Money: Today, I bought myself an MP3 player. Later, I was laying in... - FML

19/11/2008 11:02 - France

Today, I bought myself an MP3 player. Later, I was laying in bed, listening to music and eating a bowl of cereal, when I went to move the bowl of cereal on the bedside table for some shut eye. I dropped my MP3 player into the leftover milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 336

You deserved it 29 760

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Leaving makes sense

Pleased to meet you

Bye Herbie

By Anonymous - 17/11/2020 04:56 - United States - Marietta

Today, after hours of waiting and $300 spent, I find out my transmission is dying. My car is old, so the price of rebuilding it is more than it's worth. That's money well spent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 81

11/07/2015 12:51 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after coming home from an AFL match in Melbourne at about 11pm, I saw a woman asleep on the train as we neared the end of the line. Being a nice person, I went to wake her, to which she started screaming and trying to punch me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 641

You deserved it 3 213

14/03/2014 23:23 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I was tanning nude in my backyard, when I took a picture of our dog lying in the grass and sent it to my dad. It was only after I looked at the picture indoors that I realized my nipple had made it into the picture too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 398

You deserved it 37 670

06/10/2011 22:28 - Canada

Today, I was suspended from work. Some lady went to the manager and told them that I was stalking her, all because I would kindly greet her everyday at the grocery store. I'm the cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 859

You deserved it 2 160

08/12/2014 02:12 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 741

You deserved it 4 887

15/12/2016 03:43 - United States - Irving

Today, while practicing for a competition, someone decided to spin a rifle with a bayonet. I'm currently sitting in the ER with stitches in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 146

You deserved it 532

24/07/2015 14:02 - Aruba - Oranjestad

Today, it was my first day working at a library. I expected it to be fun and peaceful, not to end up having to call the cops on a guy who started jerking off into a book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 898

You deserved it 1 831

Such a Jerry thing to do...

By Jerry - 19/12/2017 15:00

Today, I woke up and realized I didn't start a fire last night. I live in Alaska and our winter nights can reach -30 below zero. My fish are dead, my plasma television won't turn on, and the cat has frostbite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 517

You deserved it 3 197

05/02/2014 02:36 - Australia - Sydney

Today, while on a road trip through Australia with my dad, we were both complaining that we had yet to see any kangaroos. Suddenly, we saw one up real close. The rental car saw it even closer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 689

You deserved it 7 448

02/02/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 752

You deserved it 7 024

01/10/2013 12:32 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, my boyfriend's dad said he'd given my boyfriend £100 to take me out for a meal last night and he hoped I'd enjoyed it. Last night my boyfriend and I went to Pizza Hut, shared a pizza and split the bill. Turns out my boyfriend had simply pocketed the money without telling anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 067

You deserved it 3 992

16/03/2009 17:18 - Poland

Spicy

Today, I fell asleep in history class. I was dreaming about my history teacher. When I woke up everyone stared at me rather weirdly and the teacher wasn't there. Turns out I was moaning my history teachers name through my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 752

You deserved it 40 085

20/09/2010 14:33 - United States

Today, I got fired from my recently acquired job at a doctor's office because I don't "agree with family values". The way I'm disrespecting their "family values"? I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 237

You deserved it 22 462

26/12/2009 01:50 - United States

Today, I was unloading things into a hotel. As I went to get a bag out in the hallway, the room door closed and I had no key. When I knocked and asked my family to let me back in, no one answered. The doors are clearly not soundproof. I could hear them debating whether or not to let me back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 358

You deserved it 4 055

11/10/2013 11:45 - United States - Monroe

Today, after sending in my passport application for a trip to Paris, I got a letter from the state department saying despite them having my original birth certificate, I don't exist. Upon calling them, I was told that it only proves I'm a citizen, not that I exist. I pay taxes and have a mortgage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 405

You deserved it 2 700

26/07/2015 17:29 - United Kingdom - Surbiton

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced." and took a rain check on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 622

You deserved it 2 897

Move!

By Mogg - 18/12/2009 08:42 - Australia

Today, I was at the cinema. There was a really tall woman in front of me and whenever I leaned to the right or left she would lean to the same side I do. Later, she started laughing. They guy next to her was telling her where I moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 850

You deserved it 3 248

15/01/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 379

You deserved it 37 588

19/06/2011 06:38 - United States

Today, I left early from a trashy dance and bought a soda at a Shell station. The clerk asked me if I had been smoking weed. When I replied "No", he said "You mean you always look like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 540

You deserved it 5 582

Heavy sandwich, man

By Anonymous - 07/06/2021 22:01

Today, I was sitting on park bench eating a sandwich when suddenly the bench broke and I fell and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 85

09/07/2016 16:38

Today, I didn't want to get sand in my shoes. So I walked down to the beach barefoot. The sand was so hot that it burned the soles of my feet. I now have blisters across the bottom of my feet and between my toes. But at least there's no sand in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 434

You deserved it 4 951

07/12/2013 17:29 - United States - Portland

Today, my 6-year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 874

You deserved it 6 173

27/04/2017 20:00

Today, it took me longer than it should have with a bit of calculations to remember how old I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 383

You deserved it 846

21/08/2011 19:48 - United States

Today, a fight broke out between my 21 year old sister and our 6 year old brother. I tried to intervene, only to end up getting battered to shit in the process. According to my sister, he's going to hell for eating her candy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 490

You deserved it 3 390

04/07/2009 15:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I checked my voicemail. I was really surprised to hear an adorable message from my boyfriend, who was vacationing in Florida. I was even more surprised to hear him having sex with some other girl for the last seven minutes of the message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 488

You deserved it 3 250

16/11/2009 05:30 - Canada

Today, feeling like I needed to relax, I ordered room service at my hotel. When I was finished I went to put the tray outside not thinking about needing a key to get back in. I locked myself out of my room wearing happy face underwear in a $250 a night hotel. I had to go to the lobby to get a new key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 280

You deserved it 26 896

Check that expiration date man, it's later than you think

By Anonymous - 17/05/2021 11:01 - Chile - Santiago

Today, I found out that I might not get a job in the States, because I let my certification expire and haven't driven in the States in two years. I can't get the experience without a job, can't get a job without experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 296

01/03/2017 16:00

Today, a coworker left a chocolate cake on the "free food" table in the office. I had a slice. She's just called to ask if she left her grandmother's birthday cake at work. She made it from scratch. Now I'm baking a new cake in the office kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 586

You deserved it 1 492

04/12/2015 07:14 - United States - Modesto

Today, I got detention at school because a girl told the principal I was stalking her on campus. I wasn't stalking her, we just have very similar schedules. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 020

You deserved it 1 685

01/09/2018 20:30

Today, after 3 days of hearing a car alarm going off almost continuously, the city finally came and towed it. Immediately after, the owner showed up with a switchblade, inquiring who called the city. My neighbors ratted me out, despite the fact I had nothing to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 044

You deserved it 161

10/03/2010 18:37 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum decided to teach me a lesson about carelessly leaving my wallet about. She left it on the floor so our puppy could use it and its contents as a chew toy. I was almost impressed to discover that he can eat three £20 notes and still have room for debit cards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 976

You deserved it 9 088

22/08/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I listened to a voice mail from my mom about how she misses me and cant wait to see me when I get back from vacation. Thinking she hung up, my mother then had a conversation with my aunt about how quiet the house is without me and how she'd be blessed if I didn't come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 980

You deserved it 2 861

17/01/2011 01:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 962

You deserved it 6 991

05/09/2010 04:44 - United States

Today, while I was working at child care, I told a two year old not to hit. He threw a bucket at me that bounced off my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 124

You deserved it 4 778

04/04/2016 22:46 - Switzerland

Today, my boss and I were bragging about our new phones. I unlocked mine to show its awesome display, and accidentally opened a job search app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 723

You deserved it 7 321

23/08/2013 18:21 - United States - New Bern

Today, my boyfriend and I were discussing sports injuries, and I mentioned that I pulled a muscle in my crotch last year. He snorted and called me a clueless idiot because according to him, "girls don't have crotches". He's a med student. I sense malpractice lawsuits in our future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 238

You deserved it 4 006

Not feeling it

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 03:59

Spicy

Today, it's the 11th time in a row my wife has promised sex, then backed out. Some were good valid reasons I’ll admit, but this time we got as far as naked dry-humping when she suddenly decided she was too upset about our cat dying 8 years ago, so instead she played on her phone until she fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 183

27/08/2012 14:50 - United States - Cheboygan

Today, I finished my shopping at Costco, and realized I had forgotten where I had parked. After scouring the parking lot for 20 minutes, I called the police and filed a report for a stolen vehicle. I then remembered I had bought a new car yesterday and parked it right next to the entrance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 999

You deserved it 37 788

18/03/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I was walking up to girlfriends house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic i surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and i watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriends mom in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 787

You deserved it 14 961

18/06/2011 06:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 841

You deserved it 6 615

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grandmasattack 0

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Friday 13 March 2009 6:15

Add "saves your mp3 player" to the list of the reasons why you should drink all of your milk

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Sunday 24 May 2009 6:09

something ive learnt over the years of being an idiot, dont eat cerial in bed

Comments

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Wednesday 4 February 2009 12:37

put it to good use and gobble that shit up.

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Sunday 8 March 2009 1:50

Not to worry, the MP3 player is probably still under warranty. As long as you don't tell the tech support people HOW it broke, they'll send you a new one.

grandmasattack 0

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Friday 13 March 2009 6:15

Add "saves your mp3 player" to the list of the reasons why you should drink all of your milk

Boomi 38

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Wednesday 14 September 2016 18:19

Why don't some people drink the milk? If they don't like milk, why not leave milk out of the cereal bowl?

MyImmortal_fml 0

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Tuesday 17 March 2009 12:55

Blow-dry it.

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Sunday 29 March 2009 23:53

GROAN! Oh no.

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 21:23

and you wouldn't look where you put your new MP3 player down... why? irresponsible.

happierthenyou 0

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Tuesday 21 April 2009 13:58

how long are you going to eat the cereal o_o if there is still milk in it "after a while"

24788 6

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Wednesday 29 April 2009 9:00

Pay more attention next time. I-pods aren't cheap!

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Sunday 24 May 2009 6:09

something ive learnt over the years of being an idiot, dont eat cerial in bed

Send a private message

Friday 5 June 2009 4:57

Don't eat cereal and listen to your portable music playing device, kids.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 29

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 456