Today, I found out I was born as a result of someone switching my mom's birth control pills with tic tac. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 1:32pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

kamikrazy's comment : Who doesn't love tic-tacs?

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Today, I was auditioning for a talent show. I asked my girlfriend if I could sing to her before I went. She said sure. Thirty seconds in, she got up and mumbled, "You're only going to embarrass yourself." FML

by NotChadKrouger / 05/11/2011 at 11:19am / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 10:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

enonymous's comment : GET IN MAH BELLY!

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Today, I discovered my boyfriend is incredibly ticklish on the bottom of his feet. Trying to be a bit flirty, I slowly slid two fingers down his calf and mockingly tickled his feet. He reacted by inadvertently elbowing me in the nose, nearly breaking it. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 10:10am / Australia / Health

Today, I realized I have more dogs than I do friends. I have two dogs. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 1:48am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

by Chels / 05/11/2011 at 1:17am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

coolkid_matt's comment : hahaha :D awkward

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Today, I puked up a centipede. FML

by vaalcrawford / 05/11/2011 at 12:59am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I wore a Super Mario Brothers T-shirt to school that showed a picture of Mario with a mushroom above his head. I got suspended for "referencing illegal drugs". FML

by Sola / 05/11/2011 at 12:10am / Geek

Today, while changing a light bulb, I was electrocuted. I screamed before I blacked out. My entire family was home and heard me scream, but didn't come and check because they were too busy watching Glee. FML

by Burnt / 05/10/2011 at 9:21pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, our school got portable classrooms for the construction on our school. I had to take a dump really bad, and had to use the built in bathroom. As I was in there I heard laughing. Turns out, every sound you make is an entire broadcast to the class. FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2011 at 5:20pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

by scruffy / 05/10/2011 at 1:24pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, my dad texted me while I was in school saying, "Your cat vomited. Covered it up with a bowl so you can clean it when you come home." FML

by coolbeans123 / 05/10/2011 at 12:37pm / Singapore / Animals

Today, I was stuck at the airport overnight waiting for my flight for about 5 hours. I then went and looked at the departures board. It said that my flight had already departed. FML

by Phantommajik / 05/10/2011 at 12:08pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation