Health: Today, I have bad adult acne. This wouldn't be so bad, except... - FML

By twoface_chick - 15/01/2015 07:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I have bad adult acne. This wouldn't be so bad, except that it's only on one side of my face. I look like a Batman villain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 160

You deserved it 2 674

Own it

They're all eggheads to me

Stuck

By are you kidding me? - 16/05/2016 21:24 - United States - Lady Lake

Today, my boss joined me on my vacation, to "make sure I actually went". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 484

You deserved it 911

Ouch

By Oldhouse - 22/07/2014 03:46 - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, I discovered that the odd creaking noise I hear when I walk down the stairs is actually a crack that had been getting larger over the years. I found out when I fell through and plummeted to the stairs below. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 907

You deserved it 5 564

Cum hoc ergo propter hoc

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 04:01 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I fell down my stairs twice after helping a senior get in her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 122

By Anonymous - 02/02/2011 14:30 - United States

Today, I was eating breakfast at an IHOP. As I was eating, the old man sitting directly behind me started discussing every aspect of his spastic colon, in vivid detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 159

You deserved it 3 004

By MIB thingy please... - 05/02/2015 01:21 - United States - Oregon City

Spicy

Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 873

You deserved it 5 542

By Anonymous - 17/05/2019 03:00

Today, my boyfriend's 16-year-old daughter got a job. I'm 29, with a Master's degree and I'm still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 680

You deserved it 562

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 03:44 - United States - Arcadia

Today, my grandma saw me putting some mints in my mouth when she walked by my room. Instead of confronting me, she told my dad I was doing drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 661

You deserved it 1 279

By Anonymous - 17/06/2016 03:00

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was ecstatic. Apparently, she'd been trying to figure out how to break up with me for the past four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 547

You deserved it 1 538

A little extra

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 23:23 - United States

Today, my date kissed me after our second date. The way he leaned towards my mouth was very romantic. He's pretty tall, so I stretched myself as high as possible to make the kiss as passionate as possible. That's how I ended up belching into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 951

You deserved it 10 132

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 00:37 - United States - San Angelo

Today, after months of believing my house is haunted, and years of being scared of the dark, I finally had to admit to myself that the only way I can go to the bathroom in the middle of the night is if my cat follows me and sits outside the door. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 494

You deserved it 7 780

By lonelygirl - 17/08/2012 23:33 - United States - Circleville

Today, I bought the only cat on Earth that doesn't like chasing after a laser dot. Goodbye, hours of sick, sick entertainment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 032

You deserved it 26 928

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 15:21 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129 941

You deserved it 5 434

Almost done

By Anonymous - 09/04/2013 04:59 - Canada

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick." One more year… FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 493

You deserved it 3 426

By uterus why - 01/02/2019 16:00

Today, I have realised that since I get laid so infrequently, every time I have sex now, it kickstarts my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 126

You deserved it 260

He is worried

By Anonymous - 08/02/2020 01:00

Today, my husband asked with genuine concern if I would be able to breast feed our kids when they are born, since my boobs are so small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 024

You deserved it 220

By Anonymous - 03/03/2010 02:37 - United States

Today, I was talking to my best friend about a cute guy that girls are afraid to even speak to, so I then decided to march right up to him and say hello. When he smiled at me, I stood there with my mouth wide open, but I made non-coherent words. He asked me if I was a foreign exchange student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 039

You deserved it 29 505

By Kait - 19/06/2019 08:07 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I went on a Tinder date. Sort of. I got ready and went to the bar he'd chosen. I waited 15 minutes for him to show. We exchanged ”Hellos,” then he said he was going to grab a drink and walked off. He didn’t come back. Damn, was it the way I said, “Hello”? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 879

You deserved it 167

By Anonymous - 22/09/2014 17:41 - United States - Mckinney

Today, I got yelled at by a bleeding-heart hippy in the restroom for using paper towels. Apparently I'm a "tree-hating, paper-wasting bitch". I had a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 496

You deserved it 3 083

By Cococautly - 04/07/2009 04:49 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 687

You deserved it 13 864

Alexa, play "Leave Me Alone" by New Order

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 17:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I noticed that the longer I work from home, the more inclined my mother is to interrupting it every five or ten minutes. She says I can stay online late to make it a full 8 hours, but then gets mad when I actually do so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 111

By itsjustwill - 17/01/2013 00:35 - United States - Puyallup

Today, our company's owner's son took over. The first thing he did? Fire me. Why? He said my sales are down. I work in Public Relations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 047

You deserved it 2 142

By Jake - 02/10/2012 11:52 - United States - Athens

Spicy

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 475

You deserved it 2 778

By HellaBomber91 - 20/11/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 062

You deserved it 40 578

Not what you think

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 03/06/2021 11:01

Today, I got an unexpected call from my ex who I'd had been missing. He repeatedly called me a whore for having multiple hotel rooms in the last couple of weeks. I had them because I got a promotion at work and have been working out of town frequently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 96

Murdered

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 20:01

Today, I woke up and checked my fish tank. I thought the temperature was too low, so half asleep, I turned it up. Now all my fish are dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 924

By youmothERFUCKErs - 13/08/2012 17:50 - United States

Today, yet again, I had to dye my hair brown in advance of the new school year, because my school doesn't allow "unapproved" colors, even if they're natural. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 090

You deserved it 2 356

Oh, hai Mark

By sucky sucky - 07/07/2020 14:01

Spicy

Today, my crush, who’s notorious for only dating skinny girls, walked out of the break room. I turned to my friend and joked, “I may not be skinny, but I can suck a jawbreaker through a boba straw!” Turns out he came back because he forgot his phone. He most definitely heard me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 1 616

By Lanthane - 31/03/2016 06:00 - France - Bordeaux

Today, after living for a while with my husband and our cat, I'm still not sure which of the two leaves the most hairs strewn around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 308

You deserved it 1 830

By Anonymous - 02/10/2013 12:17 - United States - Southfield

Today, the person I've been trying so hard to get with wrote me a beautiful poem that almost everyone at my school saw and liked. It was about how we'd never be together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 057

You deserved it 4 475

By Jess - 04/05/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, my husband and I got back from our honeymoon and we saw his mom's car in front of our house. When we walked in she asked us so many questions about our trip. The first question she asked my husband was, "Were you satisfied with her in bed?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 785

You deserved it 3 529

By Leah - 24/06/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my boss gave me a speech about my "motivation issues". I've been working for him for 2 months, the commissions I've made for him paid off his bills, so what are my motivation issues? I turned down his offer of a date. I have a boyfriend. He keeps asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 651

You deserved it 2 617

By invisible - 18/03/2016 10:42 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I realized how invisible I am when our professor was showing us that he knows the names of all the students in our class. When he reached me, he just smiled at me and skipped to the person next to me. I took 3 courses with this guy yet I'm the only one he didn't know the name of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 618

You deserved it 1 864

By Nick - 23/08/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, I found my truck broken into. Whoever broke in ripped my dash apart, and the stupid idiot couldn't get the radio out. So now I have a trashed truck interior, and the moron has nothing to show for it. He did leave behind his Subway wrapper though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 501

You deserved it 2 303

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, I held my cousin's new baby, whom I have nicknamed Canteloupe Head. He then reenacted the Exorcist by projectile vomiting all over my lap and shirt. His mom is a firm believer in karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 046

You deserved it 35 348

By "ironyyyyyyy" -_- - 31/10/2013 16:58 - United States - Marion

Today, I gave a short presentation at a neighborhood watch event to raise awareness of pickpocketing and to give tips on how to avoid becoming a victim of it. After I got back home, I realized my wallet was missing from my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 934

You deserved it 6 197

By cannabis_this420 - 17/03/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, my mother called me and told me that she went to the hospital. This wasn't a surprise 'cos she normally goes to the hospital for the smallest things. So, I was a smart ass and asked, "What now? You finally have lung cancer from all those cigarettes?" Apparently, she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 888

You deserved it 100 820

By Lindsey - 24/05/2014 15:22 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. I had pulled out of my three point turn in a neighborhood and started driving again, thinking something wasn't quite right. The lady testing me looked over at me and said, "Sweetie, you're driving on the wrong side of the road." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 208

You deserved it 20 761

By baldspot - 02/04/2012 05:38 - Australia

Today, my daughter decided to wake me up by putting the vacuum in my hair and turning it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 919

You deserved it 2 854

Jesus saves!

By that’s just gross - 20/06/2021 13:01

Today, I’ve always tried to be understanding that my girlfriend grew up very poor and is therefore extremely frugal. However, I finally had to draw the line when she flipped out on me for throwing out her respooled used dental floss and buying another. It was 98 cents for a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 73

Stealth attack

By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 16:58 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, I was cooking when I got jumped from behind by my friend's cat, who thought my back would make a great lookout perch. Yesterday he tried to sharpen his claws on me. Last time I looked in the mirror I didn't look like a tree trunk, but maybe I need glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 148

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Thursday 15 January 2015 16:32

I'm assuming this breakout is on the side you sleep on. Wash your pillow case every second day, and use tea tree oil to spot treat pimples. Yea tree oil is a natural antiseptic and astringent. --aesthetician.

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Thursday 15 January 2015 15:55

strange how some genes make you look like two face... I'm sorry OP Better find a two headed coin and make the best of a bad situation... COMICCON

Comments

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Thursday 15 January 2015 15:55

You have a good side and an evil side!

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Thursday 15 January 2015 15:55

strange how some genes make you look like two face... I'm sorry OP Better find a two headed coin and make the best of a bad situation... COMICCON

MrSassypants 32

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Thursday 15 January 2015 20:09

"Wow it looks so realistic! Can I take a picture with you?"

bluebluhblou 15

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Thursday 15 January 2015 21:01

"can I touch that makeup. Wow, It's so firm. Tell me your secret...."

Unlovable_Me 14

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Thursday 15 January 2015 15:57

"Heads or Tails?"

Queen_bee1234 21

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Thursday 15 January 2015 15:59

Why so serious OP?

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Thursday 15 January 2015 15:59

did you get to meet the Joker? lucky

Miss_Chevious 37

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Thursday 15 January 2015 16:00

look on the bright side, now you can easily cosplay two-face

Deniedmydignity 12

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Thursday 15 January 2015 16:01

I guess you could say there are two sides to this story.....

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Thursday 15 January 2015 16:02

Ale the most out of it. Try to meet batman!

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Thursday 15 January 2015 20:51

6 hours later and I realized autocorrect screwed me over. *Make

doctorhook86 24

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Friday 16 January 2015 6:28

#44: "Ale" isn't bad advice, either.

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Thursday 15 January 2015 16:04

Early halloween party?

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Thursday 15 January 2015 16:09

If it's only on one side, I wonder if it's a reaction to the laundry detergent you're using which may be on your pillowcase.

sturschaedel 27

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Thursday 15 January 2015 17:19

That's what I was thinking. Maybe try to switch to a hypoallergenic detergent and see if it clears up.

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Friday 16 January 2015 2:21

It might not be an allergic reaction, but bacteria from sweat/drool at night. Put a fresh towel on your pillow every night that way bacteria doesn't have a chance to grow on the pillowcase itself.

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Friday 16 January 2015 7:02

I was thinking it could be a cell phone too, the bacteria on it or something

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 11

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 1 031

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 1 172