All the FMLs

By ThisGuy775 - 19/09/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, my dad asked to borrow some money off me, so I said okay. Later on, he told me he'll be using it to help divorce my mom. I pretty much just helped pay for my parents' divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 488

You deserved it 2 994

By Anonymous - 19/09/2011 02:16 - United States

Today, I went to evening Mass. I later found that sometime between entering the church and receiving Communion, someone had snatched my iPhone straight out of my handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 301

You deserved it 5 381

By Lisa - 19/09/2011 02:07 - United States

Today, after being dumped by my boyfriend of two years, I poured my heart out to my dad. He nodded and looked sympathetic throughout. Afterwards, I asked him what I should do. He replied, "How the hell should I know?" and awkwardly left my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 949

You deserved it 5 731

Good to know

By DeadScared - 19/09/2011 00:23 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 034

You deserved it 3 574

By Anonymous - 18/09/2011 21:24 - United States

Today, I was kicked in the crotch. The girl who did it thought I was her ex-boyfriend. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 432

You deserved it 4 457

By ohgodwhy - 18/09/2011 21:16 - United States

Today, my school voted for a Pokémon theme for this year's homecoming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 752

You deserved it 19 173

By shithead - 18/09/2011 20:17 - United States

Today, my friends and I ran through a flock of resting seagulls. The birds took to the skies and chased after us, covering us in shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 791

You deserved it 51 214

By incaseudidntkno - 18/09/2011 13:36 - United States

Today, on my way to a concert, some guy told me I had cool sunglasses. I was about to thank him until he punched me in the face. I woke up with no sunglasses and no ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 575

You deserved it 2 853

incaseudidntkno tells us more.

incaseudidntkno 11

Sunday 18 September 2011 21:17

They were Oil Rig Oakleys and my face still hurts. My friend also got punched in the nose haha.

Thanks

By yeahhhhhommmie - 18/09/2011 09:20 - United States

Today, I was at Walmart walking around when I slipped on some water and twisted my ankle. As I was getting up, a man came up to me and said, "There's some water on the floor, watch out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 063

You deserved it 3 521

By awesomekidsmum - 18/09/2011 01:20 - Canada

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 795

You deserved it 9 146

By ouch - 17/09/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, our electric horse fence broke. I turned it off so I could fix it. As I was grabbing the fence, my brother thought it would be hilarious to turn the fence back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 201

You deserved it 3 452

By Freechbear - 17/09/2011 17:21 - United States

Today, my ex girlfriend is sleeping over at my house. At some point while she was preparing to dump me, she became best friends with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 181

You deserved it 2 806

By RebekahBrooke - 17/09/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, I started my first day as a waitress. After getting my ass slapped, drinks and food spilled over me, and being tripped by a bratty kid, my tips were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 199

You deserved it 2 664

By jj4320 - 17/09/2011 08:37 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for distracted driving. Not for cell phone use but for nose picking and inspecting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 671

You deserved it 41 045

By Anonymous - 17/09/2011 08:17 - South Africa

Today, my girlfriend gave me a speech on me "not being manly enough". I started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 379

You deserved it 51 943

Road trip from hell

By anonymous - 17/09/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, I had leg surgery. While I was recovering in the hospital, my boyfriend dumped me. I then had to ride home, a 2-hour drive, listening to my mother and aunt tell me he was the best thing to happen to me, and that I'll never find a better man. Then the morphine wore off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 747

You deserved it 2 745

By cheated - 17/09/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my daughter-in-law revealed to me that she caught my husband having an affair with her best friend. This was five years ago, and she is only telling me now because he stopped paying her the blackmail money to keep her mouth shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 672

You deserved it 2 803

By thedeerman - 17/09/2011 04:39 - United States

Today, I found out my wife and three daughters all have their period on seperate weeks. I now have no break from yelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 379

You deserved it 5 304

By applesmama - 17/09/2011 04:36 - United States

Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 495

You deserved it 4 691

By Anonymous - 17/09/2011 01:24 - United States

Today, at college, I found a lanyard with some keys and a YMCA member's card attached. Hoping to find contact details, I googled the name on the back of the card, just in time for him to return and see me looking through his Facebook profile like some kind of stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 438

You deserved it 12 424

By Mandy - 17/09/2011 00:25 - Canada

Today, my family came to see me in my first acting role in Romeo and Juliet. It all went reasonably well for the first half hour or so, after which my seemingly shitfaced aunt started heckling and saying, "That's what she said" after every line, before eventually being thrown out by security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 836

You deserved it 2 445

By Authentik8 - 16/09/2011 22:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that one of my university flatmates arrived early for Freshers Week, and had a party which involved the place being trashed. I'm going to lose some of my deposit for damage caused before I even arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 938

You deserved it 2 235

By messed up - 16/09/2011 21:10 - United States

Today, I finally told my crush that I like her. She said she could never date me, because apparently, "My best friend likes you." Her best friend is my step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 622

You deserved it 2 622

By Chandler - 16/09/2011 19:26 - United States

Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 880

You deserved it 2 948

By Anonymous - 16/09/2011 17:26 - United States

Today, I was brutally run over by a man in a wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 725

You deserved it 3 991

Drama! Action!

By anonymous - 16/09/2011 17:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a graded performance in my drama class. I had to play a murderer in an interrogation room. I got really into it and started pounding on the windows to try to "escape". The thin glass smashed. Four hours in casualty, stitches and plastic surgery pretty much sum up my mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 402

You deserved it 9 370

By Username - 16/09/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, I went to lunch with my sister. As the waitress was bringing our food, she dropped it on the floor. She apologized and brought us new food. After we finished eating and I looked at the bill, I noticed she'd charged us twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 570

You deserved it 3 399

By Help - 16/09/2011 16:20 - Australia

Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 106

You deserved it 2 057

By Smart - 16/09/2011 14:42 - United States

Today, while teaching my high school class about astronomy, I showed them a picture of earth from space. One girl raised her hand, and asked me what the "white things" were. In other words, clouds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 621

You deserved it 3 132

By sweatstreaks - 16/09/2011 09:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed that when I sweat I smell like bacon. I'm a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 132

You deserved it 11 527

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The Top

Today, I found the eggshells from the nest belonging to the little bird that lives outside my house. They were covered in blood and it was quite obvious that they had been eaten. While I was looking at them, the mother bird came over and attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 012

You deserved it 3 589

Today, after going to the doctor to have him look at a rash on my man bits, I asked him how to get rid of the redness. He shrugged and said: "Don't worry, nobody will see it other than you and me." He's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 403

You deserved it 3 025

Not helping never looked so cute!

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 105

Today, my Tinder date took one look at me and left, because, "the camera" made me "look thick" and he, "can’t date a skinny bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 793

You deserved it 232

Today, my wife told me that she isn't in a place where she can have a physical relationship, that if I want us to have a physical relationship then we need to start from the bottom up, and work on building a friendship. I'm like, we've been married 15 years, and we're not even friends? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 220

You deserved it 555

Today, my boyfriend of three years decided to propose. It would’ve been perfect, except he did it during my family’s annual backyard BBQ, and his proposal was drowned out by my drunk uncle singing karaoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 95