Miscellaneous: Today, I was selected to give my speech to the entire school....

By Anonymous - 16/05/2009 13:06 - Canada

Today, I was selected to give my speech to the entire school. I was later told it had to be censored because it was inappropriate, even though I was just trying to make a point. My speech was on political correctness. My speech on political correctness was censored for political reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 934

You deserved it 5 083

Miscellaneous

Stealth bomb

Can we be friends?

Our house, is a very very very fine house

By Anonymous - 06/07/2013 07:11 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 861

You deserved it 5 220

By Anonymous - 06/04/2017 02:00

Today, they played Nickelback at our school dance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 308

You deserved it 1 445

Who are you?

By Boyufd - 19/06/2021 00:01

Today, it was my birthday. Also today, same as the past five years, my family forgot my mine and threw a party for my 5-year-old twin sisters who I share a birthday with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 75

By stelssy - 26/01/2013 05:03 - United States

Today, while reading in the bath, I accidentally switched the shower on. Not wanting my book to get soaked, I threw it out of the tub. When I got out of the tub later, I found it had landed squarely in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 194

You deserved it 12 923

Nooooooo!

By ScarredEars - 12/08/2010 12:02 - United States

Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 201

You deserved it 3 770

Great move

By TheGreatAndPowerfulDerp - 13/09/2020 05:02

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. Knowing how much more it would cost in the long run, I handed the officer my license with $300 in cash, "as something to consider for just a warning." He came back with a ticket and verbally warned me that police bribery is a felony. He kept the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 3 903

By daddyslittlegirl250 - 05/05/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, we watched a movie in French class. I went on a French exchange last year, so I wanted to sound all impressive and cultured for my crush who is in the same class. I said that it was my favorite movie and I couldn't wait to watch it with everyone. The movie turned out to be about incest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 044

You deserved it 83 922

By Bacular - 06/02/2010 09:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I started a new job, it was going well until I was asked to stand up and be introduced to a company director. I had a hard on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 044

You deserved it 5 910

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 16:23 - United States - Mulino

Today, while I was pet-sitting for my boyfriend's parents, one of their dogs killed one of their kittens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 461

You deserved it 5 468

By coldasfire - 29/03/2015 21:18 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend keeps my toenails in her deceased grandmother's prized music box. She says it's to, "Keep the box natural." I don't understand why she does this, or what she means by "natural." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 356

You deserved it 2 462

By depr3ssed - 31/01/2010 17:42 - United States

Today, I realized what all the women I've been with have in common: Craigslist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 534

You deserved it 29 429

By ... - 29/11/2008 11:50 - France

Today, well actually last night, I did a full striptease for my girlfriend to "You can leave your hat on". When the song was over, I was then completely naked, she says to me : "Maybe we should have closed the shutters!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 468

You deserved it 11 952

By Anonymous - 24/09/2010 23:10 - United States

Today, my friend asked why I always smell like a dead animal carcass. I have no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 124

You deserved it 7 891

By mugres22 - 17/08/2013 05:11 - United States - Pacoima

Today, while in the restroom washing my hands, a girl decided to let one rip while in the stall. When she came out she gave me a dirty look of disgust and said, "At least wait until I leave." She and I were the only ones in the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 887

You deserved it 3 309

By Thomas - 21/12/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, my business is doing so badly that people are teaching their kids to drive in the empty parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 526

You deserved it 2 985

By grossew - 26/06/2019 07:00

Today, my farm dog and I are spending the weekend in an urban area. She won't poop on concrete, so I directed her to a nice two-foot tall grassy median. As she vaulted up onto the median, two turds shot out of her ass and plopped right on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 291

No stupid questions

By Anonymous - 09/03/2013 01:11 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, my boyfriend's daughter asked me what would happen if she chose to stop urinating for two weeks. She wanted to know whether it would kill her or just start coming out of her mouth. She's 17 years-old, and was deadly serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 296

You deserved it 3 275

By Ari - 16/06/2011 04:19 - United States

Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 776

You deserved it 3 693

By Depressed - 08/03/2009 21:58 - United States

Today, I called up the boy I like to ask him on a date. He said "Haha, thats a pretty good impression Chris. Next time pick someone less ugly and maybe I'd think this is real." He thought I was his friend prank calling him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 310

You deserved it 4 969

By Noname - 21/02/2009 21:43 - United States

Today, I got an email from my professor with my grade for a paper. It said, "Solid writing, but you should have proofread your final draft more carefully." In a moment of annoyance, I typed in the reply box, "God should have proofread your FACE more carefully." My elbow hit the send button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 713

You deserved it 68 298

By callen5 - 10/03/2012 15:16 - United States

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend over Skype. I said I loved her and hoped we would be together forever. She responded by singing Who Wants to Live Forever into her mic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 882

You deserved it 4 177

By theJoblessArchaeologist - 13/04/2017 05:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, as within the last couple of years, my dream job is only accepting applications from students continuing their degree in the fall. Literally, people with half degrees can get what I can't get with a full degree and experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 252

You deserved it 304

By hiddenplainly - 24/02/2017 10:00 - United States

Today, I did my budget. I have a good job, make decent money, and work full time, but without including any flexible spending items like groceries, I make $32 less than my bills each month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 198

You deserved it 1 212

By gwengas - 30/07/2014 06:51 - France - Saint-ouen-des-alleux

Today, while out with my boyfriend, I gave a beggar some cash, who then smiled at me and said to my boyfriend, "You have a beautiful little lady, take good care of her." Flattered, I hoped my boyfriend would agree with the compliment. He turned and said, "Hear that? He said you were little." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 121

You deserved it 5 266

By JJMan217 - 29/03/2011 06:28 - Canada

Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 269

You deserved it 76 695

By CollegeBound - 17/08/2012 19:55 - United States - Tully

Today, at age eighteen, I finished moving out of my parents' house and into my own. The only person to even remotely give a shit was my sister, and that was only because I was taking the cat with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 206

You deserved it 2 346

By Anonymous - 05/02/2017 05:00 - United States - Fresno

Today, I got a badly-needed job at a local discount store. After being hired, I found out I'm to help with the soon-to-begin store closing sale, and I'll be jobless again after 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 859

You deserved it 442

Poor kid

By fair lady - 03/06/2021 04:01

Today, I watched as my four-year-old niece accidentally knocked over her mom’s wine. She was clearly upset about it, and her mother screaming at her didn’t help. Later, she asked her mom if she still loved her, to which she replied, "I don’t believe in second chances." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 076

You deserved it 76

Own it!

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 08:02 - Australia - Kenwick

Today, my ultra-conservative aunt got rip-roaring drunk at a family barbecue and told everyone that I'm a "raging homosexual" with a lack a moral compass, all because I kissed a male friend at a high school party about 20 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 142

By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 19:11 - United States - Ontario

Today, I found myself admiring my eyelids for being the only parts of my face not covered in acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 359

You deserved it 4 482

Unrequited

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 13:57 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I ran into my childhood crush. She was the one who made me realize I was bi, and I was enthralled by her. Too bad she was straight. She's only gotten more attractive, and now she's in my program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 353

A teaching moment

By Sensitive!!! - 24/08/2020 21:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 044

You deserved it 251

By anonymous - 17/04/2012 01:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 826

You deserved it 7 428

By drixxy - 29/08/2012 15:01 - United States - Irvine

Today, my car was towed for the second time in front of my own house. They tried to tell me it was because they didn't think I lived there anymore. The person who had it towed had just spoken to me not three hours before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 072

You deserved it 1 686

Prank culture has gone too far

By qhorin halflung - 22/07/2015 17:35

Today, on the bus, my blood sugar level got too low and I passed out. When I came to, the woman next to me was hitting me, saying she needed to get off and that she didn't have time for my, "stupid fucking prank." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 400

You deserved it 2 161

By Anonymous - 26/07/2013 14:26 - United States - Campbellsville

Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. We decided to play chicken and I was on the shoulders of the guy I like. Right as we started playing, for some unearthly reason my body decided to let out a little pee. I thought he wouldn't notice since we were already wet. He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 481

You deserved it 18 700

By Anonymous - 18/01/2014 03:48 - United States

Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 031

You deserved it 5 509

By bilol - 27/02/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'd be going on a trip to Europe. I assured him that I would never cheat on him with any European guys. He replied with, "Why would I be worried? You're not very pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 859

You deserved it 6 883

By life sucks - 20/05/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, I learned my boyfriend has another girlfriend. His excuse is he's bipolar and each of his personalities needs a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 706

You deserved it 5 069

By OmniVore - 25/02/2010 09:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a great vegan guy in my class. We went to a vegi-restaurant, I dutifully ate all the meatless dishes, but he seemed pissed about something, and other diners kept giving me angry looks. After we left, I realised I'd worn my leather jacket to the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 296

You deserved it 42 678

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Top comments

sickofnames 0

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:06

That's what school is like. Everything has to be the status quo, bland and acceptable. I know your pain as I was almost suspended for a film project I did.

Nakedsquirrel 5

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:46

Political correctness is a crock of shit in the first place, necessitated only by the fact that we allow a bunch of annoying crybabies to make a scene every time someone says something they don't like. It's one thing to be offended by blatant racism. It's another thing to throw a fit because someone isn't conforming to the hypersensitivity USA has gotten up its own ass with. Only the most pathetic individual could be offended by "Merry Christmas."

fishbowl 0

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:05

shitty deal

XYZzzzzzzz 0

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Saturday 13 March 2010 4:43

soumds like ur speech was gonna be gay anyway . politically correct aholes . meh

sickofnames 0

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:06

That's what school is like. Everything has to be the status quo, bland and acceptable. I know your pain as I was almost suspended for a film project I did.

UnearthlyEnemy 9

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:24

What you said REEKS of Communism. Idea! School is like Communism!!

BeeHappy_fml 0

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Sunday 4 July 2010 9:34

OMG this fking happened to me!!!! I made a speech on the vulgarity of music in the 2000's and they made me CENSOR it, even though everyone would just listen to that crap in songs anyway!! UGH.

alexanderavatar 24

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Saturday 18 July 2015 14:52

good morning everyone i will now read u my speech ......

purple5 0

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:07

Well, you could also mention in your speech (or at the end of your speech) that even your speech on PC had to be censored for political reasons...that would enforce your point even more! ;)

Phoenix_GAD 0

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:09

LOL my head of school made all these speeches after Obama won about how Hilary was the best and how it was amazing to have a female candidate. She said nothing about the first black prez. so yea. i know how u feel.

Metzler31 17

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Monday 5 July 2010 4:20

who cares if he's black? really, why is it a big deal that he didn't mention that?

SandiRainbowFish 20

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 0:03

He's not the "first black president." He's half white.

UmbreonKirby 14

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Monday 4 November 2013 5:21

It's a big deal because of the way this country treated blacks during certain parts of history, repressing them, and now one holds the presidential office

dym_fml 0

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:14

What #3 said. So long as they are making changes to your speech, you may as well, too.

michelle4srs 0

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:14

I'd just say whatever I planned on saying anyway.

Thabb 0

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Wednesday 5 May 2010 21:07

Well I gind it stupid how everyone voted for Obama or Clnton just cause they were female and black. Lemme say if they were both white men McCain would have won,

rocketman5550 1

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Sunday 2 September 2012 17:25

No, it's not just because they're different. This election I'm voting for Obama, not because he's black, but because Romney is an idiot.

seonfire 0

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:20

That's life lol!

Thabb 0

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Wednesday 5 May 2010 21:05

That's pretty stupid, but you'll have to get used to it

genius_man16 0

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:21

That sucks. I hated high school for that. No swearing, no hats, no ripped jeans, no ponytails, no talking to your friends after 11:00.. blah blah blah save the speech and wait til college.

Swaggintotehmax 2

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Wednesday 28 September 2016 13:54

No ponytails..?

catatonicsleep 17

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:22

That's the thing with political correctness, there's so many things that hardly anyone knows all of them.

anglcdvl89 0

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Saturday 16 May 2009 20:22

IRONY...but really what's the point of allowing a speech on political correctness if they're going to censor it for political reasons??? That's about as sensible as having a bonfire sans the fire...(-_-)