Miscellaneous: Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers...

By DarkPhoenix - 04/12/2008 11:16 - France

Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 795

You deserved it 3 756

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 02:02

Today, I brought my girlfriend flowers. All she managed to do was to say, "It’s been a year since you brought me flowers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 362

By Noname - 14/02/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I bought some flowers. As I was checking out, the cashier asked, "Aww, these for your mom? How sweet." I responded they were for a girl I liked. She laughed and said, "Sorry…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 253

You deserved it 4 231

By Originality18 - 24/02/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, I called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma, who I was told was sick. I said I didn't know what to get her, so just to send her something nice. I got a call from my mom calling me an inconsiderate bastard. They sent my grandma forget-me-nots. She has Alzheimer's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 449

You deserved it 7 884

By Keastwood013 - 18/01/2013 15:25 - United States

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 786

You deserved it 4 167

Good one

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 00:06 - United Kingdom - London

Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 306

You deserved it 4 391

Live, laugh, love no one

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 23:01

Today, I got flowers from a secret admirer. Turns out they were from my sister's in-laws who own a flower shop. Apparently, everyone feels bad that I'm single and they are convinced I'm gonna die alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 127

By flowerman - 26/12/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I had to drive my girlfriend to the hospital because she had a severe allergic reaction to the flowers I brought her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 052

You deserved it 5 234

By Anonymous - 02/07/2015 02:04 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, I sent the girl I like flowers, only to have her later post a picture of them online, saying, "Ha! When losers send you flowers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 779

You deserved it 2 605

By Stacy - 13/07/2013 04:22 - United States

Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 136

You deserved it 5 252

By britney - 15/02/2010 02:54 - Canada

Today, I got flowers sent to my work, I happily opened them in front of my co-workers thinking they were from my crush, I open the card to see "Love you, from mom". My mother thinks my love life is so pathetic, thats she needs to send me flowers to cheer me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 130

You deserved it 5 601

shrillace 0

Monday 23 March 2009 17:09

The 20-somethings of the '60s are the 60-somethings of the 2000s. Don't forget that.

kottdawg 0

Friday 13 March 2009 6:43

HAHAHAHA old people do know whats best

Comments

Eir_fml 1

Wednesday 18 February 2009 2:17

You should have told her the flowers were for your mother. Alternatively, what if they were? That would have sucked.

Mattxy8 5

Saturday 16 July 2011 19:29

How is this in any way shape or form a FML?

Ximmie 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 1:33

AHAHA!!! Amazing. :)

Sgt_Schadenfreud 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 1:07

I love pensioners.

snoopy24_fml 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 18:33

HAHA wow...

kottdawg 0

Friday 13 March 2009 6:43

HAHAHAHA old people do know whats best

pinkfrenchrose 5

Saturday 14 March 2009 5:20

Sounds like something my grandma would say. My grandma is crazy. :)

shrillace 0

Monday 23 March 2009 17:09

The 20-somethings of the '60s are the 60-somethings of the 2000s. Don't forget that.

SteppenBeatle 3

Wednesday 3 September 2014 4:05

Yes. Awesome

Empleh 4

Sunday 5 April 2009 7:44

Listen to your elders.

maggiewalters 17

Saturday 11 April 2009 5:24

well, she's right!

glamourful 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 12:13

how is this a FML??? That's ******* awesome!

pothopper 0

Tuesday 31 August 2010 1:44

MLIA !!

HK416_fml 0

Sunday 20 March 2011 4:26

I concurr

Keywords

Embarrassing Love Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Bosses Capitalism Work Cars You're fired Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 079

You deserved it 410

Today, I went to visit my fiancé's dying grandmother in the hospital with him. She started talking to us about living each day to the fullest. His grandmother points to me and says, "Life is short. That's why you don't waste any time screwing girls who look like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 780

You deserved it 4 168

The Top

Today, I was scheduled for an interview at a local firm owned by two partners. The secretary told me to be there at around 12:00 to 12:30 pm, so I arrived at 12:15. The first boss told me off for being early, the other one yelled at me for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 980

You deserved it 2 617

Today, I was watching a crime drama with my parents. During a tense moment, I casually said, "Oh, I know how to hide a body." They both stared at me in horror, and I had to explain that I meant from watching too many true crime videos on YouTube, not from actual experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 358

Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 980

You deserved it 6 415

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 463

You deserved it 12 718

Today, I “caught” my partner looking at porn, again. I walked in on him with his cock out, looking at his phone. He jumped to put it away, except just like last time, I told him we could watch together, but he's “too ashamed” to even discuss it. At this point I’m pretty sure he’s just sexting someone else and doesn’t want to get caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 173

Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod had slipped in there. I didn't find my iPod, but I did find an old utility knife blade. With my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 820

You deserved it 4 824

Same thing different taste

Gratitude

Good one

Live, laugh, love no one

Top comments

Comments