Today, at work, I was asked to sharpen some pencils. I'm an electronics and mechanics engineer, and while I understand it's been quite a while since I was in primary school, I still wonder why my boss felt the need to explain in minute detail how to sharpen a pencil. FML

by dibman / 01/07/2011 at 4:11am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Work

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. You would think he could at least spell my name right while ending our relationship. FML

by bunnyyy / 01/07/2011 at 3:41am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2011 at 3:03am / United States / Kids

Today, I had to walk three miles home from work. Both my parents were at home. The reason they wouldn't collect me is apparently because I've "gotten so fat, your grandma cried after she saw you". FML

by biscuit / 01/07/2011 at 12:46am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, my 2 year-old son decided to pee on the dog for the second day in a row. I'm afraid this will turn into a routine thing. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2011 at 10:23pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, after lifting a 20 pound box of oranges for a woman at work, she turned around to say "Your acne needs help." I still had to tell her to have a good day. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2011 at 9:59pm / United States (Idaho) / Health

Today, feeling melancholy, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2011 at 9:45pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell and got a nasty cut above my right eye. The doctor in the ER sealed the wound with surgical glue. He also glued his glove to my eyebrow, and let glue run onto my eyelid. Not only do I have a scar and medical bill, I now have no eyebrow or eyelashes on my right eye. FML

by Dante / 01/06/2011 at 7:26pm / Health

Today, a kid grabbed the receiver to my cochlear implant and ran off with it. I went to a security guard, and, if my lip reading was accurate, he said to "try and make it through the day without it". Without it, I can't hear anything. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2011 at 5:57pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, in gym class, we were forced to learn the "Hoedown Throwdown" dance, by Miley Cyrus. This will actually be counted toward my grade. I'm in high school. FML

by UltraHoe69 / 01/06/2011 at 5:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the toilet during drama, not because I had to actually go, but because I wanted to play Monopoly on my iPod. I lost track of time and came back twenty minutes later. My whole class listened while I was forced to tell my teacher I'd been really constipated. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2011 at 4:56pm / Isle of Man / Geek

Today, for the first time ever, my boyfriend of one year told me he loved me. He was calling me by collect call from the county jail. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2011 at 12:38pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I had a show with my drama group. My mom isn't a good drunk, she decided to scream along to every song and pass out halfway through. She was in the front row. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2011 at 11:46am / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Miscellaneous