Animals: Today, I was taking my morning pills. There had been a lot of... - FML

By Maggie123 - 14/09/2009 05:07 - Canada

Today, I was taking my morning pills. There had been a lot of fruit flies in my house lately. I grabbed a cup of water beside to sink to wash the pills down. As soon as I tasted the drink, I realized it was vinegar and dish soap used to trap the flies. I washed my pills down with dead flies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 222

You deserved it 27 852

Sorry…

Walk on the wild side

Leave us alone

By Anonymous - 17/02/2015 01:04 - United States - Oakland

Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 585

You deserved it 38 219

Legal Eagle

By randommanwill - 16/02/2016 20:22 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad got angry with me for not watching "Better Call Saul" with him, because he thinks it will help me with law school. He did this while I was actually reading for a class taught by the top health law professor in the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 294

You deserved it 1 297

By danny5191 - 17/03/2012 02:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a nasty cough, but I went to college anyway. When I walked into class, I could practically smell menstrual blood in the air. After a few coughs, our instructor gave me an "Oh, shut up!" After half an hour, she kicked me out for not "taking the class seriously". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 901

You deserved it 8 621

Bad job

By Anonymous - 17/04/2021 23:00

Today, I confirmed that my professor hates me. Weeks ago, I failed a paper for the first time, so I went to my professor, apologized profusely, and discussed my revision plan. I got his approval on my conclusions and added all the details he suggested. I then submitted my paper. I got my grade this morning: C-. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 223

Cum hoc ergo propter hoc

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 04:01 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I fell down my stairs twice after helping a senior get in her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 040

You deserved it 122

By sh33zy - 03/02/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, the only girl I'm friends with deleted my comment off of her profile because she was too embarrassed that people would see we were friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 327

You deserved it 3 482

Quite the catch

By carey33 - 04/06/2020 14:15

Today, even though I’m having contractions, I’m still trying to clean up the house. My husband just got pissy with me because I was rolling the vacuum behind me instead of picking it up and carrying it to the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 890

You deserved it 194

By budapesthungary - 21/12/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, at my job as a cake decorator in a bakery, I put the finishing touches on the wedding cake of the man who left me at the altar 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 980

You deserved it 2 790

By saywhat - 26/11/2010 03:28 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 224

You deserved it 39 619

By shadow1248 - 27/05/2012 05:06 - United States - Stamford

Today, I had finally gotten my dogs to quiet down and my baby to fall asleep. Not thirty seconds later, my neighbor's car alarm went off. They aren't home for the weekend, and the damn alarm has now been blaring for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 865

You deserved it 1 899

By anyonmus - 12/04/2013 00:59 - United States - Westminster

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 207

You deserved it 9 680

By phlyingphuck - 19/07/2009 15:12 - United States

Today, I had a serious allergic reaction to the food I ate at a Chinese restaurant that supposedly didn't contain peanuts. According to my waitress, peanut oil "doesn't count". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 501

You deserved it 4 622

By broke - 02/12/2017 15:00

Today, my work informed me that they didn't process my pay in time, so I won't get paid until the end of next month. I have less than £10 to last me until then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 189

You deserved it 291

Unimpressed

By kylie - 02/04/2021 17:01

Today, my doctor told me that I have severely and permanently injured my shoulder. Last week, I attempted to lift more weight than I normally do in an effort to impress my boyfriend. He was not impressed. In fact he said that most kids can lift more than that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 847

By unlucky - 21/10/2010 13:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I failed my driving test. The examiner insisted I that didn't check a junction before pulling out. I did, he just didn't notice because he was too busy staring at my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 123

You deserved it 5 226

Instructions

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 05:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 278

You deserved it 16 389

By Anonymous - 29/04/2013 16:51 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 717

You deserved it 13 306

By helplesslover - 04/10/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called and said he was stopping by to talk. I didn't understand why he would stop by, so I asked if he was going to break up with me, he said no. Half an hour later, he knocked on my door to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 019

You deserved it 5 727

By Anonymous - 23/12/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my crush and wanted to see what he thought of me. Instead of asking him straight, I tugged at my shirt, saying ''I don't know why I wear this top. I always look awful in it." He said, "Are you fishing for a fat joke?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 601

You deserved it 45 389

By Fire0fisis - 23/05/2012 09:38 - Hong Kong

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I went out on his boat. We got in the water and started to have sex when a fishing boat came by and chummed. There's nothing more romantic than bloody fish guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 822

You deserved it 11 074

Hot and… greasy

By cortanaisahobot - 19/07/2012 20:29 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 505

You deserved it 6 188

By murphy22 - 24/08/2012 09:33 - United States - Norman

Today, I was taking a relaxing bath. My cat decided to sit on the ledge, which is normal for her, but today she fell in. I never knew how painful it was to be scratched down there until today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 587

You deserved it 2 803

By roseland - 07/07/2013 20:07 - United States - Hilton

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend nicknamed my vagina after a local waterpark. It wasn't even that annoying until his friends started asking me how much I charged to let people "ride n' slide". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 020

You deserved it 6 179

Sinking feeling

By Daligheri - 02/03/2021 11:01

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after we watched Titanic for the first time together. Why? Two reasons. Because I cried, and apparently men aren't allowed to be emotional, and because she asked me if I would save her or a boat of women and children first. Neither answer was correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 100

By Username - 22/11/2010 22:39

Today, I admitted to my boyfriend of three years that I have been suffering from depression for a while now. He took it as a good time to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 344

You deserved it 4 353

By Anonymous - 10/11/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I got a new CD player for my car and an alarm installed for added security. After work, I saw my windows smashed, the CD player gone, the alarm wires cut, and a note that said, "Try again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 046

You deserved it 2 704

By Anonymous - 31/07/2013 16:49 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I found out that when I text my boyfriend, he isn't the one to read them. Instead, he pays his friend to "keep the bitch busy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 887

You deserved it 6 957

By Andrew - 24/11/2011 20:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to buy a bottle of wine from the supermarket. The scrawny, acne-ridden kid at the checkout asked to see my ID. I didn't have any on me, since I'm 37 years old and didn't expect to be asked stupid questions. I complained to his manager, only to be asked to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 678

You deserved it 54 322

Social anxiety sucks

By m…… - 09/04/2021 21:30

Today, it’s the third anniversary of me not being able to finish a single sentence when speaking in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 110

A Different Kind of Tension

By Anonymous - 24/10/2019 00:01

Spicy

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with once before my current boyfriend. The guy told me he has chlamydia, and I should probably get tested. I had to call my boyfriend to explain what happened and tell him to get tested. I'm meeting his family this weekend at his sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 527

Session done!

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Spicy

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 228

You deserved it 316

By baron - 01/06/2009 17:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131 413

You deserved it 7 544

By Anonymous - 13/03/2012 12:51 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 857

You deserved it 8 285

By canessadawn - 17/06/2015 07:42 - United States - Portland

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 323

You deserved it 2 481

By Baldy - 03/04/2011 09:16 - New Zealand

Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with more hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 522

You deserved it 4 751

Wealth

By Anonymous - 06/09/2021 13:59

Today, after about 8 hours of working and making huge orders, I received my share of tips. It was only a quarter. One single quarter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 66

By bodyelectric - 13/04/2009 12:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breaths on my neck. When I was about to finish he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck/ear and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 511

You deserved it 9 708

By Anonymous - 30/10/2012 23:42 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I met someone really cool and their departing words were, for some odd reason, "We should totally be friends, I mean unless you're schizophrenic or something, haha!" I have schizophrenia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 015

You deserved it 2 415

By cashier - 12/07/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, I was trying to clean the belt of my register at work at a grocery store. I noticed two strips of rubber stuck in the corner of the belt, and after pulling on them periodically all morning one finally came loose. It was a foot. I had been pulling at a dead rat trapped in the belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 505

You deserved it 3 300

By justfired - 29/09/2009 02:57 - Canada

Today, I got fired from my job for not "interacting with customers." That's understandable. The thing is, my job didn't actually include any customer interaction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 211

You deserved it 3 181

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Monday 14 September 2009 12:31

Who chugs a random glass of water lying on their sink in the first place? Gross.

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Monday 14 September 2009 12:37

I want to say you deserve it for not paying attention, but I don't think anyone really TRULY deserves to gulp that down, unknowingly or not.

Comments

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Monday 14 September 2009 12:09

First! My first first, EVER. That aside, holy fucking shit a nasty experience, think i woulda puked for 10 mins straight after that, yuck :( FYL!

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Monday 14 September 2009 13:08

Wait, wait, wait... so you said "As soon as you tasted the drink," you realized it was some foreign substance. Then you say "I washed my pills down," presumably telling us that you swallowed the vinegar. Now, here's what's wrong with your FML. Either your an idiot, have no sense of taste, or a liar. I'll say it's the third, because the moment you tasted that vinegar, you would have spat it out, not drank it. And, naturally, people will try to defend the "reality" of this FML, because some people mindlessly defend every FML on this site, regardless of how fake it may be. The excuse I expect is that "well, he could have poured it directly into his throat, and didn't have time to taste it until he swallowed it." Untrue. I practically did that with a glass of spoiled milk last week, and I spat it out the moment it hit the inside of my mouth.

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Monday 14 September 2009 14:36

i have swallowed liquid before in one gulp then tasted it afterwards... maybe that's the case here... Though its pretty stupid to grab a random object then drink/ eat it.

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Monday 14 September 2009 15:02

YDI for trapping flies

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Monday 14 September 2009 18:18

I don't get why you would pick up a glass of stagnant water that was sitting beside the sink... that and not noticing dead flies in it.

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Monday 14 September 2009 12:13

http://www.all-the-exgirlfriends.info/

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Monday 14 September 2009 12:17

Even though you realized it was vinegar and soap you drank it anyway? Uhh, that's beastly of you?

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Monday 14 September 2009 12:34

No...obviously she took a big gulp of the glass in one go, and in the process tasted it...

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Monday 14 September 2009 12:19

Yeeehaaa I'm first!! I'm first!!

redbluegreen 40

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Monday 14 September 2009 13:25

Really? Seriously?

robertlovespi 3

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Saturday 24 September 2011 11:06

First fail.

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Sunday 3 June 2012 6:50

Correction: Yeeeeah I'm fourth! I'm fourth!!

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Monday 14 September 2009 12:20

what do you expect? after going on this website, this should be nothing more than the norm. but seriously. FYL

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Monday 14 September 2009 12:31

Who chugs a random glass of water lying on their sink in the first place? Gross.

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Monday 14 September 2009 22:51

i do. you never know what new and fascinating flavor that simple glass may hold. it could open your eyes to something exciting! imagine trying to live your life knowing that somewhere out there in a glass on the side of a sink somewhere there could be a drink thats waiting to be drunk and reveal to you all the secrets of life, but because your too scared or close minded to open up and accept something new, you may never know! but most the time it tastes like shit.

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 3:52

LOL? nice comment lol. but otherwise YDI

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Sunday 20 November 2011 20:39

I've seen so many fml's involving drinking random cups of "water" I really don't get it. I NEVER drink anything that was just sitting around! Even if I know it was my water from last night, bugs and dust can easily get in there overnight...

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Monday 14 September 2009 12:37

I want to say you deserve it for not paying attention, but I don't think anyone really TRULY deserves to gulp that down, unknowingly or not.

maximumoverdrive 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 12:53

yummy

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Monday 14 September 2009 12:53

damn that's horrible FYL

pleasedonttellme 0

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Monday 14 September 2009 12:54

I would have most definetaly puked after that except YDI and FyL be wouldn't you be able to see the soap in that glass

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 15

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 23

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 68