Work: Today, I went running to the gym on the way to work and I forgot... - FML

By RadYoHeaD - United Kingdom

Today, I went running to the gym on the way to work and I forgot to bring a spare shirt. All I have to wear is a wet white tshirt. FML

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Jealousy

Bad guy (duh)

Sounds like a keeper

By Smoothskin - Australia - Heidelberg

Today, I shaved my face after several months of growth. This would be OK if my 4-year-old daughter would still talk to me. Apparently she doesn't recognise me, and I'm scary. FML

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By Hailey Antone - United States

Today, I brought my date home to meet my parents. We walked in the front door to find my drunken father wearing nothing but a Viking helmet, and swinging and jabbing our living room furniture with a pool noodle. FML

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By me - Canada

Today, my exchange student asked me for a ride to a party at a friend's house that I didn't know about. When I said, "Oh, just let me change", she replied, "I just need the ride, you're not invited." FML

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By me - United States

Today, while in my drama class, my character in a play has to quickly jump up out from his desk. Somehow, my shirt got caught on the desk, ripping it almost completely off in front of a live audience. FML

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By batgirlrules881 - United States

Today, I confronted my boyfriend because I suspected he had been cheating. His reply? "Took you long enough to figure it out." FML

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By stolenbike - United States

Today, my motorcycle was stolen from the 4th level of my “secure” gated parking garage. I strategically park it tightly between my car and a concrete wall to limit theft opportunity. They scratched my car trying to get it out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ignored my cat's incessant meowing, and pushed him away every time he wanted to be petted. The next time I walked downstairs I found him dead. FML

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By Relevance - United States

Today, my husband fell for an online scam leaving us 1450.00 in the negative. We get paid tomorrow and most of our money is going to cover that debt. FML

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By pandora - Israel - Palmahim

Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I paid $70 to learn from the vet that my cat doesn't have a UTI, he's just developed a fetish for peeing on plastic bags. FML

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By me

Today, my boyfriend of nearly 4 years, with whom I have a baby, broke up with me. His reason? His best friend said he didn't like drinking with guys who were "tied down". FML

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By Duellist

Today, someone in Fedex typo'd "KZ" for "NZ" and sent our fencing weapons to Kazakhstan. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/4/2021 17:59 - Canada - Regina

Stuck

Today, I found out that I'm not getting a new position I applied for at my company. Now, I have to continue working for my boss, who recently severely criticized my spelling in my reports, only they weren't my reports, and when I pointed this out, she simply never responded. FML

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By mysidesaresplitting - United States - Oxford

Today, I had the pleasure of finding out how it feels to poop with 3 broken ribs. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2020 02:02

Better off out

Today, I was fired because I spoke up about a supervisor mistreating me. The assistant VP spent the meeting demeaning me to “teach me a lesson” and then said she was firing me because I “stirred the pot." Man, I really loved that job but I won’t miss the toxic work culture. FML

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By Nicks - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my mother-in-lawyer threatened to sue me unless I took my professional wedding photographs off Facebook as she did not like that they made her look fat. She is over 300 pounds. FML

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By Raw

Shovel to the head

Today, I shoveled snow at work. I had to because my co-workers refused to "get sick." I told my co-workers if anyone needs me, just tell them I'm shoveling snow. Our boss asked for me and they said that I left without punching. This also happened when I went out to water the flowers in the summer. FML

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By freezingggg - Reserved

Today, like always, my parents are such tightwads that they refused to turn the heating system on, despite the ball-freezing temperatures. I was so cold, I had to resort to warming my hands up over the toaster. FML

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By Youknowwho - Australia

Today, I was in a toilet cubicle, when I overheard two of my friends at the sink talking about how ugly and skinny I was. FML

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By I have wood - United States - Stephenville

Today, my room mate told all of our mutual friends that he had walked in on me doing woodwork in my room. They all thought he meant he had caught me rubbing one out. I'm actually building a guitar. FML

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By Popscene - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML

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By Sharee K. - United States

Today, while walking in the city with my little sister, she let go of my hand. Not wanting to lose her, I quickly tried to grab it back. That resulted in me grabbing some 50 year old man's junk. FML

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By idontevenlikehamsters - United States - Manassas

Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML

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By ana9 - France

Today, my mother bought me Mickey Mouse shaped burgers for my dinner. I'm 19. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2020 02:02

Emergency haircut

Today, I told off my crazy sister-in-law after she made my wife cry for putting on weight during lockdown. Then, as I was sleeping in my armchair, the crazy bitch snuck into the house and cut off every single one of my meter-long dreadlocks. Now I got a BALD HEAD. FML

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By really?!? - United States - Wendell

Today, I was driving my 9 month pregnant sister around in our golf cart and it died. I had to push it the rest of the way home. She wouldn't stop faking going into labor. FML

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By U_U - United States

Today, my husband confessed his pregnancy fetish to me, and now wants me to wear a fake belly when we have sex. FML

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By bnc - United States - Jefferson City

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

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By Magicali - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML

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By ihavepinkbackpac - United States

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

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By Serire - United States - Monroe

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

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By playinmyguitar - United States

Today, I invited everyone to a gig I'm playing at a bar. They closed it down just for me when I told them how many people were attending, and I spent all day setting it up. Turns out nobody showed up besides my mom, my dad, and 2 of my cousins. I still had to play 7 songs in front of them. FML

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By littlemissignored - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my boyfriend and talking about how stressed out I've been because of my job. While I'm speaking, he pulls out his phone and says his boss is texting him and it was important. There was a game of Tetris reflecting onto his glasses from his phone. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I purchased a cactus in a cute little pot and put it on my windowsill so it could get sun. Unfortunately, that's also where I have my alarm clock. Guess which one I grabbed in the morning. FML

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By illequipt - Canada

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

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By SimpleSadie

Today, after finally going to therapy for anxiety like everyone wanted, I discovered the itching feeling that kept me awake at night was actually caused by a bedbug infestation. FML

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By AwkwardMoments

Today, while napping on the couch, I had a very vivid dream about a girl I like. I woke up to my mother and father choking back laughter and recording me on their phones. I don't know what's worse: waking up with a boner in front of my parents or finding out I was also talking dirty in my sleep. FML

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By aaannnddd there goes my boner - United Kingdom

Today, I arrived at work six minutes late due to heavily congested traffic. This is just two days after my boss put out a memo saying that anyone who's late to work from then until the new year will have their holiday bonus pay forfeited. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML

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Top comments

By 0___0 | 9

#12520 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 11:33

ik they really need to put gender on here. If you're a guy you could have taken off your shirt ;P
or if you're a girl... WET T-SHIRT PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By knotyersn | 0

#15937 - Thursday 5 March 2009 10:51

hell you might get a raise at work :)

COMMENTS

By 0___0 | 9

#12520 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 11:33

ik they really need to put gender on here. If you're a guy you could have taken off your shirt ;P
or if you're a girl... WET T-SHIRT PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By knotyersn | 0

#15937 - Thursday 5 March 2009 10:51

hell you might get a raise at work :)

By rachel_brokeNCYD | 0

#266683 - Thursday 4 June 2009 21:30

sweet xD

By Dancinangel8823 | 0

#339206 - Thursday 25 June 2009 9:17

EVERYONE PLEASE VOTE A 5 FOR ME!!!

By Gabe411036 | 0

#339207 - Thursday 25 June 2009 9:18

A 5?ure lucky if u get a 3. this is not a nutty face

Reply

Mhmthathappened | 0

#340566 - Thursday 25 June 2009 23:27

I agree. This isn't really... crazy.

By Brycicles | 0

#339278 - Thursday 25 June 2009 9:49

lol @ far right. shoulda had her doing main person

By BBkid | 0

#391184 - Monday 13 July 2009 1:05

Y would u go to the gym b4 work?

Reply

coolster5000 | 22

#5409357 - Sunday 17 March 2013 23:17

Maybe he didn't want to look fat in front of his boss who he is in love with

By dan81892 | 2

#403665 - Friday 17 July 2009 4:27

pics or it didn't happen

Reply

fylx100 | 19

#3921910 - Sunday 22 January 2012 3:30

To anyone who didn't understand this. The comment is a reference to another FML XD LOL!

By cherrypieguy | 0

#455500 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 5:07

Agreeed pics pls

By dillpill33 | 0

#656793 - Friday 6 November 2009 0:45

Buy a t-shirt! Duh! Are you that poor? OH MY GOD SORRY THAT WAS MY BROTHER!! Just buy a dill pill and forget about this.

Reply

jamesSIII | 0

#964351 - Friday 19 March 2010 20:07

ahem...lame.

and that's not too bad, sure it'll smell but it'll dry soon enough?