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thanks for all your imput. for the record i am in GT and AP classes and my parents expect at least a 3.75 GPA ususally. i am still currently grounded, and won't be ungrounded until i recieve a 4.0 on my report card. WHICH is technically a 5.0 with AP credit. so do not criticize my "ambition or self respect", vm2012, because I guarentee I have a better transcript than you. kthanks to everyone else for your comments! <333

By missmcfarty - 01/04/2016 01:42 - Australia - Townsville

Today, I found out that my CEO knows my name, when she followed me into the bathroom and called it out in a disgusted tone when I farted so loudly, she could hear it from four stalls over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 374

You deserved it 2 698

By SoGoodAtLife - 09/03/2016 19:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I gave my boss a ride home from work. I had my phone on hands-free mode, so all calls would come through on speaker. I got a call from the new job I was applying at, with my boss listening to each word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 372

You deserved it 6 647

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 19:41 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I caught my 7 year old sister poking a dead bird with a stick, causing maggots to start coming out of the bird's sad little body. I was horrified and threw up. She won't stop mocking me for being a "sissy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 370

You deserved it 4 002

By grounded4life - 22/07/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, I tried to make my mom feel better about me leaving for camp for 2 weeks by saying I wish she would come too. She took me seriously and called the camp and is now a camp counselor there. The only problem is I lied about going to the camp, and I'm really going to my boyfriend's lake house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 370

You deserved it 83 518

By biggmouth - 26/03/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and how they are passed on to children. She projected a large picture of a baby on to the screen in the front of the room. I then joked about how this ugly baby must have some very unattractive parents. It was her baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 366

You deserved it 119 802

By Nikse - 29/07/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 366

You deserved it 52 057

By Anonymous - 26/08/2011 23:06 - United States

Today, the workplace evacuation bell sounded. Out of panic after the recent earthquake, I ran down 21 flights of stairs, only to find out it was a false alarm. My legs are on fire, and I can barely walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 365

You deserved it 22 736

Masterclass

By annoym - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I spent my day creating a new type of laugh, and performing it in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 354

You deserved it 14 257

Naturewatch

By thelarkscaw - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 350

You deserved it 54 053

By westwoodcosmo - 27/01/2016 22:35 - United States - Mesa

Today, I took a swig of my Dr Pepper while having a meeting with my manager. As soon as I was about to swallow, I began coughing, and spat a whole mouthful all over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 342

You deserved it 3 623

By Anonymous - 07/09/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got in an argument so intense that she left saying that we needed to spend some time apart. The argument was over what was the best PIXAR movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 339

You deserved it 25 450

By ciammmm - 08/04/2016 00:23 - United States - Sierra Vista

Today, nearing the end of my pregnancy, I went to a local pool. While attempting to swim on my stomach, I turned a little to the left, and buoyancy took over and I ended up belly-up and flailing, causing a very large man to then laugh so hard, he choked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 338

You deserved it 2 389

ciammmm tells us more.

ciammmm 11

Friday 8 April 2016 16:49

This comment made me laugh incredibly hard. Thank you.

Wakey wakey

By fuuuuck - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a big presentation to do at work, so I got up early and ran myself a bath. I woke up three hours later, extremely late, and still in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 337

You deserved it 25 219

Yada yada yada

By howtobesingle - 07/04/2016 02:45 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I listened to my best friend complain, again, about the two guys she's seeing, and how she doesn't know which one to choose, because they're both perfect. Meanwhile, I'm cleaning up my dog's loose stools, haven't had a date in over three years, and I'm also sharing a room with the very same best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 336

You deserved it 2 010

Spud

By cheat - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm "so slow a turtle could kick my ass" and that he has "a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 331

You deserved it 37 705

Hot and humid

By drooler - 06/08/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said, "You got me wet." Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said!" He replied "No, really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 322

You deserved it 40 803

By J - 11/02/2016 15:44 - Malta - Piet?

Today, my sister punched me in the face. My dad was actually annoyed with me when I told him. He said I'll never be a "real man" if I can't take a hit from a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 316

You deserved it 3 299

By Jaeda - 12/03/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, my boss forgot her meeting with an official from the military base and called to ask me to handle it. The very cute Marine showed up that afternoon and we talked for an hour. After he left, I realized I had forgotten about the paper mustache I taped to my face for fun that morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 314

You deserved it 72 874

Jaeda tells us more.

Jaeda 0

Friday 13 March 2009 6:00

I'm twenty years old, and my boss never leaves me enough work, but I'm expected to stay a full day so that I can answer the phones during all business hours. Sometimes my days are very slow, so I have to entertain myself. Don't hate on me and my goofiness because you're square. :) I forgot about the mustache because it was small and had been there for a good 3 hours when he showed up. And yes.. I had met him before and I will see him again. We're going to be doing some building for the nearby base. I work for a construction company.

By niki - 10/01/2013 02:37 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After he left my place, I realized he took my Sonicare toothbrush because he knew that I would be more upset about missing that than our relationship. He was right. I am really upset about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 311

You deserved it 34 318