Miscellaneous: Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather...

By fashionVictim - United States

Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44559

You deserved it

12950

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Understandable

The smell detective is on the case

Can they do that?

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting on the train and some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10050

You deserved it

75406

Favorite

By wtf - United States

Today, I was hit in the head by a golf ball. I wasn't near a golf course, and nobody was anywhere in sight. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41736

You deserved it

3855

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Crawfordville

Today, I was intently watching my odometer to see it change from 99,999 to 100,000 when I ran into the back of another vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13249

You deserved it

31428

Favorite

By brick - United States - Geneva

Today, I went to sleep at 7am. I learned once that Indians used to drink tons of water before bed to force themselves awake so I did that in case my alarm (which I hooked up to my speakers) didn't work. The alarm worked, but the shock of the blasting sound made me pee my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2092

You deserved it

3020

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had to endure my father going on a sexist rant about how women shouldn't be allowed to go to university because it's "unrealistic" since "all women" become stay-at-home mums. This is the same man who threatened to kick me out if I dropped out of uni. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35497

You deserved it

2872

Favorite

By Anonymous - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, I had an asthma attack while in bed with my boyfriend. He interrupted my desperate coughing only to tell me to shut up. He then rolled over to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44831

You deserved it

3989

Favorite

By Deconstructed - United States

Today, my husband let me sleep in while he worked on the landscaping by our backyard pool. Ready for a shower, I stripped naked, opened the back door to let the dog out, and stepped out to ask him how it was going. Turns out he'd finally hired a landscaping crew. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46027

You deserved it

27897

Favorite

By anonymous - Australia

Today, as I was walking back inside I noticed my mop leaning on the wall next to my door. I picked it up and started slow dancing with it, imagining it was the girl I'm in love with. I didn't notice my neighbours bunched up at their window laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14432

You deserved it

33896

Favorite

By lol - 28/10/2020 09:57

Waze?

Today, while working as an Uber driver, I asked my passenger for directions and she didn’t know. She was going to her own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

824

You deserved it

562

Favorite

By Lilie - France

Today, my sweetheart came round to drop off some underwear which I'd left at his house. Not all of what he brought was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31272

You deserved it

2475

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was at a restaurant where the host is an attractive guy with only one arm. I was with my family, so I didn't want to be too obvious when checking him out. It seems like I was, though, because he came over and told me it was rude to stare at his arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26941

You deserved it

4061

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/1/2021 02:01

Revelations

Today, I got a message from a woman. It was my boyfriend of five years' ex-girlfriend, telling me that she’s pregnant with his baby and that they’ve been together for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1051

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, is my birthday and my friends and I went to our favorite pub to celebrate. As I'm a little broke at the moment, they all offered to buy me birthday drinks. Which I later learned meant that they would order them for me and bring it to the table, but put everything on my tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32440

You deserved it

2903

Favorite

By sk8rgurl - United States

Today, I was testing for figure skating. I was wearing a brand new custom dress that was a halter top. On my first move, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Immediately after retaking the move, my dress snapped open, exposing myself to the judges. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50276

You deserved it

5587

Favorite

By usafprog - United States

Today, while spray painting a rocking horse for my kids I left the can outside in the sun. When I picked it up it was hot to the touch and I dropped it. It exploded on impact and now I am more blue than the rocking horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42509

You deserved it

22041

Favorite

By howaboutno - United States

Today, my boyfriend, whom I haven't heard from in a whole month, turned up at my door because it was apparently "steak and blowjob day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51337

You deserved it

8653

Favorite

By Fark - United Kingdom

Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30254

You deserved it

4929

Favorite

By bertthelamb - United States

Today, I spent $20 on a spray tan, $30 to have my make up done, and $50 on a pretty new dress all for a special date with my boyfriend. It turns out I spent $100 just to get dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47957

You deserved it

8453

Favorite

By WhoLikesPie - United States - Tampa

Today, I went to my girlfriend's job to surprise her for lunch, her manager said she hasn't worked on a Saturday in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31203

You deserved it

2080

Favorite

By Spongebob Garypants - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I went into my kitchen after placing a line of salt across the floor in front of the back door the night before to ward off slugs that keep getting in, only to find 12 idiotic slugs dead and shrivelled up, leaving a horrible gooey mess. I don't know why I expected any intelligence from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11171

You deserved it

2050

Favorite

By cheddar - United States

Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked out from my window just in time to see a man ripping my mailbox from the ground and sprinting away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33321

You deserved it

2621

Favorite

By Iabnysmwytm - 29/7/2020 14:01

Yeah, that's the same

Today, we were talking about discrimination. I shared my story of being denied housing and a job offer because I'm trans. Some doofus tried to compare it to the time he was denied a car loan due to not having credit history. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1518

You deserved it

649

Favorite

By FYLyfer - United States

Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating his Baconator than he did while sleeping with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21917

You deserved it

5572

Favorite

By photoman - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was informed by a laughing friend, that my phone must be taking and uploading photos to Google+. Among numerous black shots, there is a particularly nice one of me while I'm sitting on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39691

You deserved it

6059

Favorite

By lonely loser - United States - Seattle

Today, I was so desperately lonely that I begged a telemarketer not to hang up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41666

You deserved it

6743

Favorite

By Gosh Darn Phone Thief - 11/12/2020 23:02

Get 'em!

Today, somebody grabbed my phone out of my hands and ran away with it. I'm a cross country runner, albeit one with stress fractures, but I was able to catch up with them and get my phone back. Unfortunately, the running aggravated my stress fractures and I have to get a plaster cast. Merry fricking Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1018

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - Romania

Today, I overheard a conversation between my boyfriend and his best friend about how to shave one's nuts completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33740

You deserved it

9100

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Corrimal

Today, I couldn't see my car in a crowded car park. I pressed unlock on my keys and saw the lights flash. As I walked over I also saw someone run from my car with an armful of my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25639

You deserved it

6569

Favorite

By sexandanxiety - Canada - Stittsville

Today, my mother was trying to have yet another "helpful" conversation about how to fix my anxiety. My sister's insightful comment? "I think your problem is that you need to get laid." My mom agreed with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34525

You deserved it

4181

Favorite

By AquaKelly - United States - Newark

Today, I set a trap to catch a mouse that ran across my foot. Not only did the trap shut on my finger twice, but I watched the mouse run over the trap without it snapping shut. I guess I have a new roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30743

You deserved it

4729

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was fired from my job. I was a lifeguard and the other day a 30 year old man who only spoke spanish hit on me. I'm 16 and politely rejected him. He then went to the front desk and told them how I tried molesting him in the locker room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50392

You deserved it

2630

Favorite

By kumbuck3t15 - Mexico - Distrito Federal

Today, I decided I need to get a life. I reached this epiphany when I failed to take notice of my friend calling me, until he started calling out my Xbox gamertag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8494

You deserved it

25782

Favorite

By 00anon00 - 2/7/2020 02:01

Animalistic

Today, I was fired from my local animal shelter. I was a volunteer and am currently in school for veterinary technology. My education made the paid staff at the shelter feel threatened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1586

You deserved it

139

Favorite

By fatty - United States

Today, my fitness trainer husband told me that if I could not make the commitment to stay thin, he could not make the commitment to stay with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46271

You deserved it

15632

Favorite

By knobbed - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58824

You deserved it

4866

Favorite

By Sad preggo

Today, my attention-seeking sister-in-law came to my 20 week ultrasound and afterward, without my knowledge, took it upon herself to announce the gender to Facebook and call the entire family, telling them "we're having a boy" nullifying any need for the announcement I had spent 4 weeks planning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7614

You deserved it

730

Favorite

By mongoosemike

Today, I walked downstairs, made a bowl of hot cereal, and held a full conversation with my brother's girlfriend, before I finally put two and two together and realized I hadn't put any pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13802

You deserved it

29419

Favorite

By Lane

Today, I made a frustrating discovery about my new bunny. He can’t stand the fan in my small studio apartment, and thumps angrily and refuses to sleep if it's on. I can’t sleep with it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2552

You deserved it

405

Favorite

By ohno - United States - East Stroudsburg

Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43536

You deserved it

2940

Favorite

By NickDrakeFan - United States

Today, I overcame my stage fright and got up in front of a café audience with my acoustic guitar to sing a few of my songs. Some asshat kept yelling stuff like "NEEDS MORE COWBELL!" and "FREEBIRD!", which made me lose my nerve and flee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42591

You deserved it

4530

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By sherri | 0

#22064 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:04

You either have a wrist the size of a baby, or this is for an extremely well endowed male!

By fb_fml | 0

#22071 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:05

#3 - maybe it has "several snaps" to adjust the size and she had it on the largest?

COMMENTS

By Tehalon | 0

#22062 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:04

I dont get the FML part in this o.0

PurpleLlamas | 0

#1061358 - Sunday 4 July 2010 4:31

1-she was wearing a cock ring around her wrist

Evan2297 | 0

#3729887 - Wednesday 14 December 2011 12:33

Hehe.. Head shop..

fakedsincerity | 32

#5556064 - Friday 28 June 2013 7:08

Me either. As long as it was new and unworn by a dick, who cares?

By jake_fml | 0

#22063 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:04

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By sherri | 0

#22064 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:04

You either have a wrist the size of a baby, or this is for an extremely well endowed male!

L0VExoxo | 10

#5481870 - Tuesday 7 May 2013 7:40

that's what I was thinking

By fb_fml | 0

#22071 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:05

#3 - maybe it has "several snaps" to adjust the size and she had it on the largest?

Ch_rae5 | 19

#6167471 - Friday 9 January 2015 7:08

that's what I was thinking too! but whoever can fit that last snap must be pretty confident:)

By videogame_loser | 0

#22075 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:06

I mean, that is a common misconception right?

By jake_fml | 0

#22080 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Akalia_fml | 7

#2026415 - Sunday 30 January 2011 19:24

I can't stop GIGGLING either. :0)

spazz666 | 18

#5115698 - Sunday 4 November 2012 23:19

You forgot to correct "your"

You're*

By blahblahblah44 | 0

#22095 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:11

how is this a fml? it's just a funny story..

By frankoisdarkel | 0

#22104 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:16

shouldve asked where you could get more, if it was that cute.

By sunrises_fml | 0

#22107 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:18

i don't even know how this would work. i have the tiniest wrists/hands. bracelets are always too big & bangles just fall off, but i once tried to put my ex's cock ring on my wrist as a joke and it felt like it was going to cut off the circulation... so wtffff?

Somefruits | 24

#5768447 - Tuesday 26 November 2013 4:37

Maybe it was one of those cock rings that goes around the balls too...? Perhaps then it would be big enough to fit on OP's wrist.

By z_vet | 0

#22110 - Sunday 8 March 2009 23:20

So what is FML part of it?