Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather...

By fashionVictim - United States

Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML

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Miscellaneous

Walk on the wild side

Grow up

Dog whisperer

By Stupidhuman - United States - Sparta

Today, I noticed my cat was about to vomit on the rug and yelled at her to move. She spooked and managed to throw up while running. I still had to clean up the rug. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Today, while driving home, some idiot kept tailgating me, so I slowed down, hoping he'd overtake me. He didn't, so I pulled to the side of the road. He did the same, in front of me. He kept toying with me until I crashed into another car trying to speed away from him. FML

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47479

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By Nikki - Canada

Today, this guy and I went on a date to the movies. We got up to the desk and I asked for one ticket for 'Jennifer's Body.' The guy moved his way in front of me and said, "make that two tickets." He then walked away to look at movie posters and left me with the $22.50 charge. FML

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35119

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By girlgirlinsanity - United States

Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML

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40362

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By Anonymous

Mind your own business

Today, I heard a man call a girl a r*tard. Furious, I stormed up to him and demanded he apologize for using such a vile slur. The girl started laughing her ass off and said, "Mind your own business, r*tard." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, when I got to work, I found out that I was being laid off. Two hours later, I found out my boss had my name on the wrong list. I was elated. I went to lunch, and on the way back was rear ended in the rain. I was an hour and a half late getting back to work. I was fired upon returning. FML

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By Mike - United States - Los Angeles

The Nerve!

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who refers to himself in the third person on a regular basis, told me that I often act entitled. FML

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1267

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By WhyICantHaveNiceThings

From the bottom of my... stomach?

Today, I had the once in a lifetime opportunity to interview someone I’ve greatly admired for years and grew up watching. I was naturally nervous, but I didn’t expect to be so nervous I would throw up on him in the first 5 minutes. FML

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By Jailbird - United States - Redmond

Today, I took a group of teens with me to hang up posters for our church's yard sale. Because it's summer, we went out at dusk to beat the heat. Someone called the cops on us, and we were arrested for "gang activity". FML

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4179

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By shiiiiit - United States

Today, I was having trouble blowing out the last of the several candles on my bedside table. Exasperated, I blew as hard as I could, which sent hot wax from the other candles shooting into the air, all over my face and into my eyes. FML

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By soo

Today, a guest at the hotel I work at started shouting at me. Apparently the street vendor selling sunglasses outside the hotel sold her a pair of 'genuine' Ray Bans for $5. She wanted me to phone the police because she realized two days later they were fake. FML

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By MorganRox26 - Canada

Today, I was looking through pictures on Facebook. There was a picture of me and my friends with the caption "I love you guys!" below. I had been cropped out. FML

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33446

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By sleepingonmydesk - United Kingdom - Longfield

Today, after not being able to sleep for two hours because my boyfriend wouldn't stop talking, he fell asleep and I was left wide awake. I listened to him snore for another three hours and only got a couple of hours sleep. He's not working today, but I am. FML

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27317

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By MedStudent90 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML

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31975

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I frantically chased a customer down the parking lot, because they had left their package at my register. Only to find out that the whole time I was chasing the wrong person. FML

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25461

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By badboyfriend101 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was continuously telling me how great my best friend smelled the other night and how I should wear some perfume that smelled like that. I have the same exact perfume and have been wearing it for months. FML

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71807

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my first day of school as a freshman. I soon became lost and decided to ask a senior for directions to my class. They smiled at me and said "It's on the third floor to the right." After ten minutes of walking up and down stairs and hallways, I discovered there is no third floor. FML

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33422

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

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By J…… - 12/5/2020 17:00

Bad timing

Today, as I was talking to my girlfriend about how I need to find another job to be able to afford school next fall, I hit a deer causing about $3,000 in damages to my car. FML

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1381

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By crosseyed - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the cafeteria when I noticed a new worker cleaning a table. As I passed her, she looked up and smiled at me. Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes and smiled back. She looked hurt and continued working. Later, she served me my lunch. She was actually cross-eyed. FML

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15291

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I looked in my mouse's cage and noticed a tiny weed growing. I've been trying to grow a garden for years to no avail. Even my mouse is a better gardener than I am. FML

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27698

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I left a note on the kitchen table saying to leave the door unlocked because I lost my key. I come home to find our house ransacked and robbed. Minutes later, I found my key. In my pocket. FML

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By lovethateuropeanblood - Japan - Osaka

Today, I enjoyed the soft caressing touch of the person I'm attracted to. It would have been even better if he weren't simply stroking my arm hair in amazement at its superior length and density. FML

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By nerp - Canada - Toronto

Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Raleigh

Today, my neighbors left for their nine month excursion, and armed their security system. One of the features is a loud series of three beeps every three seconds, 24 hours a day. I can hear it, clear as a bell, throughout my entire house. FML

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26290

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By busybuzzybee - United States

Today, my asshole of a roommate finally decided to move out. Not only did he take his belongings with him, he took some of mine as well. Including my dog. FML

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41375

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview at a local business with the owner who was man, and the manager who was a woman. I thought I did pretty well because I heard the manager whisper so, as I was walking out. Then I heard the owner whisper "no fat chicks." FML

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44451

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By shitty candles - United States - Issaquah

Today, I dug out the 5 fancy, extremely expensive candles I bought during Black Friday. I lit one up, and was delighted that it smelled so great. My mother then walked into my room and stated that it smelled "like shit". The other four were going to be a Christmas gift for her. FML

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34513

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By Anonymous

Today, despite all my begging for him to at least be civil, my son started his eulogy at his dad's funeral with the words, “Let me tell you a few things about the bastard in the coffin over there.” It only got worse. FML

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2034

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By Anonymous - United States - Arlington

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

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48081

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By Katie - United States

Today, I was late to work because the metro broke down. Yesterday I was late to work because the train in front of me broke down. The week before that I was late to work because the swat team shut the entire metro station down. Even the interns think I'm making this up. FML

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43580

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By dejected - United States

Today, feeling down and dejected because of the shitty weather and none of my friends or family wanting to spend time with me to feel loved I took my favorite stuffed animal and that says 'I love you' when you squeeze it. I squeezed it. Nothing happened. Even an inanimate object rejected me. FML

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30175

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By Creepster - United States

Today, I almost crashed my car because I was checking out an Old Navy mannequin wearing a bra. FML

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7563

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By Problem - United States

Today, my manager informed me that I will not be completing my job training because I'll be transferring to a different store, and if they want me to work there, that's their problem. Today, I also found out that the new store will not accept me as a transfer unless I've already been trained. FML

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27261

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By katie_sadface - Canada

Today, I learned why so much money has been missing from my credit card account. My boyfriend stole it, and has been buying toys for his 3 children. I never knew he had kids. FML

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30185

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By Momma - France

Today, my kids thought it would be funny to put pictures of naked men and women as people's ID on my phone. They won't tell me how to change it back. FML

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24009

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By Anonymous

Today, I was in a huge traffic jam with my boyfriend due to heavy snowfall. After being in the car for 4 hours, we were stuck in a tunnel with hundreds of cars behind and in front of us. Then the diarrhea hit. I had to shit in a plastic bag in the car. FML

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5422

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By Anonymous - Chile

Today, I finally quit my job after talking with a friend about making our own design/multimedia company. While I was on my way to his house, he called me and told me not to quit because he got an awesome job offer and couldn't refuse. FML

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29991

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By zstarr - United States - Rome

Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML

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15539

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By nybaby - United States

Today, a little girl pointed to the acne on my face and said to her dad, "Look at how many mosquito bites she has on her face!" FML

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Top comments

By sherri | 0

#22064 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:04

You either have a wrist the size of a baby, or this is for an extremely well endowed male!

By fb_fml | 0

#22071 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:05

#3 - maybe it has "several snaps" to adjust the size and she had it on the largest?

COMMENTS

By Tehalon | 0

#22062 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:04

I dont get the FML part in this o.0

PurpleLlamas | 0

#1061358 - Sunday 4 July 2010 4:31

1-she was wearing a cock ring around her wrist

Evan2297 | 0

#3729887 - Wednesday 14 December 2011 12:33

Hehe.. Head shop..

fakedsincerity | 32

#5556064 - Friday 28 June 2013 7:08

Me either. As long as it was new and unworn by a dick, who cares?

By jake_fml | 0

#22063 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:04

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By sherri | 0

#22064 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:04

You either have a wrist the size of a baby, or this is for an extremely well endowed male!

L0VExoxo | 10

#5481870 - Tuesday 7 May 2013 7:40

that's what I was thinking

By fb_fml | 0

#22071 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:05

#3 - maybe it has "several snaps" to adjust the size and she had it on the largest?

Ch_rae5 | 19

#6167471 - Friday 9 January 2015 7:08

that's what I was thinking too! but whoever can fit that last snap must be pretty confident:)

By videogame_loser | 0

#22075 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:06

I mean, that is a common misconception right?

By jake_fml | 0

#22080 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:07

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Akalia_fml | 7

#2026415 - Sunday 30 January 2011 19:24

I can't stop GIGGLING either. :0)

spazz666 | 18

#5115698 - Sunday 4 November 2012 23:19

You forgot to correct "your"

You're*

By blahblahblah44 | 0

#22095 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:11

how is this a fml? it's just a funny story..

By frankoisdarkel | 0

#22104 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:16

shouldve asked where you could get more, if it was that cute.

By sunrises_fml | 0

#22107 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:18

i don't even know how this would work. i have the tiniest wrists/hands. bracelets are always too big & bangles just fall off, but i once tried to put my ex's cock ring on my wrist as a joke and it felt like it was going to cut off the circulation... so wtffff?

Somefruits | 24

#5768447 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 4:37

Maybe it was one of those cock rings that goes around the balls too...? Perhaps then it would be big enough to fit on OP's wrist.

By z_vet | 0

#22110 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:20

So what is FML part of it?