Today, I Googled myself. I found my mugshot and a blog my mom had written about how much of a problem child I am. FML

by badgirl / 06/21/2011 at 5:41pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

simply_improper's comment : well, obviously she is right if you have a mugshot

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Today, I was sitting at the computer browsing various websites. In my attempt to scoot the chair forward, I hit my knee against the desk that my computer was on, and ended up breaking it. I literally broke my knee sitting on my ass. FML

by Charles / 06/21/2011 at 12:59pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, while I was delivering pizza in the torrential downpour, I waited 5 minutes in the pouring rain for an old lady to dig 20 bucks out of her purse. Her total was $19.99. She told me to keep the change and make lots of money. FML

by micheal / 06/21/2011 at 12:52pm / United States / Work

Today, my mother tried to have a conversation with me. While she was taking a piss. With the bathroom door wide open. FML

by seaweedlady / 06/21/2011 at 10:49am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally found out who has been sending me hate letters, it's my husband's ex-wife. They've been divorced for 7 years. FML

by nasty_ex / 06/21/2011 at 8:25am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

HannahForbesxo's comment : Send her thank you letters for taking the time to write to you and tell her how happy you and your husband are.

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Today, I finally went on a date with my crush. When he kissed me goodnight, it made me think of a dying slug. FML

by anon / 06/21/2011 at 7:52am / United States / Love

Blueglasscup's comment : At least you went on a date with your crush!

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Today, my mother tried to tell me that nicotine is the only substance that ensures weight loss, and that nicotine has been passed down in our family for over 5 generations of heavy smoking relatives. Then she encouraged me to start smoking. FML

by Caeru / 06/21/2011 at 3:08am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, the girl I've been dating for several months, and fallen in love with, said "We're just friends, right? My mom thinks I'm leading you on." FML

by played / 06/21/2011 at 1:07am / Norway / Love

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is extremely jealous of a stuffed toy that sits on my bed, all because it gets to 'sleep in the same bed as me and he doesn't.' Now, whenever he comes over, he throws it at the wall, death glares at it, then gets up and kicks it under my bed. FML

by holdengurl18 / 06/21/2011 at 12:46am / China / Love

Today, I met my husband's old high school sweetheart. My mother-in-law introduced me to her as "one of my son's friends." We've been married for over eight years. FML

by minnEmouse / 06/20/2011 at 10:40pm / United States / Love

Today, I wore my expensive new white jacket to work, thinking it would be a nice change from my usual black. I managed to lean in printer ink. FML

by drycleanplz / 06/20/2011 at 10:33pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, I was using the restroom when a little girl tried to open my stall. It was locked, so she slid under the door and tried to have a conversation with me while I was pooping. FML

by shyshy96679 / 06/20/2011 at 6:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my husband that I was going to get a swimsuit from the Victoria's Secret catalog. He replied, "Are you going to get the body to go with it?" FML

by heather / 06/20/2011 at 6:25pm / Canada / Love