Miscellaneous: Today, I had to pee badly. I went into a stall and sat down.... - FML

By penguinsfan - 16/05/2009 14:47 - Canada

Today, I had to pee badly. I went into a stall and sat down. Only until after I'd peed, I realized that I didn't have any toilet paper. I waddled to the next stall with my pants down to get more toilet paper, believing that the bathroom was empty. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 083

You deserved it 53 696

Our house, in the middle of our street

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Family heirloom

Bad timing

By J…… - 12/05/2020 17:00

Today, as I was talking to my girlfriend about how I need to find another job to be able to afford school next fall, I hit a deer causing about $3,000 in damages to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 427

By forever dog-less - 22/12/2018 04:00

Today, my mom told me to go meet a rescue dog. After doing all my research and emailing shelters left and right, I finally got a call. It went well! Then, my mom told me it would never happen. I'm still expecting several emails from the shelters I contacted, so I get to relive this pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 196

You deserved it 181

Rollercoaster

By Margaret - 04/09/2020 02:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, within the span of one day, the owner of the business I work at said I could write "Technical & Compliance Manager" on paperwork where I was the approver for engineered compliance of product regulatory records, but also that I was "basically just a secretary." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 040

You deserved it 169

By Wanaaa - 25/11/2016 07:08 - France - Toulouse

Today, I was watching TV with my husband and my 5-year-old son. Everything was going fine until my son asked his father, “Why can’t mom know that you have another sweetheart?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 566

You deserved it 1 263

By Anonymous - 21/03/2013 10:43 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, there was a new girl in one of my classes. We both corrected a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leaned back to her and said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgusted look and told me she was Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 274

You deserved it 21 755

By SunshineX7 - 09/10/2013 04:22 - United States - Springfield

Today, I got so self-conscious about weight gain that I got paranoid about how much my Castle Crashers character was eating to heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 836

You deserved it 9 612

Love is…

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 14:00

Today, I went to a job interview. At the end of it, after I had got the job, my new manager said, “See you soon.” I then accidentally replied, “You too, love you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 363

By Anonymous - 13/06/2014 15:36 - Afghanistan - Kabul

Today, thinking we'd still be able to finish our project in time for tomorrow's deadline, my work group put off doing any work until today. When we logged into the website we have to use, we found it was down for maintenance all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 718

You deserved it 48 403

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 17:02 - United States - Brunswick

Today, I went to my new dentist to get my teeth cleaned. He kept getting distracted, causing him to repeatedly stab me in the gums. He then had the nerve to tell me that I need to brush more, due to how I was bleeding just from his "routine examination". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 079

You deserved it 1 711

By Sonic - 29/03/2019 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss left a lovely invitation to her wedding on my desk. I plan on resigning during our meeting later today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 888

You deserved it 208

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I got a call from a girl I know, asking if i could babysit her little brother at my house tonight. I said yes. When the boy came over he mentioned that his sister was having a party and didn't want him there. Turns out all my friends were invited except me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 988

You deserved it 4 613

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 20:58 - United States - Durham

Today, I fell down a hill out of my hammock, which broke my phone screen and my sunglasses. My idiot brother launched me out of it, so he could "assert his dominance." He's 11. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 838

You deserved it 1 777

By Ramis182 - 16/12/2013 08:52 - United States - Auburn

Today, I thought it would be to a good idea to introduce my indoor cat to my dog. The pee stains, multiple scratches, and puncture wounds to my face prove otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 936

You deserved it 10 181

By buttpain - 11/01/2017 13:25

Today, being a snow day, I decided to take a nice nap before resuming cleaning my room. Changed back into pajamas, climbed into bed, and found that one of the cats peed on my sheets. I've made negative progress, and had my underwear soaked in someone else's cold urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 964

You deserved it 1 025

Nokia 3310 FTW

By Anonymous - 17/03/2020 02:30 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, while taking a rather large crap, I sent my sister a joking text saying, "I'm shitting my ass inside out." Turns out I sent it to my entire list of contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 1 920

Benjamin Button

By TooYoungForThis - 03/09/2019 20:00

Today, my father was helping me move into college. When we arrived, the students helping people move in mistook me for one of the parents. I’m 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 125

By tsu3 - 16/11/2009 15:14 - Germany

Today, after spending about 5 years to go back to school, get my life together and get a real job, I now make about $100 less a month. I used to work as a dishwasher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 329

You deserved it 2 957

By BGood - 21/12/2011 16:30 - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend at a grocery store. We haven't seen each other since we broke up a few months ago, and when he introduced me, he called me by the wrong name. We dated for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 308

You deserved it 3 923

Figure it out

By foreveralone.jpg - 29/08/2012 20:51 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I listened to my roommate and her friend struggle with their math homework for an hour. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that I'm a math major and repeatedly offered my help. They'd rather fail math than be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 430

You deserved it 2 904

Messed up

By mee - 10/10/2020 05:01

Today, I started new meds because I’ve been emotionally numb since I was 14. I never learned how to manage real feelings and I’m on a rollercoaster that involves crying over nothing, feeling jealous of my husband’s Xbox, and getting angry at inanimate objects. Is there a return policy on this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 964

You deserved it 304

By HoratioNo - 14/08/2013 06:41 - United States - Stockton

Today, I found out that my dad writes really weird and scary slash fiction involving characters from all of the CSI TV show franchises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 070

You deserved it 3 916

Haunted house

By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 16:58 - Germany

Today, I jumped when, after being home alone for days, I suddenly saw the door handle move. Apparently, the cats weren't happy about being locked out of the kitchen and were pretty close to figuring things out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 147

By OompaLoompa - 18/06/2009 13:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 237

You deserved it 62 170

By Anonymous - 05/08/2012 05:33 - United States - Mahwah

Spicy

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 307

You deserved it 6 591

By Anonymous - 08/04/2009 10:26 - United States

Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 836

You deserved it 5 267

By eenkoekje - 13/05/2011 07:20

Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 257

You deserved it 15 872

Romance isn't dead

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, it's been six months since I gave birth, and no matter how many times we've tried, my post baby body just doesn’t arouse my husband anymore. We still love each other, but for him to get a boner these days he has to watch a few minutes of porn first then keep his eyes closed during sex so he doesn’t go soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 724

You deserved it 134

By hot_friend - 19/12/2013 06:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he was in love with my best friend instead of me. I wouldn't be so upset if it wasn't the third boyfriend in a row this happened with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 885

You deserved it 4 864

Late start

By Radayam - 15/06/2021 20:00

Today, I learned that the starting date for my class was a typo. Instead of 6/22, it was 6/2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 97

By Joy - 16/06/2010 14:42 - Denmark

Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 997

You deserved it 19 181

By Anonymous - 27/01/2017 02:00

Today, I saw my little brother drink from the milk carton, gag, and spit the milk back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 210

You deserved it 464

Best Baby Names of 2021

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 05:02

Today, my boyfriend has had name ideas for his future son and daughter even before I met him, but so have I. He disregards my ideas and suggestions, and is hell bent on giving our kids names because he likes "the way they sound." 'Hippopotamus' sounds good, but who’d name their kids that? FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 131

By DaoOfPow - 23/05/2015 07:51 - United States - Danbury

Today, my mom told me I'm the reason she's going to kill herself one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 195

You deserved it 3 209

By morgan_rumm - 11/07/2014 20:02

Today, I texted my mom asking how she was doing. Apparently she's great, and on her honeymoon. I didn't know she was getting married, or that my parents had just gotten divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 665

You deserved it 4 712

Right place, wrong body

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 14:00

Today, I came home and heard a noise in the bathroom. I figured it was my girlfriend, so I went over and as the door closed, I told her not to close it because I'd seen her beautiful body before. Turns out it was our roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 1 032

By BrokeStudentTryingToDoSomethingNice - 02/12/2016 06:31

Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all the post and gifts they have been sending her. For a special birthday / Christmas, I'd splurged on an expensive, interactive mystery game where you are mailed clues over the course of 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 862

You deserved it 1 532

By unknown002 - 12/02/2010 01:25 - United States

Today, I stepped on the scale because I'm trying to maintain a good weight. The scale read that I had lost 6 pounds. Feeling really good about myself, I stepped off the scale only to see that the corner of the scale was sitting on the rug, making the scale mess up and tell me the wrong weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 185

You deserved it 18 622

I don't know why

By Anonymous - 05/11/2019 21:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today I went camping in the mountains with my girlfriend and her very outdoor loving mountain. I sprained my ankle falling out of the car and got bug bit on my penis while peeing. Her dad actually asked why she was dating me and she admitted that she had no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 481

By LockandKey - 24/02/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, everyone at school was talking about some guy that did another girl while he was going out with someone. I started to spread the rumor myself, until someone told me that that guy was my boyfriend. The other girl was my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 241

You deserved it 28 174

By Gloria - 09/06/2018 05:00

Today, I got home with my 3 best friends in tow, only to find my husband fast asleep on the sofa, porn playing on his laptop, his boxers around his ankles, and a sticky white mess all down his thigh. I am so beyond mortified I can’t adequately describe how embarrassed I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 258

You deserved it 812

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:09

LMAO. the mental image of this is just too much..

designedlikedice 0

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:05

You couldn't hear people who were in there?

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designedlikedice 0

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:05

You couldn't hear people who were in there?

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Friday 17 June 2011 5:02

Pics or it didn't happen.

mylifeisfuckedd 0

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:06

Haha ew wow embarassing!

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Friday 2 April 2010 5:29

This is why I pee stamding up.

pingpongpickle 8

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Sunday 6 June 2010 5:13

that didn't make any sense.

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Monday 26 July 2010 19:58

OP is a female.

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:06

Are you stupid? How did you NOT know there were other people in there? You would have heard them. I cannot see how this could happen.

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Sunday 12 June 2011 13:56

I believe the word 'PMSL!' is appropriate.

cheer4everever 0

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Thursday 16 August 2012 6:03

Whts the L for?

BethanyKimberly 4

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:07

YDI. next time you might want to check first.

omglyktotally78 0

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:07

This is similar to the one where the guy wiped his ass with two $5's....that's probably where you got the idea for the FML...

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:08

Why didn't you ask if someone was there? Just go, "Hello?". If there was a person, they'd more than likely hand you toilet paper under the stall door. Or, use your hand! It works unless you don't ever wash after (which is be disgusting). Anyways, YDI.

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Thursday 20 December 2012 20:28

Using your hand. That is unbelievably disgusting. I'm pretty sure not wiping is more sanitary than that.

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:09

LMAO. the mental image of this is just too much..

coloradodude12 0

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:09

lol that sucks

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:10

Bullshit FML....there is no way you could NOT hear people in there, and even if you didn't, you could still call out and see if someone could throw some to you...I don't know why FMyLife keeps posting FML's that are obviously fake.

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:10

Bullshit FML....there is no way you could NOT hear people in there, and even if you didn't, you could still call out and see if someone could throw some to you...I don't know why FMyLife keeps posting FML's that are obviously fake.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 16

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 28

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 70