Miscellaneous: Today, my brother had his fiancée over to meet the whole family....

By Noname - 08/03/2009 13:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my brother had his fiancée over to meet the whole family. We were having a great time with her, and my mother gushed to her that she was like the daughter she never had. I'm her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 212

You deserved it 2 981

Miscellaneous

Triage

Batman

Too passionate for me

Shooting!

By WittyMoron - 08/01/2020 01:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was out shooting pigeons with my brother. I decided to climb a tree to get a better view of where they were flying in from. As I perched on a branch and surveyed the skies, my idiot brother mistook me for a pigeon and shot me in the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 3 357

By cantgetabreak - 13/12/2016 18:50

Today, my boss reprimanded me for not finishing my work on time. Yesterday, she cut an hour from my schedule every day until further notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 999

You deserved it 541

Thanks, I hate it!

By pleasebackintomycaragain - 24/04/2009 02:12 - Canada

Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot, an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 266

You deserved it 3 322

By Anonymous - 07/11/2015 14:58 - United States - Niles

Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 832

You deserved it 1 679

By meesh22 - 06/10/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I received an email from my professor informing me that if I missed another class, I'd be dropped from the course. I have field experience to complete tomorrow as part of my major. I emailed her two weeks ago to let her know, and we're excused by the dean. She doesn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 997

You deserved it 7 910

By Anonymous - 25/10/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, while at the store, my fly became undone. It doesn't seem that bad unless an old lady comes to "zip it up for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 263

You deserved it 4 111

By liynda - 06/05/2011 01:49 - Canada

Today, I knocked on the door of the bathroom to make sure nobody was in there before I walked in. Then I remembered I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 017

You deserved it 15 530

Went a bit too far, Sigmund

By notatherapist - 01/10/2014 23:08 - Netherlands - Huizen

Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him what bothered him, he told me his mother hates him and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 400

You deserved it 6 297

By nazirah4shizzle - 15/05/2015 19:54 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 234

You deserved it 3 461

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 23:58

Today, while on my driving test, the guy told me to pull over and do a U-turn. A few minutes later, he asked me to do another one. After the test, he said I'd failed because the second U-turn was illegal, and I should have refused to comply. I didn't know they're even allowed do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 011

You deserved it 5 507

Wanker

By alicia - 20/12/2012 22:45 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 178

You deserved it 11 956

Not now!

By Anonymous - 20/09/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 306

You deserved it 3 819

By GiveMeCake - 02/12/2018 22:00

Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I had the most vivid dream of eating a caramel apple mousse cake with vanilla bean ice cream. Unfortunately, yesterday, also thanks to pregnancy hormones, I was diagnosed with diabetes. My dreams are taunting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 236

By mskawaiibat - 29/06/2013 10:01 - United States - Laguna Hills

Today, my step mom and her kids moved in. This is my first night sharing a room with her daughter. She snores, sleep talks, and sleep scratches the side of the bed creating a sound like nails on a chalkboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 694

You deserved it 3 396

By noxiffic - 31/10/2014 12:31 - Norway - Sandnes

Today, as I was walking home from work, I got chased halfway home by a wolf. Yes, a wolf. I live in central Norway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 305

You deserved it 3 131

By FuckingDone - 20/05/2016 23:08 - United States - Enterprise

Today, my brother's refused to shower after 2 weeks of dripping sweat and never changing clothes. He claims the smell is just his "manly musk" and if I can't handle it, then maybe I'm the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 050

You deserved it 1 085

Ghosted

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I gave up on Grindr because every time someone finally sees my picture, they ghost me. Either I’m really ugly, or most of the world hates black guys, either way… FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 181

By Anonymous - 07/05/2014 20:57 - India - Kundan

Today, my boss was fired by the board. A few days ago, he dropped several strong hints that he was going to promote me soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 347

You deserved it 3 506

Horndogs

By bullah007 - 28/11/2014 18:43 - Pakistan - Lahore

Today, my friend made a fake account on Facebook, pretending to be a girl, and posted my phone number on a sexting group. I've been getting calls and text messages from horny weirdos all day long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 866

You deserved it 4 402

By Anonymous - 30/03/2012 01:54 - United States - Natrona Heights

Today, I felt manly. I spent almost the entire day peeling paint, power sanding, and applying Spackle for my grandma. Strutting with masculinity, I headed for the shower, only to let out a womanly yelp at a spider hanging at eye level around a corner. Manliness gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 876

You deserved it 23 670

By neverdateaclosetcase - 17/11/2010 18:16 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend asked me to meet his parents over Christmas. I was ecstatic. But there was one condition: I must go dressed as a girl since he hasn't worked up the nerve to come out to his parents yet. We've been dating for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 319

You deserved it 13 493

By Eloise - 21/03/2017 14:00

Today, I went on my third date with a great guy. We finally got round to talking about his tattoos. All 57 are related to his best friend. All of them. The best friend he never stops talking about. Somehow I don't think this will work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 396

You deserved it 356

By Anonymous - 15/11/2014 00:11 - United States - Macungie

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me via Facebook chat. When I asked her why, she replied "You know why." and blocked me. No, I don't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 781

You deserved it 3 140

By grammarnazi-forareason - 03/07/2013 06:48 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 527

You deserved it 3 737

By MJB - 02/04/2017 22:00

Today, as a 17-year-old, after having gone to the doctor to about some unusual hair loss, it turns out I simply have crappy genetics, and should expect to be fully bald within a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 954

You deserved it 392

By Married Life 101 - 16/05/2019 02:41

Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 403

You deserved it 193

By work -_- - 22/04/2013 13:22 - United Kingdom - Mitcham

Today, I was feeling really sick at work. I messaged my boss whether his girlfriend, who also works there, could cover me. He then came down, shouting at me that whatever illness I have, I've also passed on to his girlfriend. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 187

You deserved it 3 760

Kinky

By marysparklez - 05/03/2021 22:59

Today, my boyfriend is once again mad at me because I refused to have shower sex with him. I’m too embarrassed to explain to him that ever since I could remember, if I don’t take my showers sitting down, I vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 378

You deserved it 341

By Username - 11/06/2011 05:47 - United States

Today, my fiancé, the love of my life, informed me that he proposed because he was sure I'd say no. He was hoping it would lead to our breakup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 188

You deserved it 3 791

By lonely - 11/01/2016 21:04 - United States - Twin Falls

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Whilst browsing the web, I clicked on an ad that said "How to Get Your Ex Back in a Day". Now I am single and have a computer virus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 240

You deserved it 22 497

By mermaidkeels - 18/06/2016 08:51 - United States

Today, after getting fired, I went home only to find my boss sitting my living room. Apparently, he and my mom had been dating for months and he felt compelled to let me go because it was a "conflict of interest". FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 883

You deserved it 987

By locksmack - 14/06/2009 12:46 - Australia

Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 808

You deserved it 57 942

By some things never change - 28/11/2012 23:04 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, after almost four years of having avoided her due to her hatred of my husband, my mother invited us both to a family dinner. My husband wanted to give her another chance, so we went. Less than an hour after arriving, I caught her hocking a loogie and spitting it into our food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 431

You deserved it 1 964

Rescue cat

By crazycatlady - 04/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, and I had to save him. I now have a soggy cat and scratched arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 366

You deserved it 818

Not now!

By fml9124 - 25/04/2020 20:00

Today, the best manager I've ever had told me she was leaving to take a job at another company. I just found out my new manager is a guy that has destroyed three different departments in three years. He's the owner's nephew or something. I do not want to be looking for a new job during the Covid-19 pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 734

You deserved it 111

By bananna - 29/05/2014 15:18 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out our newborn snores worse than his father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 071

You deserved it 6 089

By chestycough - 16/09/2013 04:35 - Australia - Belrose

Today, my doctor asked me to undo my bra so he could check my breathing without the straps restricting my lungs, I got home and told my friends how awkward it was. Not one of them has had this happen to them before. We all go to the same doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 240

You deserved it 5 375

By Anonymous - 21/08/2016 09:21 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, my friends told me they have been able to see all my BDSM likes in their Facebook feeds. My family and coworkers also follow me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 492

You deserved it 18 696

Besties

By Anonymous - 21/07/2021 08:01 - South Africa - Nottingham Road

Today, my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend just moved in with his mom. They've been in my face knitting and baking bread together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 77

By anime_love - 17/09/2010 04:43 - United States

Today, I was waiting for my boyfriend who evidently stood me up. I waited so long, the security came up and asked me to leave, because I was scaring the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 787

You deserved it 3 858

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Yunie_fml 0

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Sunday 8 March 2009 20:54

You should've wiggled your boobs in front of her face and said, "What the hell do you think these are?"

memyselfandi_fml 0

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Sunday 8 March 2009 20:39

this reminds me of monica from friends. lol. your mom'll come around. she was probably trying to make the fiance feel welcome :)

Timaaaahhhh 0

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Sunday 8 March 2009 20:32

FIRST

danieltheman 0

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Wednesday 30 June 2010 7:06

don't reply first -_-

foreveradancer 0

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Sunday 15 May 2011 9:21

^^Agreed

Meshidaru_fml 7

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Monday 5 November 2012 12:12

If the fiancée is a girl, you have to write it fiancéE.

Mistress_Puppy 0

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Sunday 8 March 2009 20:33

Moms can be really mean like that. I'm sorry, she probably didn't mean it, then again it depends on how your relationship is with her.

wrestler_fml 0

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Sunday 8 March 2009 20:36

Youre mom's a world-class b*tch and I would never let her forget that. Give her hell about it, and then don't ever respect her or talk to her as much. Explain to her that maybe if she wasn't such a failure as a parent, you wouldn't "disappoint" her as much!