Today, a hummingbird somehow got into my house. I spent two and a half hours trying to get it out after finally using a blanket to catch it. I run outside to release it from my hands, and it flew back into my house. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2010 at 12:17pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, when I got home from work, my fiancé was finishing up with the plumber who had just installed new fixtures for our shower. I decided that I was going to be the first to break it in. I went to the bathroom, got undressed and went to start the water. The OTHER plumber was still in there. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2010 at 10:37am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend elbowed me in the eye while we were sleeping. His excuse: "You shouldn't have stayed over." FML

by me / 10/27/2010 at 8:36am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, it was my little girl's birthday and her grandparents came over to celebrate. One of the presents from her grandparents turned out to be a sweater. She then asked, "Mommy, may I please lie?" When I shook my head no, she exclaimed, "I hate this ugly sweater!" FML

by Lisaaa / 10/27/2010 at 7:47am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, we surprised my grandpa by being at his house when he arrived. We haven't seen him in seven years. He had a small heart attack. It was his birthday. FML

by Sean / 10/27/2010 at 6:04am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to let in my new German Shepherd puppy inside to show the guest how adorable he is. In the middle of our conversation, he came running up to us with my vibrator in his mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2010 at 3:37am / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy

Today, at work, there is a rumor going around that I'm gay. Somewhat curious at how did this start, I asked a co-worker. He said I was seen 3 days ago at a mall holding hands with someone who looks like a guy from behind. Three days ago, I was at the mall with my girlfriend. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling and telling eachother nice things. The nicest thing he could think of to say to me was "Well, I see you shaved your mustache." FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2010 at 2:12am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I took a shower and right after I fell asleep on my bed wrapped in my towel. I awoke to find my dad slapping me in the face. He thought I had fainted because I'm a diabetic. FML

by haleyfml / 10/27/2010 at 2:07am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for halloween. He said "Single". FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2010 at 2:01am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I spent all day handing out flyers advertising my services as a psychic. I got only one call. The caller wanted to inform me that I had misspelt the word "psychic" on my flyer. She was right. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2010 at 1:58am / United States / Work

Today, I realized that my dandruff issue was so horrible, that even my eyebrows have dandruff. FML

by ew / 10/27/2010 at 1:24am / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I went to the new Walmart to buy a space heater. After dodging cones in the parking lot, and trying to open several doors while employees looked on, I checked the sign, which said "24 hours." I then realized is stated that the grand opening is tomorrow. I'm now sitting in my apartment shivering. FML

by Bellucy27 / 10/26/2010 at 11:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous