Work: Today, I had to repeatedly explain to an increasingly angry lady...

By 360whoroscoped - 16/01/2015 18:05 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I had to repeatedly explain to an increasingly angry lady that no, she couldn't get an ultrasound by using a referral letter from her psychic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 653

You deserved it 3 102

Work

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Batman

Right place, wrong person

Not digging for gold

By metroido - 10/11/2021 02:00

Today, my mom asked me, “Why in the world are you attracted to your boyfriend AT ALL if he isn’t rich?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 80

By Datingdisaster - 17/08/2018 01:30

Today, I went on a date. We met in the parking lot of a restaurant. As I approached his car he took one look at me, said "Nope", and drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 599

You deserved it 270

By Evolution mama - 05/02/2014 19:52 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 140

You deserved it 24 200

By Typrokka - 22/10/2009 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to drop the garbage in the compactor as I left to do some shopping. I quickly put my handbag down on the side, threw the 'garbage' in the machine, watched it do its thing, and then turned round to find... the bag of garbage on the side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 123

You deserved it 32 124

By Anonymous - 31/01/2015 01:25 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, when making a delivery for the restaurant I work for, a customer shoved and yelled at me because she didn't get any fries with her order. She didn't order any, which isn't unusual, considering we're a Chinese takeaway and don't even sell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 740

You deserved it 2 047

By anon - 18/01/2012 18:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 425

You deserved it 5 572

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I called the police regarding people speeding down my street because I was worried for my young kids. On the way home from my daughters ballet class I got pulled over 2 houses away from my house and got a $150 speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 700

You deserved it 117 367

By Anonymous - 09/03/2017 20:00

Today, we'd booked a spot for 20 people for my grandma's birthday. Turns out the reservation didn't go through. Now 20 people are waiting inside and outside for a group of old people to finish eating. They just barely got their food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 706

You deserved it 550

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 03:24 - United States - Franklin

Today, at my minimum wage job, we received a half-way decomposed dog found in a lake. It was my job to tear open the bag and try to identify the breed and color. It would've been easier if the body wasn't crawling with maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 464

You deserved it 1 815

By Anonymous - 27/04/2009 06:24 - United States

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. After writing the ticket, he asked me why I was wearing a surgical mask. I told him that swine flu was found in our area and I was scared. He thought that I was insulting him and wrote me another ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 224

You deserved it 16 658

Things ain't changed much

By anon - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, I was telling my dad that scientists had discovered a new sea creature. He said it was all BS and that scientists just make things up to cover conspiracies. I'm a biological sciences major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 094

You deserved it 1 734

But mah freedumbs!

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 10:23 - Canada

Today, I was screamed at and told that I was denying someone's "second amendment" by not letting him through with a gun. I work at the border; he was trying to enter Canada. This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 905

You deserved it 5 249

By Anonymous - 14/02/2014 01:31 - United States

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 920

You deserved it 7 230

By Anonymous - 04/12/2018 14:00

Today I was really hitting it off with my blind date and was eager to arrange a second date. I gave him my number and he decided to call my phone so I could save his number. My phone didn’t ring. He got upset because he thought I gave him a fake number and stormed off. The battery was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 001

You deserved it 406

By malnourishedstudent - 08/06/2016 08:38 - United States - Palm Coast

Today, after months of living on five dollars a day for food in college, I found out my parents bought me an expensive meal plan and forgot to mention it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 450

You deserved it 1 476

By lalala - 14/06/2011 10:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was arrested for carrying a dangerous weapon. I was on my way home from the shop where I'd bought a new kitchen knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 788

You deserved it 3 680

By grossed out - 21/09/2016 09:21 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, whilst in a dressing room trying on some new clothes, I experienced the sheer terror of having someone fling a pair of dirty panties over the stall wall only to make off with some stolen ones, whilst you're still standing there in shock staring at another woman's dirty underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 978

You deserved it 1 248

By beachbirdbait - 09/02/2017 12:00 - United States - Savannah

Today, I drove to the beach for an hour to relax before returning to the intense workload of midterms. A kid walking by threw a cracker near me and I was instantly attacked by a group of seagulls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 517

You deserved it 489

By kilo1_13 - 04/06/2009 01:35 - United States

Today, I was working at my retail job. A customer stopped me on my way to break saying "someone" had broken a snow globe. She showed me where it was and I cleaned it up with her circling me. I finished and put the cleaning supplies away when I heard a 'crash' as the same woman dropped another snow globe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 945

You deserved it 2 502

By Anonymous - 05/11/2018 15:30

Today, I accidentally put down the wrong year for my university graduation, so when my prospective boss was checking my references he found no mention of my name in that year's list of graduates. He accused me of faking my qualifications and refused to hire me. It was a 6-figure salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 197

You deserved it 3 445

By Kagura - 02/06/2010 15:05 - Turkey

Today, I went shopping with my mother. I needed to use the toilet, so entered a restaurant. After I left the toilet, my mother, who was near the restaurant's entrance, called out and asked: "Did you flush it?" Everyone heard her. And I'm 22 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 239

You deserved it 3 797

By 613tanner - 19/05/2011 05:30

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 447

You deserved it 70 177

By Anonymous - 18/06/2013 22:48 - United States - South Salem

Today, my sister came to stay with me in my apartment for the last few weeks of her difficult pregnancy. However she didn't tell me she was bringing her two dogs, her jackass of a husband, my bratty nephew and an inflatable kiddie pool so she could have a natural water birth in my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 707

You deserved it 5 825

Infrastructure bill

By Anonymous - 12/11/2021 02:00

Today, I ran over a pothole that was so small it barely qualified as a hole, more like a dent than a hole, but somehow it was still enough to completely crack the rim of my tyre and made me 3 hours late to work. I get paid by the hour, so this will hurt by paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 87

Heavy sleeper

By PolarBear2020 - 27/07/2021 21:58

Today, maintenance was supposed to come in to replace my broken washer. I worked late last night until 4 AM, and then dozed off. I slept so soundly that they managed to enter the apartment, haul away the broken washer, and install the new one, all while I was fast asleep in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 164

By fuji - 16/10/2018 17:30

Today, I was pulled over and given a ticket for a broken tail light. On the way to the mechanic. To get my tail light fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 265

You deserved it 167

By Anonymous - 19/10/2018 15:30

Today, after explaining that I never want kids, I was asked, "Are you sure? I have really strong swimmers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 639

You deserved it 267

What do y'all want?

By ladymichee - 07/07/2021 14:01

Today, police barged into my apartment for a drug raid, but they had the wrong address. They came in while I was naked on my couch and didn't even apologize for breaking my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 60

By thank god you'll only live once - 08/11/2013 20:12 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, in the lunch line at school, a kid literally ordered a "hamburger with extra swag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 090

You deserved it 3 760

By unknown - 21/09/2011 12:40 - Philippines

Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 594

You deserved it 39 052

By GoodDog - 09/09/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 825

You deserved it 51 785

By Anonymous - 25/07/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, my family invited a bunch of their friends over for a party. At some point they decided to play some home videos from many years ago. In one of them, I was 7, I said, "Look Mommy! I can make my pee-pee bigger by doing this!" Everyone saw and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 910

You deserved it 4 467

By wetqueefa - 03/02/2013 09:58 - United States - Union City

Today, I walked in on my mom drenched in tears, barely able to speak. I ran to get her some tissues and a nice cup of tea to calm her down. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened. She watched an episode of Gossip Girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 789

You deserved it 3 162

By erectioninfection - 01/05/2009 18:21 - United States

Today, I had an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer. I apparently signed papers allowing an intern to do it for practice. She was in her early 20s and smoking hot so as she was rubbing jelly on my testes I got an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 725

You deserved it 26 527

By never_ending_hangover - 30/09/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I took my boyfriend out to meet my coworkers for the first time. I really wanted to impress them, and get them to think how cool we are to hang out with, since I am new to LA. Instead, my boyfriend threw up in my boss's sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 025

You deserved it 4 801

By Dead_Fox - 21/11/2012 05:48 - United States - Jonesboro

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 737

You deserved it 3 848

By RadYoHeaD - 04/12/2008 07:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I went running to the gym on the way to work and I forgot to bring a spare shirt. All I have to wear is a wet white tshirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 195

You deserved it 21 645

By Pepe - 16/11/2008 05:54 - France

Today, my girlfriend said to me, "You know, you only have to wash 3 times a week to be clean." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 470

You deserved it 7 800

By crybaby - 01/02/2012 08:19 - United States

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 568

You deserved it 4 122

By Anonymous - 26/05/2010 18:03 - Canada

Today, I went into a music store to look into getting a new guitar. I picked up one that I was interested in and tried it out quietly. A sales representative approached me and asked me to "stop the noise and leave the guitars for serious customers." I've been playing for almost ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 775

You deserved it 5 998

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Top comments

Mkm1997 20

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Saturday 17 January 2015 5:18

I feel sorry for the unborn kid.

buckdharma 36

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Saturday 17 January 2015 5:23

Ultrasound is grainy where as crystal balls are so clear.

Mkm1997 20

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Saturday 17 January 2015 5:18

I feel sorry for the unborn kid.

BlondePsycho 43

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Saturday 17 January 2015 6:41

Really hoping her psychic misread that pregnancy test

vikky538 28

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Saturday 17 January 2015 14:31

wow psychic does a pregency test too...

itcomesinthrees 10

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Sunday 18 January 2015 16:44

People get ultrasounds for reasons other than pregnancy. If she was pregnant she probably would have no issue getting an ultrasound, so I'm assuming she probably isn't.

quickit 24

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Saturday 17 January 2015 5:21

Welp, just lost a few brain cells reading this one.

IAmzephyr 22

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Saturday 17 January 2015 8:04

yep. some people are THAT dumb

Kaygirl2013 13

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Saturday 17 January 2015 14:26

why was this downvoted so much?

senor_octubre 24

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Saturday 17 January 2015 18:14

I think people thought that he was commenting on OP's story being stupid rather than his commenting on OP's story

Roku_Crow 12

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Saturday 17 January 2015 5:21

Kid, this is gonna be your mother. I wish you much luck

Likian5 26

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Saturday 17 January 2015 5:21

Dude, psychics are like, 100% legit. Who needs ultrasounds when you got freakin MAGIC, am I right?

LaurenRoxsU 9

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Saturday 17 January 2015 6:05

@4, Right?! She should just wait until 9months and go completely on her psychic's word. And hey, if psychic is wrongnotwrong... There's always a chance she will appear on "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"! Silver lining, people.

coming back in the future 30

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Saturday 17 January 2015 5:21

OP's name.

15Erik 21

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Saturday 17 January 2015 6:09

420 Blaze It

FunGhoost 10

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Saturday 17 January 2015 5:22

Need to implement a law that require people to get tested before having kids

classicsparkles 17

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Saturday 17 January 2015 5:52

Eugenics sounds so good on paper but there are a few things that make it pretty Nazi-ish in practice.

zeffra13 31

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Saturday 17 January 2015 18:32

That's because eugenics is generally selecting for a genetic, non-changeable trait (such as as Nazis selecting for blue eyes). Selecting for intelligence is different but still has its complications. The other problem is, how to stop people from having kids? Centuries old question. Can't have forced abortion when abortion itself is barely still legal, and forced surgeries to prevent getting pregnant? Not gonna happen. Especially since certain idiocies like this case can be just a phase and will pass.

Ichiya 29

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Sunday 18 January 2015 5:52

kill the idiots off by removing warning labels. I know I don't want them breathing my air.

kklamou 11

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Monday 19 January 2015 2:55

How is abortion barely legal? You're an idiot. It's perfectly legal, as it should be. And it will more than likely never be illegal.

buckdharma 36

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Saturday 17 January 2015 5:23

Ultrasound is grainy where as crystal balls are so clear.

LaurenRoxsU 9

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Saturday 17 January 2015 6:06

@7, Iaughed so hard at this. Then laughed a mini-post-laugh when I realized you were Lucky Number 7.

swaglesshipster 23

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Saturday 17 January 2015 5:27

There are smart people out there! But you have to wade through the idgits to find them!

shinklefly 20

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Saturday 17 January 2015 7:59

There are few times that I will correct spelling, and this is going to be one of those times. Idiot*

Jinxsie 27

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Saturday 17 January 2015 8:41

I think she meant "idjit" and in her defense, it does also mean "idiot".

shinklefly 20

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Saturday 17 January 2015 8:44

Oh I've just never heard that before, thanks

LaurenRoxsU 9

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Saturday 17 January 2015 17:16

:O @32, Supernatural...? Bobby??? .... Every epic episode EVAR??? And then Garth briefly trying to be all OhaiI'mNewBobby.... You are missing out on great television, my friend. Lucifer is pretty cool in that show too. King of Hell Crowley is my favorite though. You should definitely watch it to complete the circle of life, and stuff.