir_fml | 1

#3161 - Wednesday 18 February 2009 1:57

sounds like it's not going to be great for that person either.

By batch56 | 0

#31297 - Saturday 14 March 2009 15:59

You sound pretty dumb.

COMMENTS

By Eir_fml | 1

#3161 - Wednesday 18 February 2009 1:57

sounds like it's not going to be great for that person either.

nateypooo | 0

#1368685 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 8:37

wow that sucks!! I think I mightve done that too tho so dw op!

nevergo | 10

#2517471 - Monday 16 May 2011 8:38

who else thinks op is a girl?

By batch56 | 0

#31297 - Saturday 14 March 2009 15:59

You sound pretty dumb.

By becauseican | 0

#35130 - Monday 16 March 2009 20:52

How does this have more "You life is fucked" than" You deserved that one" Seems the people on this site are just as dumb as the poster.

By MissFortune_fml | 0

#44417 - Friday 20 March 2009 5:15

#4... You do realise YOU'RE on this site don't you?

Just thought I'd point that out. :x

By liljon3 | 0

#63709 - Saturday 28 March 2009 0:55

run!!!

By shittastic | 0

#208625 - Monday 18 May 2009 12:17

Brutaaaa :] or brutooo.

By mrsteven894 | 0

#223696 - Saturday 23 May 2009 21:36

hahahahaah thats happened to me too! :)

By emmerphone | 0

#337905 - Thursday 25 June 2009 0:59

That's not as bad as walking into the wrong HOUSE! Yeah... awkward.

By nagem84 | 0

#363346 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:12

Haha that is something I would do hahahah

By pleasedonttellme | 0

#379215 - Wednesday 8 July 2009 18:17

Wow maybe look inside the car to see if your things are there the outside may look the same but the inside is different
And YDI for not checking the lisence plate idiot