Kids: Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that The Interview...

By Anonymous - 17/01/2015 18:11 - Australia - Perth

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that The Interview wasn't a documentary and that Kim Jong-un wasn't actually assassinated by a pair of goofy reporters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 428

You deserved it 6 295

Kids

Age difference

Dementia or hate? You decide

Judge and jury

By Anonymous - 11/10/2013 15:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's the fifth day in a row my workmate has worn the exact same clothing. We share the desk. I'm absolutely positive he hasn't hit the shower since last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 028

You deserved it 3 154

By jobless and broke - 29/07/2015 18:40 - United States - Mesa

Today, I got fired from my new job on my first day. Why? Because I'm 19 and company policy says you have to be 21. But they can't ask how old you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 033

You deserved it 2 428

By mr_cheese - 22/10/2014 20:24 - United States - Seattle

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 439

You deserved it 40 069

By jlong9071 - 09/11/2014 03:38 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I learned that when you're talking about your girlfriend's 6'4", 250 lb dad in a negative way, you should really make sure he isn't around first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 855

You deserved it 39 886

By blewidstepr - 16/05/2011 03:40

Today, I realized my 3 year old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 461

You deserved it 6 367

By fmlman - 15/03/2013 05:44 - United States - Rawlins

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 317

You deserved it 6 352

By lovehurts - 10/02/2016 02:29 - United States - New Baltimore

Today, I met up with my 'on again, off again' girlfriend of 4 years that I'm still madly in love with. We've been broken up for a few months and she's been dating someone else. We talked about possibly trying things again. When I got home, I found out she's engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 624

You deserved it 4 536

Surprising

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 20:00

Today, my younger sister had some friends over at ours. I was in the shower but was horrified to realize my clothes and towel were gone. Figuring that she took them, I tried to make it to my room without being seen, but one of her friends came up to use the bathroom. She saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 045

You deserved it 296

The Outsider

By Anonymous - 24/03/2020 19:15

Today, I realized I am ‘that person’ in the group when I was only added to the group chat 6 weeks after it was created. I don’t really see a point in trying to chime in to the conversation at this point, but leaving the group seems a bit dramatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 207

By girlfriday - 11/06/2009 15:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my left-handed boss needed PC help. I said "right-click for the menu." She said nothing happened. Three times we went through this. Eventually I went over, asking her to show me what she did. She was using her right hand on the left mouse button. She earns £10,000 more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 017

You deserved it 3 504

By Vassy - 04/12/2012 18:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 641

You deserved it 32 649

Gotcha!

By Anonymous - 02/07/2016 13:39 - United States - Revere

Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 360

You deserved it 1 095

By fml_seriouslyfml - 07/06/2009 01:11 - United States

Today, I left my wallet on top of my car when I filled up with gas. I drove away and didn't realize it until I got home. I went back and found it on the side of the road. Empty of my credit cards, pictures and checks. All that was left was my driver's license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 533

You deserved it 43 329

By wookieewhosshe - 19/03/2019 13:00 - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 355

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 10:50 - United States

Today, I found myself actively concerned about what the characters from "Will and Grace" have been doing since the show went off the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 929

You deserved it 17 869

By bleach bleach bleach - 22/12/2013 17:22 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 549

You deserved it 7 672

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 22:00 - United States

Today, I had a rubber band around my wrist for too long, and it ended up leaving faint red marks around my wrist. My mom saw them, thought they were scars, and is now convinced I'm a cutter, "like the ones I've seen on the news," and won't believe my story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 221

By Fred - 26/05/2011 06:00 - Canada

Today, I went to hand in a resume. The secretary happened to be a girl I liked in high school. When leaving, I shook hands with the employer, waved goodbye to the girl, turned around and walked straight into a glass wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 045

You deserved it 6 537

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 422

You deserved it 2 874

By Anonymous - 31/08/2010 16:32 - United States

Today, it's my nephew's second birthday. He was sitting on my lap, so I started tickling him. He laughed and squirmed so much, he smashed his mouth on my desk. Two bloody hours at the hospital later, he has no two front teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 898

You deserved it 9 872

By Anonymous - 10/11/2011 17:07 - Ireland

Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 748

You deserved it 7 652

By not even getting any of her shrimp - 11/02/2014 21:50 - United States - Draper

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 574

You deserved it 6 494

By Jill - 07/08/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I moved into my new flat only to notice it's right across from a frequently used railway line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 1 612

The Groucho Marx of Zoom

By Anonymous - 19/03/2021 21:30

Today, I was on a work call when my coworker made an accidental Freudian slip. Thinking I was muted, I muttered, "That’s what she said." I wasn’t muted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 872

By Anonymous - 05/04/2011 16:48 - United States

Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish over the webcam lens on my laptop because "It wasn't all black, so I decided to fix it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 804

You deserved it 5 980

By bcoper - 20/02/2010 14:03 - United States

Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 324

You deserved it 3 251

By nekkiddrunk - 14/01/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 875

You deserved it 40 511

By eslteacher - 13/05/2009 04:39 - Korea Republic of

Today, while teaching English in Korea, my boss gave me a birthday present from her and all of my co-workers. It was a really fancy box. It had very nice wrapping. It had a pretty bow. It was kind of heavy. It was 6 bottles of dandruff shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 831

You deserved it 8 549

By i-should-probably-stick-to-swimming - 03/01/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, while on the treadmill, my iPod fell and shot out underneath my feet. I got off to get it, and when I tried to get back on, I slipped and fell on my face on the moving track. The whole gym watched me get beat up by a treadmill and clapped when I finally got back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 132

You deserved it 6 358

By BOHICA123 - 08/10/2013 02:08 - United States - Brighton

Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for 6 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 111

You deserved it 5 273

By Anonymous - 30/03/2012 14:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I got on the train with my bike, leaning it up against the wall. After a while, it began to slide down the wall and wobble, so I dashed out to catch it. As I ran for it, I slipped and crashed into it, knocking it into an old man and busting the rear brake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 238

You deserved it 4 883

By Anonymous - 29/05/2012 17:50 - Netherlands - Lelystad

Today, I spilled my guts to my girlfriend, saying I'm scared that all I do is upset her. I then had to sit through a speech about how upset she was that I hadn't told her sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 006

You deserved it 4 771

8 out 10 dentists

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 02:01

Today, after having toothaches for about two years, which persisted even after I had the crack in my tooth repaired, I went to a different dentist and it turns out that the actual culprit is a hole in the neighboring tooth, which has had years to grow, unnoticed under the edge of my gums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 56

By blueballs - 14/09/2012 00:06 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 023

You deserved it 8 190

By MyLifeSucks - 15/04/2013 22:11 - United States - Houston

Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 909

You deserved it 2 796

Waste of time

By I'mmessedup - 29/09/2021 22:59

Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 420

You deserved it 209

Fashion Week, Bitch

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 21:02

Today, I found out that my blazer was not in fact lost. How did I find this out? The girl who'd "lost it" was wearing it. She now denies it was ever mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 127

By forewhatnow - 07/11/2009 08:47 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 580

You deserved it 9 763

By broken - 28/07/2009 17:12 - Saudi Arabia

Today, my family and I were just about to leave the house for the vacation that I had been saving up for 3 years. I was coming down the stairs with a heavy suitcase and I tripped and fell breaking my leg, now my family's gone without me while I'm in hospital. I paid for the vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 534

You deserved it 3 815

By BrokeandDesperate - 06/12/2011 07:03 - United States

Today, a 65 year old toothless gas station attendant asked me out on a date in exchange for free gas, and I said yes. This is what my unemployment has come to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 409

You deserved it 8 271

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Top comments

whatsittoyabitch 15

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Sunday 18 January 2015 0:10

Buy her a book. Any book.

Pleonasm 35

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Sunday 18 January 2015 0:08

You mean I haven't been watching snuff films at the movie theater all my life? Well there goes my lack of moral fiber. Thanks OP, you asshole.

Pleonasm 35

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Sunday 18 January 2015 0:08

You mean I haven't been watching snuff films at the movie theater all my life? Well there goes my lack of moral fiber. Thanks OP, you asshole.

davidpropert 32

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Sunday 18 January 2015 0:23

So you're saying channing tatum and jonah hill didn't really infiltrate a drug ring at their local highschool and shut it down?

Pleonasm 35

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Sunday 18 January 2015 0:31

And his name isn't really Jeff?!?!?!

s0m3guy2010 21

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Sunday 18 January 2015 3:50

This is actually a huge relief to me. I was under the impression that that a bunch Seth Rogen and James Franco lookalikes were running rampant. We'll never find the originals though. They were lost in the apocalypse.

Fern_Gully 20

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Sunday 18 January 2015 4:50

My reality has been shattered... What is real anymore?! @[email protected]

Just_A_Tree 20

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Sunday 18 January 2015 7:23

So, I can't walk through a barrier at Kings Cross station to get to platform 9-3/4?

mxgirl1998 26

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Sunday 18 January 2015 7:42

this made my day

incoherentrmblr 21

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Sunday 18 January 2015 23:48

So, Freddy Krueger can't kill me in my dreams?! Now, I can finally sleep in peace...

whatsittoyabitch 15

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Sunday 18 January 2015 0:10

Buy her a book. Any book.

anonymous100000 17

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Sunday 18 January 2015 2:31

she's just as dumb as kim jongung.

MegaExplosives 17

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Sunday 18 January 2015 3:43

you can try, but you cant fix stupid

rabidunicorn 13

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Sunday 18 January 2015 18:18

Given what she thinks, it'd be a miracle if she could read

tgmc012 9

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Monday 19 January 2015 5:00

Better make it a picture book.

BlindlyWandering 17

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Monday 19 January 2015 17:39

Maybe you should start with a pop up book.

swaglesshipster 23

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Sunday 18 January 2015 0:10

Yeah it's too hard to kill crazy but it is fun to agitate it!

Nickb55 16

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Sunday 18 January 2015 0:10

Yet.

TheNewGuy03 28

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Friday 17 February 2017 23:19

Someone needs to assassinate the guy, really. He is murdering his own family members, not to mention the rest of the people in the gulags. Crazy to know this regime is somehow intact after all this time...

TheNewGuy03 28

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Friday 17 February 2017 23:19

BlondePsycho 43

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Sunday 18 January 2015 0:13

How do all the parents remember the sex talk but forget the Fiction is Not Real talk?

chillandfun 12

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Sunday 18 January 2015 8:06

I never got a sex talk...but I did get a talk about having realistic expectations. I don't think the sex talk is ever coming.

Turtle_Man 21

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 18:31

#43, I haven't had any of those 'talks' and I'm 18. I don't think my talks are coming either.

mutualweirdness 5

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 20:14

#62 I didn't get 'the talk' until I was pregnant.

green_rayne07 7

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Thursday 22 January 2015 20:28

#63 I got the sex talk when I told my mom I was pregnant with my second, lol. I was 23 :)

clumsylobster 17

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Sunday 18 January 2015 0:13

Maybe you should agree that maybe it's real. That way, she will live thinking he's dead. Imagine her shock when she finds out. Do it OP.

BlondePsycho 43

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Sunday 18 January 2015 0:14

Next you'll have to tell her that santa clause and jesus arnt real either

Rallred32 20

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Sunday 18 January 2015 1:10

Why are you such an asshole?

mimi_animee 18

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Sunday 18 January 2015 0:14

He might as well have been to be honest.

salamancer 11

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Sunday 18 January 2015 0:14

Are you telling me that our glorious leader actually has a butthole? Ya whatever man, I know a liar when I see one.

Exodiafinder687 58

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Sunday 18 January 2015 0:18

Movies aren't real? So you're telling me that Marty McFly won't be arriving in his Delorean this year? I've been preparing for this moment for as long as I can remember and now you've ruined it!!!