Miscellaneous: Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist... - FML

By LemonLearn - 06/10/2016 20:59 - United States - New York

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 865

You deserved it 1 047

Great parenting, dude

Congratulations!

The Phoebe Technique

Remember when conspiracy theories were fun?

By ET. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my wife is totally convinced that she was abducted by aliens last night, all because she fell out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 932

You deserved it 2 693

In the dark

By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 20:02 - Canada - Kitchener

Spicy

Today, since I've been falling for the girl I've been sleeping with for the past couple of months, I decided it was time for us to talk about making things official and exclusive. I was confident she'd feel the same way. Then I found out she's an escort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 976

By Lovergirl - 01/01/2010 20:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 624

You deserved it 3 906

Tis the season to be jolly

By littl3storm - 23/12/2020 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, at the ripe age of 20, I spent the early hours of my morning violently vomiting blood every time I got too warm. I then had the pleasure of shitting in a plastic container for a stool sample, due to said problem, after one and half hours of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 56

Mummy's boy

By Anonymous - 22/03/2021 17:01

Today, my boyfriend's mum said she won't stop us from seeing each other, yet she'll only allow me to see him for 30 minutes a day, for 2 days a week, and gets mad if he sees me for any longer, because "mother knows best." FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 108

Shower sex time?

By mark - 31/12/2011 17:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife was about to take a shower, when she called me into the bathroom. She stripped me off and pulled me in with her. As I started to get into it, she sighed, "Thank god. You really needed a shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 650

You deserved it 40 016

By avocadotoe - 14/11/2016 06:52 - United States - Big Bear Lake

Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 151

You deserved it 3 049

By Sarsippius - 18/05/2013 05:22

Today, I took a nap, and I had a dream that my ex-girlfriend got back together with me. I woke up in a great mood. When I went back to bed, I dreamed that she broke up with me, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 584

You deserved it 6 197

Quiet please

By mute - 16/04/2016 00:56 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 940

You deserved it 3 494

By mydadsgonnakillme - 08/02/2013 07:13 - United States - Santa Barbara

Spicy

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 382

You deserved it 12 384

By starboy - 10/03/2012 06:50 - United States

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 160

You deserved it 20 125

By supertango500 - 11/03/2013 18:56 - United States

Today, I figured I needed to clean my room. I ended up finding my $135 calculator that I'd accused my ex-boyfriend of selling for gas money. That's also the reason I dumped him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 058

You deserved it 76 096

By Anonymous - 22/05/2019 00:01

Today, a fork hit me in the eye. I was holding it. I didn't even get to eat my chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 526

Lonely, so lonely

By Mike - 19/10/2021 14:01

Today, I woke up and realized that the "nice dream" I'd had was just about talking to people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 102

By Zephyric - 02/02/2010 06:57 - United States

Today, I made a friend on an online chat. We got along fairly well and even traded Facebook accounts. I found out that the two of us had a lot of very surprising things in common. We were the same age, we were from the same school, and we even had the same boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 364

You deserved it 3 463

By Anonymous - 16/10/2015 00:57 - United States - Wichita

Today, my husband finally admitted that he squandered the last three months of my share of the rent on booze. He then blamed me, demanded more money, asked for a divorce, and stormed out. When he returned he asked, "How am I the bad guy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 508

You deserved it 2 247

By dgilbs - 27/08/2012 14:50 - United States - Cheboygan

Today, I finished my shopping at Costco, and realized I had forgotten where I had parked. After scouring the parking lot for 20 minutes, I called the police and filed a report for a stolen vehicle. I then remembered I had bought a new car yesterday and parked it right next to the entrance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 001

You deserved it 37 793

By cnd1213 - 30/12/2015 18:02 - United States

Today, I had to do my assistant manager's job because she doesn't know what the hell she is doing. I'd interviewed for this position but didn't get it because I'm "still too new for this position." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 972

You deserved it 1 337

By Matthew - 27/11/2011 02:33 - United States

Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 817

You deserved it 4 551

By Anonymous - 16/02/2013 00:39 - Italy - Milan

Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 729

You deserved it 3 745

By anime_love - 17/09/2010 04:43 - United States

Today, I was waiting for my boyfriend who evidently stood me up. I waited so long, the security came up and asked me to leave, because I was scaring the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 787

You deserved it 3 858

By OldHabitsDieHard - 18/09/2013 14:53 - United States - Erie

Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I licked the spoon after I had emptied the can only to realize too late what I had done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 665

You deserved it 18 695

By hunta331 - 14/07/2019 22:00

Today, I learned just how bad jellyfish stings hurt. Multiple times. On my testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 872

You deserved it 197

By someonevexed - 01/02/2009 19:01 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend called me by his mother's name for the 100th time. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 964

You deserved it 10 163

By rayraydayday - 21/03/2015 04:25 - United States - Englewood

Today, I was wearing a new tank top that was really cute. I later was talking to an attractive guy and thought he was giggling at me because he thought I was being cute and funny. I then realized he was giggling at the fact that I only shaved one armpit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 257

You deserved it 10 994

By poserpilot - 12/11/2012 15:10 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 437

You deserved it 6 632

Willpower

By Anonymous - 11/09/2019 14:00

Today, I started my new health kick: granola for breakfast, salad for lunch and gym after work. I was so proud of myself until I couldn’t take it anymore and binged at McDonald’s. My health kick lasted 11 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 1 630

By Ross R - 27/12/2012 08:52 - United States - Richland

Today, I decided to cover a coworker's closing shift because she felt sick. My boss even gave me a $10 gift card for doing it. I felt good about it, until I walked outside and found that my car had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 166

You deserved it 2 381

By singing

By Ramb0 - 21/12/2019 01:00 - United Kingdom - Christchurch

Today, I was headbanging so hard to a song in the shower that I hit my head on the wall and got a concussion. I'm now in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 2 069

One law for thee, another for me

By thanks a lot asshole - 26/09/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, I went to visit my father. His new wife has hoarded out our childhood home nearly to the point of it being unliveable. That’s pretty funny, considering my dad used to literally beat us if our rooms weren’t clean or we left dishes in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 324

By ohmigodimchokin - 19/11/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, I was sitting at lunch and started choking on a chip. I couldn't breathe and nobody tried to help me. Having to take matters into my own hands, I reached for a juice box that belonged to someone sitting next to me. After I could breathe again, they informed me that they had mono. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 041

You deserved it 4 973

By stink - 01/07/2015 02:40 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 361

You deserved it 4 954

By KillahCam - 26/01/2010 00:15 - United States

Today, my ten year-old brother told me that his thirteen year-old friend took one of my bras and two pairs of my underwear a few weeks ago. Apparently he took them out of my room, put them on, and has been sleeping with them ever since. He's coming to give them back tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 932

You deserved it 2 577

By sheilob - 24/03/2012 23:06 - Australia - Camden

Today, I witnessed my husband swat a coffee bean over and over again, all the while mistaking it for a fly. I then figured he probably has a lower IQ than I do, which wouldn't be so bad if mine wasn't a few points away from minor retardation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 535

You deserved it 6 284

By brother love - 13/08/2010 05:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the guy I like was only coming to my house to get closer to my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 668

You deserved it 3 914

Thicker than blood

By fat fat fat fat fat - 23/03/2021 05:01

Today, despite the fact that I’ve been battling cancer for the past year and was hospitalized for Covid, all my family can talk about is how much weight I’ve gained. Yeah, not like being out of work, quarantined and on a ton of meds has anything to do with it. Thanks guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 266

You deserved it 74

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 02:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had it off. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 808

You deserved it 4 232

By snakeboy - 24/08/2009 04:49 - Australia

Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for god knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowningly drove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 453

You deserved it 47 709

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 23/07/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, I texted my friend, asking if he could give me a ride. He assumed I meant sex, and told me I need to respect boundaries. I actually needed a ride to the hospital for a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 830

You deserved it 211

By apparentnerd - 31/10/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, my sister is dressing up as a nerd for Halloween. She's using my clothes for the costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 627

You deserved it 7 857

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Top comments

Dave_Davington 33

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Friday 7 October 2016 11:00

Take your underthings back and incest he not do that anymore.

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Friday 7 October 2016 10:33

you wouldnt have cared seeing you brothers genitals??

Comments

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Friday 7 October 2016 10:33

you wouldnt have cared seeing you brothers genitals??

californian21 13

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Friday 7 October 2016 12:58

Eh it isn't that big of a deal if there isn't a creepy sexual attraction there

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Friday 7 October 2016 15:57

It would also be a fairly normal thing to see in a shared house

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Friday 7 October 2016 16:06

You know, not everyone is raised to fear nudity... Humans are creatures that happen to have their reproductory organs attached to their bodies, and the mere fact of being naked doesn't automatically make these body parts bad or perverted ; sure, we use them for sex (which is a perfectly natural act, even though it's frowned upon) but the rest of the time they're also there ! A person's genitals shouldn't be viewed as inherently disgusting or shocking, it's just the way we're built !

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Friday 7 October 2016 16:10

Not really, my family, sister included is naked all the time. We don't fear nudity like most Americans, we are like swedes, or most of Europe

SegaTortoise 12

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Friday 7 October 2016 22:46

#14 do you guys not own any clothes if you're naked all the time?

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Friday 7 October 2016 23:45

Mom is German, I was raised in Germany. We never walked around naked. But yes, Americans can be uptight. In their defense there are probably as many nudists here as there are Swedes in the world. I find it best not to judge what you don't know about. Europeans seem to think they have Americans figured out......not by a long shot. It might be helpful if you would take into account that most Americans are of European descent......so we are.....you.

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Sunday 9 October 2016 6:05

Don't mean you should WANT to see it. I never wanted to see my little sister naked, but it still happened (door wasn't always closed.)

Xcizer 17

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Monday 19 December 2016 6:42

Walking in on them jerking off? "Eh, whatever"

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Friday 7 October 2016 10:38

It scares me how many of these FML's there are.

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Friday 7 October 2016 23:09

Incest is the best so put your sister to the test

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Friday 7 October 2016 23:47

Well, at first there was just Adam and Eve.....who did their kids procreate with?

shadypalmtree 20

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Saturday 8 October 2016 20:30

#26, I don't think most religions will happily explain it with more words than "It was a miracle from ____"

Dave_Davington 33

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Friday 7 October 2016 11:00

Take your underthings back and incest he not do that anymore.

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Friday 7 October 2016 18:36

nice pun

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Saturday 8 October 2016 5:19

Take it back? I'd burn them after that.

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Wednesday 28 June 2017 11:54

xD just call the fbi lol

ThePaperDragon 31

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Friday 7 October 2016 11:41

Moments like these make me appreciate being an only child.

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Friday 7 October 2016 23:11

Be my sister

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Friday 7 October 2016 23:50

No father or mother to walk in on?

danm19 15

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Saturday 8 October 2016 9:46

What happen when you find the creepy friend doing this

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Friday 7 October 2016 11:50

Well Christmas is coming time to buy him his own lingerie

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Friday 7 October 2016 23:51

No starch required next time you do laundry

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Friday 7 October 2016 12:15

I can't imagine I could ever get over this if it'd happened to me. Just awful.

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Friday 7 October 2016 12:57

FYL that's so gross. In the moment you just yell at him, but idk if I'd be able to ever look at him much less talk to him again if I were in your shoes

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Friday 7 October 2016 19:36

Nice Sao picture

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Saturday 8 October 2016 1:15

Well I suggest OP does something about this situation, or else her brother is gonna be in her shoes

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Saturday 8 October 2016 3:08

@20 Thanks!

I_am_TheSixth 15

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Friday 7 October 2016 13:12

The Lannisters have done it AGAIN!!!

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Friday 7 October 2016 18:34

HAHA! Perfect!

Superbaker123 14

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Friday 7 October 2016 17:19

I had my brothers friend steal my clothing when I was 12, and he was 16; I'm assuming it was for the same purpose. Tell your parents asap.

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Saturday 8 October 2016 5:22

He's still a child molester.

TheyCallMeDamien 17

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Friday 7 October 2016 18:52

Burn the ones he's abused. And tell him to buy his own. It ain't cheap. And never bring it up again.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 57

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 51

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 113