The Top

I left my phone on the counter by accident when my mom called me so that's when she did it. But apparently she thought that I was cheating with her boyfriend so that's why she did it, my friends and relatives understand, but they're still hurt.

Drama

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Brookhaven

Today, my 45-year-old child of a mother made such a dramatic scene over finding a hair in her food that the initially apologetic owners ended up kicking my family out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 745

You deserved it 1 594

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 07:45 - Australia - College Park

Today, I got jumpscared, by my freshly-bathed grandma coming out of the bathroom without a towel on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 734

You deserved it 1 546

By wtfiswronghere - 08/12/2015 18:36 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my grandmother insisted that Mexicans sacrifice humans every year as part of their Catholic religion. The Swaggart guy on TV said so, and apparently, he can't be wrong, ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 731

You deserved it 1 382

Alcohol ain't no joke

By WellPlayedMother - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually lose anything. Instead, my mom drunkenly admitted to tossing my stuff away and then punishing me for it whenever she was mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 726

You deserved it 1 079

By me - 04/11/2011 04:38 - United States

Today, I sent my grandma a naked picture instead of my girlfriend. While attempting to delete it, I sent it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 726

You deserved it 54 904

Thwack

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 14:24 - Philippines - Philippine

Today, while entering in my college building, I noticed that my right shoelace was untied and I tied it. I didn't realize that just in front of me was a metal beam until I hit my head hard on it and a loud, reverberating sound was produced. Many people saw what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 725

You deserved it 2 816

By anonymous - 03/04/2016 21:50 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I discovered that the vitamin I've been taking for hair growth actually works really well. Unfortunately, it only works on my leg hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 723

You deserved it 1 838

By PizzaPants - 29/02/2016 18:12 - United States - Denver

Today, I dropped a pizza I made. Don't worry though, I caught it between my hands and legs. I no longer have fingerprints on my right hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 722

You deserved it 2 032

By Rabzouz - 20/12/2008 08:16 - France

Today, I opened a packet of cereal and it exploded on my keyboard; now, my keyboard crackles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 720

You deserved it 12 260

Unwarranted

By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 711

You deserved it 60 232

By WeightonmyShoulders - 11/12/2015 21:10 - United States - Canandaigua

Today, I realized that I know, all too well, what it feels like to have my over-middle-age boss's boob on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 711

You deserved it 1 756

Lost in translation

By ohhhman - 10/04/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, one of the Haitians that works in the kitchen at my restaurant said something to me. Usually I can't understand them and I just smile and laugh, so that's what I did this time. Later, I found out he was trying to tell me his father had passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 709

You deserved it 58 278

By Virginiedetibo - 22/10/2011 02:09 - France

Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 707

You deserved it 51 466

By stupid - 07/07/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, I lost my cell phone. Since I sleep on the couch, I started looking through the cushions. I didn't find my phone, but after 6 months of uncomfortably sleeping on the couch, I find out I'm sleeping on top of a pull out bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 705

You deserved it 61 310

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 13:34 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, I accidentally farted while on my flight home. It was silent but so deadly that several people were visibly distressed. The overweight guy sitting next to me got a bunch of dirty glares. I was too ashamed to own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 704

You deserved it 7 237

By romantic84 - 31/05/2011 04:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend told me how she loves when I kiss her out of the blue. I don't have the heart to admit I only do it so I can get some peace and quiet for a few seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 701

You deserved it 38 927

By jedd90 - 08/07/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I overdrew my account and ended up paying an extra 35 bucks for a 1.99 item. It was an application on the iPhone that is supposed to help me keep track of my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 700

You deserved it 52 810

Industrial logs

By wow - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 693

You deserved it 37 324

By Tired Hungry Geek - 27/10/2015 04:40 - United States

Today, I was exhausted after a long day at work and didn't feel like cooking so I went to a drive thru. I placed my order, went to the window and paid. I then drove off without my food and didn't realize it for a couple of blocks. I was too embarrassed to go back and get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 691

You deserved it 10 346

By me - 14/04/2016 17:33 - United States - Katy

Today, we had a surprise test at school. I was totally unprepared for any of it, so I BSd the whole thing and turned it in. A few minutes later, our teacher said we were allowed to use our notes to finish the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 689

You deserved it 5 961

Finally!

By SadAndAlone - 03/12/2015 16:41 - Sweden - Nacka

Today, I got the most action I've had in months when a stranger fondled my thigh on the subway. It was a blind man, searching for empty seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 688

You deserved it 1 999

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my dad told me I needed to "hurry up and find someone to marry" so my kids wouldn't end up "screwed up" from being raised by a single mom. Their dad died six months ago from Covid. Yes, he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 427

You deserved it 101

Today, I watched a tutorial video on YouTube. In the video, the guy had several apps with 50+ red notification dots on them, and it bothered me so much that I couldn’t even finish the video. I couldn’t find a single other video that could help me with my particular issue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 768

Today, I was on the train going to work when my travel tea cup began spilling inside my purse, which was on my lap. It went all over my skirt, pooled at the bottom of my feet, and, yes, everyone notice that it happened to be piss-colored yellow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 122

You deserved it 4 588

Today, after about 8 hours of working and making huge orders, I received my share of tips. It was only a quarter. One single quarter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 89

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 196

You deserved it 15 081

Today, I put something up for sale online. I provided all pertinent information in the description, and I had about a dozen replies. From the questions they asked, I have to conclude that NONE of those people actually read the description. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 82