All the FMLs

By tornkhakis - 24/02/2014 07:20 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my cat decided that instead of using the brand-new scratching post I bought him, he was going to use my pant leg while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 209

You deserved it 4 180

By You Are My Sunshine - 24/02/2014 04:18 - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, a guy from work that I barely know gave me sunflowers for my birthday. He told me, "You mentioned they were your favorite." I mentioned it to my family at home a few days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 225

You deserved it 4 571

By crap - 24/02/2014 04:01 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 975

You deserved it 3 241

Stoooooop!

By DIY560 - 24/02/2014 03:59 - United States - Ambler

Today, I was trying to study for a test when my brother and his friends decided to play the chant game, meaning one person yells something weird and everyone else has to say it back without laughing. All I heard for about two hours was them yelling things like, "DICK NIPPLES." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 781

You deserved it 3 730

Shine on

By owmyfoot - 24/02/2014 02:22 - United States - Sacramento

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 682

You deserved it 40 892

School project

By ninaaaa - 24/02/2014 00:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my sister finished a project about something she hates. Me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 819

You deserved it 4 024

Procrastination station

By goodbye cruel world - 23/02/2014 19:00 - United States - Salisbury

Today, I've been forced to start packing to go on a vacation with my parents, because they say I've been studying too hard and need a break. I've hardly studied at all and was planning on making up for it all in the time I had left before finals. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 435

You deserved it 41 887

By weak - 23/02/2014 14:36 - United States - Columbus

Today, I was helping my wife bring in the groceries. She was able to carry 4 bags and a jug of milk. I was struggling with 2 bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 366

You deserved it 22 609

By dsamanthas - 23/02/2014 08:10 - United States - Covina

Today, after being worried for a week because my dog wasn't eating, I paid the vet $120 for her to tell me that my dog doesn't like her dog food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 677

You deserved it 8 359

By hé merde - 23/02/2014 02:27 - France - Paris

Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction. He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could check her ass out as she walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 005

You deserved it 5 023

By Sodapop40 - 22/02/2014 21:21 - Canada - Whitecourt

Today, I was shopping, when a man pointed at me and said to his friend, "Her. She's the one." He replied, "Yes, she'll do fine." I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 385

You deserved it 3 716

Sodapop40 tells us more.

Sodapop40 21

Sunday 23 February 2014 22:00

They saw me staring at them with terror in my eyes, and quickly came over to ask me if I wanted tto model with their agency? Um, no.

By housedoctor - 22/02/2014 11:01 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, after getting back from my interior design class, I told my husband that I learned the golden rule for home decor: "Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful." He looked at me dead in the eyes, and didn't say a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 871

You deserved it 6 927

By seriously though - 22/02/2014 05:48 - United States - Littleton

Today, I arrived at the airport only to find my suitcase was lost and my 3 weeks worth of clothes and supplies gone. All I had left was my wallet and carry ons. Upon leaving the airport I was mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 917

You deserved it 3 581

By Anonymous - 22/02/2014 02:47 - United States - Irvine

Today, I was at the mall with a couple of friends when we saw a couple of cute boys. I made eye contact with the cutest one. Flustered, I giggled, only to send a wad of snot flying out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 915

You deserved it 8 257

By ashamedklutz - 22/02/2014 00:20 - United Kingdom - Dunfermline

Today, with a single misstep, I managed to send myself and several others tumbling down a stairwell at work. An ambulance ended up having to be called for one lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 606

You deserved it 5 062

Don't dick around with those guys

By Cuntface McGee - 21/02/2014 21:37 - Romania - Dej

Today, I was chilling out with my friend in a parking lot, when a police officer came up to the vehicle and suspiciously asked what we were up to. My friend sarcastically said, "Uh, doing drugs? Planning a drive-by? Haha!" We soon found ourselves in the back of a cop car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 942

You deserved it 18 653

By Anonymous - 21/02/2014 16:32 - United States - Carbondale

Today, I ran into my favorite teacher from high school, the one that really inspired me to become one myself. I told her that I'm in my last year of college preparing to become a teacher, to which she replied, "Wow, they really are letting anyone have a crack at being a teacher these days." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 449

You deserved it 4 915

By Anonymous - 21/02/2014 09:59 - Russian Federation - Lipetsk

Today, I was back home from work drinking coffee when I heard someone open the door with a key. It was my boyfriend, who obviously didn't expect to see me home. We don't live together, and I never gave him a key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 995

You deserved it 4 119

By Anonymous - 21/02/2014 07:02

Today, I was let go from work because they need "younger people". I'm 19 and I work at a flower market. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 615

You deserved it 3 330

By BakedBat - 21/02/2014 04:10 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 008

You deserved it 4 443

By Anonymous - 21/02/2014 02:46 - United States - Glasford

Today, at my therapy appointment, I was spilling my guts to my therapist. When I'd finished, to get rid of the awkward silence, I asked, "I'm not crazy, right?" His response was, "That's bit of a loaded question." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 192

You deserved it 5 943

By management - 21/02/2014 02:31 - United States

Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 164

You deserved it 7 390

By time to lawyer up - 20/02/2014 21:20 - United States - Forney

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 412

You deserved it 52 987

By begging for air - 20/02/2014 17:45 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 705

You deserved it 5 140

By Anonymous - 20/02/2014 10:01 - United Kingdom - Great Malvern

Today, I watched my brother attempt to cook some eggs without turning the gas on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 879

You deserved it 5 022

Travelling light

By maddengirl12 - 20/02/2014 08:57 - United States

Today, my mom and I flew three hours from Wyoming to a volleyball camp in Kentucky. When we arrived, we went to the volleyball center and told them I was there for the volleyball camp. They told me it had been cancelled two weeks ago and they forgot to call us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 553

You deserved it 4 002

You can't explain that

By anonymous - 20/02/2014 05:27 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was doing a science presentation about glucose. There were around 20 judges at the event who could've judged me, but instead I got judged by the only person in the whole entire world who doesn't know what glucose is, and doesn't think it exists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 286

You deserved it 3 410

By Disappointed - 19/02/2014 21:33 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, after 10 months of hard work, it was the opening night of the show I was directing. Everybody loved it, except my mother. She called it the worst thing she'd ever seen. Thanks for the support, mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 007

You deserved it 3 428

By sarad206 - 19/02/2014 21:09 - United States

Today, I was cleaning the bathrooms at work. An older gentlemen came in and needed to use it. He said to me "Oh no, PLEASE stay, just don't look." I don't get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 469

You deserved it 3 839

By clrichmond2009 - 19/02/2014 18:48 - United States - Christiansburg

Today, I'm eight months pregnant with my second child. My 18-month-old son loves to watch my belly move when his baby brother moves. And then loves to smack my belly. It's going to be a long eighteen years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 197

You deserved it 5 847

clrichmond2009 tells us more.

clrichmond2009 24

Thursday 20 February 2014 10:57

OK, even though I've been commenting throughout, time for a full follow up. 1. I am not an idiot that's letting my child beat the crap out of me. When he does get too hard, he is disciplined and shown how to be gentle. 2. I have not given up on teaching my child manners, not to hit, etc. It's going to be a long 18 years because they're brothers. They're gonna fight! My sister and I beat each other on a fairly regular basis when we were kids. It's what siblings do. 3. Thanks for ALL your posts! Some of them had me cracking up. And some had me a little scared for the poster or their (future?) children.

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The Top

The Top

Today, I dropped a ring in the toilet. The new engagement ring my fiancé gave me at dinner last night. The dinner that gave me diarrhea today. In which I dropped the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 071

You deserved it 493

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 089

You deserved it 9 726

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a furniture store. We split up for a bit, and after a while I went to find him. A salesman noticed I seemed to be looking around for him and said, "Oh, your son is upstairs." We're the same age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 650

You deserved it 2 387

Today, after going to the beach with my guy friend, I thought I looked pretty good in front of him in a bikini. Later he whispered in my ear, "You have a lot of hairs sticking out of your bottom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 988

You deserved it 45 995

Today, my deranged coworker sent me a text message containing a picture that she just took of her uncle. It was at his funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 059

You deserved it 2 024

Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 569

You deserved it 3 060