Kids: Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed,... - FML

By Noname - 04/12/2008 04:39 - France

Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 074

You deserved it 9 211

Kids

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By CiaoBella - 20/06/2016 03:16

Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 507

You deserved it 2 752

By numbnuts - 23/09/2013 05:48 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 488

You deserved it 6 048

By ... - 20/01/2019 02:00

Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 211

You deserved it 755

By gloria77 - 23/01/2012 23:26 - United States

Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "shit", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 330

You deserved it 7 474

Badmouth Strikes Again

By Melissa - 08/03/2020 14:00

Today, my 7-year-old sister had to tell my mom to watch her language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 351

You deserved it 150

By njh - 27/03/2015 13:29 - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 329

You deserved it 3 591

By anonymous - 28/07/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 428

You deserved it 16 952

Stunned silence

By Anonymous - 20/12/2014 22:42 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my 7 year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of a supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 152

You deserved it 3 898

By Wmsys32pr9 - 30/03/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273 757

You deserved it 30 859

You ******* idiot

By Handuh15 - 31/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was babysitting with my best friend, watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 3 213

Next

Top comments

randomm 0

Monday 16 March 2009 6:21

aw thats cute.

deadguy321 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 23:40

Well, you do f*** her mother, right?

Comments

randomm 0

Monday 16 March 2009 6:21

aw thats cute.

Oh_No_A_Troll 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 6:45

Hmmmm, I wonder how he knows that word.

starbucksguy 16

Saturday 12 May 2012 20:18

I wonder how the kid just changed sex...

shinigami777 1

Monday 16 March 2009 10:13

#1, what point were you trying to make exactly?

Kozzy333 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 6:01

That's kind of funny.

22cute 17

Monday 30 July 2012 7:30

But, yes, your family IS insane.

the_space_pope 2

Wednesday 18 March 2009 21:40

Why is this FML? No one seemed to be humiliated or anything.

inlimbo11 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 22:59

that's not abnormal at all. just start paying attention to what's reaching your daughter's ears and she won't say things like that.

deadguy321 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 23:40

Well, you do f*** her mother, right?

Zues_fml 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 1:01

Little kids say lots of things they don't mean. They just know that when they say this word (e.g. juice), stuff happens (e.g. juice appears). She just wanted to see the room explode (with laughter).

Thabb 0

Wednesday 12 May 2010 13:48

That's awesome.

Hippiechic7 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 17:17

My stepmom taught my one year old cousin to say "mommy your such a bitch"

coolster5000 22

Friday 22 February 2013 0:05

Your stepmom is a bitch

AnneFTW 17

Saturday 28 March 2009 2:27

LOL Where did a two-year old even hear that word?

ilybaby1616 0

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:48

its not a FML... its just rlly funny and cute:D

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8

Keywords

Love Nice Guys Creepypasta Weird LGBTQIA+ Religion Work Awkward Health Painful Food Transportation Sex Intimacy Coworkers Death Politics Mental health Technology Cars Social Media Parents Video games Gamers Poopoo peepee Kids Animals Cats Snow Bosses

The Top

Today, I lost my job due to anonymous customer complaints. Turns out it was my toxic mother-in-law. She made those complaints because she thinks if I’m unemployed, it will be easier to convince my husband to divorce me. Luckily he knows she’s toxic and is on my side, but I’m still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 659

You deserved it 85

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 626

You deserved it 2 943

The Top

Today, my overweight colleague twisted his ankle. He's pretty self-conscious about his weight, but I had a brain-fart and told him he shouldn't try to put too much weight on it. His feelings are more hurt than his ankle now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 389

You deserved it 1 927

Today, I was reading a book in public. Some bastard stranger came over and started spoiling the plot for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 086

You deserved it 2 867

Today, my boyfriend gave me a pair of ankle weights for my birthday. How utterly romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 606

You deserved it 5 237

Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 612

You deserved it 4 365

Today, I was wrestling in a tournament. I was in the finals about to win when the kid threw up on me. They thought I'd hit him in the stomach hard enough to make him throw up, so they disqualified me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 756

You deserved it 1 999

Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch like a dog. She has yet to cease doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 309

You deserved it 793