Health: Today, I turned 21. It's also the day I learned how it feels... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 103

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 40

01/12/2011 07:00

Today, I turned 21. It's also the day I learned how it feels to have my foot and leg set on fire by a drunken idiot who thought it was a great idea to splash lighter fluid into an open-pit bonfire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 592

You deserved it 2 704

BO Central

Cones

CPTSD

09/07/2009 01:34

Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 841

You deserved it 111 228

10/12/2015 15:53

Today, I found out that my so-called "friends" on my Skype group chat have another group chat that contains everyone but me. Apparently, they made it so I would not "disturb" their conversations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 757

You deserved it 2 590

07/01/2009 15:22

Spicy

Today, I was doing a local search at SexSearch.com and I found my sister's profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 686

You deserved it 10 978

13/08/2009 17:21

Today, I got my first facebook friend request in 4 months. I also got a message in my inbox. The message said: "Sorry, I thought you were someone else. Just ignore my friend request." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 067

You deserved it 7 464

24/02/2011 20:03

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed to be quite the gentleman. I was proven wrong when he told me to "shut it" during dinner, stiffed me on the bill, and then left me at the restaurant so he could get his own taxi home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 728

You deserved it 5 069

21/02/2009 22:24

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 691

You deserved it 7 631

Storage wars

By Will - 19/08/2021 08:02

Today, I went without my phone all day, because my roommate moved it. Because I'd left it in the fridge. On top of a bucket of KFC. Which he ate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 777

04/09/2012 08:53

Today, I'm quite ill. My new step-mother believes that the genetic wheat allergy I got from my mother would have gone away since she's now married to my father instead. Looks like dad picked a winner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 277

You deserved it 1 844

08/04/2013 00:00

Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 902

You deserved it 2 452

19/10/2011 14:37

Spicy

Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 810

You deserved it 18 495

25/11/2012 23:36

Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 016

You deserved it 1 885

15/02/2011 15:30

Today, my girlfriend found an enormous rose arrangement in the back seat of my car. The flowers were from my fire chief to his wife. I forgot to deliver them. I now have to replace them since my girlfriend thinks I got them for her. The arrangement cost $225. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 450

You deserved it 43 453

07/02/2010 18:32

Today, I was taking a shower and the glass sliding door was jammed. I tugged it, and it shattered all over me. I was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 474

You deserved it 3 005

The unexpected

By RikkiTikkiTavi - 12/11/2019 05:00

Spicy

Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 3 438

06/09/2014 02:36

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 646

You deserved it 3 199

10/09/2010 18:09

Today, at school, everybody wanted to be my partner for a project. This surprised me because nobody ever wants to be with me. Turns out when I was absent, my teacher promised that whoever was my partner would get extra points on the project. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 925

You deserved it 3 346

18/08/2019 02:00

Today, I found out why I haven't been getting my bank statements for the past couple of months. My parents have been hiding them from me, because they've been stealing from it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 107

You deserved it 131

15/04/2011 00:53

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 597

You deserved it 35 980

Beware!

By Anonymous - 24/11/2011 17:07

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 032

You deserved it 3 812

13/05/2012 12:15

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams to come over for a movie. When I answered the door, my little brother ran up behind me, yelled "geronimo" and pulled down my pants and underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 105

You deserved it 3 207

15/10/2009 19:42

Today, I let my mother use my computer for school work. Later that day my mom asks me what's wrong with the computer. I look at it, only seeing a "Welcome to Windows XP" screen. She said that she saw a blue screen and pressed L and C when it asked her to. My mom managed to clear my hard drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 947

You deserved it 3 533

Good morning to you too

By sllaggy - 18/04/2011 09:34

Spicy

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's house. I had a shower while he went downstairs. As I went to say goodbye to him, his mother muttered, "Slut" while pouring him orange juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 425

You deserved it 22 058

Laying eggs!

By Anonymous - 27/12/2019 01:00

Today, I've has a constant feeling like something is moving in my ear. I'm a severe arachnaphobic, and my dad is trying to convince me a spider is in my ear laying eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 203

Projection

By Anonymous - 12/08/2020 14:02

Today, my boyfriend said angrily that he should never have gotten together with me, that he should have known a woman with divorced parents would have daddy issues, and never be quite right in the head. His own parents are divorced by the way, and his mom is extremely overbearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 150

13/08/2010 01:01

Spicy

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 229

You deserved it 37 959

19/05/2016 17:32

Today, after many days of messing around with wording and pictures, a huge and expensive printed card order came in to the office. I spelt the first word wrong. I can't get a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 866

You deserved it 9 756

05/01/2010 07:18

Today, I was told that, although I was sick on the last day before break, they would still accept the 24 page essay that I had written. Tonight, as I went to print it out, I found that my dad had "cleaned up a bit" on my computer, including the documents from last semester. I have school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 483

You deserved it 3 315

05/10/2009 15:45

Today, one of my best friends went into labor 14 days early. I'd told my boss previously about this and that I need to be there for my friend as she doesn't really have any family. My boss will not let me leave work to be there. Why? I didn't give enough notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 973

You deserved it 3 346

08/10/2009 05:41

Spicy

Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 451

You deserved it 4 040

Kick the bum out, part 2

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 17:01

Today, my fiancé thinks that the only reason I innocently asked him how soon he wants to have kids after we get married is that he thinks I'm racing to beat a friend or family member. Now I can't even be excited about starting a family with this man without having ulterior motives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 199

14/09/2012 20:47

Today, I learned that you can be so sleep deprived that you sleep through your alarm, a construction crew outside your house, and your bladder completely voiding itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 045

You deserved it 2 772

11/10/2011 11:52

Today, I realized that the redneck, hick, abusive family that my co-workers always joke about is my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 385

You deserved it 3 955

01/01/2009 02:53

Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 610

You deserved it 3 900

29/12/2012 23:54

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend if he was cheating on me. He replied, "Nah, all the chicks in this town are fuck-ugly." and stared at me until I left the room. Good to know that's his only reason for staying faithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 321

You deserved it 7 633

11/07/2013 17:08

Spicy

Today, I was eating a corndog, when my boyfriend jokingly told me to "take it deeper". I did, and ended up choking and throwing up all over the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 644

You deserved it 54 057

03/12/2010 00:47

Today, at work, one of my 6 year old students who has had intense speech therapy since kindergarten, told me "I can tell you're hot, because you rolled your sleeves up." I was very pleased with his articulate sentence, until he said "Your arms are hairy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 288

You deserved it 4 362

Collection

By Anonymous - 01/08/2019 04:00

Today, our building owner, who lives just below, had a great idea to make her life easier. When something gets on her nerves, she puts it in the stairwell. Including two dozen shoes, her toddler, her screaming baby, her barking dog and her cat who loves to shit in my flower pots and piss in my basement room, which she is well aware of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 709

You deserved it 106

24/10/2009 14:45

Today, I went to McDonalds to get breakfast. I sat my food down at a table and went to get some napkins and a straw. I returned to the table to find that my food was gone, and could hear nothing but "SUCKKAAAA" trailing from the entrance to the restaurant. Some jerk stole my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 201

You deserved it 9 710

19/10/2009 06:40

Today, I was driving down the road when a dog suddenly runs across the street. In attempt to spare its life, I swerved to the side of the road and rear-ended another car. The car I hit belonged the family that owned the dog. Now I have to pay them because I saved their dog's life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 258

You deserved it 5 927

20/01/2013 19:28

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 796

You deserved it 4 228

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Top comments

PinkElephants713 6

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Thursday 1 December 2011 15:59

You totally should've pushed him in!! …jk

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Thursday 1 December 2011 16:04

Atleast when you wake up after your 21st you'll have a burning sensation on your leg and not somewhere else...

Comments

PinkElephants713 6

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Thursday 1 December 2011 15:59

You totally should've pushed him in!! …jk

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Thursday 1 December 2011 18:14

I still consider that a reasonable response.

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Thursday 1 December 2011 20:32

next time OP can be the drunk one and piss on that guys car!

abbyhoneywaffles 11

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Thursday 1 December 2011 21:53

Pissing on the car of the person who lit you on fire seems like very minimal revenge to me.

ImFrackinBored 13

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Thursday 1 December 2011 23:02

That happened to me refueling my zippo and my whole arm lit on fire :c Atleast it doesn't hurt if you put it out fast enough :D

MilkyFilmz 26

Wednesday 26 June 2013 22:37

I agree. Op should scoop out his eyes,stab his face with a fork,then,nevermind,I've said too much. This is only part 1/5. If you would like to know more about these parts or need help getting revenge, I will be more than happy to help you. ;)

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Thursday 1 December 2011 16:04

Atleast when you wake up after your 21st you'll have a burning sensation on your leg and not somewhere else...

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Thursday 1 December 2011 16:52

*at least

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Thursday 1 December 2011 18:31

Nice

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Friday 2 December 2011 2:09

21st birthday party+open pit full of angry flames= one big muthafuckin no no.

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Thursday 1 December 2011 16:05

It is ALWAYS a good idea to splash lighter fluid on a fire.

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Thursday 1 December 2011 16:08

I hope your bladder was full of butane the day you took that picture.

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Thursday 1 December 2011 16:06

That's great! Now you have an already powered-up leg to kick his nuts to beijing! FALCON-KICK! ! Passion fruits are tasty.

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Thursday 1 December 2011 16:09

No one cares about your passion fruits man. Snozzberries are all the rage these days.

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Thursday 1 December 2011 18:57

I eat pears on Sundays. Js

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Friday 2 December 2011 6:41

32- Why not green apples?..,..

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Friday 2 December 2011 14:29

54- 32's comment was refererring to a comment I left on the previous FML, which was removed for some reason.

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Thursday 1 December 2011 16:07

You don't have the willpower of the monks who burn themselves, that is very clear.

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Thursday 1 December 2011 17:54

Not so much a lack of willpower.. More so a lack of want for a painful death..

TheWindowLicker 13

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Thursday 1 December 2011 18:49

If we're talking about the monks I think we are, they didn't want a painful death, it was a way of protesting. Albeit a very strange protest...

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Thursday 1 December 2011 21:44

Protesting against what? Rational though? Sanity? Common sense?

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Thursday 1 December 2011 16:08

This calls for the Friendship Prayer: "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch....Amen". Happy Birthday OP, and FYL.

StopDropNRoll 11

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Thursday 1 December 2011 18:09

What if the said 1000 camels are flee free?

You_Need_Soap 6

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Thursday 1 December 2011 16:08

"and it burns, burns, buuuurns, the ring of fire..."

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Thursday 1 December 2011 16:11

There's always that one drunken idiot...

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Thursday 1 December 2011 16:19

This is in no way related to the FML, but why does it always add +2 every time I thumbs up something?

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Thursday 1 December 2011 16:21

Hey it's my birthday too! :) HBD

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Thursday 1 December 2011 16:58

Today, I didn't know what to do for my birthday so I just wrote a comment on FML wishing myself a happy birthday. FML

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Thursday 1 December 2011 17:35

HBD ..