All the FMLs

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 15:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I actually thought of faking my own death to get away from my girlfriend and her insane, overbearing family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 845

You deserved it 7 846

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 08:23 - United States - Portland

Today, my mother posted a video of me giving birth, on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 192

You deserved it 4 502

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 05:53 - United States

Today, my neighbor brought a ruined napkin holder over and claimed that we drilled a hole through his wall and ruined it. I apologized, not telling him that it was actually a bullet that my boyfriend shot through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 445

You deserved it 40 605

By OuchImAMoron - 29/11/2013 02:05 - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 463

You deserved it 46 741

By aaannnddd there goes my boner - 28/11/2013 22:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I arrived at work six minutes late due to heavily congested traffic. This is just two days after my boss put out a memo saying that anyone who's late to work from then until the new year will have their holiday bonus pay forfeited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 228

You deserved it 8 427

By fuck me - 28/11/2013 19:13 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 050

You deserved it 3 673

By Anonymous - 28/11/2013 16:53 - United States - Livingston

Today, my family and I finished moving to Texas. As if that isn't bad enough, I'll have to introduce myself all over again to everyone I meet and explain that yes, my parents really did name me Lilypad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 588

You deserved it 4 352

By heightdifference - 28/11/2013 16:34 - United States - Memphis

Today, I met the guy I've been talking to online for two years in real life. He tried to convince me to have his children because they would be average height. He's a midget and I'm 6'2". This is the most romantic thing anybody has ever said to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 065

You deserved it 5 935

By anonymous - 28/11/2013 11:41 - Canada - Sarnia

Today, I found out that since there are 3 people with the same name as me at work, I'm known as "the ugly one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 540

You deserved it 3 571

By NotTellingYouMyName - 28/11/2013 06:26 - United States - South Salem

Today, with my name sounding vaguely like 'Turkey' and being in the phonebook for business purposes, people keep calling, offering to stuff me for Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 807

You deserved it 3 621

The naughty step

By firefromherlips - 28/11/2013 00:25 - United States - Gallatin

Today, I found out the position I thought I had earned by working hard was only to separate me from my coworkers because I "talked too much". Instead of addressing the issue like adults, I've essentially been put in time-out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 009

You deserved it 8 082

By paranoid neighborhood - 27/11/2013 17:51 - United States - Orlando

Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 356

You deserved it 4 230

By Anonymous - 27/11/2013 17:51 - United States - Poquoson

Today, I was visiting a family member at a women's prison. The staff wanted to search me, basically claiming that my breasts looked suspiciously disproportionate, implying I was smuggling something in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 400

You deserved it 4 238

By Anonymous - 27/11/2013 16:28 - United States - Beachwood

Today, I saw my long-distance boyfriend for the first time in 8 months. He dumped me on the spot because I was "uglier" than he remembered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 039

You deserved it 9 441

Mutilated

By MissYouPieceOfSkin - 27/11/2013 08:44 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 972

You deserved it 16 729

By Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - 27/11/2013 07:08 - United States

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 864

You deserved it 3 094

By grantsidiots - 27/11/2013 05:51 - Australia

Today, my fiancée broke up with me over text message while I was away for work. She later posted photos of her and her new boyfriend on Facebook, while still wearing my engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 887

You deserved it 3 159

By squirts - 27/11/2013 04:42

Today, I arrived home after leaving for college in August. My dad figured that the most appropriate way to welcome me back was a loud, piercing fart right when I walked through the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 229

You deserved it 5 340

By Anonymous - 27/11/2013 02:39 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I was searched and questioned at the airport for having an apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 971

You deserved it 4 789

By Amanda - 26/11/2013 20:00 - United States

Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 351

You deserved it 12 692

By Anonymous - 26/11/2013 19:05 - United States - New York

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 896

You deserved it 5 302

By fack - 26/11/2013 18:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 554

You deserved it 10 189

By Anonymous - 26/11/2013 16:43 - United States - Erie

Today, I had a family get-together for my birthday. I got to watch all my family members get piss-drunk and argue over who's having the worst time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 090

You deserved it 3 573

Scary

By xHoho - 26/11/2013 05:50 - United States - West Fargo

Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 338

You deserved it 8 738

By Thanks guys - 26/11/2013 05:21 - United States - Richmond

Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 068

You deserved it 4 933

By Anonymous - 25/11/2013 19:47 - United States - Olive Branch

Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 982

You deserved it 13 848

By cb - 25/11/2013 18:58 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I have to spend the whole day in a moving truck with my dad. He had beans for dinner, and it's too cold to crack open a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 094

You deserved it 4 087

Wicked game

By Anonymous - 25/11/2013 17:06 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 383

You deserved it 7 433

By Cian_1 - 25/11/2013 11:22 - United Kingdom - Cholsey

Today, I was quite drunk so I decided to take a piss kneeling down, so I wouldn't miss. I dropped the toilet seat on my little soldier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 077

You deserved it 29 489

Cian_1 tells us more.

Cian_1 28

Tuesday 26 November 2013 8:08

What else am I to call something that keeps saluting me? ;D

Losing

By unemployed and bereaved - 25/11/2013 05:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss claimed that I've been lying to get days off because apparently nobody can be so unlucky as to have three family members die within a month. I'm just that unlucky, and suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 709

You deserved it 2 831

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, we all know how terrible those long, silent farts can be, right? Especially when they’re coming from your expensive, self-inflating air mattress, and you’re just about the farthest distance from home on a bikepacking trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 181

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 182

You deserved it 2 361

Today, my husband decided to be helpful and do all the laundry, including pre-treating all the stains. He felt that Clorox Clean-Up with Bleach would be the most effective. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 065

You deserved it 3 776

Today, I was walking to my room. My friend's dog, who has always seemed to hate me for no reason, let out the loudest bark he could muster the moment he saw me. Not only did he scare the absolute fuck out of me, he also made me drop my pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 160

Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 012

You deserved it 5 188

Today, after 4 days of using anti-itch cream for what pharmacists and nurses have called “an allergic reaction”, I was diagnosed with shingles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 125