By bad luck Bianca - United States - Houston Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out the window. The "stick" turned out to have eyes. It was a dead lizard. FML I agree, your life sucks 26762 You deserved it 10170 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I parked my car on the street to go to the gym. When I came back my car was blocked by a parade of people. I turned to a shop worker smoking a cigarette and said "Jesus! What the hell is going on?" I got many strange looks. It was a Good Friday parade lead by a local church. FML I agree, your life sucks 17733 You deserved it 47226 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lrn2road - United States - Sacramento Today, I was screamed at by a lady for riding my bike too slowly in front of her car. I was in the bike lane, and so was she. FML I agree, your life sucks 49369 You deserved it 4520 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cAPITOLpORN - United Kingdom - Romford Today, my grandmother ripped her pants. We all got a big view of her pink thong. FML I agree, your life sucks 26166 You deserved it 2194 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TheAnnoyedNeighbor - United States Today, I came back home to find that my house had been robbed, one week after my neighbors. I was walking around my neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious, and discovered that my neighbors had put up a sign, reading: "Rob the neighbors, THEY don't have a security system." FML I agree, your life sucks 37381 You deserved it 3260 144 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ring-a-ding-ding - United States - Sparks Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML I agree, your life sucks 37099 You deserved it 3568 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I had dinner with my family at a fancy restaurant. They kept commenting about how cold it was and asked the waitress to turn off the air conditioning. When I got home, I realized the embroidered daisies on my undershirt made it look like I have giant protruding nipples. FML I agree, your life sucks 25402 You deserved it 5939 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By checkup - United Kingdom - Redditch Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML I agree, your life sucks 43096 You deserved it 5030 225 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By crosseyed - United Kingdom Today, I was in the cafeteria when I noticed a new worker cleaning a table. As I passed her, she looked up and smiled at me. Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes and smiled back. She looked hurt and continued working. Later, she served me my lunch. She was actually cross-eyed. FML I agree, your life sucks 15292 You deserved it 74348 174 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rkaneki Twice error Today, the guy I've been seeing told me he did not want to pursue a relationship with me after over 2 months of talking. He did the exact same thing to me 7 years ago. I fell for him twice. FML I agree, your life sucks 1605 You deserved it 1338 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Snails Today, while at work, I let out a nasty wet fart, thinking no one would hear me since I work in a warehouse. My coworker did hear me, and replied, "WTF? Shots fired! Shots fired!" FML I agree, your life sucks 1382 You deserved it 693 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked in the door, he asked why I was here; apparently he dialed the wrong girlfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 41806 You deserved it 3144 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lonely girl - United States - Oregon City Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML I agree, your life sucks 48258 You deserved it 22749 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Longhorn2011 - United States Today, I went commando because its 98 degrees and sweaty boxers are a pain. While walking to class at UT I heard a girl laugh behind me, I turned and flashed a quick smile and kept walking. It turns out I had sweat through my khakis and she totally could see my crack. Texas weather sucks. FML I agree, your life sucks 19940 You deserved it 48717 280 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By barface - United States Today, while very sick, throwing up in a bucket beside my bed, my dad came in pushed my face into the bucket. For a laugh apparently. FML I agree, your life sucks 37747 You deserved it 2793 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By .... - United States - Modesto Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "we don't communicate enough". She got her friend to tell me this for her. FML I agree, your life sucks 44962 You deserved it 3710 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jacks_smirking_revenge - United States Today, while out to lunch, my sister called me and asked me to pick her up from the mall. I told her she'd have to wait. She got pissed off and started cursing at me, so I hung up on her. She called me back 37 times until I answered and yelled "WILL YOU LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?" It was my boss. FML I agree, your life sucks 23601 You deserved it 52249 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By xX_nsn_Xx - United States Communication breakdown Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML I agree, your life sucks 48443 You deserved it 9985 184 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By blegh - United States Today, I fell going down the stairs to the subway platform during rush hour. Someone was kind enough to help me up and someone else was kind enough to steal my iPhone which had fallen out of my pocket and landed nearby. FML I agree, your life sucks 37186 You deserved it 3820 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my mother found a hickey on my neck. Not believing that it was from the hungry 2-month-old child I was holding, she confronted my boyfriend about it. He promptly accused me of cheating. FML I agree, your life sucks 29768 You deserved it 2650 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nuttree - United States Today, I noticed my husband chews his tongue while we are having it off. He also does this while he is playing World of Warcraft. FML I agree, your life sucks 30312 You deserved it 6856 143 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jack - United States - Mcnabb Today, my girlfriend of 3 months got mad at me because I thought she was attractive. She has an identical twin, and she says if I think she's attractive, I must want her twin too. FML I agree, your life sucks 36879 You deserved it 2523 182 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By agony - United States Today, I'll be sleeping in my car for umpteenth time this year, because my psychotic wife is again convinced that I'm sleeping with practically every woman in my state. I'm too broke to pay for a divorce, and too embarrassed to go to a friend's house. FML I agree, your life sucks 36933 You deserved it 5859 129 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Rahway Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML I agree, your life sucks 46439 You deserved it 5983 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By The captain - Canada Today, I found out what it's like to get brain-freeze while recovering from a head injury. FML I agree, your life sucks 28351 You deserved it 4637 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By yummy - United States Terminology Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML I agree, your life sucks 19510 You deserved it 83990 450 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I heard my asshole neighbor had died of a stroke. I was outside and said, "Well it's about goddamn time!" I turned around to see his wife walking her dog and staring deep into my soul. FML I agree, your life sucks 9098 You deserved it 68063 177 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By otherdad? Today, I tried to explain my 8-year-old son that my fiancée was going to be his stepmother. Little did I know, he watched Coraline last week. Now he thinks she's his "other mother" and won't go anywhere near her. FML I agree, your life sucks 3764 You deserved it 416 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By theraarman - France Today, I found out that my girlfriend has to pretend to have another boyfriend who isn't me, because her siblings and cousins don't like me. FML I agree, your life sucks 31554 You deserved it 3073 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By smallmediumatlrg - United States Today, I went to a yard sale and found a cute plush duck. I sent a pic of it to my friend with the message "Jackpot!" I guess she didn't see the pic because she called me up all excited, thinking my boyfriend of 6 years finally proposed to me. "No, I said, I just found a big duck for $1." FML I agree, your life sucks 43216 You deserved it 6994 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Heidi Jeanette Today, I learned that my insatiable appetite and sex drive is because I'm 5 months pregnant. I'm married to a woman. We had a threesome one drunken night. FML I agree, your life sucks 2776 You deserved it 4704 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Arrkyna Today, I decided to upgrade to Windows 10. I wanted to keep my old files on the current hard drive, I clicked on the keep old files option. Thanks to Windows, I lost everything. FML I agree, your life sucks 23692 You deserved it 5678 189 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By selfdefense - United Kingdom Today, a customer at work became violent and started hitting me and my coworker. Not wanting him to get the shit beat out of us, I used a move that pinned the guy on the ground. The police came and he was arrested. I was then fired for assaulting a customer. FML I agree, your life sucks 44303 You deserved it 2549 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kacie smith - United States - Youngsville Today, my husband and I bought a new swing for our front porch. We put it together and sat down to enjoy our accomplishment. 5 minutes into our swing I threw up several times. I have really bad motion sickness, and apparently a swing is no exception. FML I agree, your life sucks 22628 You deserved it 3702 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ex-employee - United States Today, my boss came up to my desk to talk about a new project. He came up to my monitor so we can go to a website. My browser had frozen and I couldn't close it. The tabs I had open: Facebook, Gmail, Careerbuilder, Monster, and Resume Samples. FML I agree, your life sucks 18058 You deserved it 69052 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tdtf - Germany - Neuburg Today, the company I work for decided to herald the step to becoming fully digital by hanging physical passive-aggressive flyers everywhere, urging everyone to go digital. Might as well have written, "Save the trees" on them. FML I agree, your life sucks 15702 You deserved it 1486 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By a816090 #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek Today, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have no idea if when I feel an emotion if it's me or my disorder. I'm my brain's bitch. FML I agree, your life sucks 1718 You deserved it 152 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anon - United States - Middletown Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to marry me and be the father of my children. Five minutes later, he told me he wants to experience death. FML I agree, your life sucks 47475 You deserved it 5201 126 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jonas - United States - Wimberley Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML I agree, your life sucks 23273 You deserved it 4197 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Russellville Today, I asked my husband for help with a household chore. His response was to fake snore and pretend to be asleep. Later, our toddler pulled the exact same BS when I asked him to pick up his toys. FML I agree, your life sucks 1702 You deserved it 222 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ProsserBabe11 - United States Today, I had to explain to my brother why he can't go on dates with my new boyfriend and me. FML I agree, your life sucks 25976 You deserved it 2511 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By vikky538 | 28 #6176219 - Sunday 18 January 2015 14:45 and here I am wondering why this FML got more ydi... Send a private message 157 4 Reply
By mct_1087 | 27 #6176208 - Sunday 18 January 2015 14:32 You have to wonder how a dead lizard got inside your car. Send a private message 97 9 Reply
By cheeeksss | 29 #6176189 - Sunday 18 January 2015 14:19 I am hoping you weren't driving while this happened. I know if it were me, I'd freak out and perhaps swerve off the road : Send a private message 57 9 Reply
By brandoneyez1 | 25 #6176193 - Sunday 18 January 2015 14:20 Pull twigs off trees not the ground. Safest way. Send a private message 4 45 Reply
Reply brandoneyez1 | 25 #6176260 - Sunday 18 January 2015 15:22 This was a second post about a stick in the yard. The other was dry poop. Send a private message 2 24 Reply
Reply originaljosh | 11 #6176274 - Sunday 18 January 2015 15:37 reread the fml it says it was in his car not the ground Send a private message 11 5 Reply
Reply sexy28 | 4 #6176352 - Sunday 18 January 2015 17:49 #20 if you paid attention instead of trying to correct him you'd realize he was relating this fml to a previous one yesterday. Send a private message 9 14 Reply
By iTzSelverZz | 14 #6176195 - Sunday 18 January 2015 14:21 The lizard only wanted a home :( 37 4 Reply
Reply Smooth_Criminal | 24 #6176321 - Sunday 18 January 2015 16:43 who knew dead animals needed a place to live? Send a private message 39 0 Reply
By ThatLobster | 24 #6176198 - Sunday 18 January 2015 14:23 Ew. Yuck op :P. This is the funniest thing I've seen all night!! I just hope you weren't driving. Send a private message 2 21 Reply
By myeverydaymylife | 21 #6176199 - Sunday 18 January 2015 14:24 I live in Australia, and trust me, there are way worser things you could pick up.. Send a private message 8 28 Reply
Reply biebahood | 15 #6176217 - Sunday 18 January 2015 14:43 I couldn't help but notice that "worser" Send a private message 13 19 Reply
Reply brasiliano | 16 #6176228 - Sunday 18 January 2015 14:54 Picking on people's grammar online? I'm sorry to interrupt were you still writing? I see no punctuation at the end of you sentence. Send a private message 41 8 Reply
Reply biebahood | 15 #6176235 - Sunday 18 January 2015 15:01 I don't intend to nag... but I didn't know politely correcting people on the net was a crime Send a private message 4 17 Reply
Reply R2Y2 | 22 #6176330 - Sunday 18 January 2015 17:02 It's really annoying, and conveys you have nothing better to do with your time. Send a private message 3 13 Reply
Reply Isandri | 29 #6176377 - Sunday 18 January 2015 18:15 @ #27 it's not like being on this site is particularly productive ;) Send a private message 17 1 Reply
Reply False_Stupidity | 41 #6177674 - Monday 19 January 2015 20:51 Yeah, I was expecting it to be a snake or something a little more deadly. Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By iwanttogotoparis | 26 #6176206 - Sunday 18 January 2015 14:31 You got nothing on Australian wildlife, believe me, the spiders suck!! Send a private message 6 17 Reply
Reply badgercheese94 | 16 #6176474 - Sunday 18 January 2015 19:49 I have a massive phobia of lizards and would prefer a spider :p Send a private message 4 2 Reply
Reply badluckalex | 23 #6177025 - Monday 19 January 2015 6:10 hell no fuck spiders... you cant die from a lizard Send a private message 1 1 Reply
Reply squideth | 18 #6178094 - Tuesday 20 January 2015 6:10 Yes you can. Gila monster, Komodo dragon, all kinds of monitors can kill you... Also most spiders aren't especially dangerous to you unless you're allergic to their venom. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By mct_1087 | 27 #6176208 - Sunday 18 January 2015 14:32 You have to wonder how a dead lizard got inside your car. Send a private message 97 9 Reply
Reply chinaski7628 | 32 #6176356 - Sunday 18 January 2015 17:52 My guess is that it was alive when it got in there. Send a private message 33 0 Reply
Reply False_Stupidity | 41 #6177675 - Monday 19 January 2015 20:52 Yeah but you still have to wonder how it got in. Send a private message 0 1 Reply
By sstahpp | 33 #6176212 - Sunday 18 January 2015 14:36 How adorable. Send a private message 1 10 Reply
By biebahood | 15 #6176213 - Sunday 18 January 2015 14:37 how could you not recognize a "stick" with tiny limbs Send a private message 1 19 Reply
Reply year2015 | 11 #6176372 - Sunday 18 January 2015 18:12 as stick is a limb. from a tree. Send a private message 3 4 Reply
By vikky538 | 28 #6176219 - Sunday 18 January 2015 14:45 and here I am wondering why this FML got more ydi... Send a private message 157 4 Reply
Reply whyisitincapital | 25 #6176232 - Sunday 18 January 2015 14:59 My thoughts exactly Send a private message 5 6 Reply
Reply RoboCunnilingus | 23 #6176316 - Sunday 18 January 2015 16:34 Hive mind. It'll continue to get YDIs simply because it already has a bunch. Send a private message 19 2 Reply
Reply Amama_fml | 30 #6176320 - Sunday 18 January 2015 16:43 Sometimes I press YDI by mistake and then feel really guilty if the OP doesn't deserve it. First world problems... Send a private message 30 3 Reply
Today, barely able to pay rent while working 3 jobs, I decided to give in to the idea of making online sex work photos and videos. Everyone else seems... I agree, your life sucks 466 You deserved it 149 4 Comments
Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 452 You deserved it 188 4 Comments