All the FMLs

By MathTeacher - 02/05/2011 14:30 - United States

Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 082

You deserved it 46 139

By megomania - 02/05/2011 13:51 - United States

Today, I was so sick that I was puking and had the runs. While on the toilet, I yelled for my boyfriend to get me a bowl to puke in. As I did so, I saw that a ton of it was forming on the floor in dots. My boyfriend had given me a spaghetti strainer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 061

You deserved it 4 445

By anon - 02/05/2011 10:58 - United States

Today, I found out that the weird lump on my eye is benign. That would be great news but they aren't going to treat it at all. Now I look like I'm high all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 646

You deserved it 2 903

By ChrissySoltys - 02/05/2011 06:39 - Canada

Today, I realized that the black leggings I wear quite often become see-through when I bend over. I have been showing the world my ass as well as my thong for over a month now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 494

You deserved it 56 763

By alchy - 02/05/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, I realized that the cashier at the liquor store and I are already on a first-name basis. I just moved to this town a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 977

You deserved it 36 276

By exnotwelcome19 - 02/05/2011 01:05 - United States

Today, my mom told my abusive ex-boyfriend, whom I broke up with 5 days ago, that he is always welcome at my house. She "misses him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 394

You deserved it 3 726

Pick it up

By Cassie - 02/05/2011 00:21

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 395

You deserved it 51 023

By dirtyclothess - 02/05/2011 00:01

Today, my mom informed me that she doesn't wash my clothes anymore. Instead, she sprays them with Febreze to "save money". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 953

You deserved it 8 168

By Anonymous - 01/05/2011 18:49 - New Zealand

Today, I woke up at 4:40AM and went to the kitchen. My brother and his steel-capped boots easily found me in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 036

You deserved it 3 850

By me - 01/05/2011 16:31 - United States

Today, the tree that my neighbors have neglected to cut down fell on my car. They claim that by law, they aren't responsible and don't have to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 420

You deserved it 3 340

By Anonymous - 01/05/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to take a pair of scissors to all my bras. My mom can't take me shopping for another three days and I have no one to borrow a bra from. I have school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 272

You deserved it 4 391

By Steve.mc - 01/05/2011 07:03 - Canada

Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 481

You deserved it 7 981

By rb - 01/05/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 784

You deserved it 3 587

By Anonymous - 01/05/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 747

You deserved it 4 484

By Anonymous - 01/05/2011 05:36 - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend called me as I was getting ready for bed and asked me to pick him up from the bar. Being a loving girlfriend I drive the 45 minutes; when I get there his friend informs me he left about 45 minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 465

You deserved it 5 194

By Username - 01/05/2011 03:16 - United States

Today, the lease on my house ended and I finished moving in with my girlfriend. After everything was moved in, she broke up with me. Hello homelessness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 698

You deserved it 4 168

By Tara - 01/05/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I went tanning for 15 min at my gym. When I got out no one was there, all of the lights were off, and the alarm started going off. Turns out the people working forgot about me, locked up, and left me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 498

You deserved it 5 658

By OhGreat - 30/04/2011 20:30 - United States

Today, my dad went through my room while I was out and threw away the "inappropriate pictures" that he found. They're the nudes I've been working on for art class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 048

You deserved it 5 215

That's what I call Heavy Metal

By Jordan - 30/04/2011 19:52 - United States

Today, my favorite song came on and I started playing air guitar and headbanging to it. I didn't realize just how close I was to the chair next to me and went face first into the metal back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 313

You deserved it 37 460

By Anonymous - 30/04/2011 19:03 - United States

Today, my bladder decided to empty itself while I was on a rollercoaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 292

You deserved it 10 714

Party animal

By Laci - 30/04/2011 17:50 - United States

Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 957

You deserved it 23 233

By Username - 30/04/2011 08:51 - United Kingdom

Today, at the age of 17, I had my first kiss with the girl I've liked for over a year. However, it was a stage kiss and the girl has made it clear that she finds me repulsive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 629

You deserved it 4 639

Honey…

By greenintheface - 30/04/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 750

You deserved it 4 111

By Cody - 30/04/2011 06:13 - United States

Today, I got pulled by a cop because I forgot to put my registration sticker on. I get nervous around authority and have nervous shakes. I ripped the registration sticker 3 times trying to put it on. The cop then gave me a ticket for "Improper Equipment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 744

You deserved it 7 059

Date night

By Anonymous - 30/04/2011 05:21 - United States

Today, I went out on a date with an ex-boyfriend who I hadn't seen since college. He took me to a bar, where he was oddly quiet, but drank heavily. When the bartender asked us if we were ok, he replied, "This is my ex-girlfriend. Can you believe she used to be skinny?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 164

You deserved it 7 998

By Imrickar - 30/04/2011 05:06 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why being with a girl while being with me is cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 226

You deserved it 7 831

By Username - 30/04/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 145

You deserved it 7 971

By me - 30/04/2011 04:25 - United States

Today, I was sword fighting in a play when I accidentally hit the other person in the head. He called me a bitch and stormed off stage, leaving me alone with an audience of 50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 262

You deserved it 5 212

By thanksmom - 30/04/2011 01:00 - United States

Today, my mom paid $40 for overnight shipping on delivery of paint for my Art major dropout sister, but insists on making me wait two weeks for my diabetes medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 993

You deserved it 3 237

By Jaggu - 29/04/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, I ran into an old friend from college on the bus to work. Having not seen each other in over 10 years, we spent a good 15 minutes talking about our lives after college. At the end, he asked me what my name was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 369

You deserved it 5 120

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I was frantically searching for my cell phone. He was curious as to what I was doing so I told him. There was long silence followed by laughter. He could hardly breathe as he told me, "Honey you're on your phone talking to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 428

You deserved it 81 650

Today, I received a call from the police about a car accident that I was a witness to. As the only witness who stopped to help, I was remembered by the other cars involved. They're blaming me for the accident. The cops want to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 922

You deserved it 2 789

Today, I used a new fragrance-free hypoallergenic laundry detergent for my underwear, as I have sensitive skin. I got a rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 118

You deserved it 240

Today, my girlfriend and I got busted by the cops having sex in a dark parking lot near the beach. As if that wasn't bad enough, as I was trying to talk my way out of a ticket, one of the cops peeks into the car window and I hear my girlfriend awkwardly giggle and say, "Hi daddy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 861

You deserved it 751

Today, at 4 a.m., I woke up so I could check out the blood moon. It looked magnificent, so I took a few photos and went back to bed. When I later got up, I noticed the orange street light outside. I’d been admiring a street lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 414

Today, I was feeling a little naughty, so I put on a sexy outfit, laid down on the hood of my boyfriend's car, and waited for him to find me. When he came into the garage and saw me, he freaked out and bitched at me, because I "could've dented the chassis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 633

You deserved it 16 596