All the FMLs

Bath time [GONE WRONG][CREEPYPASTA]

By noname - 27/12/2008 04:07 - France

Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 319

You deserved it 23 919

By Lola - 26/12/2008 06:32 - France

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 533

You deserved it 18 969

By jamjamy - 26/12/2008 04:53 - France

Today, at work as an optician, I gave a little girl a new pair of glasses and asked her if she could see better with them. She replied, "Oh, yeah, you've got two big zits on your nose!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 050

You deserved it 2 640

By poupi - 25/12/2008 12:57 - France

Today, I was reading the end of my book. I turn the page and see, written at the top: "Lauren kills Paul in the end... You shouldn't have pissed me off." It was from my sister, we had a fight yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 530

You deserved it 6 948

It's not me

By LDF - 25/12/2008 10:30 - France

Today, I was sitting in a train when the old lady sitting next to me started staring at me. I asked her if she was OK, and she exclaimed, "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?" The entire train trip went like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 161

You deserved it 2 028

By Marou - 25/12/2008 01:54 - France

Today, I sent a text message to a guy I like, saying, "Dear Santa, I want to fall in love." He replied: "Wait for next Christmas..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 361

You deserved it 11 126

By Dope - 24/12/2008 11:23 - United States

Today, I tried to sell 2,000 options contracts, but I bought them instead, resulting in a big loss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 734

You deserved it 23 311

By Colin - 24/12/2008 05:56 - France

Today, I phoned up my bank's customer service department. I waited eleven minutes on hold with the lovely music, and when a woman finally picked up, I ran out of phone credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 389

You deserved it 3 041

By Lililaloose - 24/12/2008 04:11 - France

Today, while I was looking for a file on my boyfriend's hard drive, I came across photos of a half-naked woman wearing my clothes, but whose head wasn't really visible. When I demanded an explanation, I realised that it wasn't another girl - it was him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 922

You deserved it 3 622

By blabla - 23/12/2008 08:57 - France

Today, I tested a new drug designed to fight headaches. It had quite an effect on me, more specifically side effects: nausea, dizzyness and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 368

You deserved it 4 776

By Plume - 23/12/2008 07:43 - France

Today, it's my birthday. My ex just sent me a text. I read it, happy he had remembered. He wanted me to know he has a new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 675

You deserved it 2 478

Cook out

By zazadudu - 23/12/2008 06:47 - France

Today, I wore myself out cooking, preparing tasty little dishes for my sweetheart. I heard him arrive and shout as he came up the stairs, "Stinks of shit in here! Have you been cooking?" I threw everything in the trash. We'll eat sandwiches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 035

You deserved it 4 033

By crapules - 23/12/2008 04:18 - France

Today, my boss asked me, "Can I give you some constructive criticism?" I said yes. He told me, "Your work is really shit. You have no talent and I can't figure out why I hired you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 006

You deserved it 3 716

By noname - 22/12/2008 11:54 - France

Today, I decide to go to my ex-girlfriend's house to bring her stuff back. I broke up with her earlier this week after a 2 year relationship, and I'd hoped she would have realized her mistake and ask me to stay for a bit and talk. I ring the doorbell and her new boyfriend opens the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 185

You deserved it 11 235

Fresh mints

By Julian - 22/12/2008 07:45 - France

Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answered, "Well, you don't kiss me often either." Now she keeps kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 206

You deserved it 44 989

Thanks guys

By daddy - 22/12/2008 05:43 - France

Today, someone stole both rear view mirrors from my scooter. And where were the police? They were 500 m down the road, waiting to stop me for not having any mirrors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 626

You deserved it 2 263

By HeatoN - 22/12/2008 01:44 - Germany

Today, I was browsing the internet and I found a picture of my girlfriend on uglypeople.com. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 623

You deserved it 7 367

By fleur_de_fevrier - 21/12/2008 15:36 - Ireland

Today, I finally decided to go Christmas shopping. It's only once I arrived that I realized that I had forgotten my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 154

You deserved it 24 165

By Phil - 21/12/2008 12:14 - France

Today, I'm 65 years old, and I've been given a bottle of wine produced in the year I was born. The wine tastes foul; not a good omen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 420

You deserved it 2 964

By Yudor - 21/12/2008 09:40 - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that she woke up after yesterday’s party with someone else’s trousers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 492

You deserved it 2 458

By Bito - 21/12/2008 07:00 - France

Today, I played a table tennis final in public. After winning, I went to shake my opponent's hand. He doesn't react or move. It was only the first set. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 180

You deserved it 12 317

By Loola - 21/12/2008 05:04 - France

Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 921

You deserved it 2 548

By Lola - 20/12/2008 12:23 - France

Today, as I was pressed for time, I opened some canned food for dinner. When my children were served, they said, "Mmm, this is best meal you've ever cooked for us!" I cook healthy, balanced meals every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 572

You deserved it 8 401

By Rabzouz - 20/12/2008 08:16 - France

Today, I opened a packet of cereal and it exploded on my keyboard; now, my keyboard crackles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 720

You deserved it 12 260

By elo - 20/12/2008 05:50 - France

Today, I woke up beside a disgusting guy I didn't know. He told me he was the best friend of the handsome guy I was hitting on yesterday evening. I can't remember at which point I got mislead into bringing the wrong one home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 919

You deserved it 32 497

Jesus wept

By chicochico - 19/12/2008 16:05 - France

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 358

You deserved it 7 045

Sharing is caring

By Carla J. - 19/12/2008 05:41 - France

Today, I got ready to stay over at my boyfriend's house. I brought food, new lingerie, and I got a bikini wax. I did stay overnight, but I was holding a bucket for him because he had gastroenteritis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 711

You deserved it 2 874

By Olive - 19/12/2008 04:11 - France

Today, and for the last two weeks I have been preparing my girlfriend for a break up with nasty remarks. She has been finding me exceptionally funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 337

You deserved it 40 763

By poorgary - 18/12/2008 11:46 - France

Today, it's my birthday. It's 6.30 pm. I'm still the only person aware of what day it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 841

You deserved it 2 727

By Wickls - 18/12/2008 08:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought "Angus, thongs and perfect snogging" on DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 118

You deserved it 29 369

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, not only do I work as a garbage man, but I had to pick up a used, bloody tampon that someone decided to throw on the ground rather than in a garbage can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 629

You deserved it 5 068

Today, my ex-girlfriend has been nothing but nice about our separation, and I’ve been slowly removing my stuff from her house, until she found out I have a new girlfriend just a few tiny years younger than her. She ran over my box of replica lightsabers with her work van. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 1 504

Today, I woke up in the hospital after my sister saved me from "hanging" myself. In reality, my sister choked me because I ate her last chicken nugget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 675

You deserved it 1 436

Today, a fly landed on my face. Before I could even react, my brother "helpfully" punched it hard enough to both kill the fly and knock me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 694

You deserved it 4 680

Today, I was using the urinal when another guy came in. His friends decided to scare him while he was using the urinal next to mine. They jumped out at him, he turned around and ended up peeing all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 347

You deserved it 3 156

Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 092

You deserved it 26 647