Today, I had to get into my house via the dog flap because my mom changed the locks. FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2011 at 4:18pm / United States / Animals

Today, I drove over 200km from Dublin to Galway, with a broken window. It rained for most of the journey. FML

by Socarates / 02/18/2011 at 4:07pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Transportation

Today, as I go to a small private Christian college, the academic dean came up to me and asked me to put some old records on CD, since I have a record player that can do that. I had to listen to eight records of old students from the 1970's singing bible thumper Christian hippie music. FML

by Shodan2112 / 02/18/2011 at 10:25am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom told me that she was selling my favorite thing in the world, my trombone. The only thing that I'm good at is the trombone. FML

by ihavenothing / 02/18/2011 at 9:47am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML

by sickly / 02/18/2011 at 8:06am / Work

Today, to wipe his crack, my boyfriend is still using a newspaper that I left there when he first started refusing to buy toilet paper. FML

by pandaface / 02/18/2011 at 4:39am / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Health

Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML

by Username / 02/18/2011 at 4:33am / Work

Today, my math teacher brought his laptop to tally up all our scores for our report card. He then displayed the results on a big screen in front of the whole class. The ones who failed were marked yellow. I was the only one marked yellow. FML

by thestudent / 02/18/2011 at 4:30am / Philippines (Manila) / Miscellaneous

Today, I brought home a ukulele I had just bought. Excited, I showed my dad. He then looked at me, smirked, and said "Just like everything else you have, it's a bit smaller than normal." FML

by Austyn / 02/18/2011 at 2:55am / Miscellaneous

Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2011 at 2:35am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to a lease violation and a $220 fine after a routine pest control visit. The violation: my single beta fish in a small bowl. FML

by Username / 02/18/2011 at 12:19am / Animals

Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML

by justmyluck? / 02/17/2011 at 10:02pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally told my dad that he owes me over 400 dollars, and that I need it or else I'd get kicked out of my apartment. He only gave me 70 and said to get a better job. FML

by needofmoney / 02/17/2011 at 9:16pm / United States (Texas) / Money