Today, my dad was fixing my wardrobe and pushed too hard, causing stuff to fall from the top shelves. I saw it happen with my own eyes, but he's dead-set convinced that it was some kind of poltergeist fucking with him, and now he doesn't want me to go in my room. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML
Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML
Today, while moving a couch and repeatedly asking my dad what he was trying to do and him ignoring me, I got my hand slammed between the corner of the couch and a doorway, because my dad shoved the couch without saying anything. I was holding the corner to stop it from falling on me. FML
Today, I tried to hang up a light and, in my clumsiness, got shocked. My dad started screaming at me for yelling out. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, I moved my dad's chair to look for my phone, but forgot to put it back. When my dad came back, he tried to sit down in the area where his chair usually is, but instead fell down on the floor, yelling, "YOU MOVED MY CHAIR!" FML
Today, my dad attempted to fix a power outlet. He managed to shock himself with 120 volts and fall backwards, landing on top of me. I am 85 pounds and he weighs 290 pounds. FML
Today, my dad gathers so much static electricity from almost everything that he does that I've become paranoid and scared to touch him at all. He thinks I hate him now. FML
Today, my dad decided to wake me up by opening the shades and having the sun shine on my face. When he pulled them up, the metal holder on top broke off and fell on me. FML
Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML
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Top comments
Exodiafinder687 58
Your dad couldn't be more wrong. Poltergeists don't live in wardrobes. Only lions and witches do.
marcranger 29
I would've been thrilled to have more privacy from my parents at whatever cost, OP! Keep banging on the walls and making odd moaning noises--that'll show him. ;)
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Comments (26)
marcranger 29
I would've been thrilled to have more privacy from my parents at whatever cost, OP! Keep banging on the walls and making odd moaning noises--that'll show him. ;)
alex_the_tiger 14
Well banging on walls and moaning could mean something else.
steftriv 18
^^^Look at you connecting all the dots
xninix_fml 36
@18 That's first thing I thought of when I read @1s comment lol.
joeyl2008 29
How has he gotten more privacy?
juliaafaulkner 15
Or OP could just sneak their girlfriend/boyfriend in and blame the poltergeist
homesuckfucker 28
Go into your room anyways and show your father that there's nothing to worry about.
countryb_cth 38
Until it grabs OP and flings them across the room... Then he will have something to worry about. If that happnes I would suggest burning the house down.
JadeWinter 16
Time to call your local ghost busters!
joeyl2008 29
Nah, time to get Sam and Dean
JadeWinter 16
Yeah I like yours better lol
Meettitan 14
I've got a raging clue right now!
davidpropert 32
Mmmmm my clue's pointing to the left ;)
CallMeBatman 15
If there's somethin' weird and it don't look good, who you gonna call?
RoboCunnilingus 23
You better call Tyrone.
koulz 12
He man
RMP15 8
Sam and Dean
riffehunter 16
better call Saul.
alex_jaguara 33
Those bastards!
Exodiafinder687 58
Your dad couldn't be more wrong. Poltergeists don't live in wardrobes. Only lions and witches do.
MrSassypants 34
And also a shitload of coats.
Paws_Cat 29
Don't forget about Narnia.
PhantomFollower 20
^^Someone missed the joke.
Meettitan 14
And that little goat man bastard that lures girls into trouble.
ThatSlappinBass 32
And bogarts! Don't forget the bogarts!
Lustig_Junge 16
Tell him you see dead people and you have lots of ghost friends in your house. **** with him if he's that gullible!
ToxicTyrael 26
My mom's the same. I rearranged some stuff in my room and she thinks there's some spooky action going on. She won't listen to me and thinks I'm lying so she feels safe or better. FYL OP.
boostedc 24
Your daddy is protecting you mate ?
shinikageWolf 15
At least he didn't find your shoe box full of sex toys.
ohSNAPyall 27
The poltergeist was ******* with him, not you.