Today, I went running to the gym on the way to work and I forgot... - FML

By RadYoHeaD - 4/12/2008 07:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I went running to the gym on the way to work and I forgot to bring a spare shirt. All I have to wear is a wet white tshirt. FML

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Rock, hard place

Last dates

Incognito browsing

By alone - 14/2/2012 05:34 - Australia

Today, I arranged to have some flowers delivered at work for Valentine's Day so that my colleagues will think someone likes me. FML

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By ohseven6421 - 3/9/2010 04:13 - United States

Today, I decided to drive my mothers Bentley. She is out of town and told me not to go near the car. Being 17, I didn't listen. As I was backing out the driveway, I was hit by an SUV, seriously damaging my moms car. Who was driving the SUV? My mom, coming home early. FML

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By OutoftheLoop - 20/2/2009 09:24 - China

Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML

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By NeitherHrotsvitNorErkembaldus - 29/7/2016 21:21 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned that the hardest part of marrying a historian is choosing baby names. His top choices derive from two Roman magistrates, two abbesses, a tenth-century author, and an obscure Greek official. I already let him name our pug, for whom he chose the name "Tertullianus." FML

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By Bex - 20/1/2017 16:00

Today, I got back home after traveling in internet-scarce areas. The first thing I did when I got a solid connection was withdraw from a study abroad program I couldn't afford. Later I found the email telling me that I had been offered an all-expenses-paid scholarship. Too bad I'm not going now. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2016 12:27 - United States - New York

Today, my drunk dad told me I'm smart enough that any guy could overlook the fact that I'm fat, but not smart enough that they could overlook how ugly I am. Gee, thanks. FML

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By stillchubby - 17/2/2011 11:12 - Australia

Today, I was thinking about my new diet and workout plan as I was getting dressed in the morning, feeling much thinner and more energetic. Just as the thought passed through my brain, the button on my skirt popped off. FML

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By - 13/1/2017 18:00

Today, I had to suspend a student. Apparently, someone convinced him that he turned invisible. He walked into the girls locker room thinking he could not be seen. I work at a high school. FML

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By dirtyclothess - 2/5/2011 00:01

Today, my mom informed me that she doesn't wash my clothes anymore. Instead, she sprays them with Febreze to "save money". FML

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By grossedoutgirlfriend - 4/10/2019 14:00

Not so normal, no

Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML

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By Nick Nameous - 1/1/2009 06:22 - United States

Today, I celebrated the new year. Alone. FML

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By anonymouschicka - 1/8/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, I finished doing a resume that I had spent three hours on. I e-mailed it to the business I was applying for, satisfied. I decided to look it over. The first thing I notice, I spelt my own name wrong. FML

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By JRLJLS - 15/4/2013 09:09 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

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By susan - 24/2/2010 01:26 - United States

Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML

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By itswhateverr - 3/5/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, my 6 year old granddaughter was sitting on my lap playing with the rings on my fingers. After a moment, she pointed to a gold ring with many jewels and said, "When you die can I have that one?" FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2015 14:43 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, I went indoor rock climbing. After finally making it to the top, my pants ripped on my last move. I wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

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By PinkTornado - 17/3/2009 14:20 - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After three long weeks of him ignoring me and cancelling out on time we were supposed to spend with each other. He looked at me with the most confused look on his face. Then he says ''Are you serious? I was planning the perfect day to ask you to marry me'' FML

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By IhatebeingtheDD - 15/10/2010 14:08 - United States

Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2011 23:16 - United States

Today, my fiancé nervously sat me down for a "serious chat". The chat wound up with him asking if we could postpone our wedding, because his World of Warcraft guild had a raid scheduled for the same day. FML

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By MusicLover18 - 3/9/2014 23:35 - Canada - Leduc

Today, I caught my little sister taking a selfie in the mirror with a fake nose piercing, peace sign, and a duck face. She's 12. FML

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By CoronaDating - 23/3/2020 23:10

Covid-19 vs. Sex life

Today, I've been single for a couple of months. The last time I was single, Tinder and dating apps didn't exist. After figuring out how to be successful with those and setting up several dates, I've already had 3 date cancellations for this week because of the coronavirus. It's going to be a long couple of months. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2011 01:07 - United States

Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming, "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, I realized that when my new roommate said we could both use the condoms he bought, he didn't mean separately. FML

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By Unlucky - 19/12/2018 02:00 - United Kingdom - Bagworth

Today, I found out my ex gave me an STI. Today I also found out I'm allergic to the medication. FML

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By Potential Bridezilla - 10/8/2011 07:18 - United Arab Emirates

Today, a week after my fiancé and I got engaged, his mother is already complaining that she isn't involved enough in the wedding arrangements. We haven't even set a date yet. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2015 07:28 - United States - Plainview

Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2019 06:00 - United States - Los Angeles

I'm sitting right here

Today, I got my nails done at a salon where everyone working there was Vietnamese. During my manicure, the manicurists talked about how ugly I was in their native tongue. They couldn't have known that I'd lived in Vietnam and I'm fluent in Vietnamese, but too chickenshit to speak up. FML

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By Jill - 7/8/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I moved into my new flat only to notice it's right across from a frequently used railway line. FML

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By unendowed - 18/3/2012 02:11 - United States - Katy

Time consumed

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2010 18:04 - Canada

Today, I got my first university math midterm back. I did so bad that my teacher put a sadface on the first page. FML

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By christiner - 6/9/2010 03:01 - France

Today, I was at work and was confronted by a customer wanting to get a "Nemo" fish. I explained that 'Nemo' needs to live in saltwater, not freshwater, like their tank was. The customer then turns around and grabs a perforated tank divider and says, "Can't I just split them up with this?" FML

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By man-period? - 2/3/2016 06:48 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2011 02:02 - United Kingdom

Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML

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By allalone - 14/7/2010 00:33 - United States

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

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By bellerz14 - 23/12/2011 02:58 - United States

Today, I saw my dad sitting in the car alone, blaring classical music, blowing up beach balls. FML

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By someone - 17/9/2013 16:38 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was lying naked on my boyfriend's bed for the first time ever. He glanced at me, then started playing with a Rubik's cube. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2013 22:55 - United States - Ithaca

Today, I discovered that when you suddenly get channels that you didn't have before, it doesn't mean there was a glitch and you're getting free TV, it just means that your son called the cable company and had your plan changed so you get every conceivable channel at a hugely increased price. FML

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By khaelian - 10/11/2010 17:22 - United States

Today, my girlfriend fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. She also had a bruise on her leg due to her friend biting her. I spent the night in the hospital to be there for her and support her, but I should have expected that the nurses would treat me like a criminal. FML

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By ANON - 18/3/2016 16:04 - United States - Littleton

Today, I went straight from work to a blind date, and I decided to change in my car at the parking lot. Someone pulled up next to me as I had my ass to the window. It was my date. FML

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Top comments

By 0___0 | 9

#12520 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 11:33

ik they really need to put gender on here. If you're a guy you could have taken off your shirt ;P
or if you're a girl... WET T-SHIRT PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By knotyersn | 0

#15937 - Thursday 5 March 2009 10:51

hell you might get a raise at work :)

COMMENTS

By 0___0 | 9

#12520 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 11:33

ik they really need to put gender on here. If you're a guy you could have taken off your shirt ;P
or if you're a girl... WET T-SHIRT PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By knotyersn | 0

#15937 - Thursday 5 March 2009 10:51

hell you might get a raise at work :)

By rachel_brokeNCYD | 0

#266683 - Thursday 4 June 2009 21:30

sweet xD

By Dancinangel8823 | 0

#339206 - Thursday 25 June 2009 9:17

EVERYONE PLEASE VOTE A 5 FOR ME!!!

By Gabe411036 | 0

#339207 - Thursday 25 June 2009 9:18

A 5?ure lucky if u get a 3. this is not a nutty face

Reply

Mhmthathappened | 0

#340566 - Thursday 25 June 2009 23:27

I agree. This isn't really... crazy.

By Brycicles | 0

#339278 - Thursday 25 June 2009 9:49

lol @ far right. shoulda had her doing main person

By BBkid | 0

#391184 - Monday 13 July 2009 1:05

Y would u go to the gym b4 work?

Reply

coolster5000 | 22

#5409357 - Sunday 17 March 2013 23:17

Maybe he didn't want to look fat in front of his boss who he is in love with

By dan81892 | 2

#403665 - Friday 17 July 2009 4:27

pics or it didn't happen

Reply

fylx100 | 19

#3921910 - Sunday 22 January 2012 3:30

To anyone who didn't understand this. The comment is a reference to another FML XD LOL!

By cherrypieguy | 0

#455500 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 5:07

Agreeed pics pls

By dillpill33 | 0

#656793 - Friday 6 November 2009 0:45

Buy a t-shirt! Duh! Are you that poor? OH MY GOD SORRY THAT WAS MY BROTHER!! Just buy a dill pill and forget about this.

Reply

jamesSIII | 0

#964351 - Friday 19 March 2010 20:07

ahem...lame.

and that's not too bad, sure it'll smell but it'll dry soon enough?