Love: Today, it's 2am. I've been trying to get to sleep for the past...

By Tired Girlfriend - 14/06/2017 22:00

Today, it's 2am. I've been trying to get to sleep for the past two hours next to my snoring boyfriend. Every time I nudge him to shut him up, his body tenses, he farts, then goes straight back to snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 812

You deserved it 464

Love

Walk the line

Broken heart

The smell detective is on the case

You rang?

By thathurt500x - 26/06/2020 20:08

Today, my boyfriend's tooth got caught on my nipple ring and ripped it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 518

Sounds wonderful

By hermit's life - 25/12/2016 07:11 - United States - Sellersburg

Today, I learned that instead of spending Christmas alone with my cat, enjoying chicken quesadillas and a tin of tuna while watching only the best cartoons, my mother's coming over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 313

You deserved it 1 346

By Anonymous - 08/11/2013 23:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 434

You deserved it 8 668

By bruised - 13/03/2013 21:06 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. The movie was in 3D, and he couldn't help but notice it would be much cooler if you could feel what the characters did. He spent the next two hours slapping me every time the person in the movie did, claiming the movie would be "better". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 994

You deserved it 6 303

By MushyKetchup - 14/08/2015 07:01 - United States - Amarillo

Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 159

You deserved it 1 975

By goinginsane - 06/05/2011 07:25

Today, I was told that I am an incredibly boring person and that it's no wonder I have no friends. I think they're right; last night I dreamt about a nail file. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 724

You deserved it 7 142

By blargggggg - 10/11/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, I received a rejection letter from a company I interviewed with three weeks ago. They didn't mention giving my $200 portfolio back. Guess I'll keep using my 4-year degree to wait tables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 357

You deserved it 3 286

By Anonymous - 08/08/2013 20:20 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, my girlfriend was suspended from work after she was caught fucking one of her co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 882

You deserved it 5 028

By Medfail - 20/06/2016 07:13 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 634

You deserved it 13 597

By NextTimeMom'sDriving - 11/06/2014 16:41 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, my family and I were on a road trip. Everything was fine until we discovered that my dad, the driver, was not only fast asleep, he was also snoring. We were in the middle of the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 513

You deserved it 4 452

By loserr - 28/02/2014 17:13 - United States - Highland Park

Today, I made myself a hot pocket for lunch. I managed to scald myself on the red-hot cheese, and at the same time bite into the center, which was somehow still frozen solid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 006

You deserved it 7 138

Morning surprise

By Lindy - 10/02/2021 03:58 - United Kingdom

Today, when I woke up, I thought I’d be sexy by waking my girlfriend with oral sex. Still half asleep, she said, “Robert, stop it that tickles.” My name is Linda, we’re a lesbian couple who've never expressed interest in men, so who the fuck is Robert? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 416

By sick of life - 23/09/2011 14:48 - United States

Today, I called in sick to work for a second day. After months of my boss trying to get me sacked by spreading vicious rumors about me, taunting me into retaliating, and generally making my life a living hell, he finally got his chance. He sent me a text saying, "yeh dont bother son ure fuckin fired." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 660

You deserved it 3 614

Pretend to be busy!

By nichaneely - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got yelled at by one of my bosses. The reason? I was yawning. I work at Starbucks. Apparently, I wasn't 'promoting' correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 597

You deserved it 4 767

By Allergic - 24/01/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 310

You deserved it 3 440

Class warfare

By lordoftheweird - 02/01/2022 11:01 - Canada - Ladysmith

Today, i had to explain to two different adults that being illiterate is a valid reason to fire them. I have absolutely no idea how they were hired in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 120

By lovemyteacher - 14/11/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, I got my science test back. I thought I did a horrible job on it, but only three were circled. I was happy but doubtful that I did so well, so I asked my teacher just to make sure. He said it was faster to circle the correct answers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 598

You deserved it 29 532

By "Anti_Sora" - 05/01/2019 00:00

Today, I turned in my final worth 20% of the grade. Today was also the day my internet decided to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 140

You deserved it 279

By Keastwood013 - 18/01/2013 15:25 - United States

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 720

You deserved it 4 138

Prejudice

By EpicOracle - 20/09/2021 10:00 - Nigeria

Today, I found out that even when I have written and submitted freelance work, the client can refuse to pay and it'd be acknowledged because I'm from Nigeria. Also, they can still use my work. I guess the "Nigerian Prince" issue is affecting even the innocent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 76

By Rawr - 01/08/2010 10:38 - Switzerland

Today, my grandmother told me she would pay for me to get a nose job. I never thought there was a problem with my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 577

You deserved it 2 875

Socialite

By Jason - 22/11/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, I was finally able to hang out with a girl I really liked at a party. We had a great time and spent hours together. When I leaned in for a kiss at the end of the night, she stopped me and said , "You're a great guy, but we can't go out because you'd be bad for my social reputation." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 071

You deserved it 3 822

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 07:45 - Australia - College Park

Today, I got jumpscared, by my freshly-bathed grandma coming out of the bathroom without a towel on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 664

You deserved it 1 522

By Soline - 08/12/2008 12:05 - France

Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob. He surprised me as well with a knee to the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 121

You deserved it 8 963

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 05:49 - United States - San Jose

Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 905

You deserved it 2 721

By James - 31/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, I was at a local restaurant. The girl that I like walked by so I tried to give her a high five. My hand ended up on her boob instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 338

You deserved it 17 954

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 16/06/2020 02:02

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my shirt off, she saw my chest acne. She ran out of my house and hasn't spoken to me in 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 979

You deserved it 228

By foshizzle - 25/04/2012 06:46 - United States - Orlando

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 919

You deserved it 3 162

By CheapFamily - 09/04/2014 23:47 - United States

Today, I graduated from Basic Training. I was really looking forward to seeing my family after being away for almost three months. They decided not to come to graduation because they didn't want to spend the money to travel here. They live 30 minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 421

You deserved it 3 793

By Stephie2009 - 30/10/2010 06:33 - United States

Today, my mother got remarried. I am now officially older than my step-father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 622

You deserved it 3 129

By RandomMe - 26/02/2016 08:00 - Cambodia - Sihanouk

Today, I was craving some popcorn, so I went to the supermarket and bought the microwaveable type. When I got home, I remembered I didn't have a microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 643

You deserved it 11 879

Classy.

By pist off - 05/03/2018 19:00

Today, I felt rain on my face. I looked up and saw a man peeing off a hot air balloon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 944

You deserved it 290

By Tanny - 19/04/2017 04:00

Today, I was playing basketball, and while trying to jump and shoot, I farted on the face of the person behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 610

You deserved it 628

By BOHICA123 - 08/10/2013 02:08 - United States - Brighton

Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for 6 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 116

You deserved it 5 273

By immunizations - 11/12/2010 07:40 - Canada

Today, while parking my car, I accidentally bumped into the car in front of me, making a small, barely noticeable dent. I felt bad, wrote an apology note, and stuck it on his windshield. An hour later, he replied by keying the entire right side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 629

You deserved it 10 624

By Anon Y. Mous - 02/10/2015 04:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned what being stabbed in the leg by an ex feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 743

You deserved it 2 390

By WastedTime - 07/08/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of one year told me not to walk beside him because people might "think we're together". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 688

You deserved it 5 707

By aviators - 07/04/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML

I agree, your life sucks 99 221

You deserved it 29 761

By oops - 02/03/2013 18:32 - Netherlands - Nieuwe-niedorp

Today, after spending almost an hour in the dentist's waiting room, watching other people get called in for their appointments, I finally lost my patience and asked the receptionist what was taking so long. I'd forgotten to sign in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 493

You deserved it 48 104

By Anonymous - 05/02/2016 19:15 - United States - Easley

Today, as I walked around town I noticed some guys and even a couple of girls checked me out. When I got home later I realized they probably weren't checking me out, so much as wondering why the hell I had thick black eyeliner on only one eye. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 660

You deserved it 5 231

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Top comments

moodyreallyrocks 27

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Wednesday 14 June 2017 22:04

Maybe go to another room or bed OP, because you have to rest. Best of luck..

Seeya55 31

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Wednesday 14 June 2017 22:24

I have to do this to my husband. I tell him to roll onto his side (Which stops the snoring). He's a heavy sleeper and I'm a very light sleeper. When he rolls back, I just do it again. It can really suck. The way OP writes it seems he doesn't even wake, his body just reacts.

tonyfan00 38

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Wednesday 14 June 2017 22:03

Well, no one has ever said love always smells nice...

moodyreallyrocks 27

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Wednesday 14 June 2017 22:04

Maybe go to another room or bed OP, because you have to rest. Best of luck..

ImminentDisaster 12

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Wednesday 14 June 2017 22:19

How would nudging him stop him snoring? By waking him up so he can't sleep either?

Seeya55 31

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Wednesday 14 June 2017 22:24

UNfml1979 4

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Thursday 15 June 2017 4:03

It changes up the sleep cycle

Suaria 37

Thursday 15 June 2017 7:09

I nudge my boyfriend when he snores. It usually stops him snoring and usually doesn't wake him up.

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 15 June 2017 0:35

Two words: Butt plug Or two other words: New boyfriend.

Miss_Whipped 43

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Thursday 15 June 2017 4:30

He's not snoring through his asshole.

Alexandria79 22

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Thursday 15 June 2017 8:40

"he's not snoring through his asshole" omg I love this comment. laughing so hard right now

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 15 June 2017 7:13

Farting is snoring through the asshole.

AmbrosiaFan 18

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Friday 16 June 2017 2:19

Or more logically it is called sleep apnea. My husband did that for YEARS, finally got a sleep study done. He is on a CPAP now and it is a night and day difference.

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 16 June 2017 2:21

Yes, that's more logical, but not nearly as hilarious as a butt plug.

Taylor Caldwell 10

Thursday 15 June 2017 1:05

Go sleep on the couch??

Bearsmomma 30

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Thursday 15 June 2017 3:47

That may be fine for one night. But if the bf is a regular/ serial snorerthing he should =. OrrrHope it's a comfortable couched the time though or its not worth it. Also some people don't have a couch. Small rooms may work better with 2 recliners.

tabletoplady 10

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Thursday 15 June 2017 2:11

My husband has a deviated septum because of a couple of nose breaks. He snores like he's drowning in oatmeal. We've been together almost 9 years, and I still get sleepless nights. The best advice I can give you is to go to bed first lol

skippydoda 32

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Thursday 15 June 2017 3:33

Either you get earplugs or see if your BF can get a sleep machine.

R_L_Jack 11

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Thursday 15 June 2017 5:36

1 word-EARPLUGS i had to get used to them. You can still hear, but really muted.

Dumper420 3

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Thursday 15 June 2017 14:21

Grosssssssssss. Dump him.

Schwuppdiwupp 13

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Thursday 15 June 2017 16:22

Use freaking ear plugs. No sympathy for people who are too stupid to figure that out...

Seeya55 31

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Thursday 15 June 2017 19:46

I cannot stand the feeling of them, and they do not work 100%. I can still hear through them, and the snoring also vibrates the bed. You really think us, the people who live with this, haven't tried? It's like asking someone who can't see well if they've tried glasses. No sympathy! /s Thanks Captain obvious!