Health: Today, I have bad adult acne. This wouldn't be so bad, except... - FML

By twoface_chick - United States - San Francisco

Today, I have bad adult acne. This wouldn't be so bad, except that it's only on one side of my face. I look like a Batman villain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32130

You deserved it

2672

Tweet

Share

Greed

Oh, he's a "Nice Guy"

Show me where it hurts

By bym

Today, I got braces fitted. For the next two years, I'll be the most handsome guy on earth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56574

You deserved it

24458

Tweet

Share

By Drew - United States - Harrodsburg

Today, it's my birthday. My grandma posted about it on her Facebook wall, but people got confused and thought it was her birthday instead. She got twice as many birthday wishes as I did, and that's including the ones I got outside of Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32610

You deserved it

2986

Tweet

Share

By jcstpierre - United States

Today, I received a mass email from my boss saying we had a position open at the daycare I work at. I knew my boyfriend was looking for a job so I insisted he apply. Later at work, my boss takes me into her office and tells me my employment is being "terminated". My boyfriend is replacing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62458

You deserved it

5566

Tweet

Share

By Whatthehell

Today, my husband's mistress purposely and dangerously induced her own labor so that she would have the baby on my birthday. Yes, I'm divorcing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6402

You deserved it

301

Tweet

Share

By Margo - United States

Today, my daughter-in-law taught my 4-year-old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15222

You deserved it

63952

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City

Secret sex

Today, I had a dream that I had secret sex with Dumbledore more than once. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1691

You deserved it

420

Tweet

Share

By Butter_Cup - United States

Today, my mom sold the car I've been working on for the last few years for 100 dollars. To buy gas for her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43684

You deserved it

2786

Tweet

Share

By pandapantsMD - United States - Chesapeake

Today, my fiancé freaked when he noticed the tattoo on my wrist, and demanded to know when I got it. It was two years before we even started dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31833

You deserved it

2655

Tweet

Share

By crappingrapping - United States

Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30176

You deserved it

43689

Tweet

Share

By Disgruntled ADP - United States - Dallas

Today, we moved desks for the umpteenth time, and my supervisor stuffed me in a corner by the door with no one around to talk to. The worst thing is I hear the badge reader beep every few seconds. It's already driving me crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2249

You deserved it

182

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Durham

Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59190

You deserved it

3865

Tweet

Share

By thanks, Nemo. - United States - Hayward

Today, I let my 3-year-old daughter watch Finding Nemo on my phone while I made her lunch. I returned to find she had dropped my phone into the fish bowl so that her goldfish could see his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51480

You deserved it

18688

Tweet

Share

By Noname - United States

Today, after taping 5-year-olds do a skit at an improv camp, I used the camera's view-finder to zoom in on a female co-worker's chest. Another female co-worker tapped me on the shoulder to show that the TV was still connected to the camera. Parents, kids, and instructors all witnessed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16170

You deserved it

138012

Tweet

Share

By Annoyed - United States - Accokeek

Today, after watching an episode of New Girl, my boyfriend became obsessed with the "Cotton-eyed Joe" song. He won't stop playing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38369

You deserved it

4651

Tweet

Share

By Hm - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I was sitting in the airport, watching the baggage handlers load the plane I was about to get on. They were being really rough with it, one bag came open and all the clothes spilled out onto the tarmac. The clothes looked familiar. They were mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33847

You deserved it

2290

Tweet

Share

By "mindy12182" - United States - Des Moines

Today, while doing my disabled client's makeup I got my period. I'm hoping that she didn't notice a red stain on her white bedspread when I stood up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2282

Phew, glad it wasn't me

571

Tweet

Share

By WTF - United States

Today, my son and I were on an airplane playing "I Spy" to pass the time. The game went back and forth a few times when my son said, "I spy something yellow." After pointing out numerous yellow objects on the plane I gave up. He said, "Daddy! It's your teeth!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

56477

You deserved it

19368

Tweet

Share

By Invisible - Switzerland

Today, I worked up the courage to comment on my crush's picture. I wrote "Cool picture" on his facebook profile picture. Pleased with myself, I later logged on to see if he had replied. He had. Well, at least he took the time to reply- "Who the fuck are you?". FML

I agree, your life sucks

57644

You deserved it

12147

Tweet

Share

By tvaladie - United States

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43061

You deserved it

349346

Tweet

Share

By randomgirl - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally called my teacher "Babe". FML

I agree, your life sucks

34027

You deserved it

14762

Tweet

Share

By Deployed - United States - San Diego

Great surprise

Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3539

You deserved it

170

Tweet

Share

By Kayak - United Kingdom

Today, I was verbally abused by a tourist because neither I nor anyone else in my country can speak "proper English". We're in England - clue's in the name, dipshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44378

You deserved it

4461

Tweet

Share

By Lane

Today, I made a frustrating discovery about my new bunny. He can’t stand the fan in my small studio apartment, and thumps angrily and refuses to sleep if it's on. I can’t sleep with it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2540

You deserved it

403

Tweet

Share

By thanksgrandpa - Canada - Concord

Today, an attractive woman sat beside me at the doctor's office. Unfortunately, on my other side was my senile old uncle who can't control his bowels, and after a few uncontrollable farts, she was on the other side of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17831

You deserved it

1596

Tweet

Share

By megs

Today, I was promoted. After going to school for 10 months to get certified for the new position, training extensively, and taking on a ton more responsibility, I was hoping for a decent raise. How much do my bosses think all of that time and effort is worth? One dollar more per hour than I made before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9090

You deserved it

1095

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Durham

Today, I told my friend I would pay him to ask out the ugliest girl he knew. He asked out my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26898

You deserved it

52756

Tweet

Share

By Ugh - United States

Today, I was really depressed so I talked on the phone with my best friend. She was telling me how a guy she really liked complimented her. I told her it was be nice to get at least one compliment. After a long silence she says, "You're really good with computers." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31332

You deserved it

5867

Tweet

Share

By sally

Today, my son watched some ridiculous Japanese cartoon about shokugeki cooking and is convinced he's the greatest cook ever by copying what happens in the show. He set fire to my frying pan, panicked, and dumped it in the ceramic sink, which cracked from the heat and flooded my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2976

You deserved it

337

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I shaved half my eyebrow off trying to shave my uni-brow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18325

You deserved it

31528

Tweet

Share

By I must suck at singing - United States

Today, my neighbor had a word with me for being "loud in the bedroom" last night. I haven't had any action for two years now, but I was too happy that she thought I'd got lucky to tell her the truth. So what was I really doing last night? Trying to sing like Christina Aguilera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40363

You deserved it

7040

Tweet

Share

By untitledentity - United States

Today, I decided to use my mentor's advice. I told her I had been having some trouble controlling my anger, she told me to throw rocks at trees. I threw a rock at a tree, very hard. It bounced back hit me above the eye. I'm still pissed as shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56577

You deserved it

19879

Tweet

Share

By Lonely At Griffith

Today, well into my second year at university, I still haven't made a single friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1833

You deserved it

277

Tweet

Share

By joy - United States

Today, while I was going to the bathroom, my engagement ring fell off into the toilet, which then automatically flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38342

You deserved it

4994

Tweet

Share

By

Today, I'm dating a guy who's back hair is longer than his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5134

You deserved it

1524

Tweet

Share

By AuntPeePee - United States

Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52339

You deserved it

3538

Tweet

Share

By shitttyyyday - United States

Today, I got my period at school. I didn't notice until a boy asked me if I'd killed someone in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48719

You deserved it

4356

Tweet

Share

By i fuckin love habaneros - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I'm so deprived of female attention that I got a hard-on when a nurse told me I have beautiful veins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17686

You deserved it

2353

Tweet

Share

By now what - United States - San Leandro

Today, my husband came home with a Christmas gift from a coworker. It's the same thing I got him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35027

You deserved it

3350

Tweet

Share

By ph2222 - United States - Toledo

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his parents' house when things started getting hot. Out of respect, we stopped and just cuddled, making us able to hear his parents banging. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31087

You deserved it

3606

Tweet

Share

By sucks2suck - United States

Today, I told my parents I really missed them and wanted to come home for the weekend, I haven't seen them in months. They told me that was a bad idea and they couldnt fit me into their schedule. I asked what their plans were. They said they didn't have any yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51118

You deserved it

2667

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By LeDiamond | 9

#6173418 - Thursday 15 January 2015 16:32

I'm assuming this breakout is on the side you sleep on. Wash your pillow case every second day, and use tea tree oil to spot treat pimples. Yea tree oil is a natural antiseptic and astringent.

--aesthetician.

By Adm_Twigs | 19

#6173389 - Thursday 15 January 2015 15:55

strange how some genes make you look like two face... I'm sorry OP Better find a two headed coin and make the best of a bad situation... COMICCON

COMMENTS

By flufee2 | 27

#6173388 - Thursday 15 January 2015 15:55

You have a good side and an evil side!

By Adm_Twigs | 19

#6173389 - Thursday 15 January 2015 15:55

strange how some genes make you look like two face... I'm sorry OP Better find a two headed coin and make the best of a bad situation... COMICCON

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#6173593 - Thursday 15 January 2015 20:09

"Wow it looks so realistic! Can I take a picture with you?"

Reply

bluebluhblou | 15

#6173633 - Thursday 15 January 2015 21:01

"can I touch that makeup. Wow, It's so firm. Tell me your secret...."

By Unlovable_Me | 14

#6173391 - Thursday 15 January 2015 15:57

"Heads or Tails?"

By Queen_bee1234 | 21

#6173392 - Thursday 15 January 2015 15:59

Why so serious OP?

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#6173393 - Thursday 15 January 2015 15:59

did you get to meet the Joker? lucky

By Miss_Chevious | 37

#6173394 - Thursday 15 January 2015 16:00

look on the bright side, now you can easily cosplay two-face

By Deniedmydignity | 12

#6173395 - Thursday 15 January 2015 16:01

I guess you could say there are two sides to this story.....

By TanzWolf | 26

#6173398 - Thursday 15 January 2015 16:02

Ale the most out of it. Try to meet batman!

Reply

TanzWolf | 26

#6173629 - Thursday 15 January 2015 20:51

6 hours later and I realized autocorrect screwed me over.
*Make

Reply

doctorhook86 | 24

#6173976 - Friday 16 January 2015 6:28

#44: "Ale" isn't bad advice, either.

By FemskyD | 26

#6173399 - Thursday 15 January 2015 16:04

Early halloween party?

By LifeFailure | 16

#6173402 - Thursday 15 January 2015 16:09

If it's only on one side, I wonder if it's a reaction to the laundry detergent you're using which may be on your pillowcase.

Reply

sturschaedel | 27

#6173452 - Thursday 15 January 2015 17:19

That's what I was thinking. Maybe try to switch to a hypoallergenic detergent and see if it clears up.

Reply

Dordanni | 10

#6173824 - Friday 16 January 2015 2:21

It might not be an allergic reaction, but bacteria from sweat/drool at night. Put a fresh towel on your pillow every night that way bacteria doesn't have a chance to grow on the pillowcase itself.

Reply

lindora | 35

#6173997 - Friday 16 January 2015 7:02

I was thinking it could be a cell phone too, the bacteria on it or something