Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Intimacy

Amosatron's comment : Your boyfriend is a legend!

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Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

by sos / 01/16/2011 at 10:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I watched as a guy hit my car, laugh when he saw me running towards him, and drive away. FML

by sam / 01/16/2011 at 10:32pm / Transportation

Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 9:43pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

yake12's comment : wow! normally I would say ydi for getting a name tattoo but kids are different!! well someone else may be the father but if you raise her properly you can be her dad

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Today, I was on a plane. When my flight attendant brought me my drink, it had a lid and a straw. He told me, very seriously, "not to spill." No one else got a lid. I'm 18, and apparently I look spill-prone. FML

by thisisme / 01/16/2011 at 8:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 8:28pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

fudgepirate's comment : be happy that u have a big dick!! many guys would be jealous!

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Today, I found out that my over protective brother is going to move in with me when he gets out of jail. My chances of ever being in a relationship are now next to zero. FML

by sammsamm56 / 01/16/2011 at 2:27pm / United States / Love

Today, I discovered that I've lost thirty pounds since having my second child. However, I still weigh just as much as I did when I was full-term with my first child. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 12:38pm / United States (Alaska) / Health

Today, I finished working a week's overtime managing admin, stock, finances, and three members of staff. I realised that despite all my extra work, I actually earn less per hour than the students who only work on the weekends. FML

by ovawerkrd / 01/16/2011 at 12:30pm / United Kingdom (London) / Work

Today, I bleached my hair. Not only did it fry, it also has a very noticeable green tint and because of the damage, I can't dye it again for a while. Now I keep getting asked "Why so serious?" by my friends. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 12:18pm / United Kingdom (Torbay) / Miscellaneous

Today, for an eight hour flight to Copenhagen, Denmark, I paid extra to get a seat offering more leg room. Unfortunately, the man behind me was so tall, his knees were pressing against my back the entire flight. FML

by jetlagged / 01/16/2011 at 12:17pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Transportation

Today, I went to get a tattoo of my girlfriend's name to surprise her. Halfway through the tattooing, she called and broke up with me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 5:48am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I was sitting on the bus when a good looking girl accidentally brushed her ass up against my shoulder as she walked past. This only made me realize that this has been the closest I've come to touching a girls ass in over a year. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 2:49am / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy