Today, I have bad adult acne. This wouldn't be so bad, except... - FML

By twoface_chick - 15/1/2015 07:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I have bad adult acne. This wouldn't be so bad, except that it's only on one side of my face. I look like a Batman villain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32114

You deserved it

2665

Tweet

Share

British Broadcasting Corporation

Hello everyone!

You snooze, you lose

By Trist - 9/8/2018 14:30

Well shit.

Today, after moving 1,400 miles across the country, quitting my full-time job, and selling most of my furniture to attend flight school, I got a call a month before my start date saying that they are closing my location. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3119

You deserved it

163

Tweet

Share

By mahlee - 6/10/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, my college roomate and I received our first pieces of mail. We were very excited because our mailbox wasn't empty anymore. She got a package of home baked cookies in the mail from her family. I got a letter from a stranger in prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41266

You deserved it

3661

Tweet

Share

By what... - 15/9/2013 18:47 - United States - North Port

Today, my boss took me to one side and said, "Cross me like that ever again, and you're fired." I have no clue what he was talking about, and he denies ever having said a word to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41502

You deserved it

2793

Tweet

Share

By Grimmy - 17/3/2016 08:12 - United States - Brunswick

Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18509

You deserved it

9592

Tweet

Share

By deerslayer559 - 27/9/2017 23:14

Today, while playing golf, I hit my ball near some tall grass along the edge of the water. Unbeknownst to me, there was an alligator hiding in the grass. He growled at me during my shot, causing me to put the ball directly into the pond. Alligator: 1 Me: 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2619

You deserved it

387

Tweet

Share

By ieatoreos - 11/3/2011 11:28

Today, an aunt that I'd had a massive falling out with passed away. My entire extended family refuses to speak to me, because they think I "had something to do with it". I live several hundred miles from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33103

You deserved it

2946

Tweet

Share

By Frouse - 28/9/2018 22:02

Today, I was on the worst blind date ever, so I tried to secretly request an Uber to get out of there. My date then picked up his phone, receiving my request. Turns out he's an Uber driver and he was looking for a reason to get out of the date too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3894

You deserved it

767

Tweet

Share

By Alejandroc - 20/1/2012 01:46 - Honduras

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me with a message that I had to pay $1 to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32038

You deserved it

3444

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/7/2019 04:49

Today, I set up a date between my roommate, who I'm in love with, and his crush, who I'm jealous of. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1143

You deserved it

932

Tweet

Share

By Rach - 8/6/2010 14:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29555

You deserved it

4373

Tweet

Share

By CEO - 10/5/2014 02:37 - United States - Bristow

Dating is hell

Today, I went on a date for the first time since my divorce was finalized a year ago. The first question the guy asked me was what my favorite sex position is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54454

You deserved it

6461

Tweet

Share

By Y_Y - 27/2/2015 20:20 - United States

Today, I saw my grandma had registered on Facebook, so I wrote a welcome post on her wall. She replied "Delete." several times, then called me, accusing me of "hacking" her and demanding that I remove my name from her page at once. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32544

You deserved it

2882

Tweet

Share

By nerp - 29/3/2016 19:44 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18899

You deserved it

2646

Tweet

Share

By iDontLikeMySiblingsThatMuch - 12/8/2018 20:30

Today, my husband of 10 years decided only after I told him I wanted a divorce that his niece is also his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2898

You deserved it

251

Tweet

Share

By mrmidi - 21/5/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I learned two important facts: #1 A grown man can, in fact, get beaten up by a teenage girl, and #2 If someone is convinced you are someone else, there is no telling them otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32359

You deserved it

4260

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/5/2011 21:20 - United States

Today, our school got portable classrooms for the construction on our school. I had to take a dump really bad, and had to use the built in bathroom. As I was in there I heard laughing. Turns out, every sound you make is an entire broadcast to the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34583

You deserved it

4411

Tweet

Share

By familyofpsychos - 26/10/2012 04:38 - United States - Elkhorn

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29297

You deserved it

2328

Tweet

Share

By fmlimoverit - 12/9/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me because he felt "our religious differences kept us apart." We've never talked about anything religious. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30128

You deserved it

3670

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/1/2010 05:39 - United States

Today, my boss told me when I transfer to a Target in Orlando I should work in the clothing department. He said it would be a good way for me to meet chicks. I told him all the girls who work in clothing in that store are ugly as hell. Apparently his daughters work there. I never knew that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10320

You deserved it

31267

Tweet

Share

By letmedienow - 11/10/2011 17:43 - United States

Today, after being admitted to the emergency room for severe abdominal pain, my boyfriend shouted out in front of my parents, "At least she isn't pregnant!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29401

You deserved it

3374

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/3/2016 01:36 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was driving to work and I got a text from my girlfriend. She said she was breaking up with me. I was a little heartbroken, but I had to get on with my day. I got to work and my boss fired me. Turns out, my boss and girlfriend have been having an affair and she told him to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32526

You deserved it

1584

Tweet

Share

By Pita - 4/12/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28260

You deserved it

6517

Tweet

Share

By single and not mingling - 4/6/2010 17:36 - Canada

Today, my coworker told me she knew about my secret boyfriend because she has a "sixth sense" about these things. I'm too embarrassed to tell her I'm desperately single and the last date I went on was three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32314

You deserved it

4003

Tweet

Share

By ugly me - 24/10/2010 00:50 - United States

Today, I was sitting on a plane waiting for everyone to get on. A cute guy around my age had the option of sitting next to me or an old guy. He gave me a horrified look and immediately sat next to the old man. I got to sit next to his mother. She evil eyed me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29292

You deserved it

3594

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/8/2012 19:16 - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27147

You deserved it

2555

Tweet

Share

By fmcsl - 8/9/2019 00:01 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Customers from Hell

Today, a customer got an additional discount, so his total came to $61. He said, "It says they're 3 for $66!” I tried to explain the discount, saying it’s cheaper, but he still insisted on paying $66. I couldn’t modify the price at my end. He left without buying anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1600

You deserved it

113

Tweet

Share

By Jman6295 - 8/1/2012 00:12 - United States

Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31891

You deserved it

15184

Tweet

Share

By doomed - 9/6/2009 01:28 - New Zealand

Today, the girl I am in love with invited me to stay with her in Europe for 2 weeks, she is even paying for the flights and accommodation. It's because I am such a special friend to her and she wants me to come up to meet her fiancé before she gets married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67489

You deserved it

6241

Tweet

Share

By EmmaG123 - 28/2/2009 05:54 - United States

Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" for the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55870

You deserved it

5067

Tweet

Share

By Eric Ngan - 12/5/2012 16:01 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24124

You deserved it

2128

Tweet

Share

By Notre_Dame_714 - 8/4/2015 21:17 - United States

Today, I went to the gun range for a birthday and got shot in the foot by my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33339

You deserved it

4385

Tweet

Share

By Username - 8/7/2011 06:12 - United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49338

You deserved it

6608

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/3/2011 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date, the first one I've been on since my last boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We were in a restaurant, and at the end of meal he insisted on paying the bill. He wanted to leave a 15% tip but couldn't work out in his head how much to leave. The bill was for £100. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30562

You deserved it

14566

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 01:03 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were talking about childhood memories. He told me about a girl he made fun of in middle school. That was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42545

You deserved it

4005

Tweet

Share

By Brokenheartz - 9/2/2012 09:49 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months told me he was not going to celebrate Valentine's day because it was a "capitalistic consumerism holiday". He works in a bank and helps "capitalism consumerism" 364 days a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26350

You deserved it

5224

Tweet

Share

By fucked by sex ed - 29/3/2013 17:18 - United States - Manchester

Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50686

You deserved it

16881

Tweet

Share

By Jason - 12/8/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I spent forty minutes trying to break into my own house after being locked out. After finally getting in through a small unlocked window, I discovered my keys in my pants pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9697

You deserved it

44206

Tweet

Share

By catlady - 1/3/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, my cat was in the bathroom when I was undressing to get into the shower. I realized that he was the only male to have seen me naked in the past two months. Then he started scratching the door for me to let him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55467

You deserved it

8992

Tweet

Share

By letdown13 - 3/4/2013 16:50 - United States - Binghamton

Today, my husband told me to look for a honeymoon resort, since we had to cancel it last year. I looked everything up and got all excited. Just when I asked him for payment information, he said "April Fools!" April Fools was two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41294

You deserved it

3442

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/11/2012 10:00 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24760

You deserved it

2405

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By LeDiamond | 9

#6173418 - Thursday 15 January 2015 16:32

I'm assuming this breakout is on the side you sleep on. Wash your pillow case every second day, and use tea tree oil to spot treat pimples. Yea tree oil is a natural antiseptic and astringent.

--aesthetician.

By Adm_Twigs | 19

#6173389 - Thursday 15 January 2015 15:55

strange how some genes make you look like two face... I'm sorry OP Better find a two headed coin and make the best of a bad situation... COMICCON

Comments

By flufee2 | 27

#6173388 - Thursday 15 January 2015 15:55

You have a good side and an evil side!

By Adm_Twigs | 19

#6173389 - Thursday 15 January 2015 15:55

strange how some genes make you look like two face... I'm sorry OP Better find a two headed coin and make the best of a bad situation... COMICCON

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#6173593 - Thursday 15 January 2015 20:09

"Wow it looks so realistic! Can I take a picture with you?"

Reply

bluebluhblou | 15

#6173633 - Thursday 15 January 2015 21:01

"can I touch that makeup. Wow, It's so firm. Tell me your secret...."

By Unlovable_Me | 14

#6173391 - Thursday 15 January 2015 15:57

"Heads or Tails?"

By Queen_bee1234 | 21

#6173392 - Thursday 15 January 2015 15:59

Why so serious OP?

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#6173393 - Thursday 15 January 2015 15:59

did you get to meet the Joker? lucky

By Miss_Chevious | 37

#6173394 - Thursday 15 January 2015 16:00

look on the bright side, now you can easily cosplay two-face

By Deniedmydignity | 12

#6173395 - Thursday 15 January 2015 16:01

I guess you could say there are two sides to this story.....

By TanzWolf | 26

#6173398 - Thursday 15 January 2015 16:02

Ale the most out of it. Try to meet batman!

Reply

TanzWolf | 26

#6173629 - Thursday 15 January 2015 20:51

6 hours later and I realized autocorrect screwed me over.
*Make

Reply

doctorhook86 | 24

#6173976 - Friday 16 January 2015 6:28

#44: "Ale" isn't bad advice, either.

By FemskyD | 26

#6173399 - Thursday 15 January 2015 16:04

Early halloween party?

By LifeFailure | 16

#6173402 - Thursday 15 January 2015 16:09

If it's only on one side, I wonder if it's a reaction to the laundry detergent you're using which may be on your pillowcase.

Reply

sturschaedel | 27

#6173452 - Thursday 15 January 2015 17:19

That's what I was thinking. Maybe try to switch to a hypoallergenic detergent and see if it clears up.

Reply

Dordanni | 10

#6173824 - Friday 16 January 2015 2:21

It might not be an allergic reaction, but bacteria from sweat/drool at night. Put a fresh towel on your pillow every night that way bacteria doesn't have a chance to grow on the pillowcase itself.

Reply

lindora | 31

#6173997 - Friday 16 January 2015 7:02

I was thinking it could be a cell phone too, the bacteria on it or something