Today, I was visiting a national park and went for a swim. Afterwards,... - FML

By FishStampede - 16/5/2009 12:11 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was visiting a national park and went for a swim. Afterwards, I needed to change clothes but the bathrooms were closed. I went off into the woods to change. As soon as I was naked, I heard hooves and sixteen people on horseback rode by. I'd stripped by a horse trail. FML

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All in the family

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

Headache

By amg85904 - 30/1/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

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By that guy - 24/5/2012 16:41 - United States

Today, I realized the only reason my phone ever rings is because someone needs help with their computer. FML

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By essay2 - 24/9/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, I found out that the double spacing format in an essay refers to the space between each line, not the words. I've been pressing the space bar twice between each word all through high school and halfway through college. FML

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By Aled - 17/2/2011 16:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I found my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML

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By anon - 3/8/2016 03:28

Today, I was working at the hospital and it was very busy. Unthinking, I told a patient in a wheelchair to "sit tight" while I checked on something. He mocked me for the rest of his stay. FML

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By Username - 8/7/2011 06:12 - United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML

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By really? - 16/5/2017 12:00 - United States - Concord

Today, my son told me that some kids had been picking on him at school. When I asked him to elaborate, he said that kids sometimes didn't say "Hi" back when he greeted them. FML

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By probablydeadbymidnight - 1/7/2012 22:57 - United States

Today, I exchanged pictures with a guy I met online, whose devotion to his family really impressed me. In his picture, he was wearing clown makeup, holding a huge knife to his throat with one hand, and an ICP album in the other. All this with a psychopathic grin on his face. FML

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By Depression... - 10/10/2012 06:01 - United States

Today, I had my first orgasm. Unfortunately, it was during breakup sex. FML

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By needfulthing - 19/11/2010 15:00 - United States

Today, I sent a text to a guy I'd met over the weekend. He'd traveled 40 miles to my town for the date, so I picked up the tab for dinner. My text simply said, "Had a nice time. Looking forward to getting together again." His reply was, "When did you get so needy?" FML

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By "LondonTor" - 15/12/2018 22:00

Today, I was moving my sofa to make space for a Christmas tree and the sofa slipped on the wooden floor, thus flipping my right big toenail up 90° so it is now only connected at the cuticle. FML

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By masterfail - 4/10/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

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By please stop singing!!!! - 21/3/2014 23:59 - United States - Windermere

Today, I got to spend 4 hours on a bus with a group of selfie-taking teenagers who spent the majority of the time trying to harmonize while singing various songs. I'm pretty sure half of them were tone deaf. FML

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By carless - 29/10/2014 15:24 - United States

Today, I watched as the teenage neighbor girl tried to parallel-park between me and my wife's cars. She was doing pretty well until she backed into mine, got scared, hit the accelerator and ran into my wife's. FML

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By I hate my job - 23/12/2014 08:14 - Canada - Delta

Today, I went to my retail job to buy some clothing. As soon as I walked through the doors, my manager yelled at me for not being in appropriate work clothes. I tried to explain that I was off the clock but he was having none of it. I got written up. FML

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By shithole - 26/12/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, my dad and I found in my house a water filter that has not been changed in over 20 years. We have been drinking that water that has been going through a filter that had more colors than a rainbow on it. FML

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By ouch - 20/12/2013 04:41 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I dropped a new 50lb box of tiles. Luckily, none of the tiles broke. I'm assuming this is because my foot cushioned the fall. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2020 14:00

You ass!

Today, my jerk of an ex messaged to apologize for dumping me two weeks ago. I took the high road and was overtly polite and friendly, hoping to end things civil. Our conversation ended when he casually mentioned he is moving in with his new girlfriend. FML

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By frenchy - 6/2/2009 00:55 - United States

Today, my friends and I go to a bar and get wasted. I walk around and see a kid. I start yelling, "There's a child in this bar! There's a CHILD in this BAR!" She turns around. She was a midget. FML

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By Virginiedetibo - 22/10/2011 02:09 - France

Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML

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By ballerphilip23 - 15/5/2009 17:11 - Austria

Today, I was standing on the packed bus home when I had a speck of dust in my lenses. As I couldn't rub it out, I tried blinking it out for the next five minutes. Then the hot girl opposite me screams "Stop winking at me, you bastard! Don't even think about it, you ugly fuck!" FML

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By Noname - 14/2/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I bought some flowers. As I was checking out, the cashier asked, "Aww, these for your mom? How sweet." I responded they were for a girl I liked. She laughed and said, "Sorry..." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2019 18:02

Today, I offered to help my mother-in-law boil noodles for some noodle soup. She loudly said, "You know how!?" I'm a chef. FML

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By CollegeGrad - 25/4/2009 06:39 - United States

Today, was my graduation from a prestigious university. In two days I start working at a hot dog stand. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, my custom printed Christmas cards that I reviewed twice before ordering, came in the mail. This year I will be wishing everyone a "wondeful" holiday season. I'm an elementary school teacher. FML

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By woof woof?? - 15/6/2013 20:26 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he discovered that if he hits a certain area just right, my leg starts shaking like a dog. Now he won't stop patting my head and saying, "Who's a good girl?!" FML

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By Blackfell - 7/8/2012 17:59 - United States

Today, I found out why I can't sleep at night. My wife switched my sleep aid pills with energy pills. FML

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By anon9876542 - 20/8/2009 11:02 - Australia

Today, I drank 1.5 litres of water. I didn't go to the bathroom for 9 hours. During my one hour trek home on public transport, I was busting to pee but I managed to hold it. Walking 200m from my bus stop to my house was agony, but I still held it. When I got to my front door I peed my pants. FML

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By arrow - 30/7/2018 19:00

Today, my math teacher decided to give everyone in the class candy. He skipped me, and when another student pointed it out, his response was "I don’t like her." FML

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By Bestfrienduncool - 30/9/2010 05:11 - France

Today, I found out that the reason my best friend is not allowed over anymore is because he hits on my mom and writes her love letters. FML

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By BadKitty42 - 14/12/2009 08:12 - United States

Today, it was my last day at work. I was offered a better job and accepted. Not wanting to leave my present boss hanging, I asked for time to give notice. While I trained my replacement, the owner at the new job had time to think about how slow the season is, and he decided not to fill the position. FML

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By krfenton8 - 11/1/2016 06:49

Today, I had a bad feeling about walking to work because of the weather. Instead, I drove. My car slid on the ice and I created a four-car pile up. All three of the other people involved have decided to sue me. I should've walked. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2013 21:45 - United States - Loveland

Today, during my family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

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By arose - 8/9/2010 04:05 - United States

Today, I did a quick load of laundry so I would have work clothes for the week. I don't have my own dryer so I dried them in the one in my building. After running out to my car, I came back to find that my neighborhood kids had added 6 sharpies to my clothes. Every uniform I own has stripes. FML

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By long day - 12/11/2013 20:29 - United States - Bay City

Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2013 20:38 - Netherlands - Mierlo

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

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By TayTay - 16/5/2009 07:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a Taylor Swift concert. At the concert they put up a sign that said "Scream if you love country boys." My boyfriend took one look at it and started screaming. FML

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By california - 14/3/2009 20:55 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and noticed a man in ripped clothes with a cup out asking for money. I was on my way to the movies but I felt like this man needed it more that me. Right as I gave it to him, he pulled out his blackberry. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2019 02:00

Today, I stubbed my toe, and as I was hopping about clutching my toe and swearing like a drunken sailor, I turned and saw my boss, our CEO and pretty much the entire board of directors through the boardroom's open door. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2010 22:27 - United States

Today, my mom informed me that my entire family puts their dirty towels on the towel rack in the bathroom instead of the hamper. I've been using their dirty towels after showers for as long as I remember. FML

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Top comments

By MaddieMonster | 0

#203397 - Saturday 16 May 2009 16:17

Hey, I'm an American too. I thoughtfully admit we are pretty damn stupid sometimes.

By loveyababe | 0

#203375 - Saturday 16 May 2009 16:07

smooth! hahahaha at least they breezed by quickly.

Comments

By loveyababe | 0

#203375 - Saturday 16 May 2009 16:07

smooth! hahahaha at least they breezed by quickly.

Reply

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv | 2

#933250 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 22:14

Yet you had time to count the exact number of people.... weird

Reply

foseberry3 | 0

#1042013 - Friday 25 June 2010 0:50

ew korean bewbs!

By realggirl | 0

#203378 - Saturday 16 May 2009 16:08

LOL, your life is fucked!

Reply

Mike1992 | 0

#1302447 - Thursday 26 August 2010 8:41

I wouldn't say fucked. random people saw the them naked not a big deal.

By Compwiz1993 | 0

#203382 - Saturday 16 May 2009 16:09

hope there weren't any kids there...

Reply

littlemisshottie_fml | 0

#979504 - Tuesday 13 April 2010 22:25

Damn I should've riden my horse :D

By MaddieMonster | 0

#203388 - Saturday 16 May 2009 16:12

"and on your right is some naked American..." "Today, I was horseback riding on a national park trail, when all of a sudden i looked over and saw a stripping guy/girl. FML"

Reply

MysteryJoker | 5

#752459 - Sunday 3 January 2010 10:34

And to your left, we have a European that believes the Korea Republic of Seoul is located in America.

Reply

kasumii | 1

#2145429 - Thursday 3 March 2011 14:17

Korea Republic of Seoul? WTF.

Reply

Asstonia | 1

#2454649 - Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:47

you clearly don't know much about Korea either bro.

Reply

paintedchocolate | 30

#5327138 - Wednesday 16 January 2013 20:54

An American making fun of the Europeans' knowledge of geography?

B- b- but that's wrong! That's not the natural order of things!!!

By onigiriqueen | 0

#203391 - Saturday 16 May 2009 16:14

God hates you, #4.

I suppose you couldn't have known it was a horse trail, so FYL. Good luck with that.

By sn1992 | 0

#203392 - Saturday 16 May 2009 16:15

bahahaha you deserved that one....how could you not tell it was a HORSE trail?

By MaddieMonster | 0

#203397 - Saturday 16 May 2009 16:17

Hey, I'm an American too. I thoughtfully admit we are pretty damn stupid sometimes.

By boatiebanter | 0

#203406 - Saturday 16 May 2009 16:23

Did you not have a towel you could wrap around you and change under?

By I2OI3 | 0

#203413 - Saturday 16 May 2009 16:29

Was it a cold morning? That could have bad - shrinkage etc. Did you ever see that episode of Seinfeld?

By buu700 | 3

#203429 - Saturday 16 May 2009 16:38

#7, believe it or not, stupidity is hardly the exclusive domain of Yanks.

Reply

chelzy | 0

#1041939 - Thursday 24 June 2010 22:53

yer right. it's for yanks and people who call us yanks. get out of the past Brit. btw, I clicked ydi so It sed way to show em!