Today, I was selected to give my speech to the entire school.... - FML

By Anonymous - 16/5/2009 13:06 - Canada

Today, I was selected to give my speech to the entire school. I was later told it had to be censored because it was inappropriate, even though I was just trying to make a point. My speech was on political correctness. My speech on political correctness was censored for political reasons. FML

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Messed up

True hero

Inspirational tale

By Anonymous - 25/6/2012 22:08 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML

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By rinakitty94 - 29/6/2015 17:30 - United States - Sunset

Today, my fiancé heard I was having a rotten day at work. He stopped by the flower shop and bought me a lovely rose which I put right next to my work station. That is until a giant wasp flew out and stung me. I still have a swollen arm hours later. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2009 16:30 - United States

Today, my first graders released the butterflies we've been raising. The kids were sad that one had died in his cocoon and wouldn't be set free. Turns out that butterfly may have had a better fate: a flock of birds ate half of the others. Immediately after releasing them. In front of the kids. FML

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By lizzie - 27/7/2011 13:30 - United States

Today, I was going to a talent show. On the way there, my car broke down, I lost my keys and managed to slam my hand in a window. I got there and waited in the theater for an hour before a janitor came by and said, "Show is tomorrow, lady." FML

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By kmang33 - 2/4/2010 11:24 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that I think too much during sex. Now the only thing I can think about is how much I'm thinking too much. FML

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By wolfwolfy - 13/3/2010 07:18 - Canada

Today, I was on a first date. When the bill came, he refused to pay for my $6 salad. I had to go ATM-hunting to pay for my $6 salad. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 23:59 - United States - Eugene

Today, I knocked an old-school slide carousel off my desk, scattering nearly 100 individual slides everywhere, including the specific slides my professor asked me to digitally scan, which were placed carefully on top. None of them are numbered. FML

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By bummed - 4/11/2010 03:16 - United States

Today, I found out a 6-month pregnant woman is claiming my boyfriend to be the father. Even though this would have been previous to our relationship, he already has two kids from getting girls pregnant in high school. I guess he didn't learn his lesson the first two times. FML

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By almyric - 2/10/2019 12:02

Headshot!

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML

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By Wtf - 3/11/2015 22:06

Today, during dinner, my boyfriend slowly walked up next to me, got on one knee, and in one movement pointed at my feet and shouted, "WHAT ARE THOSE?!" FML

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By ihatebadkids - 24/6/2019 07:07 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was uninvited from every family event henceforth, because I finally had it and told my sister that I can’t stand to be around her horribly misbehaved kids. They have screaming meltdown tantrums, throw and break things, start fights and steal. How am I the bad guy? FML

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By parenting_failure - 20/3/2011 16:10 - France

Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2014 04:08 - United States

Today, I decided to tan naked in a secluded part of my yard, so I wouldn't get tan lines. I even felt adventurous enough to leave my bikini and towel inside. This idea backfired however when my mom stopped home from work, assumed I wasn't home, and locked all the doors before she left again. FML

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By Ella - 24/7/2009 02:26 - United States

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML

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By E or - 13/7/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, I flew a toy airplane into my face. FML

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By okay - 22/7/2015 04:58 - United States - Woodstock

Today, a customer complained he never got his sandwich, even though I put it in the oven, dressed it up and served it to him. When I went to clear his table off, I saw the sandwich basket. We had to give him his money back. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I was at a local chinese restaurant with two of my friends. We were laughing hysterically when my friend tells me to stop making her laugh because she was going to puke, naturally I kept egging it on. She puked all over the table and I was laughing so hard that I peed my pants. FML

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By pissed girlfriend - 25/2/2013 03:08 - United States - Celina

Today, at my grandpa's funeral, my boyfriend texted me while sitting right beside me, asking if we could have sex when the "family get together" was finally over. FML

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By Anna - 2/12/2012 08:03 - United States - Monroe

Today, my guy friend kept complaining that no one had asked him to the dance, so he probably wasn't going to go. I suggested that we go together. He laughed until his face was bright red and said, "I don't think I'll ever get that desperate." FML

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By liz - 21/6/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I went shopping at a thrift store. I found a really cute top that fit me perfectly, so I bought it. Afterwards, I noticed the original tag was still on it. It read: "designed with your pregnancy in mind". It was a maternity top. FML

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By pixie09 - 8/11/2010 20:43 - United States

Today, I got sentenced to 20 hours community service for having a boy in my room an hour after floor hours. If I don't do the community service, I could get kicked out of the dorm and put on probation at my college. We were breaking up. FML

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By DF - 26/6/2014 14:58 - Israel - Rehovot

Today, I went bowling with my girlfriend, her sister and her brother-in-law, and her niece. After 10 rounds, I came in last place. Her niece is 3 years old. She got twice as many points as me. FML

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By DefinitelyNotMyMeds - 22/2/2019 20:00 - Canada

Today, just like everyday, I opened my med box, took out a blister pack and took one of the pills before putting the pack back in the box. Today, not like everyday, I had diarrhea. Turns out one of the packs was laxatives put in my med box by my boyfriend because they looked the same as my meds. FML

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By chawlay - 5/7/2011 14:04 - United States

Today, I had to sift through hundreds of pages of legal documents. They were all written in Comic Sans font. FML

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By BC94 - 16/7/2012 04:21 - United States - Mcminnville

Today, I went to a movie with this guy. He was late so the only seats available were the ones in the very front which he refused to sit in. As we were looking for two seats, he spotted one near the back and sat down, leaving me to sit by myself in the front. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2012 11:27 - Israel

Today, I bought my son a nice car for his 18th birthday. When I gave it to him, he just got mad and told me that if I really wanted to spend that much money on him, I should've used it to help him pay for college. FML

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By hc11bmd - 19/6/2012 17:20 - United States - Bethel

Today, I asked a coworker what she'd bought her dad for father's day. She said that she got him some flowers, and I laughed because I thought it was a rather feminine gift for a man. I later found out that the flowers were for his grave. FML

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By TipsyTj - 29/3/2016 13:05 - Canada - Kentville

Today, I was on my run, running past the home of the very attractive guy in my English class. This time he was outside. As I was running I casually waved, he waved back, but because I was distracted, I didn't notice a rock on the sidewalk and ended up tripping and pantsing myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my ex-boyfriend's wedding. We broke up because "he didn't believe in marriage." FML

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By vikingunicorn - 23/5/2010 05:47 - Canada

Today, I was feeling very ill after a severe anxiety attack. I asked my boyfriend to hold my hand until I fell asleep. He said he couldn't because he needed both hands to play on his gameboy. FML

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By grossedout - 1/11/2014 00:39

Today, I was walking back to my dorm with my boyfriend. He was being really sweet as he held my hand. We were about to kiss goodnight and as he pushed some hair out of my face he said, "Can we hurry it up? I'm about to rip one." FML

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By nerderer - 15/3/2015 14:57 - United States - Duluth

Today, my dad decided that the best way to alleviate my crippling depression is to talk to me in a baby voice. FML

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By hoppgrasser - 12/11/2016 15:17 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to ask out a girl I've had a crush on for months now. She told me I was very cute and then walked off. I still don't have an answer. FML

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By epicvixen - 15/3/2015 21:12 - Canada - Richmond

Today, while driving, I saw someone's hubcap blowing away behind me on the highway. I thought it was funny and sort of chuckled to myself. Later I realized it was my hubcap. FML

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By Single Sally - 1/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Brandon

For what occasion

Today, my boyfriend of five years finally gave me "a ring." Oh no, not an "engagement ring." He gave me a "ring to apologize for sleeping with his married coworker." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2013 01:20 - United Kingdom - Ringwood

Today, I told the man my girlfriend has been cheating on me with all about her infidelity. He didn't get angry; he just said that he knew, that they were in an open relationship, and that I was pretty stupid to have not figured it out sooner. FML

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By owch - 23/11/2015 21:21 - United States - Maumee

Today, I learned that if I take my full dosage of Vicodin, I will throw up all day. I also learned that if I don't take my full dosage of Vicodin, I will be in excruciating pain all day. FML

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By ohgodwhy - 20/4/2012 20:24 - United States

Today, I spent hours baking an apple pie to impress my future mother-in-law. I was especially proud of the fact I'd made the crust and filling myself. When I served it to her, she picked off the crust and, between mouthfuls, bitched that it was nothing like canned pie filling. FML

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By Magicfml - 5/2/2017 20:00 - United States - Toledo

Today, I learned that my boyfriend is a better pole dancer than I am, despite daily practice. This was his first time trying it. FML

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By zzzgrady - 27/10/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, after having the worst night of my life, my boss chewing me out and acid reflux all morning, I went to the snack machine at work to get the only thing that makes me happy, Reese's PB cups. I had just enough money to buy the very last one in the machine, and it got stuck. FML

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Top comments

By sickofnames | 0

#203817 - Saturday 16 May 2009 20:06

That's what school is like. Everything has to be the status quo, bland and acceptable. I know your pain as I was almost suspended for a film project I did.

By Nakedsquirrel | 5

#203980 - Saturday 16 May 2009 20:46

Political correctness is a crock of shit in the first place, necessitated only by the fact that we allow a bunch of annoying crybabies to make a scene every time someone says something they don't like. It's one thing to be offended by blatant racism. It's another thing to throw a fit because someone isn't conforming to the hypersensitivity USA has gotten up its own ass with.

Only the most pathetic individual could be offended by "Merry Christmas."

COMMENTS

By fishbowl | 0

#203813 - Saturday 16 May 2009 20:05

shitty deal

Reply

XYZzzzzzzz | 0

#941271 - Saturday 13 March 2010 4:43

soumds like ur speech was gonna be gay anyway . politically correct aholes . meh

By sickofnames | 0

#203817 - Saturday 16 May 2009 20:06

That's what school is like. Everything has to be the status quo, bland and acceptable. I know your pain as I was almost suspended for a film project I did.

Reply

UnearthlyEnemy | 9

#822330 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:24

What you said REEKS of Communism.

Idea!

School is like Communism!!

Reply

BeeHappy_fml | 0

#1062087 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:34

OMG this fking happened to me!!!! I made a speech on the vulgarity of music in the 2000's and they made me CENSOR it, even though everyone would just listen to that crap in songs anyway!! UGH.

Reply

alexanderavatar | 24

#6353863 - Saturday 18 July 2015 14:52

good morning everyone i will now read u my speech ......

By purple5 | 0

#203823 - Saturday 16 May 2009 20:07

Well, you could also mention in your speech (or at the end of your speech) that even your speech on PC had to be censored for political reasons...that would enforce your point even more! ;)

By Phoenix_GAD | 0

#203836 - Saturday 16 May 2009 20:09

LOL my head of school made all these speeches after Obama won about how Hilary was the best and how it was amazing to have a female candidate. She said nothing about the first black prez.

so yea. i know how u feel.

Reply

Metzler31 | 17

#1063760 - Monday 5 July 2010 4:20

who cares if he's black? really, why is it a big deal that he didn't mention that?

Reply

SandiRainbowFish | 20

#3791127 - Tuesday 27 December 2011 0:03

He's not the "first black president." He's half white.

Reply

UmbreonKirby | 14

#5741574 - Monday 4 November 2013 5:21

It's a big deal because of the way this country treated blacks during certain parts of history, repressing them, and now one holds the presidential office

By dym_fml | 0

#203857 - Saturday 16 May 2009 20:14

What #3 said. So long as they are making changes to your speech, you may as well, too.

By michelle4srs | 0

#203861 - Saturday 16 May 2009 20:14

I'd just say whatever I planned on saying anyway.

Reply

Thabb | 0

#988671 - Wednesday 5 May 2010 21:07

Well I gind it stupid how everyone voted for Obama or Clnton just cause they were female and black. Lemme say if they were both white men McCain would have won,

Reply

rocketman5550 | 1

#4887866 - Sunday 2 September 2012 17:25

No, it's not just because they're different. This election I'm voting for Obama, not because he's black, but because Romney is an idiot.

By seonfire | 0

#203882 - Saturday 16 May 2009 20:20

That's life lol!

Reply

Thabb | 0

#988670 - Wednesday 5 May 2010 21:05

That's pretty stupid, but you'll have to get used to it

By genius_man16 | 0

#203889 - Saturday 16 May 2009 20:21

That sucks. I hated high school for that. No swearing, no hats, no ripped jeans, no ponytails, no talking to your friends after 11:00.. blah blah blah

save the speech and wait til college.

Reply

Swaggintotehmax | 2

#6696336 - Wednesday 28 September 2016 13:54

No ponytails..?

By catatonicsleep | 17

#203893 - Saturday 16 May 2009 20:22

That's the thing with political correctness, there's so many things that hardly anyone knows all of them.

By anglcdvl89 | 0

#203896 - Saturday 16 May 2009 20:22

IRONY...but really what's the point of allowing a speech on political correctness if they're going to censor it for political reasons???

That's about as sensible as having a bonfire sans the fire...(-_-)