Today, at work a little girl wanted a slushie. Instead of pushing... - FML

By conley19 - 15/9/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, at work a little girl wanted a slushie. Instead of pushing the tab in, she lifted it up and broke the machine, spilling slushie all over the floor. I was the only one working, so I had to clean it all up. I spent the rest of my shift covered in red slushie and smelling like cherry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35119

You deserved it

4781

Tweet

Share

Great boyfriend

Who's a good boy?

Peaky Bladders

By Anonymous - 13/6/2020 17:02

Corporate ass

Today, I found out that my boss would rather give grant money back than give it to any of his employees as any sort of bonus for working through the pandemic. Two of us have worked for him for over 20 years. So much for loyalty I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1609

You deserved it

164

Tweet

Share

By Anothermoose - 26/5/2014 03:34 - United States - Victorville

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Turns out that bouncers don't think it's a problem for girls to go up on stage and make out with the musicians. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48814

You deserved it

5812

Tweet

Share

By Bden - 21/3/2009 20:11 - United States

Today, was my first serious photoshoot as a male model for a high-end clothing line. It was a nude photoshoot, with kind of an Adam and Eve theme. After the first couple of pictures with the extremly sexy female model, I got a boner. There were still 100 shots left to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57609

You deserved it

22324

Tweet

Share

By Mojosahomo - 10/1/2018 17:30 - United States - Salt Lake City

Thanksssss

Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4040

You deserved it

556

Tweet

Share

By aftermath1991 - 3/9/2009 07:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to sit for an hour listening to my girlfriend talk to her ex about his testicles. She laughed more during that conversation than she ever has with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43009

You deserved it

6245

Tweet

Share

By bloodyLIP - 14/5/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that an ice cube is capable of ripping the skin off your bottom lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27151

You deserved it

14109

Tweet

Share

By hendrix1 - 25/8/2011 14:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a break-up letter, using Comic Sans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36495

You deserved it

4495

Tweet

Share

By abdominates - 23/10/2009 16:48 - Canada

Today, after a long workout I come back to my locker, to find my lock had been cut. I looked inside realizing my phone and ipod had been stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, my keys were gone. I ran out to the parking lot to find an empty spot where my car had once been parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52480

You deserved it

3082

Tweet

Share

By dwood08 - 7/11/2014 01:55 - United States - New York

Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33900

You deserved it

15797

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/1/2013 19:34 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, I discovered that if I turn my shower off for a minute, then back on again, the water comes out scalding hot. I discovered that while the showerhead was pointed directly at my genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33102

You deserved it

9513

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/11/2013 19:12 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's ex moved into the apartment beneath us. She's already called the cops on us for a noise complaint twice. We were sleeping. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47425

You deserved it

2743

Tweet

Share

By HelpMe - 25/2/2014 09:59 - United Kingdom - Galashiels

Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53817

You deserved it

3822

Tweet

Share

By Username - 15/6/2011 01:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42203

You deserved it

15645

Tweet

Share

By mrmidi - 21/5/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I learned two important facts: #1 A grown man can, in fact, get beaten up by a teenage girl, and #2 If someone is convinced you are someone else, there is no telling them otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32365

You deserved it

4261

Tweet

Share

By RickTheBoy - 10/7/2013 12:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after a haircut, I walked to the cash register, handed the hairdresser a $20 bill and said, "Keep the change." He looked at me with a blank expression and replied, "The haircut costs 25 dollars." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32386

You deserved it

49950

Tweet

Share

By Real Life Sucks - 26/5/2015 16:50 - United States

Today, it's been exactly 2 years since I graduated college. I make less money in my full-time job now than I did working part-time in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34072

You deserved it

3115

Tweet

Share

By thosedamnkids - 22/1/2012 05:09 - United States

Today, I was working at Staples and organizing some notebooks. All of a sudden, I jumped up because of a sharp pain in my back. A little girl had grabbed a stapler and stapled my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43203

You deserved it

2624

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/2/2013 01:20 - United States

Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30378

You deserved it

3189

Tweet

Share

By KyngJulian - 23/4/2013 02:48 - United States

Today, I found out I was an alcoholic. Not from my friends or family, but because the ice-maker couldn't keep up with the amount of drinks I've been making. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35600

You deserved it

19641

Tweet

Share

By Anatomy - 28/1/2017 22:00 - United States - Albany

Today, after being suspicious for some time, I learned that my husband really has been going to the library in his free time to study anatomy. Specifically female anatomy, with the librarian, in the back closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8908

You deserved it

603

Tweet

Share

By Mintspice - 8/5/2019 12:00

Today, a girl I've liked for months agreed to go to a movie. We were going to see Captain Marvel, but missed the show time, so we saw Five Feet Apart. Blessing in disguise, right? Wrong. She cried while holding my hand as she talked about how in love she is with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1816

You deserved it

187

Tweet

Share

By yosmurf - 11/3/2017 18:00

They're perfect for each other!

Today, I took my brother to the ER. His bimbo girlfriend told him he has "ironing board abs" so they had the bright idea of ironing her clothes on his stomach. When the Dr. asked him why he didn't stop if it burned, he said he didn't want to look "like a pussy". He'd have likely drowned if she'd gotten it right and said "washboard abs". FML

I agree, your life sucks

5472

You deserved it

537

Tweet

Share

By notquitejuliet - 4/7/2015 00:54 - United States - Gibsonia

Today, I decided I wanted to bleach my hair, so I asked my mother for help. Apparently, something went wrong, because clumps of my hair started falling out. Now I'm half blonde and half bald, and my mom is just laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25183

You deserved it

6624

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/4/2015 07:09 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35818

You deserved it

2933

Tweet

Share

By eiregal2 - 15/4/2020 23:00 - Ireland - Cork

Butterfingers

Today, I somehow managed to slice open my thumb. The dangerous weapon that caused this to happen? Velcro. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1305

You deserved it

163

Tweet

Share

By Dani - 12/1/2010 21:51 - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car and called AAA. He got out to take a look at my car, and he locked himself out of his own car with his tools inside. It took us 40 minutes with a screwdriver and stick to unlock his car and 40 seconds to unlock mine after. 9 hours later, I found my extra key. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28432

You deserved it

6025

Tweet

Share

By mikesok988 - 7/5/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57251

You deserved it

4776

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/3/2010 20:53 - United States

Today, I discovered my step mom had thrown out my baby blanket because it was an "eyesore". It was an heirloom from my birth mother and the only thing I have left from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56454

You deserved it

2452

Tweet

Share

By :) - 29/5/2013 07:31 - United States

Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgeways for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them, "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72479

You deserved it

4039

Tweet

Share

By tbreezy - 26/11/2018 14:00

Today, I called my ex-girlfriend to see if she would meet up with me so I could give her money to pay off the rest of the TV we had on layaway before we broke up. Turns out she cancelled it and took all the money I put into it. I put $500 down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2629

You deserved it

380

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/3/2013 22:21 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42429

You deserved it

3070

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/3/2015 03:19 - United States - Watertown

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. It was going OK, until he started asking me if he should stick with the site until he finds the right person. I guess I know how he feels about me, at least. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31523

You deserved it

2882

Tweet

Share

By SqueakingRetard - 17/1/2014 23:28 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. I clambered back to my feet, made it three feet, then slipped and fell again. A guy who'd witnessed the whole thing stuck his head out of his car window and yelled "Dumbasssssss!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45155

You deserved it

6172

Tweet

Share

By healthfreak - 7/9/2014 01:57 - United States - Marietta

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44468

You deserved it

4194

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/7/2019 20:00

Today, I woke my boyfriend up at 7 a.m. to have sex. I thought the sex was great, but later he kept complaining, "I can't believe you woke me up so early." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1790

You deserved it

673

Tweet

Share

By the_dog_sitter - 13/3/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I was walking my friend's dog around the neighborhood, as I was walking I noticed a little girl fall off her bike. I let go of the dog and ran over to help. The girl was ok but the dog ran into the street and got hit by a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71481

You deserved it

24465

Tweet

Share

By photonut13 - 15/7/2010 10:52 - Canada

Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I'm losing my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44416

You deserved it

2988

Tweet

Share

By lalala_hahaha - 23/9/2010 23:18 - France

Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29797

You deserved it

3025

Tweet

Share

By accident - 14/2/2014 22:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60833

You deserved it

5776

Tweet

Share

By ButtWorthSingingBout - 1/1/2015 18:16 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my boyfriend finally played the new guitar I bought to replace the one he broke. He used a $1000 guitar to play me a moving song about my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28066

You deserved it

5551

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By redbluegreen | 40

#564421 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 12:08

I guess your cherry has been found.

By musu_fml | 0

#564498 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 13:14

You must be pretty rubbish at cleaning if you managed to get it all over yourself. What did you do, lie down on the floor and roll back and forth in it until your clothes soaked it all up?

COMMENTS

By redbluegreen | 40

#564421 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 12:08

I guess your cherry has been found.

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#564433 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 12:12

She didn't find hers, she only took mine >:C

Reply

redbluegreen | 40

#564438 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 12:13

She can't help being a kleptomaniac.

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#564443 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 12:16

She could've taken yours though. Why meee D:

Reply

redbluegreen | 40

#564451 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 12:19

She saw my LiveLavaLive bracelet, obviously, and made the right choice.

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#564455 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 12:21

Aw fuck. I danno what to do nao then ¯|(°_o)/¯

you and your LiveLavaLive powars D:

Reply

redbluegreen | 40

#564459 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 12:23

Teehee!

At least I didn't break out the Nat love.

Reply

redbluegreen | 40

#565247 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 22:44

1000 AWESOM POINTS AWARDED TO MERCY!

-insert fanfare here-

Reply

wintamint101 | 7

#1029904 - Monday 14 June 2010 3:22

um thats a good thing

Reply

dont_stop_believ | 0

#1057015 - Saturday 3 July 2010 8:47

what's wrong with smelling like cherry?? yummy :) cherries smell goooood-it's better then dog crap anyways do u shud b greatful :)

Reply

DumDum999 | 0

#2288716 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:03

Today, I did my job. I left smelling like cherries. FML

By paivarotti | 0

#564428 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 12:11

Tell people you have explosive menstrual periods... which smell like cherry.

Reply

Zhejan | 0

#564590 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 15:23

How the hell did you get covered in cherry? Are you retarded, or did you willingly lie down in the puddle and roll around?

Reply

dnlphm94 | 0

#565570 - Wednesday 16 September 2009 0:49

LMAO I can see someone doing that xD

Are the tabs for the machine really that flimsy?

Reply

imagleek42 | 4

#4011536 - Thursday 9 February 2012 2:16

That's the stupidest idea ever.

By fmylife63093 | 0

#564430 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 12:11

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm cherrryyyy and third!

By Intoxicunt | 5

#564441 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 12:14

At least she didn't come in and break a 12 pack of beers open.
The complications could have been terrible.

By mo_the_owl | 0

#564462 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 12:26

one word: Robitussin.

*shivers*

By Loanshark | 0

#564464 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 12:27

kids r dumb

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#564470 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 12:34

You should probably not type in chatspeak, capitalize, and use punctuation before you try calling anybody dumb.

Reply

DumDum999 | 0

#2288728 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:06

^^WIN

Reply

MollyXD124 | 7

#3196706 - Sunday 28 August 2011 20:49

The main reason I liked your comment was your picture is freaking hilarious!

By gonzolove | 0

#564468 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 12:33

It's better than being covered in vomit. Kids also tend to do that.

By vev_fml | 0

#564482 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 12:52

Worse things to be covered in, I would have thought. :/

By jimmyjimjobobo | 0

#564488 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 12:56

That blows :( FYL
_____________________________

www.youtube/jimmyjimjobobo123.com

By jefferus | 0

#564490 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 12:56

Well that is kind of your Job