All the FMLs

By blah - 15/02/2009 23:57 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he'd gone; I waited for 5. In the card was written, "It's not working out, but here's $20." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 899

You deserved it 3 827

By efffmylife - 15/02/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I went to a fastfood restaurant to pick up food for my work party. I ordered 250 chicken fingers, 15 orders of fries, and 2 gallons of tea, and the guy behind the counter asked, "Is this for here or to go?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 993

You deserved it 7 122

efffmylife tells us more.

efffmylife 0

Monday 16 February 2009 2:44

yeahhh it was at canes! and im a girl btw. and i thought the heftyness was implied... that is why it is an FML

By Noname - 15/02/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I was at a fraternity party, and one of the hosts said over the loudspeaker "turn to the person next to you and picture them naked, then drink a beer if the mental image disturbs you". I turned, only to be face-to-face with my ex-boyfriend. He drank two beers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 357

You deserved it 5 634

Check these out

By Nastiaa - 15/02/2009 15:49 - Estonia

Today, I was a host during kids' event. I did my job and started to do some funny moves to entertain the kids. I was wearing a top with a really low cut. Then noticed that all the children were pointing at me happily and adults looked surprised. Then I noticed that both my boobs had popped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 231

You deserved it 57 828

By nana. - 15/02/2009 15:29 - Canada

Today, I was playing musical chairs at a family reunion. It's a well known fact that I'm competitive and tend to hip check people to get that last chair. It came down to me and The Nana. I won. The Nana has a broken hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 472

You deserved it 73 199

By charpanda007 - 15/02/2009 13:56 - Hong Kong

Today, I accompanied some friends to sign up for a gym. When we got there, the guy handed me a form, too. I said, "Oh, I'm not signing up." He replied, "Out of all of you, you need it the most." He then said he was also a nutritionist, and offered a consultation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 876

You deserved it 11 144

Moral support

By too bad so sad - 15/02/2009 11:51 - United States

Today, as I sat on my couch heartbroken from a very recent breakup, my mother walked up to me and in a very comforting voice said, "Maybe he left you for someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 627

You deserved it 2 482

By cjk004 - 15/02/2009 11:35 - United States

Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 781

You deserved it 6 636

By Mofisto - 15/02/2009 10:43 - United States

Today, I started a fight at a lesbian bar and lost. I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 255

You deserved it 89 046

By lamesauce - 15/02/2009 10:32 - Canada

Today, I went on a coffee date with a guy I'm interested in. He picked up his phone mid-date to finalize dinner plans with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 883

You deserved it 3 062

By gregoyles - 15/02/2009 09:06 - United States

Today, I saw my male boss holding a purse. Just to be a smart ass, I made fun of him as if the purse was his. It was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 100

You deserved it 44 207

By Salaryman - 15/02/2009 06:21 - Philippines

Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 751

You deserved it 4 999

By sillybrohos - 15/02/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for one of my tables only to have them eventually point out to me that the bottle was a twist-off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 316

You deserved it 33 827

By loueb17 - 15/02/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 5 year old boy. When I was on the phone with my mom, he called 911 and started to cry. When I got off the phone the police were at the door. It turns out that the "emergency" was that the VCR was not working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 207

You deserved it 9 747

Social distancing

By Noname - 15/02/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I stood by the wall at a party while everyone else danced and ignored me. It was my birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 969

You deserved it 11 619

By NeverCampingAgain - 15/02/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 666

You deserved it 7 807

By MLS - 14/02/2009 23:19 - United States

Today, I wore the belt that my stepfather has spent 2 months needle pointing, as a finishing touch he added my initials: 'fml'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 379

You deserved it 5 367

By Biggest Jerk - 14/02/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my driver's ed class, and I woke up in a middle of a dream laughing. Everyone stared at me. I found out that the teacher had just finished talking about his vegetative niece who didn't wear a seat belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 824

You deserved it 38 533

By videochat - 14/02/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a dump. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 964

You deserved it 53 905

By NoValentine - 14/02/2009 22:49 - United States

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 616

You deserved it 3 128

By faye - 14/02/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I got my license renewed and the woman behind the desk looked at me and said "guess we need to update the weight, huh?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 091

You deserved it 6 029

By semi-depressed - 14/02/2009 17:35 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend of one month and I had an amazing night of dinner and dancing, but when I leaned in to kiss her, she said, "You're joking right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 477

You deserved it 4 030

By Noname - 14/02/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I bought some flowers. As I was checking out, the cashier asked, "Aww, these for your mom? How sweet." I responded they were for a girl I liked. She laughed and said, "Sorry…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 279

You deserved it 4 238

By clementine8 - 14/02/2009 06:23 - United States

Today, my Mom came to pay me a short visit at college. She handed me some flowers, which were a Valentine's Day gift, because she "figured I wouldn't be getting any from anyone else this year." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 544

You deserved it 2 806

Supportive

By crazycutie1027 - 14/02/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, I was crying after having argued with my boyfriend. My mom saw me, she asked, "Why are you crying? Don't you have homework to do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 214

You deserved it 6 782

By Shamu - 14/02/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad warned me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 512

You deserved it 8 823

By shit's weak - 13/02/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, on campus, these really overly-happy people walking around with big signs saying "free hugs". When I walked towards them, their smiles faded, and they put their signs down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 745

You deserved it 4 706

By hhaannnnaahh - 13/02/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I bit into my egg sandwich, and when I looked back into it, there were 5 long, gray, hairs leading from the sandwich into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 019

You deserved it 3 515

Scary

By The V Sal - 13/02/2009 18:39 - United States

Today, I was helping supervise a 5 year-old's birthday party in an inflatable obstacle course. I was playing hide and seek with them. I saw the birthday boy and crept around the corner and yelled, "Found you!" He peed his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 131

You deserved it 34 331

By Noname - 13/02/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I went to the gym to run. I ended up at the hospital because i went into anaphylactic shock. Apparently I'm allergic to exercise now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 290

You deserved it 3 687

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Love Pranks Money Family Furniture Miscellaneous Health Intimacy NSFW Work Friends Awkward Cooking Embarrassing Transportation Coffee Plumbing Depression Mental health School Education Customers Parenting Kids Animals Coworkers Relatable Birthday Annoying Ragebait

The Top

Today, my girlfriend left town for a month to visit family. Meanwhile, the young woman I hired at my restaurant just got back from vacation with her natural hair color restored. It’s the same color as my girlfriend’s hair, and she made a pass at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 495

Today, after receiving messages from a person or persons who supposedly have a crush on me, I've come to the realization that it's probably been one guy messaging me all along. I'm not even gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 92

Today, it’s been 5 months since I can’t walk properly, 3 months that I’ve been waiting for a doctor’s appointment, and 1 day since I found out that the "top specialist" was in fact the same doofus who couldn’t help me with the same issue years ago. He was out of his depth as soon as nothing conclusive showed on the X-ray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 107

Today, I went into the basement to do laundry. There is a little rope on the outside of the door to lock it. I was down there for 20 minutes, and came back up the stairs to find it locked. Turns out, my 3 year-old sister did it, then our parents took her to the park. I was stuck down there for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 427

You deserved it 924

Today, I got engaged. When I called my father, who is out of state for a few days, to tell him, his response was, "What'd you do that for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 396

You deserved it 2 904

Today, as I was pressed for time, I opened some canned food for dinner. When my children were served, they said, "Mmm, this is best meal you've ever cooked for us!" I cook healthy, balanced meals every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 574

You deserved it 8 403