Smoking, Fight and Miscellaneous: Cassius

Cassius

By Noname - 11/03/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 445

You deserved it 9 466

Smoking Fight Miscellaneous

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Same thing different taste

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 799

You deserved it 4 710

Stealth

By Andy - 18/11/2008 21:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a smoke out on the balcony of my apartment. When I was walking back into the house, I walked straight into the large glass sliding door, loudly whacking it with my forehead, subsequently waking up my 2 other flatmates at 2.30am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 541

You deserved it 26 108

By Ouch - 10/04/2011 08:55 - Canada

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 896

You deserved it 30 717

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 05:56 - United States

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 727

You deserved it 6 678

I don't know my strength

By Anonymous - 09/01/2022 06:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 290

By BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 627

You deserved it 32 831

By mike oxsmall - 16/06/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 033

You deserved it 6 549

Do I know you?

By goblue - 21/12/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 452

You deserved it 3 170

Caught

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:47 - United States - Apollo

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 590

You deserved it 7 903

By Matt - 13/07/2012 19:06 - United States

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 339

You deserved it 57 779

Tarion 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:15

You have an awesome dad. Be proud of that. Be a little ashamed that he made you his bitch though.

Tri_fml 5

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:13

Well at least you know your dad ain't a bitch :d

Comments

ezflip 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:06

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

hellzrydaz 0

Friday 12 March 2010 5:08

tell ronnie you got knocked the **** out!!!

YouSeriouslySuck 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 22:58

yay I'm at the top! then I'll be moderated

JamesM9794 0

Thursday 1 April 2010 6:15

I'm w 1

Nicksaysheyyy 0

Tuesday 13 April 2010 23:03

smokey the bear. chew so you don't **** up others. even that's bad. douchefuck

jjpavo 0

Wednesday 14 July 2010 8:43

ydi for smoking

Teyros 24

Friday 23 November 2012 21:03

There is definitely a point trying to be made by smoking OP. :( It won't only be your face that gets hurt by smoking!

RT_fml 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:09

Musta been a good shot hah getting knocked out by your dad, ouch.

th3wh1tee 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:11

LOL

lamarr 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:12

lmao great fml

Tri_fml 5

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:13

Well at least you know your dad ain't a bitch :d

Tarion 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:15

You have an awesome dad. Be proud of that. Be a little ashamed that he made you his bitch though.

dol567 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:21

hahha....

amelinat 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:37

Is your name Laurie? Because your dad's the Comedian!

jSOPURE 3

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:39

You got knocked the **** out! :)

Tehalon 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:45

Owned by your dad, you must feel so small xD

Keywords

Money Work Stressed out Awkward Health Mental health ADHD Poopoo peepee Gross Relatable Parenting Kids Anger issues Funerals Family Drugs Roommate Lonely Love Weird Break-ups AITA Parents Food Annoying Miscellaneous Cooking Transportation Road rage Music

The Top

Today, my son got in an argument with my boyfriend, packed up his stuff, and moved in with his dad. Not five minutes later I saw my boyfriend doing his stupid happy dance. When angrily confronted, he admitted he orchestrated every argument for months until he got the result he wanted, my son gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 869

Today, I went to a barbecue and noticed a girl that I had be interested in. When I walked up to ask how she was doing I noticed she had some BBQ sauce on her face. Jokingly I licked my thumb and reach to remove it. It turned out to be a scab from a pimple she had popped earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 619

You deserved it 59 127

The Top

Today, I went to a dance with the boy I like. To my delight, he tried to pick me up. To my dismay, he couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 357

You deserved it 6 894

Today, I was waiting inside the shelter at the bus stop when a lady came up to me and asked if I would mind if she peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 187

You deserved it 2 344

Today, both my boss and my wife's boss gave us the day off. Do we go biking with the children? Do we go on a picnic with the children? No, I'm not allowed doing anything until she and I find a world-class, free activity to do. This is gonna be our day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 144

Today, some girl from Colorado called me. She knew my name. My Facebook. I had no idea how she got my number. She then asks me out. I say "sure" sarcastically. She then calls my girlfriend, who also lives in Colorado. Our relationship is now over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 907

You deserved it 39 465

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she'd leave me for her ex in a heartbeat. Tomorrow is, or should I say "was", our wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 992

You deserved it 2 399

Today, I slipped on a banana peel in a store parking lot as I was getting out of my car. I landed on my ass. The cops that were parking behind me later informed me that I would be able to see the video on youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 617

You deserved it 2 495