Love: Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd... - FML

By Mazzam - 19/11/2008 11:33 - France

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 203

You deserved it 18 520

Walk the line

Best teeth in the game

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Caring parenting

By cinder - 16/10/2020 02:02 - United States - Denver

Today, and every day I decide to get therapy for my severe depression, my parents spring a workload of chores on me, which mentally exhausts me to the point I can’t do anything. Including start my therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 217

By Great - 29/05/2015 12:13 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was on the train going to work when my travel tea cup began spilling inside my purse, which was on my lap. It went all over my skirt, pooled at the bottom of my feet, and, yes, everyone notice that it happened to be piss-colored yellow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 006

You deserved it 4 553

By Az - 13/06/2012 00:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 853

You deserved it 2 370

By maribel - 04/06/2011 11:27 - United States

Today, I got my beautiful daughter ready to be a flower girl for the first time. A flower girl in the wedding of her father, my ex-husband, and the woman he cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 507

You deserved it 4 098

Mr Commitment

By Anonymous - 05/01/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, after I caught my (now ex) boyfriend cheating. He told me that it isn't my business if he was seeing other woman, because we didn't had an official relationship. We have been living together in a house we bought, for two years now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 117

By Sean - 09/09/2013 21:04 - United States

Today, I went to my insurance company to deal with some paperwork. One of their employees backed into my car before I made it into the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 800

You deserved it 2 988

By Anonymous - 10/10/2018 17:30

Today, my mother-in-law flushed my pain medicine because she believes I’ve been using it too long and I’m addicted. I had surgery four days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 704

You deserved it 143

Oh, hello there

By Jon - 18/01/2010 20:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 570

You deserved it 8 824

By misspriss - 17/02/2010 01:30 - United States

Today, I was in the theatre watching a movie. I leaned my head back to relax. Suddenly, I hear this sneeze behind me and then I feel "rain" pouring down on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 890

You deserved it 2 812

By sneaky1324 - 18/08/2012 07:49 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up by inhaling a fly up my nose, and feeling it twitching and slowly dying inside my nasal cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 875

You deserved it 2 186

By Anonymous - 09/10/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months started a bitter fight with me. The cause was me repeatedly refusing to dye my hair the way his beloved ex did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 470

You deserved it 3 640

By stupid_airbag - 13/08/2012 08:06 - Australia

Today, the air bag system in my car somehow malfunctioned, and the air bag inflated while I was driving, causing me to lose control and crash into a street light. I ended up with a badly bruised face because the air bag had already deflated by then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 851

You deserved it 1 750

Assman

By Panda_bruh96 - 12/11/2021 05:00

Today, I love my boyfriend just as I always have, but I'm realizing I don't know if we'll last because he's an angry drunk. He drinks frequently, and I've talked to him about it, only to be met with, "I'm a grown ass man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 172

Suspicious

By Anonymous - 22/04/2021 11:01

Spicy

Today, I found out why I’ve been covering most of the bills and the rent. Turns out my boyfriend is paying a very expensive OnlyFans subscription for his female bestie. When I confronted him about it, he responded by yelling, “It’s not like that!” and punched our glass patio door, shattering it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 292

You deserved it 197

By Anonymous - 26/07/2013 03:15 - United States - Kannapolis

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 744

You deserved it 20 460

By Anonymous - 18/11/2012 12:13 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 680

You deserved it 3 661

By oopsididitagain - 30/11/2010 18:49 - United States

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled "something weird, like sulfur." I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 939

You deserved it 30 183

By katelynm - 08/02/2013 06:24 - United States

Today, I pointed out to my boyfriend how Valentine's day, my birthday, and our one-year anniversary were all coming up in the next few weeks. He then promptly broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 881

You deserved it 8 966

I'm not sad. Or am I?

By Dr Pepper - 22/05/2019 18:05

Today, to protect me from the 'bad people' out there, my mom bought some pepper spray. While trying to test it, I accidentally sprayed myself in the eyes. Now, every person I meet asks me what I've been crying about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 1 591

By Anonymous - 05/08/2011 04:18 - United States

Today, my friend's dad had a heart attack. Without realizing what I was saying, I texted her, "If you need anything, you know I'll be there in a heartbeat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 197

You deserved it 13 224

You OK?

By Anonymous - 21/03/2021 11:01 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, while I was working in the drive-through at work, a lady was wearing kitchen oven-mitts and a snorkeling mask instead of gloves and a mask to pick up her prescription. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 86

By ohcollege - 01/10/2010 10:04 - United States

Today, the rain was pouring really hard outside. I found this out when it started raining on me at 4 am inside my dorm room. Thanks college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 280

You deserved it 2 495

By blahblah1993 - 20/02/2015 17:56 - United States - Katy

Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and still waitressing at a local restaurant. There were only 3 of us serving today and things were hectic. One guy bitched me out, saying "Maybe if you lost some weight you'd walk a little faster!" because I wasn't fast enough with his soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 064

You deserved it 2 810

By Faxshadow - 07/01/2009 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell in love with a girl who used to love me. She doesn't anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 589

You deserved it 19 366

Bed move

By wellokthen - 26/11/2019 18:00 - United States - Birmingham

Spicy

Today, my friend sent me a link to a porn video. The guy in it was my boyfriend, the girl in it wasn't me, but they were in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 943

You deserved it 257

By Anonymous - 31/03/2011 21:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend tearfully complained that I was smothering her to death with my clinginess, and that I should learn to respect her boundaries. This is after she complained I wasn't giving her enough attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 817

You deserved it 5 068

By I'm a moron - 27/05/2019 14:03

Today, I woke up in an empty room. Thinking I'd been kidnapped, I kicked the door in. The previous night was a blur, and thought I'd been drugged. I was actually in the room my friends had put me in last night, because I went on a drunken rampage. It cost me $100 for a new door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588

You deserved it 3 120

By anonymous - 23/12/2014 11:28 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was yelled at in public for staring at a guy in a wheelchair. I was staring 'cause he was so good looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 213

You deserved it 4 694

By Anonymous - 17/10/2013 21:36 - United States - College Station

Today, my boss gave me a verbal warning. My crime? Calling people "hon", "darlin'", and the like. I work at a Texas diner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 936

You deserved it 5 911

By ImaSneakyNinja - 17/11/2016 02:55 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I asked a girl that I've been talking to for a couple of weeks out, but immediately got rejected because I'm left handed. I guess I'll leave that part out next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 698

You deserved it 810

By savvylady - 18/06/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, I was invited out to a date by my ex-boyfriend. He seemed really excited to reconnect and kept holding my hand and complimenting how I looked. Out of nowhere a girl runs up to him screaming. It was his current girlfriend, he was using me to make her jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 354

You deserved it 6 681

Envy

By Anonymous - 26/08/2010 08:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 171

You deserved it 13 066

By Nothanks - 06/06/2016 02:43

Today, at the healthy age of 26, I broke my hip during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 105

You deserved it 1 345

By revalc - 16/08/2009 04:35 - Canada

Today, I'm having my housewarming party and had prepared food, drink and games for all the 19 confirmed guests on Facebook. I waited till 11 but nobody showed up. I checked Facebook again and realized I had accidentally put tomorrow as the party date. I have to work the whole day tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 567

You deserved it 51 772

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 00:46 - United States - Detroit

Today, it was my first day at my new job at a nursing home. Not only were we short staffed, two residents passed away, and I got beaten up by an old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 466

You deserved it 2 540

By Anonymous - 19/05/2019 14:15

Today, I walked into work on time, went into my office, sat down and turned on the computer. After working for about 4 hours, my wife called and told me to look at the clock on my computer. I put it off until after lunch, when I realized today is Sunday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 1 254

By TheKunitzShow14 - 10/08/2011 07:22 - United States

Today, while walking on the sidewalk, someone hit me with their car. They yelled at me for being in their way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 257

You deserved it 3 346

By Hooty - 02/09/2015 21:52 - United States - Groveton

Spicy

Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 324

You deserved it 2 295

By Anonymous - 09/06/2015 20:52 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 444

You deserved it 2 814

By noantiquesforme - 30/03/2015 18:39 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 681

You deserved it 2 710

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Friday 27 March 2009 0:26

idiot don't do that ever again i hate seeing that sad face women make.

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Sunday 19 April 2009 4:11

last thing a guy wants for his birthday -tie first thing a girl thinks of when she gets something for her boyfriend's birthday- tie seriously, y bother? just give him a blowjob, it would be free, and he will always like it

Comments

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Wednesday 18 February 2009 1:26

If it were me that this happened to, I would just tell her politely that I would not like a tie as a present. It keeps it from happening again, in any case.

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Friday 2 December 2011 6:53

am I the first to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! on FML ?

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Friday 27 March 2009 0:26

idiot don't do that ever again i hate seeing that sad face women make.

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Monday 24 May 2010 1:53

women on the other hand love the sad face men make(:

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 23:07

Well ill be the devils advocate for a second and say this in OPs defence, that was a really bad gift from his girlfriend, she clearly doesnt care enough about her boyfriend to get him something nice or put any effort in, I mean can you imagine if it was a woman and her boyfriend bought her some hair clips or some stupid shit, this would be a non stop attack on her boyfriend, so OP you said the stupidest possible thing and your girlfriend really needs to put more effort in her gifts.

Boomi 38

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Wednesday 14 September 2016 18:15

Besides, hasn't anyone told OP "don't look a gift horse in the mouth"?

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Sunday 29 March 2009 6:40

FYL for the bad gift and awkward moment.

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Thursday 2 April 2009 18:18

Hahahahah. It sucked as a gift anyway

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Sunday 19 April 2009 4:11

last thing a guy wants for his birthday -tie first thing a girl thinks of when she gets something for her boyfriend's birthday- tie seriously, y bother? just give him a blowjob, it would be free, and he will always like it

HarmoniousMe 11

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Tuesday 9 August 2016 6:05

This is my theory for gift giving... also a nice home made meal of their favorite food and dessert.

24788 6

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Saturday 2 May 2009 12:29

lol everyone does that at one point.

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Monday 25 May 2009 3:43

She gives you a gift and you immediately think tie? Does she get you a lot of ties or something?

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Thursday 20 August 2009 4:04

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i c nothing wrong with this fml

pulpfiction_fml 3

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Friday 21 August 2009 6:37

If you're lucky, she'll think that you just peeked at your present beforehand.

h8mylifesomuch 4

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Monday 24 August 2009 19:12

HAHAHA. AT LEAST YOU DIDNT GET A BOW. LOL THAT DUZ SUK. I H8 BEING SAUGHTY TOO. TRUST ME, IS HAPPENED TO ALL UF US B4.

ChickenNuggets22 0

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Tuesday 27 March 2012 4:47

AND U KNO WAT I H8?? Bad grammar and spelling.

randomchick856 5

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Thursday 31 May 2012 22:44

wtf I cannot even read this...

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 47

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 118

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 44