Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute...

By alphabetman - 14/9/2009 09:56 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in alphabet soup, because that's her favorite. She took one look at it and started to laugh. She then began to spell out "no". She still ate the soup. FML

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Fashion Police

Inspirational tale

By HMM - 28/7/2010 11:42 - United States

Timewaster

Today, I received a call while at the dispatch station for the Naval hospital I work at. It was a woman having a panic attack. Apparently, she couldn't plug her vacuum in, and was more or less freaking out. I had to take her in anyway. FML

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By lastalittlelonger - 5/12/2009 09:07 - United States

Today, I received a text from my boyfriend telling me how much I wore him out the night before, from all the sex we were having. We had sex for two minutes. FML

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By BagBoy - 13/11/2013 06:42 - United States

Today, I was taking out a customer's groceries when he offered me a $5 tip. I told him I couldn't accept, since it's against store policy, but thanked him anyway. He called me an asshole just as my boss was walking to his car, who then yelled at me for it. FML

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By robincakes94 - 29/11/2011 12:42 - United States

Today, I went to a nursing home to sing Christmas carols to the elderly. They threw their bananas at me. FML

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By Radioo - 18/1/2010 09:00 - United States

Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting too much carpet. I now have no rabbit and a patchy carpet. FML

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By JpL - 25/4/2019 02:00

Today, I asked my Instagram followers out of curiosity who their favourite influencer was. Someone replied, without knowing it doesn’t come up anonymously, “Not you.” FML

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By doggylove - 13/11/2015 03:57 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I realized my boyfriend's dog is more excited to see me than he is. FML

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By Amanda Howard - 15/3/2020 09:00

When you gotta go, you gotta go

Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in poison ivy. FML

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By wherefelix - 3/7/2009 08:01 - United States

Today, I woke up early, showered, dressed, and made the 40 minute drive to work, only to discover when I arrived that today was my day off. When I got home my live in boyfriend was gone. I called and he told me he was at the beach, right near my work. FML

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By Smile No More - 13/5/2011 12:27

Today, I was wondering why I was getting strange looks all day at work. When I got to a mirror after my shift, I noticed a booger hanging out of my nose, which was visible only when I smiled. My job involves greeting people all day with a huge smile. FML

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By Fwick - 19/3/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend for the last time for two years. When we got back from dinner, we sat in his truck for a little while to talk. A few minutes later, my mom comes flying out of my house screaming, "Satan is here, and he is tempting you!" That is the last memory he will have of me. FML

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By Tymer - 23/11/2012 15:56 - Canada - Malahat

Today, while at school, a bra fell out of my coat. After the initial shock, people started congratulating me on finally getting a girlfriend. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was my mom's. FML

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By Bluevayero - 12/3/2019 14:00

Today, I found out I lost a promotion intended for me because I was on planned vacation. FML

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By raspberrysachere - 3/6/2019 16:00

Today, I was in yoga class. We were in downward-facing dog pose, and the male instructor stood behind me and gave me an assist/adjustment by pulling upward on my hips. As I left the class, I realized that was the most intimate touch I've ever received from a man. I'm a 25-year-old straight woman. FML

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By Cromwel620 - 23/2/2010 11:52 - United States

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel I'm employed at. After checking in a young couple to the room above the main office, I was forced to listen to them having it off for most of the night, serving a very loud reminder that I've been single for five years. FML

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By coleslaw - 3/2/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, I was using a restroom when I heard someone sneeze. I said, "Bless you." It happened again about three times, so I repeated myself each time. I then noticed it was an automatic air freshener. FML

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By naomi3271 - 18/11/2019 20:00

Loud fart

Today, I was accidentally scared my one year-old son with my huge, smelly fart that was really loud. He now won't come near me without crying. FML

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By sciencenat - 14/1/2016 06:36 - France - V?lizy-villacoublay

Today, as a natural science teacher, I was drawing a uterus on the class chalkboard. One of my students started messing around and being noisy, so I shouted, "Be quiet and check out my uterus!" FML

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By Anonymous - 5/11/2014 22:52 - United States - Chestnut Hill

Today, I learned that the blisters that popped up this morning on my hands and feet are a result of a virus that takes two weeks to fully heal. After I told my roommates to be careful, one of them decided that NOW was a good time to tell us she had it last week. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2011 13:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I work part time, got very drunk, and flashed her boobs at everyone. I found out when a picture was posted on Facebook. FML

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By howtobreakup - 11/4/2016 16:39 - United Kingdom - Worthing

Today, my friend asked me for advice on how to break up with her boyfriend. I've never done it before so I googled it, my own boyfriend happened to walk in and now isn't speaking to me. He won't believe me when I say it was "for a friend." FML

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By stardustveins - 24/9/2015 01:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was waiting in the McDonald's drive-thru and listening to some music. I was tapping my non-driving foot to the song when I accidentally tapped the wrong foot and rear ended the cop car in front of me. Whoops. FML

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By Megannn - 1/5/2012 23:43 - United States

Today, I was in a gas station bathroom attempting to buy a condom from the machine on the wall. A woman who smelled of cat piss walked in, and I got embarrassed so I fled into a stall. She then started a conversation with me about "the good old days" from the next stall over. FML

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By badplacerightnow - 13/10/2014 14:15 - United States - Frisco

Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2014 05:23 - United States

Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML

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By julesmommy - 8/9/2011 05:36 - United States

Today, my husband used our last $2000 to buy himself a motorcycle. It's supposed to "save us a lot on gas money." FML

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By birdfoooo - 29/11/2011 15:26 - United States

Today, as I was leaving Wal-mart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML

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By shonfyr - 11/3/2014 21:35 - Spain

Today, it was a really slow day at work. One thing lead to another, and soon enough we were all taking turns shoving each other across the office on a swivel chair. Our boss came in during my turn, and I got singled out for a verbal warning. Everyone else got off with a disapproving glare. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, a kid grabbed the receiver to my cochlear implant and ran off with it. I went to a security guard, and, if my lip reading was accurate, he said to "try and make it through the day without it". Without it, I can't hear anything. FML

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By burb - 25/9/2013 19:23 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML

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By D: - 6/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

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By What does this button do? - 17/2/2017 10:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my new apprentice took, "What does this button do?" to a new level when he pushed an emergency, "Stop all" button, causing my firm to miss multiple deadlines, causing massive losses In profits. FML

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By L.Lime05 - 8/8/2010 23:27 - United States

Today, I found a pile of animal skeletons scattered in my backyard. It appears that last night, mother nature decided to rain so hard, that the graves of my childhood pets floated back up to the top, and covered half of my field. I now have to pick all of it up before my dog sees them. FML

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By vegas-81 - 10/2/2014 03:39 - France

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2016 14:52 - United States - Dallas

Today, I made the decision to lighten my hair from dark brown to blonde. I thought the stylist knew what she was doing, but I ended up with my hair fried off and orange. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2017 01:30

Today, I ordered a surveillance camera for my home. The package got stolen after being delivered. I think they're onto me. FML

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By Nachos4lifs - 8/11/2019 01:00

He did not care

Today, after years of pretty much no sex from my long term partner, I admitted I was having dreams about sex with other people. I hoped to get a reaction from him. However, he didn't react at all. FML

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By Flaps - 27/11/2010 12:36 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML

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By bowler99 - 12/1/2015 16:43 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML

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By Wendizzle - 27/1/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, I had to work late. I missed the last bus so I called a cab. That was 3 hours ago. I called my dad for a ride. That was 2 hours ago. I guess I'm sleeping under my desk tonight. FML

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Top comments

By my_fml_account | 2

#562536 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:20

How can you begin to spell no? By the time you've done the N you're already halfway!

By rukusrazor | 0

#562542 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:23

Alphabet soup. How romantic.

COMMENTS

By my_fml_account | 2

#562536 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:20

How can you begin to spell no? By the time you've done the N you're already halfway!

kukopia | 0

#562671 - Monday 14 September 2009 17:54

LOLYEA

violentturtle | 0

#562702 - Monday 14 September 2009 18:22

They are 11 year olds.

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#562762 - Monday 14 September 2009 19:31

She began BECAUSE it was so short a word. By the time she got to "n," he knew her answer

urbanlover | 3

#563890 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 3:17

hahaha true

By RavishMe77 | 0

#562541 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:23

Suuuucks.

funnyduck0 | 0

#562743 - Monday 14 September 2009 19:03

Yup, sucks the dude has a fat ass girlfriend who's more interested in eating soup than marrying him.....

Unanswered | 0

#564693 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 16:47

You've won the thread sir.

By rukusrazor | 0

#562542 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:23

Alphabet soup. How romantic.

By timtam24 | 0

#562556 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:30

ugh why do people on fml feel the need to "be cute".

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#562763 - Monday 14 September 2009 19:33

I'd like that. I want a creative proposal, either creative or romantic, or both :) but I know that isn't likely haha but seriously it was cute and we shouldn't go "ugh" we should go "awww"

timtam24 | 0

#564404 - Tuesday 15 September 2009 11:24

wasn't really talking about this one, just posts in general

chemqueen20 | 0

#952468 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 4:34

my hubby's proposal was both adorable and creative :D

By TC1_fml | 0

#562560 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:33

Fiooooonaaaaaaa!

Pixiex420xstix | 1

#1384417 - Friday 10 September 2010 22:16

Scotty doesn't know. (:

By kiit_fml | 0

#562580 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:49

I think that's incredibly cute. Maybe she thought it was a joke? Or maybe she just wasn't ready for that.

By vapors | 0

#562582 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:50

Made me laugh, which the FML wasnt able too.

By plexico | 3

#562590 - Monday 14 September 2009 16:57

Eight-year-olds will do that.

YDI for dating a child. I hope you are no older than 10.

Airforcen00b | 0

#562605 - Monday 14 September 2009 17:13

Feel like a big man? insulting a 10 year old and all :P

plexico | 3

#562641 - Monday 14 September 2009 17:36

Nope. Just hoping it wasn't a 27-year-old. . . or whatever age you are.

Alphabet soup?

XOfiestypixie | 0

#562919 - Monday 14 September 2009 20:46

Hey, what's wrong with alphabet soup, Plexi? I would love to eat alphabet soup again. =D

plexico | 3

#563018 - Monday 14 September 2009 21:31

Well, pixie, if you like it, then I like it and retract all previous comments that were demeaning to said soup.

Let's you and me go get some! ;)

allmidnighteyes | 10

#563026 - Monday 14 September 2009 21:36

plexi, there are probably many MANY legal consequences to being in a relationship with an eight year old child.

However, this one IS from Texas....

plexico | 3

#563074 - Monday 14 September 2009 21:59

Even here in Texas there are standards.

There are pockets of illiteracy here where alphabet soup is banned because the people think the soup is making fun of them because they can't read it for themselves.

Intoxicunt | 5

#563089 - Monday 14 September 2009 22:04

There are standards in Texas? Can you send some of those Tennessee's way?

By papertigers_fml | 0

#562597 - Monday 14 September 2009 17:03

What, did you expect her to throw the soup away because of that?

aback | 4

#562637 - Monday 14 September 2009 17:31

I think he expected her to enshrine it. Or at least give it back.

By skullbuster | 0

#562631 - Monday 14 September 2009 17:25

What I'd like to know is where she found the letters to spell out NO.

M-A-R-R-Y M-E

Yup, no 'N' or 'O'.

skullbuster | 0

#562663 - Monday 14 September 2009 17:50

But would you honestly leave all the letters in? I wouldn't.... you don't leave open that option.

IsntThisAwkward | 0

#1035361 - Friday 18 June 2010 22:11

I agree. that's the first thing I thought. if you left every letter in the bowl, it'd be jumbled in seconds unless he was spelling it out as she watched. which is awkward.