Today, I got an acceptance later to a great boarding school in... - FML

By tarini - Bangladesh

Today, I got an acceptance later to a great boarding school in India for my senior year of high school. I sent them a letter telling them I wouldn't go, because I just got back with my ex-boyfriend. I just got a text from my boyfriend. Guess who's my ex again? FML

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Out of it

Social distancing done right

Not now!

By bluep313 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out the real cause of what I assumed was a healthy increase in my teenage daughter's appetite lately. Some fine young gentlemen with a fat fetish convinced her start gaining weight so they could jack off to her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I secretly turned off the internet to see what my kids would do. Barely 10 minutes later, I caught my oldest son masturbating to a photo of my sister in a bikini because, as he put it, "A man has needs and the internet's fucked." FML

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By Samantha35

Today, I was substitute teaching a high school English class. A student discreetly told me that my zipper was open. I tried to zip up, but the zipper got caught on my underwear. When I bent down to pick up my pen, my pants split. Before I turn around, I heard the sound of phones taking pictures. FML

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By Anonymous

Stereotypes

Today, my girlfriend's Facebook relationship status was changed to single. When I tried to ask her about, she told me she's a lesbian now. Her mullet should've been a clue. FML

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By embaressed - United States

Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I discovered my boyfriend is incredibly ticklish on the bottom of his feet. Trying to be a bit flirty, I slowly slid two fingers down his calf and mockingly tickled his feet. He reacted by inadvertently elbowing me in the nose, nearly breaking it. FML

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By n77 - Switzerland

Today, at work, a customer went to try on a pair of pants. A few minutes later, she hurriedly returned and put the pants back on the shelf without saying anything. I later found out she'd come down with a bout of diarrhea and apparently didn't want to pay for the dry-cleaning. Glamorous. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bonita Springs

Today, my sister got promoted to manager at the store we both work at. Since company policy states that siblings can't work at the same store if one of them is a manager, I was let go. FML

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By sickened - United Kingdom - Gateshead

Today, I had a garage sale, and had amongst my clothing a few sets of underwear. A old man came up and asked to buy all of them. I'm so poor, I couldn't say no to the pervert. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got rear-ended at a stop sign on a seldom used road in my neighborhood. As I open my car door to trade insurance information with the guy, he backs up a little and speeds away, taking my car door with him. FML

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By pleasedtomeetyou - United Kingdom

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

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By KarateKid76 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

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By Guntherdog - United States

Today, my fiancée decided to go on a "vacation." Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

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By CUNTCUNTCUNT - Australia - Slacks Creek

Today, it's my 8 year anniversary. My boyfriend's "romantic" gesture for the occasion was to toss a few McDonald's coupons at me and tell me to get whatever I wanted. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML

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By can't sleep - United Kingdom - Leeds

Cats give great advice like "Shit in a box!"

Today, I can't sleep. I don't know what's crazier, the fact that I have been lying in bed, staring at the ceiling for about 5 hours, or that I have been asking my cat for advice. FML

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By peele - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, a coworker jokingly noted that my signature looks like "Pedo". I couldn't see it that way, so I asked some other people for their opinion. They confessed they'd always thought it looked like "Pedo", but never said anything. My name is Peele. I've been signing it off as Pedo for 10 years. FML

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By Celina - United States

Today, I regret that break we took. I thought it would lead him to realize that he wanted to stop cheating and flirting with other girls and be with only me forever. Now I'm the girl he cheats on his girlfriend with. FML

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By Cellphonetroubles - Canada

Today, I was laughing at a story of a girl who had dropped her cellphone in a hottub and ruined it. As I was feeling pretty good about myself, I then realized that my cellphone was in the pocket of a sweater that I had just thrown in the washer 20 minutes prior. FML

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By Man Shamed - United States - Hyattsville

Today, while using the bathroom in a small coffee shop, I somehow passed out sitting on the toilet. There is nothing more jarring than waking up to the vicious banging of 7 angry, urine-filled patrons attempting to break down a door. FML

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By Sir Davos of Shit Creek - Canada - Frankford

Today, my boss asked if I'd finished my work for the day. I've been binge-watching Game of Thrones this week, and I accidentally replied "Yes, Your Grace," British accent and all. He told me to stow my "sarcasm" or I'd be looking for a new job. FML

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By mymidlifecrisis - United States - Valley Village

Today, after years in a relationship I realized that my partner does not like the music I listen to, the food I cook, the pictures I take, the way I dress. The only thing she likes is when I take her out to eat. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me. All because I’m thinking of moving to the UK next year to study, and apparently, a girl he’s been thinking about for a week is a better option. FML

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By FlyingWhisps - United States

Today, my grandparents came to visit. So far, they have called me fat, bragged about how my cousin is better than me, and told me how I'm not good enough for them. It's okay, though, they gave me a pretzel from the airline and a textbook on physics. In another language. FML

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By ididn'tevendoanythingwrong - United States - Tampa

Today, my roommates told me they want me to move out of our apartment. We would have never gotten the apartment without my credit score, and most of the furniture is mine. FML

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By friendless - United States - Spokane

#rude

Today, I invited my only friend to my birthday party and she said no, not because she couldn’t go, but because she didn’t want to. FML

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By nohair - United States

Today, I shaved my head because I heard that one of my good friends got cancer. I went to visit her in the hospital. She's not bald. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the doctor's office and the doctor asked me "have you been having any intimate relations?" and the first thing that I blurted out was, "you mean with other people?" FML

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By Awesome. - United States

Today, my mom admitted that she always makes me put away the dishes because my obsessive compulsive tendencies force me to arrange the glasses and silverware by size, just the way she likes them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML

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By Bo - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a party. The girl I'm madly in love with referred to me as her 'Gay Friend.' She refused to kiss me in Spin-the-Bottle as 'She didn't want to do anything with anyone that night'. She then made out, and slept with, my 'best friend' whom she had never met before. FML

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By Beestings - United States

Today, I was complaining to my husband about a busty but vapid celebrity, and he replied, "She doesn't need brains, honey, she has boobs. You wouldn't understand." FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Reusel

Today, I walked into a room to help a patient get ready for bed. Except she already was in bed, with two other male patients. I work in a retirement home. FML

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By Bald - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

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By illiterate - Australia

Today, my boss gave me an "All you need to know about grammar" book. FML

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By Stigmamma

Today, my 12-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter sprayed themselves with a ton of deodorant and perfume respectively. The two clouds of spray have combined into a noxious gas that slowly traveled through the house, giving everybody an instant, massive headache. Everybody, except my son and daughter. They think they smell great. FML

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By Idk - United States - Gainesville

Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML

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By WtfDoIDo?!

Today, my girlfriend told me that she wants to marry me and have my children. I’m 15. We've been dating for 3 weeks. FML

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Top comments

By maxv_15 | 0

#237775 - Thursday 28 May 2009 1:51

DUUUUURRRRRRRRRR.
you so deserved that one. making life changing decisions based on your EX boyfriend... HAHAHA. YOU LOSE

By Jordie210 | 0

#237780 - Thursday 28 May 2009 1:52

wow. don't let a boy stop you from doing something you want to do.

COMMENTS

By maxv_15 | 0

#237775 - Thursday 28 May 2009 1:51

DUUUUURRRRRRRRRR.
you so deserved that one. making life changing decisions based on your EX boyfriend... HAHAHA. YOU LOSE

Reply

rbond93 | 4

#869379 - Thursday 18 February 2010 19:40

agreed, he's a wuss for breakinbup with her over txting

Reply

pertained | 12

#990926 - Tuesday 11 May 2010 19:42

she's a retard for molding her life around her boyfriend and caring that much.

Reply

robertandrew | 5

#4930972 - Friday 14 September 2012 8:40

This bitch... tsk tsk tsk. stupid fucking decision.

Reply

saw95 | 6

#5554474 - Thursday 27 June 2013 5:58

My exact thoughts!

Reply

ActionFearo | 39

#5887481 - Monday 17 March 2014 14:34

Never base major decisions on temporary things

Reply

msdtreadwell | 15

#6151423 - Monday 22 December 2014 20:43

haha I agree! lame.

By _unknown_ | 0

#237777 - Thursday 28 May 2009 1:51

your kinda dumb...

Reply

Ty2win | 3

#3811475 - Saturday 31 December 2011 16:45

"You're" kinda dumb.

By Jordie210 | 0

#237780 - Thursday 28 May 2009 1:52

wow. don't let a boy stop you from doing something you want to do.

By beaverdogmouse | 0

#237784 - Thursday 28 May 2009 1:52

haha.

By dengman | 0

#237789 - Thursday 28 May 2009 1:53

wow ur dumb u let that get away for a loser :/lol

By angel03260 | 0

#237790 - Thursday 28 May 2009 1:53

ydi for basing your decision on a guy. never do that unless he is your husband.

By ArtsySwag | 0

#237796 - Thursday 28 May 2009 1:53

What does getting back with your boyfriend have to do with anything? This was so stupid.

By barc0001 | 1

#237797 - Thursday 28 May 2009 1:53

YDI. Don't make large plans by factoring in someone who's already been an "ex" once. That way lies pain and sadness

By CaliforniaLawve | 0

#237798 - Thursday 28 May 2009 1:53

Don't you watch TV sitcoms? That always happens.

By fatass123 | 0

#237800 - Thursday 28 May 2009 1:54

You are an idiot. I read it at first that you told them in the letter that you had gotten together with your ex. Then I realized nobody would be that retarded to talk about ex boyfriends when talking to prestigious schools

Reply

xlxshortiixlx | 0

#1932980 - Thursday 6 January 2011 8:27

I agree with 10