Miscellaneous: Today, I was sitting next to this really cute guy in choir class.... - FML

15/05/2009 18:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting next to this really cute guy in choir class. Trying to make conversation, I asked him what his favorite song was. He replied "Leave Me Alone". I asked him who it was by and he said, "It's not a song, I just want you to leave me alone". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 274

You deserved it 9 216

And today, on Dr Phil…

Taking stock

Chip on your shoulder

11/03/2009 04:45 - United States

Today, my brother's new girlfriend, who is blind, asked to feel my face so she could tell what I look like. She said I was "unique". A blind chick just told me I was ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 710

You deserved it 5 613

16/05/2014 03:15 - United States - Roswell

Today, I was hosting my daughter's thirteenth birthday party. One parent decided to stay at my house, the only parent to do so. The entire night she critiqued every decision I made, from the films to the cake. When it was time to open presents, her kid was the only one without one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 726

You deserved it 4 326

16/02/2011 15:47 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me she was bored. During sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 808

You deserved it 22 594

29/03/2012 05:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed. His reason? A Las Vegas wedding came up on Groupon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 248

You deserved it 3 158

10/08/2009 16:41 - Singapore

Spicy

Today, I bought a new computer. I gave my old one to my mother. After handing it over and going home, I realised I forgot to change the background picture, a naked photo of my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 034

You deserved it 68 047

06/03/2010 22:44 - Canada

Today, I accidentally downloaded a virus, which hijacked my email program. I somehow doubt the Dean at my university will thank me for my suggestion that he too could experience 100% natural male enhancement pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 050

You deserved it 5 976

22/05/2012 23:54 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. He asked me what had brought me there, so I said I needed to get over some issues. He told me to close my eyes and visualize myself constructing a bridge. I paid to get told to build a bridge in my mind's eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 563

You deserved it 4 680

11/10/2010 22:29 - Canada

Today, I attended a musical. A new song was played, and I thought I'd heard it before because it sounded strangely familiar. I sang along quietly as the song progressed, positive I knew it. Anticipating the next chorus, I belted out the lyrics with all my heart. It was instrumental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 980

You deserved it 49 400

02/11/2010 14:20 - United States

Today, I went back to work after being sick for a week. While I was gone, they hired a new manager. Trying to score bonus points, and possibly a raise, I went to shake her hand and introduce myself. Just as I was about to say "Hello, my name is-" I sneezed right in her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 819

You deserved it 6 414

16/02/2012 16:26 - Australia

Today, I found out that the pool boy has been stealing from me for over a year now. The latest things that he has taken are my laptop, the cash I hide in my closet and my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 690

You deserved it 4 303

09/03/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 226

You deserved it 4 418

15/02/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for one of my tables only to have them eventually point out to me that the bottle was a twist-off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 287

You deserved it 33 718

18/06/2014 19:06 - United States - Lake Wales

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 415

You deserved it 5 011

22/04/2012 19:08 - Spain - Tafalla

Today, I was trying on some clothes in the store's changing room, when someone reached under the door and grabbed my purse, shoes, and pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 827

You deserved it 3 144

21/05/2009 04:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was surprised to learn that I could carry on intelligent conversations about basketball with my guy friends. Then I realized it was because my boyfriend insists on watching ESPN while we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 662

You deserved it 8 435

Pokéman gone

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 08:01

Today, I thought a cute and well-dressed guy, with a mask matching his shoes, was taking a picture of me. Flattered, I approached him. Turns out, he was playing Pokémon Go and was just trying to catch a “Geodude.” He also blurted out that he was gay. He's into dudes and Geodudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 516

Sounds bad

By Pururururin - 11/06/2020 08:08

Today, I accidentally deleted an audio file for my first professional video project. Impossible to do a retake, because the production budget was so tight. The audio from the camera sounds bad and file recovery program still can't help. Also, the deadline is this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 524

16/11/2010 06:34 - Netherlands

Today, I came home sick. After a while I received a text message. I thought it was a sweet 'how are you baby?' from my boyfriend. It wasn't. He sent: 'Hey, I'm going to work now. Please do not disturb. Thank you!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 013

You deserved it 5 969

15/10/2012 04:07 - United States - Aurora

Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 478

You deserved it 10 126

Et tu, Brute?

By FML - 10/09/2017 16:00

Today, I returned home from my aunt's funeral abroad to find my boyfriend in bed with my sister, who claimed she was unable to fly due to the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 740

You deserved it 296

21/04/2016 13:28 - United States - Brick

Today, while waiting in line with my 4-year-old son, I had to awkwardly apologize to an African-American gentleman and explain to my son that the man was not made out of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 670

You deserved it 2 609

28/03/2011 20:13 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 650

You deserved it 29 947

Supportive

By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 23:01

Spicy

Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent me 5 pictures of his wife in a small bikini, saying, “Guess who doesn’t have your problems?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 762

You deserved it 390

01/12/2011 22:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 229

You deserved it 10 602

04/07/2013 22:30 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I was out on a leisurely jog. Out of nowhere, a car slowed down in the street, and a passenger screamed "HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, MOTHERFUCKER," before tossing a lit Roman Candle at my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 871

You deserved it 4 337

13/08/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 376

You deserved it 146 757

Dealbreaker

By banarama - 05/02/2021 07:54

Today, I found out that the person I'm seeing is a terrible kisser. I really like them, but it's awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 168

30/09/2011 10:18 - New Zealand

Today, I had a car accident. In the same place, at the same time, and with the same friend in the passenger seat as last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 410

You deserved it 11 718

25/11/2015 17:13 - United States - Seattle

Today, my 4-year-old twin boys are fighting because they both want to watch the SAME show on Netflix. They don't want the other one to choose, because somehow that invalidates their own choice, even though they both get to watch what they want, which is "Barbie, life in the dream house". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 768

You deserved it 2 421

19/09/2012 06:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking on the phone with my crush. After an hour of talking she told me, "If you were half as hot as you sound over the phone, I'd date you immediately." Maybe I should give up on love and start a phone sex line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 238

You deserved it 2 693

06/03/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I found out my four best friends are going to Florida for spring break without me. When asked why I was not invited to go with them the answer I received was, "we don't think you would look very good in a bathing suit, and we want to be able to pick up cute guys on the beach." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 512

You deserved it 6 406

20/12/2009 07:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found my underwear in my brother's pillow as well as my vibrator and Victoria's Secret magazines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 344

You deserved it 3 709

Happy Birthday baby!

By Anonymous - 06/12/2020 18:02 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, it's my birthday. My parents wished me a happy one via text message. We live in the same house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 71

28/12/2015 23:26 - United States

Today, I found out that when my parents said they couldn't afford gifts for us kids, what they really meant was that they weren't buying a gift for me. I found this out when I overheard my father telling my uncle about the things he got my siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 355

You deserved it 1 332

15/10/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, I just let out all my feeling for a woman that I have loved for 22 years. When I finished she said "You're so funny" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 565

You deserved it 6 399

GIVE ME BOOZE, NOW!

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 22:01

Today, I got a change of ID. My old ID had its corner cut off and was given a temporary paper ID. I went to a bar in another town to have some drinks. Turns out I couldn't because they couldn't use my old ID or my temporary one to let me drink, even though I'm 22. I've been there before and I work at my town's liquor store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 127

Yes or No?

By Anonymous - 06/02/2020 18:00

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 800

You deserved it 292

23/11/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year invited me over to dinner at his house. Before leaving, I called him to let him know I was on my way. Just as he begins to tell me he'll call me back, I hear another girl in the background say, "Why don't you just tell her you're busy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 602

You deserved it 2 860

21/02/2010 10:01 - Canada

Today, I went skiing. Trying to show off to some inexperienced skiers, I flew past them at my top speed, a bracket snapped off my boot and I slid on my face for about 30 metres. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 693

You deserved it 37 053

17/12/2009 19:09 - Canada

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 512

You deserved it 27 807

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Saturday 16 May 2009 1:57

...oh, I love that song. It's by the I Don't Give A Fucks.

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Saturday 16 May 2009 1:40

"Today, a cute guy told me to leave him alone. I stupidly didn't realize what he was saying. FML"

Comments

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Saturday 16 May 2009 1:37

Hmm sorry but that does suck pretty bad. Although I must ask, what would make you think thats an actual song and he wasnt just telling you to leave him alone.

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Tuesday 30 March 2010 20:29

ydi for being an idiot

danyfuckinheatle 0

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Thursday 1 July 2010 7:26

masterbation is a great alternative to sex.

ilovemusic0205 7

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Saturday 3 December 2011 5:37

Leave me Alone by Michael Jackson. Nuf said.

accidentalsheep 24

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 5:35

Leave Me Alone - Alexander Rybak ^^

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Saturday 16 May 2009 2:11

Epic Fail. I can't believe you didn't pick up on it.

Nakedsquirrel 5

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Saturday 16 May 2009 2:24

Cold. If you don't want to chat someone up, you answer the question and any follow-up questions plainly so it kills the conversation attempt, presuming the person doesn't relentlessly persist. That guy was a prick.

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Monday 15 June 2015 1:11

Well I think that guy just didn't want to be polite to a creepy girl. Most people will politely play along but he made it clear he was uncomfortable. He wasn't rude about it he just stated he didn't want to speak, which is what most people claim to want to be told. He isn't a jerk for telling her to leave him alone.

Big_Blue_Sumthin 0

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Saturday 16 May 2009 2:40

Props to him for being straight up but I feel bad you didn't pick up on this obvious social clue. You should have said "Oh. Well mine's 'What's jammed up your ass?' by The Guy in Choir's a Fuckhead. Heard of them?" Then turned around.

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Saturday 15 August 2009 20:18

win!

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Saturday 16 May 2009 8:39

your name is jayden? so are you a guy? if so this makes more sense, guys don't like to be hit on by other guys.

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Saturday 30 October 2010 2:09

Good use of your resources. It clearly shows that OP is a girl

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Saturday 16 May 2009 9:51

that's harsh but you kind of deserve it just for not realizing he obviously meant leave him alone lol sorry though

24788 6

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Saturday 16 May 2009 10:09

lol, that's kind of funny, but harsh.

yojoeletsmakeout 0

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Saturday 16 May 2009 10:22

that is really hilarious. this made my day.

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Saturday 16 May 2009 10:25

perhaps he's actually gay. considering he's in choir. don't feel too bad (oh now i'm just waiting for the politically correct people here to call me out on this comment, it's mere speculation, i used to be a music major and 99 percent of the male singers were gay)

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Thursday 22 April 2010 10:27

Correction. Gay men, all, ALL are losers.

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Wednesday 22 October 2014 22:22

What the hell is wrong with you? Because of peoples sexual preferences they are losers? Get a clue ignorant bigot.

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Saturday 16 May 2009 10:46

Well, there is a MJ song with that title... Anyway, he sounds like a douche, unless you've annoyed him or something before.

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Wednesday 12 October 2011 7:14

Thank you for knowing it's an MJ song I was hoping someone would lol

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 42

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 493