By FML Approved Don't Touch My Fries These aren't beetles... This is Sparta! 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By newlydumped - United States Today, I went to my girlfriend's house for the first time. I had to use the restroom, and when I came back, I mocked her brothers' lame Pokémon shower curtain and Ninja Turtle towels. Turns out they were hers. FML I agree, your life sucks 9621 You deserved it 64274 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By zero_minded12 - United States Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML I agree, your life sucks 33770 You deserved it 70954 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lyfisdyno - United Kingdom - Malvern Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML I agree, your life sucks 25754 You deserved it 73798 184 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML I agree, your life sucks 33845 You deserved it 2828 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Ormskirk Today, my mother-in-law confessed that for the longest time, she had fantasies about killing me for "ruining" her daughter's life, basically because I'm not wealthy enough for my mother-in-law's standards. She made sure to let me know the situation hasn't changed at all. FML I agree, your life sucks 47487 You deserved it 3916 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I thought my family would like it if I celebrated the new year with them. My brother thought that I'd like him to shoot my butt with his new gun in celebration. FML I agree, your life sucks 26016 You deserved it 2694 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By legallyblondemad - United Kingdom Today, I was at the park with my new boyfriend. We were sitting between some trees, when some of his mates turned up at the park. He pushed me behind a tree so his mates wouldn't see and went to join them in a game of football. He pretended not to know me. FML I agree, your life sucks 56810 You deserved it 5265 145 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I had someone place two separate to-go orders, so that he could use two of his "25% off" coupons. He couldn't understand why it wasn't 50% off his total bill, no matter how many times I plainly explained it to him. FML I agree, your life sucks 1789 You deserved it 107 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cocacoola - Iceland Today, the couple downstairs decided they wanted to try a home birth. FML I agree, your life sucks 47650 You deserved it 4294 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 3/10/2020 03:02 - Mexico - Mexico Backwards world Today, my life is so messed up that when I got pulled over, the officer asked about my life and not only did I not receive a ticket, he made me write down his personal number, patrol number and to call if I ever needed a favor or to talk, telling me that I had a friend in him. FML I agree, your life sucks 1305 You deserved it 244 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TehUglyLife - United States - Jacksonville Beach Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML I agree, your life sucks 44834 You deserved it 14113 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By firedofbirthday - France Today, I was fired. Why? Because I called in sick on my daughter's birthday, even though you cannot "abandon work for personal affairs". My boss's favorite employee got to skip work on his wife's birthday two weeks ago. He still works here. FML I agree, your life sucks 26139 You deserved it 6895 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By yuen - Australia Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 mins. I stayed in there even though I finished shitting after 5 mins, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 37472 You deserved it 4720 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tal - United States Today, I got kicked in the face at a soccer game. Everybody clapped. FML I agree, your life sucks 68550 You deserved it 9476 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anon - Canada - Calgary Today, at 8:00am, I walked into the kitchen and stubbed my toe. That's quite a normal occurrence, but this time, I stubbed it on my drunk, passed out, 53-year-old father's forehead. He's mad at me now and has cancelled my allowance. I'm 23. FML I agree, your life sucks 22982 You deserved it 8987 129 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Grand Ledge Today, while in a hospital waiting room, a man started talking to me. After a few minutes, he asked me what I did for a living, and I said I'm a stay-at-home mom. He looked me up and down and said, "Huh. No life ambitions, huh?" FML I agree, your life sucks 35352 You deserved it 7556 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Dublin Today, I had to take my cat to the vet. On the way there, he managed to get out of his cage, climb into the front seat, onto my chest, and howl in my face as I tried to drive down the highway. I ended up with stitches and still got charged for missing my cat's appointment. FML I agree, your life sucks 43492 You deserved it 5864 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Gainesville Today, I asked my husband if he knew what day it was. His answer was, "garbage day?" It's our six-year anniversary. FML I agree, your life sucks 26888 You deserved it 3529 162 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lamemom - Canada - Fredericton Cool, dude Today, my friend saw a stamp on my hand and asked me which club I had gone to last night. I was so desperate to seem cool that I lied, instead of admitting it was actually from a children's play group that I took my kids to. FML I agree, your life sucks 36984 You deserved it 8882 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fmlpanda - United States Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 39775 You deserved it 8336 192 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LifeSucks Today, I came home to an empty house. I found a note from my wife telling me she was bisexual and found love in a woman. I FaceTimed my sister to tell her about it, and who do I see with her? My wife. FML I agree, your life sucks 3941 You deserved it 192 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I got a call from this girl I really like. Surprised, as I never get anything other than a text from her, I answered. All I heard were rustling sounds. She had pocket dialed me. FML I agree, your life sucks 31302 You deserved it 5018 178 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By broke_otaku - United States Caught Today, my boyfriend asked me to sniff his armpit to see if he was the one who smelled. I did because we are that comfortable with us. After a couple of sniffs I heard laughter. I forgot I was sitting in his living room and his family was watching me the whole time. I am now the BO finder. FML I agree, your life sucks 13136 You deserved it 48980 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, a creepy old guy kept hitting on me in line at Subway. I got scared and told him to back off because my dad was waiting for me outside. He replied that he wouldn't object to a three-way. FML I agree, your life sucks 37817 You deserved it 2717 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FranticFarAwayDaughter Today, my mother was transferred from the hospital to a long-term care facility. Nobody I talk to at the hospital knows what facility they sent her to. FML I agree, your life sucks 4610 You deserved it 200 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nothappywithlife - United States Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML I agree, your life sucks 259255 You deserved it 13035 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML I agree, your life sucks 55071 You deserved it 9837 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Idk - United States - Gainesville Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML I agree, your life sucks 65607 You deserved it 5080 248 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By acme - Israel Today, I found out why it might be awkward to have your plumber and your least well-behaved dog share a name. Bad plumber. FML I agree, your life sucks 22592 You deserved it 2762 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fmfl - United States Today, I found a gift card under my bed that I lost a few months ago for $400 to a store that went out of business last week. FML I agree, your life sucks 38168 You deserved it 13089 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hatedatwork - United States - Shreveport Thanks mom! Today, my CEO called and spoke to me like I'm a child. Apparently, she has a surprise for me, "but only if I clean up my office first." She hasn't been to my office in months because she works in another state. Turns out, someone texted her a picture of my messy office. FML I agree, your life sucks 809 You deserved it 1721 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lunarclips - Canada - Brandon Today, is the day I graduate. Today is the day I have explosive diarrhea and I haven't moved far from the toilet since I woke up this morning. FML I agree, your life sucks 12003 Phew, glad it wasn't me 1219 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Urinal Fresh - Australia Today, I vacuumed my car as I'm trying to sell it. After the interior was clean, I sprayed some air freshener. The chosen smell was "new car". I think they mislabeled it, as my car now smells like urinal cakes. I have two potential buyers coming tomorrow. FML I agree, your life sucks 24091 You deserved it 4352 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kelly - 23/7/2020 02:01 Polly wants it Today, at work, I booked a vet appointment for an African Gray to get a birth control implant. I didn’t even know that was a thing and I definitely never thought that a parrot would have a more active sex life than me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1282 You deserved it 152 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By OakStake - United States - New York Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML I agree, your life sucks 60154 You deserved it 3406 240 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Miami Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML I agree, your life sucks 34885 You deserved it 4209 197 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By musicteacher - United States - Bethania Today, I've managed to go my whole nine-year teaching career without anyone vomiting in my classroom. That record was broken today when someone vomited four successive times in front of a class of 46 students. It was me. FML I agree, your life sucks 34328 You deserved it 2903 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Katie - United States Today, I was rear-ended while at a stop sign, by my driving instructor. FML I agree, your life sucks 36564 You deserved it 2795 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Annandale Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML I agree, your life sucks 43274 You deserved it 17788 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thanksmom - United States - Tucson Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML I agree, your life sucks 33525 You deserved it 7740 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I drunkenly hooked up with a meth dealer I just met online. Of course this occurred at his place, since he's on home detention for drug trafficking... I agree, your life sucks 12 You deserved it 104 1 Comments
Today, I tried pouring water on myself like in Coyote Ugly to the song "Pour Some Sugar On Me." I ended up waterboarding myself and I didn’t stop until... I agree, your life sucks 62 You deserved it 320 5 Comments