Today, as I was walking towards my friends at the bus stop, a... - FML

By Anonymous - 16/5/2009 00:11 - Canada

Today, as I was walking towards my friends at the bus stop, a man came up to me and asked me out. This was the first time I'd be asked out in months. I accepted. When I reached my friends they looked at me then asked, "Why were you talking to that homeless guy?". FML

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Oh, hai!

White line fever

Or he's just becoming an old goober

By i love stupid people - 14/7/2019 06:30

Today, I went on a 50 km bike ride with a friend. We stopped for a break halfway through, and locked our bikes up. When we returned, some guy had locked his bike to mine. We had to wait an hour for him to return. FML

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By knickedleg - 22/5/2010 07:03 - France

Today, I was using Veet instead of shaving, so that the razor wouldn't cut up my legs. I cut myself with the plastic utensil that you're supposed to use to remove the Veet. FML

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By Connie - 4/6/2011 06:00 - United States

Today, I almost missed the bus. I grabbed my backpack and ran out the door. It wasn't until after we got to school that I realized I was still in my slippers. FML

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By makiju - 13/11/2012 21:23 - France - M?zi?res-sur-seine

Today, I was severely chewed out by my boss because, according to him, I look down on him too often. I'm 6ft5. FML

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By - 21/2/2020 14:00

No chance

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML

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By senelbeat - 3/7/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her "if I want to have sex I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you marry". She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML

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By OhhhNooo - 14/3/2010 23:23 - United States

Today, my Dad told me that I was named after the dog he accidentally shot in the head as a teenager. FML

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By romainmain - 16/9/2012 22:50 - France - Charleville-m?zi?res

Today, I saw a small bug on the wall, so I decided to send it straight to the insect afterlife by smashing it with a book. The book crushed it, and caused my clock to come free from the wall and crash down onto my TV. FML

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By howsthisforaname - 24/5/2012 12:59 - United Kingdom - Kingston Upon Hull

Today, after my old downstairs neighbor, who would come upstairs to bang on my door and yell at me every time she heard a sound from me at all times of the day, had finally moved out, it became clear that my new downstairs neighbor gets drunk and yells at the TV in the early hours of the morning. FML

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By isuckatparking. seriously. - 16/1/2019 02:00

Today, I was in a hurry to get to my exams. I’m a new driver so my parking was a little crooked but I didn’t have time to fix it. I was expecting to come back to a note on my car. I wasn’t expecting three of my tires to be slashed and the words “I Suck At Parking” to be keyed into my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/3/2011 06:07 - Canada

Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense: "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML

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By Lyn - 6/7/2012 22:14 - France

Today, I discovered that I'm adopted. How? After a great lunch, I asked my uncle how he'd made the salad dressing. He replied, "Haha! It's a secret family recipe, my dear!" I wouldn't have thought twice about it, were it not for my parents' shocked expressions, and the long, awkward silence. FML

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By wwasmer - 27/2/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, I hit a car while trying to answer a phone call from my mom. I quickly answered the phone and shouted "What!?". To which she replied, "I just had a bad feeling in my gut about you so I wanted to make sure you were ok." FML

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By LuxTheSarcastic - 6/11/2015 23:05 - United States - Apex

Today, my mother dragged me to the mall to get me out of the house and to get me to stop using my phone. She then spent the whole trip talking on her phone instead of actually interacting with me. FML

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By BabyButt - 9/4/2014 17:50 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed. FML

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By worker666 - 13/4/2014 14:51 - United States

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

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By Stevie - 16/8/2011 06:52 - Canada

Today, my mom was convinced that the lawn gnomes we bought from Wal-Mart were secretly conspiring to kill us. FML

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By halfie - 26/9/2015 05:06 - United States - Pigeon Forge

Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2011 00:29 - United States

Today, I ran into one of my teachers from high school. When I told her I just recently graduated college and was starting graduate school in the fall, she said "you don't have to lie, some people just are not cut out for college. There is no shame." I wasn't lying, I graduated with honors too. FML

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By FMeRight? - 28/12/2016 20:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me in front of his whole family with the ring his mother had helped him pick out. Two hours later, I found emails of nudes from another women that had been sent to him a week prior, on his phone. Our flight for home leaves in a week. FML

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By Amanda - 13/12/2010 16:29 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my mom. We were discussing my brother, how he's been screwing up majorly lately and she blamed it on his friends. Then she turned to me and said, "It's a good thing you've never had any friends." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2017 13:00 - United States

Today, during the birth of my first child, my epidural didn't work. FML

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By mandinga - 6/9/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, my husband asked me for permission to have an affair with his hot secretary. FML

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By itwasntme - 7/9/2019 16:00

It Wasn't Me, by Shaggy

Today, we found out my brother in law cheated on my sister. Somehow they’ve blamed me for the whole incident. I don’t know the guy. FML

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By sunny_funny - 20/12/2016 18:51 - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML

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By oopsbaby - 11/3/2020 18:00

HealthCare for all

Today, I found out that my girlfriend stopped getting her birth control weeks ago so she could afford a new Nintendo Switch. FML

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By teeeessst - 13/12/2009 06:26 - United States

Today, I listened to a woman take an extremely fragrant crap while I waited for my pregnacy test result in the Target bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2020 02:00

Phished

Today, I found out that I'm completely and utterly head over heels in love with a man who, as it turns out, doesn't actually exist. Thank you, the internet. FML

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By sad_unicorn - 19/4/2017 06:00 - Australia - Yagoona

The Intruder

Today, I have to close my bedroom door with a bucket because I don't have a door latch from previous owners. When my partner and I were going at it, we had to stop because the cat kept reaching around the door, trying to attack the bucket and destroying the mood. Cat 1 - Humans 0. FML

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By Noname - 24/2/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2013 22:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I came across some bubble wrap. Turned out it was a special type of bubble wrap that cannot be popped. FML

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By DanceOnTheEdge - 20/7/2009 01:23 - United States

Today, I was riding in the car with my boyfriend. While he was driving, I held out my hand as an offer for him to hold it. Instead, he grabs me by the wrist and shoves my hand down his pants. Lovely. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2015 19:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2014 22:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2016 19:28 - United States - Carlisle

Today, I performed a piano piece at a school play. Everything went well until I got up and accidentally smashed my shin against one of the piano legs. Before I could bite my tongue, I'd already yelled "Fucking hell!" in front of about 50 second graders. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2013 14:49 - United States - Clemmons

Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML

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By unloved cat owner - 16/2/2014 00:50 - United States - Carmichael

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

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By ohjoy - 18/11/2009 07:42 - United States

Today, a friend and I attempted to jump the 7-foot high fence around his gated community because he'd left his keys. He made it. I didn’t. My shorts caught on the top of the fence, so I was forced to dangle there on a busy street until my Dad came and helped. But only after taking a picture. FML

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By public pooper - 25/4/2013 00:16 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML

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By canabana - 11/4/2009 08:42 - Canada

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to close a simple $400 deal with a homeowner. He spent 3 hours telling me about his life story including his marital problems, his philosophical views of the world, AND he read me 20 pages of haiku poems. Only 3 hours later did he tell me he couldn't accept my deal. FML

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Top comments

By redbluegreen | 40

#203104 - Saturday 16 May 2009 12:29

Um, desperate much?

If they look homeless, I'd be cautious just to talk to them. This is a whole new level of... awkward.
Random guys you meet at bus stops that ask you on dates... Just... No.

By lady_n | 0

#203074 - Saturday 16 May 2009 12:12

umm, didn't he even look homeless?
hahah

Comments

By lady_n | 0

#203074 - Saturday 16 May 2009 12:12

umm, didn't he even look homeless?
hahah

By 24788 | 6

#203078 - Saturday 16 May 2009 12:13

They're just jealous!

By thattickles | 0

#203094 - Saturday 16 May 2009 12:23

did they say that because he looked homeless or because they knew he was homeless? maybe your friends are just snobby, lol. if he's cute, maybe his excuse is that the economy is bad and you should go for it :D

Reply

johobus28 | 26

#6110303 - Wednesday 5 November 2014 16:26

I don't understand why everyone's flipping out because the guy's homeless. Just because he doesn't have a home, that means he should be denied affection? That's just not okay

By redbluegreen | 40

#203104 - Saturday 16 May 2009 12:29

Um, desperate much?

If they look homeless, I'd be cautious just to talk to them. This is a whole new level of... awkward.
Random guys you meet at bus stops that ask you on dates... Just... No.

Reply

hryffff | 11

#5477372 - Saturday 4 May 2013 2:37

That was rude.

Reply

michelleJ11 | 25

#5623495 - Monday 12 August 2013 3:39

57, would you go out with random guys that come up to you? How about if they were noticeably homeless ?

By JADEstokesxo | 0

#203107 - Saturday 16 May 2009 12:33

was he actually homeless or your friends just thought that?
hmm. FYL though,

By xstaticdelta | 6

#203174 - Saturday 16 May 2009 13:20

FYL for having some awful friends

By Rawrrr14 | 0

#203207 - Saturday 16 May 2009 13:52

wouldn't he have looked homeless? I bet your friends were just mad because a guy talked to you, so they had to say a bitchy remark. I would have been like "I was talking to that "homeless" guy because he's friggen awesome, k bitch?" haha just kidding......

By reetah | 0

#203231 - Saturday 16 May 2009 14:11

..... a COMPLETE stranger says nothing more to you than "you want to go on a date?" and you said yes??
if so, than YDI >.>

Reply

UmbreonKirby | 14

#5949210 - Sunday 18 May 2014 18:15

Yeah. OP brought it on themselves

By audereyy | 0

#203254 - Saturday 16 May 2009 14:34

how old was he?

By Tehalon | 0

#203285 - Saturday 16 May 2009 15:05

What, homeless people not allowed to go out on dates?