Love: Today, I saw a beautiful girl on the bus. Struck up a good conversation,... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 122

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 1 617

25/03/2017 12:00

Today, I saw a beautiful girl on the bus. Struck up a good conversation, walked with her all the way to my office. Forgot to ask her name and number. This is the second time I've done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 100

You deserved it 1 541

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Dysfunctional

Weirdo geek freaks out

Alexa, play "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye

By notsosexy - 18/07/2020 08:01

Spicy

Today, I attempted to have amazing birthday sex with my boyfriend in his dorm room. Everything was going great until we tried switching positions. I hit my head so hard on the bunk above his bed that I gave myself a concussion, and blacked out. Needless to say, the moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 539

You deserved it 288

Doo doo doodoodoo doo doo

By fuck your music - 16/07/2019 07:30

Today, I finally got tired of my neighbors constantly blaring their obnoxious rap music all hours of the day and night. Trying to be funny, I put Baby Shark on a loop and turned my speakers all the way up. They called the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 810

You deserved it 522

20/11/2010 02:45

Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 189

You deserved it 3 663

Compassion

By zawbentley - 26/09/2009 07:01

Today, I called my boss to let her know that I was suffering from severe depression and that my doctor suggested I take a month's leave. Her response? "Glad you are getting help, however we can't hold your job. No need to come to the office, we'll mail your stuff to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 437

You deserved it 6 439

23/12/2011 16:38

Today, after pouring my heart out to my girlfriend of 4 years through a speech that took me 3 weeks to write, and then proposing, she responded, "Eh, why not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 220

You deserved it 4 635

17/10/2016 19:34

Today, the person I was seeing asked to be just friends. A few hours later, they tried to talk me into having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 147

You deserved it 1 274

19/08/2015 13:54

Today, my car is being repaired, so I had to catch a bus to work. When the bus came, the driver pulled toward the curb and gunned it through a large puddle of water, then pulled away and continued down the road, leaving me soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 945

You deserved it 1 560

09/10/2018 13:30

Today, my mom told me she is serving lasagna and Italian cream cake at my bridal shower. I am severely lactose intolerant, which I have been telling her for years. She responded by telling me, and I quote, "The food is for the guests." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 917

You deserved it 252

15/04/2015 22:52

Today, while cleaning my desk I found a stray gumball. I quickly popped it into my mouth only to discover with horror that it was a paintball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 101

You deserved it 36 316

11/11/2009 13:03

Today, a bee flew in my car so I swerved off the road and hit a mailbox. It was a metal keg filled with cement buried in the ground. Taking my father's advice I fled the scene. Later my mailman knocked on my door holding part of my bumper. He said "Excuse me, I think you hit my mailbox this morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 468

You deserved it 44 682

05/12/2018 13:30

Today, I woke up to the fire department at my house. Why? My brother called 911 thinking there was a fire after turning the heat on for the first time all winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 364

You deserved it 132

15/10/2010 08:33

Today, I found my brother tampering with my laptop. He had changed the entire settings, in ways I don't even know how to fix. I finally had to get my mom to threaten him to change it back to its original setting. I'm 15. He's six and can barely get dressed by himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 104

You deserved it 9 587

17/08/2018 23:00

Today, my girlfriend's grandparents walked in on us getting intimate. She immediately ran to the bathroom, leaving me alone with them. They only speak Spanish, which is not my first language. We discussed the movie she and I were "watching", all while I was naked under the sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 143

You deserved it 447

Straining

By NoPeeGiven - 14/04/2013 05:10

Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 820

You deserved it 9 950

28/09/2011 16:30

Today, while at work in the service department of a car dealership, I sat in the driver seat of an old man's car to get the mileage. He'd just pissed in the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 355

You deserved it 2 640

02/03/2015 16:31

Today, I realized I hate my boyfriend's little sister enough to break up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 313

You deserved it 7 539

18/08/2018 03:30

Today, I had sex with a guy I'd had a crush on for a long time. When I asked if he was having trouble putting it in, he answered that he was fully in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 949

You deserved it 637

10/12/2014 21:49

Today, one of my classmates asked the teacher to postpone her presentation because she had to study and the teacher happily agreed. When I approached her, the teacher started yelling at me because postponing deadlines is irresponsible. I just wanted to make sure we didn't need to bring our book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 899

You deserved it 2 273

28/02/2010 17:05

Today, my house was the only house left that still had its Christmas lights up, so I decided to take them down. Almost done, my fingers brushed over a spiderweb. Startled, I jumped off the ladder and broke my shoulder. Oh, and the spider still managed to stay on my hand, giving me a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 641

You deserved it 8 376

15/09/2010 02:43

Today, my girlfriend told me to stop saying "I love you" so much because it's starting to annoy her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 270

You deserved it 19 150

15/09/2015 11:47

Today, my ex told me about how much the person she left me for loves the lingerie I bought her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 906

You deserved it 2 215

09/11/2018 13:30

Today, during my yearly review, I was told by my boss that mistakes in my paperwork will be investigated by our company legal team. He also said, "Think of them as the TV or movie version of Internal Affairs" and said I would be considered "guilty until proven innocent." I can't afford to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 409

You deserved it 183

20/08/2012 05:00

Today, my boyfriend got a hotel room with a jacuzzi, drinks, and tickets to Six Flags for my birthday. He is currently passed out drunk on the other side of the bed, cursing me out in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 605

You deserved it 2 647

26/05/2011 21:26

Today, I was at work, nonchalantly spinning my keys around my finger when they flew off and hit a glass cabinet. Broken glass showered passing customers. I don't think I'll have a job to go to tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 406

You deserved it 20 889

14/10/2012 12:43

Today, my boyfriend promised me he wouldn't leave me alone in Niagara. I'm currently sitting alone in the hotel room drinking a bottle of wine while he gambles away money he doesn't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 418

You deserved it 3 675

24/09/2016 06:12

Today, after finally deciding to push past my extreme shyness, I talked to the person beside me in class. I was so nervous that when I went to take a sip of my coffee, it slipped out of my hand and splashed all over both of us. Not only did I ruin her white dress, but I also gave her mild burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 196

You deserved it 1 397

11/07/2011 22:23

Today, my 16 year-old daughter tried to convince me that tampons don't actually work, all because she can still pee with one in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 426

You deserved it 5 737

Toxic workplaces

By Anonymous - 09/09/2021 14:00

Today, I'm working in a book company where the boss is stingy, and has promoted an incompetent and rude manager. This trickled down to the whole department where I work being ran as a ego-stroking place. The colleagues are the worst type of people imaginable with jealousy and inferiority complexes at their core. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 95

Skinny issues

By maisie - 31/03/2021 21:30

Today, after a few months of trying to gain weight due to being severely underweight, I got a stomach flu and lost every single pound I put on, and then some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 52

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Spicy

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 130

You deserved it 248

18/02/2014 16:31

Today, while waiting in line at a store, a toddler behind me was throwing a major meltdown while his father yelled at him, giving me a migraine. I turned to the woman behind me and said, "Can you believe this kid? I feel sorry for his mother." Turns out the woman was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 075

You deserved it 46 508

03/11/2014 21:16

Today, I realized I need a new job. This happened when I was seriously considering ways to break my leg so I could stay at home for a day and not have to deal with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 717

You deserved it 3 271

24/01/2009 18:56

Today, I crapped in my pants and had to wait an hour of commuting till I could clean it up. What a sight and smell it was on the subway. Thank God I had sunglasses to wear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 782

You deserved it 29 713

The Good Grandson

By Anonymous - 15/03/2020 21:10

Today, I had to drive all the way across town to clean my grandfather's toilet for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 184

18/02/2019 16:00

Today, the family posted my mother in law’s obituary. My husband was listed as a survivor, with no mention of me, while all the other spouses were named. Also listed as a survivor - his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 462

You deserved it 197

10/06/2019 18:00

Today, my 12-year-old son came home after a week with his father. He was still wearing the same socks and underwear I sent him out with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 209

23/10/2013 14:04

Today, during parent/teacher conferences, my mom told my Chemistry teacher that I have an intense crush on him. There are still 7 months left in the school year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 722

You deserved it 5 316

Get away from me

By Jinthebar - 06/05/2009 04:13

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone" in a seductive tone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 956

You deserved it 7 899

06/01/2011 12:21

Today, I was at the nursing home I work at, and my boss asked me if I'm serious about my job, telling me that I've been acting strange and not working hard enough. She wants to drug test me. The real reason I'm not 100% is because I have a stomach ulcer from the stress of working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 531

You deserved it 2 571

31/07/2009 07:03

Today, it's my first wedding anniversary, or Paper anniversary. I got him airline tickets for an expensive weekend break for two in Berlin. He got me a toilet roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 286

You deserved it 4 981

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Top comments

Dave_Davington 33

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Saturday 25 March 2017 13:04

I don't think he's pissed at himself because he forgot to ask her out, not at her because he was denied his rightful access to her genitals. Wanting to ask someone out is actually pretty normal and not the same thing as thinking you are entitled to her affections.

Dave_Davington 33

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Saturday 25 March 2017 13:07

*I do think For fuck's sake, why can't we edit our comments anymore? I have to say, the recent site overhaul is ass.

Comments

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Saturday 25 March 2017 12:23

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Dave_Davington 33

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Saturday 25 March 2017 13:04

I don't think he's pissed at himself because he forgot to ask her out, not at her because he was denied his rightful access to her genitals. Wanting to ask someone out is actually pretty normal and not the same thing as thinking you are entitled to her affections.

Dave_Davington 33

Send a private message

Saturday 25 March 2017 13:07

*I do think For fuck's sake, why can't we edit our comments anymore? I have to say, the recent site overhaul is ass.

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Saturday 25 March 2017 15:39

The FML here is that we live in an age that someone not using an online dating format to meet someone is completely taboo and ruining social interaction for people.

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Saturday 25 March 2017 15:42

why, because he didn't swipe right on her on tinder, it's creepy? not everyone meets dates on Craigslist. get a grip. let me guess, you're a feminist?

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 25 March 2017 16:36

That's so stupid! Asking for her name and number isn't a commitment to a sexual relationship. In fact, because HE didn't ask her for her name, at least, SHE might think he's not interested in her.

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Saturday 25 March 2017 16:37

Well he'll never know now cause he didn't even get a chance to ask. He's just upset that it completely slipped his mind that he didn't get her number until after she was gone. For all you know, she would've been flattered and wanted to pursue a relationship with him. You're reading waaaay too into this!

Yudith 20

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Saturday 25 March 2017 13:46

With any luck, this is the same girl you have chatted with before and you will see her again. Write "ask the cute girl her name and phone #" on the top of your hand so you don't forget next time.

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Saturday 25 March 2017 20:33

I second this. Make a note and keep your eyes open. Good luck!

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Saturday 25 March 2017 16:38

Aw, sounds like something I would do op! Since this is the second time it happened, fingers crossed that there will a third time and you remember!! :)

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Saturday 25 March 2017 18:20

Well, it seems she didn't ask you, either.

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Tuesday 28 March 2017 21:06

????

species4872 19

Saturday 25 March 2017 18:30

Especially when it's been the same girl.

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Saturday 25 March 2017 21:58

It seems once is a coincidence, twice is ___________ seems appropriate here..

Luke Thompson 2

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Sunday 26 March 2017 3:39

I've had that happen. Recently too. Gorgeous girl was apparently hitting on me and I didn't have a clue. Asked a co worker about it turns out she was. I'm not used to getting hit on by beautiful girls so I treated her obvious questions like regular questions.

interesting33 36

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Sunday 26 March 2017 4:34

was it the same girl both times?

chocolateteacup 25

Sunday 26 March 2017 11:01

Third time's the charm OP

raihothunder15 3

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Friday 31 March 2017 7:00

Rook move. You'll learn. Good luck bro. Next.